NWR: Family planning

jenbweb · April 2010

My DH and I are in a debate about the "right" timing to add (children) to the new little family we have ceated. So I'm taking a poll or something like that....

Do you wait til you have a house?
Wait a certain amount of time? How long?
Certain age? What age?

jay10 · April 2010

I think if you wait for certain events like age, a house etc time goes too fast....
Ideally having a house is great but you have to think about whether your ready now or not...if you both are I would not wait any longer, lifes too short. You cant base it on things like money or houses....you will make it work regardless.
In saying that, our 18 month old is our ring bearer

unplanned of course, but none the less we wold not change a thing! Ideally I would love to own our own house before having another but who knows? not planning for a while yet anyway

My advice is if your thinking of having a baby ask yourself are you both ready to stay in every weekend and in essence give up a lot of your life....I kow it sounds severe but its kinda the truth.....but its an amazing experience at the same time. Its inexplainable, I know thats a cliche but its hard to descirbe how much it changes everything.....
happy planning!

ps parenthood is why I am up on the knot at 7.30am on a Sunday morning!!

jquirke9881 · April 2010

We bought a house before getting married. That was our top priority. We both wanted to have our living situation settled before having kids, and we wanted to have kids right after getting married. We got engaged a year after owning the house, married a year later, and we are now expecting our first little one just after our 1st wedding anniversary. We dated for 4 years before starting any of this, and we knew we kind of wanted it all to happen fast.
Everyone is different and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here. You kind of have to figure out what works best for you. Good luck!

chelley599 · April 2010

We have talked about it. My FI wants to wait until we have a house but that may be years off. I am already 30 so I don't want to wait too long. We have agreed to wait at least a year after marriage to get accustomed to married life. We have agreed to that having a house first isn't a priority as long as we are as financially stable as we can be in this economy. We want 2 children about 4 years apart. The idea of multiple children in college at the same time freaks me out. I know that I shouldn't be thinking that far in advance but I am the eternal planner.

Moneypenny424 · April 2010

I agree that everyone is different and you have to do what works for you.

For us, financial security is the #1 thing. Sure, you make things work if you aren't where you want to be, but we're trying to be as responsible with the decision as possible. We already own a house, have been married for a year and a half...and if I hadn't gotten laid off last year, we would be trying right now! Oh well, we can wait a bit until that is settled first.

Starmusica · April 2010

I definitely think its a personal decision. You don't have to hit benchmarks, but you have to feel ready. I don't think age or owning a home should matter. Some people rent by choice their whole lives... Personally, we already own a home but plan to wait a few years so I am able to graduate and establish myself. I think when you are ready... these questions won't feel as worrisome.

ashley.elissa.payne · April 2010

I think it's important to evaluate what makes you both feel secure. If you need a lot of security, i.e. homeownership, higher income, then you could wait till you are comfortable. My friends are split 50/50. Half of them had kids straight away in their early 20s and the other half are now in their late 20s/ early 30s and just starting to have kids. Being emotionally ready is really crucial. One of my bridesmaid is having her first child at 36 (she's actually due TODAY). She told me the other day on the phone she wouldn't have been comfortable at any other time than now.

Mi fiance and I have discussed children, and we'd both like to be more financially secure. He is 9 years older than me, so I know he is worried about being too old when he is a father. I'm a chef, and the culinary field is a hard one to have kids in. I basically need to transition into another part of the industry before I could even have time to be pregnant. Pregnant chefs don't fit in the kitchen easily!

These decisions are never easy. Good luck though!

Beantown Mama · April 2010

I was 22 when I got pregnant with my first child and FI and I had known eachother for under 2 months. Were we ready? NO. Did we do what we had to do to make it work? YES. But it was the hardest year of my life.

Having a baby without a house (or apartment, I don't think owning a home really matters), financial security, or even a stable relationship was very difficult. It is the ultimate test of a relationship. In a way it does bring you and your partner closer together, but not without testing every single one of your limits first. Just be prepared for that, it's not all baby booties and sunshine. I think the biggest part of being ready is having a VERY strong relationship.

All that being said, we are very much in love now, and even more in love with our wonderful little angel, who will be 25 months at our wedding in 3 weeks! We don't own a home or have a huge savings account, but we are happy and have more than everything we need for our family, and I am even able to be a SAHM. We are TTC #2 the minute the wedding is over (SO SOON!!)

Ishaba11 · April 2010

FI and I have discussed children and we both agree we want to enjoy each other before we enjoy a little one maybe wait a year or two. Sometimes I have that itch to be a mom and then sometimes i thank my lucky stars I'm a 25 year old without a toddler attached to me. I love being able to come and go as I please..I guess thats a sign I'm not ready. We would like to have a house before having children but if the time comes we will deal with it I guess.

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

Mike and I are more on the "own a house" train before having children just because, for us, that will signify financial security.

That being said, we don't want to stay in CT forever so we probably won't buy down ehre and we probably will be itching to have kids before we move from CT. Big decisions indeed!

NWR: Family planning

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