Pleasing a Catholic FMIL in a Protestant Wedding

amatadei · August 2010

My FI was raised Catholic but does not have any personal attachment to the religion of his youth. My United Methodist home church, which is a very important part of me, is where we will be getting married. From the get-go, my FMIL has been making not-so-subtle comments about her disappointment that her son will not be getting married in the Catholic church, even going so far as to contact her priest and finding out how we can get a dispensation so that my FI can receive the sacrament of marriage if we will just promise to raise our kids Catholic (something I am not willing to do and something that my FI does not see any reason to do, either).

Despite our differences, I feel for my FMIL. I'm sure that, when I have children, I will dream of the wedding I hope for them just as I'm sure she has been doing for her son since he was born. This is obviously not the wedding she had hoped for for him. So, I am wondering if there are elements of the Catholic nuptial mass that we could incorporate into our wedding so that it is a marriage (no pun intended) of the two facets of Christianity.

Any ideas/suggestions?

skippylouwho · August 2010

Can you have a Catholic Priest assist? I'm Methodist and have seen that in some Methodist churches. Usually our churches/pastors are willing but it depends on the particular priest whether is is something they are comfortable with.

Lisa8888 · August 2010

You can have a dual ceremony although I think the catholic priest would insist on having it in a catholic church.

lizdawiz · August 2010

I was raised Catholic, and I have a huge Catholic family. Several of my aunts and uncles have had weddings in protestant churches with a priest co-officiating (to appease my super Catholic Grandfather).

I am having the whole Catholic wedding shabang. I have been using this website that has been incredibly helpful. Maybe you could try some aspects of the ceremony. Unless you have a priest and follow all the rules you won't have the Catholic Church's blessing for sacrament. Do I necessarily agree with all of it, no, but its what they require. Here's the website www.catholicweddinghelp.com

2dBride · August 2010

Just to clarify, if you wanted to get a dispensation, you would not have to promise to raise the children as Catholic. Your FI would just have to promise to do his best to have them raised as Catholic. However, it sounds like neither one of you is particularly interested in that option.

Since it sounds like your FMIL is primarily concerned with making sure that the wedding is recognized by the Catholic Church, rather than with any specific elements (e.g., prayers or readings) of a Catholic ceremony, I don't think there is much you can do.

amatadei · August 2010

What is this whole issue of "leaving the faith?" He still believes in Jesus as the Son of God, in the God of the Bible, etc... He is just worshipping said same God in a different format, with some different tunes and wording of prayers. How is this "leaving the faith?!" Btw, I posted something at the link below begging for some illumination in this instance, so feel free to read there and offer some advise, because I'm at my wit's end trying to understand and respect this whole division between denominations of the same faith.

http://forums.theknot.com/default.aspx?path=http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_someone-please-explain-this-1

knottief7f08860652a16bf · September 2010

He is leaving the faith-- He's obviously leaving the Catholic faith and becoming protestant. This might not seem like a loss of faith to you, but to a devout Roman Catholic, it's a big change! If he doesn't want a wedding recognized by the Catholic Church or to raise his children Catholic he obviously isn't too concerned with holding onto his Catholic faith and should tell his mother so.

Pleasing a Catholic FMIL in a Protestant Wedding

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