How can you "have everything"? I don't get it.

quotequeen · May 2010

This is going to sound kind of venty, but I really don't understand. Every other post on the registering and gifts board is something like "FI and I have been living together for X years so we already have everything, so can we [insert method of asking for money here]." I don't understand how there can be so many people who have everything they want for their homes, and I certainly don't understand why this is supposedly tied to living with their FIs.

FI and I have lived together for 2 years. Before that we each lived on our own, and we combined our stuff when we moved in together (obviously). Sure, we have enough stuff to get by, but we are so very far from "having everything." We have a variety of stuff - a lot of crappy things that I bought for my first apartment in the cheapest versions I could find, random stuff people gave us that they didn't need anymore, 3 different sets of dishes that don't go together at all. And there's all sorts of nice stuff that we don't have at all, like a mixer, blender, kettle, etc.

If you really already have everything you would want for a home, it's because you're a big shopper and you go buy everything you want when you want it, or you've gotten a lot of very generous gifts. It's not because you've been living with your FI for 3 years.

banana468 · May 2010

Agreed.

It's not as if stores like BB&B only make money off of people who are engaged but never owned homes.

I've been married almost 3 years and I want stuff for our tiny condo today!

number55 · May 2010

I thought this too before we registered...I couldn't have imagined having anything to register for.

FI and I have only lived together for less than a year but I have been out of my parents house for a very long time. I do literally have everything I *need* but I most certainly don't have everything I *want*! However, I rarely buy my things that I want if I don't actually need them, if that makes sense.

I have a matching set of plain white plates, and a set of basic tefal pots and pans, I have cheap sheets on my bed and thin boring towels. When we registered we knew we were going to be 'upgrading' because there wasn't a whole lot we don't have. I think that there were only a couple of things we registered for that I actually don't have (a mandolin, can't wait!, and some really inexpensive kitchen gadgets).

I didn't like the idea of registering because I find that the general mentality in North America is to buy new things before you need them. I try not to play into that too much, so I don't buy new things for the sake of having new things, I try to only buy things when I actually need them. However, FI's family made it quite clear that they only give boxed gifts so we had to register. Which is fine, because we registered for plenty of stuff I would never have actually bought for myself. We registered for lots of items at a variety of price ranges, over 50% of the stuff is less than $25 but there are some higher priced items that might never get purchased by guests but we might buy with the discount we will receive.

Last night we went to a wedding and I was behind in getting a gift. I had checked the registry about a month ago when we got our invite and there was very little in it. I checked again yesterday out of interest and there were tons of items listed and one had been purchased. We gave the couple $200 cash anyways because I figure they can buy something they want of the list or they can put it towards their honeymoon. I figured maybe they had registered for all those things for the 10% discount anyways so our gift would likely go towards something there!

[Deleted User] · May 2010

I agree. We had a lot, but definitely not everything.

I did end up deleting several things off of our registry there towards the end because I ran out of space to put it all and I realized that we just don't need some of it.

future-mrs · May 2010

Yeah, agree also. FI and I have a LOT of stuff...but there are always things we are wanting/needing. Not to mention we want to upgrade most of our furniture someday.

Even if people do have "it all"...there's always upgrading?

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2010

Agree! Just because you lived together before the wedding doesn't mean you have everything. We combined two 10 year old households and still had a registry. We registered for things to redo a couple of rooms in Mr B's house (I moved into that since I only had a small townhouse): new towels and a shower curtain for each bathroom, new sheets, a guest room comforter set, organizers to redo the master closet, a new toaster, new tea kettle, etc. One of my favorite items was the no-slip/space saving hangers since we were combining two closets into one. Oh, and space bags to pack away seasonal clothes.

Yes, our registry was small but most people gave cash or GCs. Right before we were married, the house was broken into and his TV was stolen. Several of our couple friends went in together on a large GC to Best Buy so we could replace the TV. =-)

GeeGirl619 · May 2010

My FI & have LOTS of stuff & did have to donate many items because we had duplicates and I was very hesitant about registering.

Then we went to BBB & found cool lil gadgets like an ergonomic garlic press & peelers that rotate 180 degrees. Most things were under $25 bucks & just fun!
I love that OXO brand. Everything feels great in your hands & makes simple tasks so much easier.

You can always find something!

AdeleDazeem · May 2010

I'm going to come out and disagree a little ...but only a little.

My fiance and I lived in our own apartments for many years and we upgraded our things along the way. We each had different interests so, when we moved in, we each brought two halves of a kitchen together. We have so many top of the line appliances, that it's a bit ridiculous. We also have two sets of Crate and Barrel dishes, several sets of sheets, etc... And, yes, to a certain extent, we have it all.

That being said, we can find things to register for, but it will be a small registry (sheets, towels, things that wear). There are times when I say that if one more material item comes into this apartment, then I'm going to have a heart attack. There is NO more room. But I wouldn't use that as an excuse to register for money. EVER.

sarah0725 · May 2010

I kind of agree with Joy. Sure, there are always more material possessions that FI and I can register for, but right now, while I'm working on packing my apartment to move in with FI, I feel like taking about half my material possessions out to the quad and lighting them on fire. I can't believe I have so many THINGS.

tenofcups4me · May 2010

While I agree that living together doesn't necessarily mean you have everything you want or need, I don't really get your point. Dh and I moved last year and so there's a lot we now want to better fit our new house, but 3 years ago...yeah, we had everything.

We were older, I had had a full house, he'd had a full house, we'd both been married before, we'd had years to accumulate things (things we'd bought, gifts, things that were passed on from families), and we had the money to buy whatever we didn't already have.

Before that, when my ex- and I got married, it was a similar situation except that neither of us had been married before. There were certain things we wanted so we registered, but we literally registered for everything we could possibly want -- and that covered engagement and shower gifts, but there was pretty much nothing left by the time of the wedding. No problem since money was the norm in both our crowds, but I have no idea what else we could have added if we had felt we "needed" to.

AmoroAgain · May 2010

I was totally bummed that no one bought anything off our registry. We may live overseas now, but we don't plan to forever, and we didn't want to have to buy all of our nice dishes, and glasses, etc.

The cash just totally disappeared. I think I bought a winter coat and we used a bit of it for other things.

Lenore2010 · May 2010

You never "have everything". I am in my 40's, we lived together for two years, husband has owned the house we live in for ten years and we do not "have everything".

I think the original idea of wedding gifts though was that people were going to give the couple things they needed as in essentials they were going to have to run out and buy after the wedding if they did not get the gifts. Women were leaving their parent's home when they married almost always, having never lived on their own and often times the same was true for the groom.

Now, we have registries and what amounts to wish lists. I have noticed in recent years that wedding gifts are not what they use to be. In the 1980's, when weddings were often much more humble than they are now (ironically!) it seemed a lot of my friends needed a truck for all the gifts they given. Now, it seems to be all about a card and a $25.00 gift card to Target.

I think this is because a lot of people feel that they should not have to shell out towels and dishes and whatnot to people who are adults, maybe even already own a home, etc. I have heard guests of other weddings say as much.

We did a "no gifts please" weddings. It made sense for us. A few people gave us cash anyway, which of course we graciously (and happily) accepted. Really, though I think it is time to re-think this whole wedding gift tradition.

AdeleDazeem · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-everything-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42617a6c-7671-4feb-ad5f-a62ec416cd5dPost:cc6a19a3-7691-4d94-a7cc-26069487575c">Re: How can you "have everything"? I don't get it.</a>:
[QUOTE]I kind of agree with Joy. Sure, there are always more material possessions that FI and I can register for, but right now, while I'm working on packing my apartment to move in with FI, I feel like taking about half my material possessions out to the quad and lighting them on fire. I can't believe I have so many THINGS.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

I also agree with this. How can two people have accumulated so many things? I'm almost embarrassed.

fun fact: I clicked to quote Sarah and it took me to the Camden County weddings page. Then posted this on the South New Jersey board. How... incorrect.

debjwes · May 2010

FI and I have been living together for almost three years. However we live in a tiny apartment. We have everything we need... we use it all. There really isn't anything i can think of we actually need. Yes there are possessions i would love to indulge on but we do NOT have the space. We aren't moving out of the apartment anytime soon, so space is really limited. FI still has another 2 years in the navy. We didn't register for anything.

We are also driving back from CT to IN with our 18month old in the car, so space would be limited in the car too. I know people can send it to the apartment but i know a lot of guests would not like to have to pay for shipping and they bring gifts to weddings.

sarah0725 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-everything-dont?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42617a6c-7671-4feb-ad5f-a62ec416cd5dPost:57535fc5-9a78-420c-995f-fbffb0f286d0">Re: How can you "have everything"? I don't get it.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How can you "have everything"? I don't get it. : I also agree with this. How can two people have accumulated so many things? I'm almost embarrassed. fun fact: I clicked to quote Sarah and it took me to the Camden County weddings page. Then posted this on the South New Jersey board. How... incorrect.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Hm... well I am getting married in South Jersey, but not in Camden County. :)

quotequeen · May 2010

While I agree that living together doesn't necessarily mean you have everything you want or need, I don't really get your point.

I'm not sure I really have a point. But everytime somebody posts "we already have everything because we live together," I want to shout "no, you already have everything because you're a shopper!"

I can totally see it if you're getting married at 40, so you've had 20 years on your own to accumulate things you like, or if it's your second wedding. But in general... people talk like moving in with your FI means you immediately go out and drop ten grand on everything you could ever use in a home, and that is just so different from the world I live in that I don't get it at all.

melissamc2 · May 2010

This is why I try to word my phrasing (for that particular issue) as "we have all of the essentials," because, well, we do. We just moved in together around Christmas. We had an agreement that things from our past weren't moving into our present/future, so we really outfitted our new home with new things - top to bottom. We were fortunate and in a position to do that. Our living together IS what made that happen, but yes - I get your point that it is because we went out and bought it. To me that's really splitting hairs, though.

I didn't need to register for cookware or bedding or kitchen items or towels - we have all of that and it is under 6 months old. HOWEVER, there are some things that you can really use lots of -and that's what we registered for, along with silly under $50-$100 items that we really like but might not just grab for ourselves because they are a bit frivilous.

Ultimately, we DO "have everything" that we need to live. We just don't mind having "more."

ohwhynot · May 2010

We have everything that will fit. NOT because "we're shoppers" but because we live in a tiny home with 4 people. We don't want more stuff, although we could replace some of the stuff we have now with upgrades (except that our stuff is fine, and I really don't want to throw away or give away fine stuff just because we got new stuff).

We're not shoppers, or at least I'm not. Fi kind of is, and when he buys he buys good, high-quality stuff. That's why we have nice pots & pans and a kitchenaid mixer and cool gadgets - that's all on him. But honestly, we can say that we don't want or need any more stuff or even different stuff - what we have is more than fine.

That said, we're not registering, but for different reasons. And of course we're not asking for money!

brookelynpaisley · May 2010

I agree. We had a lot. I lived alone for 5 years prior to DH moving in. He didn't have anything because he got rid of it all due to a bad housing situation. I'm not sure he had much in the way of stuff to begin with, though. Even with all that I thought I had, I certainly didn't have some of the niceties that go on registries. There are plenty of things I never would have bought for myself if I thought could do without. Like the toaster oven. Never bought one because I had a microwave. Kinda wished I had a toaster, but you make toast in an oven. But we registered for and got a toaster oven and now I don't know how we did without.

I don't understand the "we have everything" sentiment. I didn't register for some of the gifts I think are extravagant, like a waffle maker and ice cream machine. But we did register for some nice things for wine keeping/drinking/tasting that we wouldn't have splurged on. There's always something you can think of that would be nice to add to your home.

tenofcups4me · May 2010

I guess I just don't see what's wrong with being -- gasp! -- "a shopper." If you've got the money, what's the problem?

Though I DO get the point that it's not necessarily related to living together.

tlv204 · May 2010

I think the issue is more that people use this as an excuse to ASK directly for money as a gift. Not registering, for whatever reason, is one thing, but we all know (hopefully) that asking for money is just ridiculously rude, and people try to argue that it's suddenly ok because they "have everything."

topchef33 · May 2010

We have a lot of things you'd normally register for, but a lot of our stuff is hand me downs. I have a lot of kitchen gadgets that are my own, my things like dishes, some pots and pans, our toaster oven, etc. are used.

There are plenty of things that we would LOVE to upgrade around the house.

colsta · May 2010

I don't plan to register, but I don't want money either. I really, truly don't. Not because FI live together and "have everything" but because we are in better shape than most of our families and friends right now.

Now, if I were younger and just starting a career, or had a lot of school loan debt or getting my feet on the ground, I wouldn't hesitate to register.

Back to the point of the original post, FI and I don't "have everything" just because we live together. We just don't want to ask anyone else to get it for us at this point in our lives.

noodle_oo · May 2010

I disagree, maybe because we're a little older (31 and 33). We've been on our own for almost 10 years and we recently bought a house. We combined 2 households worth of stuff (accumulated over 10 years!) and kept the better quality items. When we went to register, sure we could buy new glasses, silverware, etc etc. But the truth is, what we have is decent quality and we really don't need that much new stuff. Since we bought the house, we bought new sheets when we wanted them, we have all the kitchen stuff we need (bought over years as needed). Truthfully, there is not much that we want and registering was very hard!

We did make a small registry for china (which I would love to have) and a few other upgrades. But my other issue is that I can a lot of stuff for much cheaper than you can register for it by buying at TJ Maxx, Marshalls and shopping sales. So I feel bad putting expensive items on my registry that 1) I don't really need and 2) I can probably buy cheaper if I shop around. Our registries are pretty tiny and truthfully, I'd much prefer cash to put towards new furniture and home furnishings that are hard to register for.

So OP: if I were you, I woudln't judge other posters. Just because you live with your FI and would love to get all new stuff, doesn't mean that is true for everyone. Some people are happy with the stuff they have and don't want to waste their friends' and families' money on stuff they don't need.

PS. We don't have everythign because we "dropped 10 grand" after we moved in together. In fact, we had a rule that we didn't spend any money on non-essentials for 6 mos after buying our house. We shop frugrally but smartly over the years. And no, we have not recieved generous gifts either. We did this all on our own and it is very easily possible when you spend your money wisely. Besides, no one *needs* the crap that most people put on their registries, like 12 crystal goblets at $25 EACH. That's just a waste of money.

How can you "have everything"? I don't get it.

Re: How can you &quot;have everything&quot;? I don't get it.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

How can you &quot;have everything&quot;? I don't get it.

Re: How can you &amp;quot;have everything&amp;quot;? I don&#039;t get it.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

How can you "have everything"? I don't get it.

Re: How can you "have everything"? I don't get it.