POLL: Differences in your personalities

blue19violet · September 2009

I’m a bit frustrated with my hubby right now because of some very clear differences in our personalities that have reared their heads these past few days. I’m pretty sure that I was born with a business plan in hand while he was born ready to work for the man. I was discussing a possible business idea with him that would benefit us and all his fear would allow him to focus on were the possibilities for failure. I am by no means a reckless optimist. I consider myself a practical one – I hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I take calculated risk in life and in business. It’s exasperating sometimes to be married to someone who doesn’t have an ounce of entrepreneurial spirit. He’s okay with just working for someone else for a living, while that’s never been me. This is not to say that his views on things are bad, I just wish that he would be a little less scared about taking a chance. Okay, I’m done. Am I alone here? What are the differences between you and your fi/hubby that frustrate you the most?

RAJAH · September 2009

You are not alone! I am feeling that and have been for quite some time. Fi is just content with a menial job (in my opinion) and doesn't feel the need to focus on the future. Well since I get bored in the same position after about 2.5 yrs, I told him that I would be looking to promote at the first of the year. He isnt happy about that at all. I think it comes from how they were raised and who they look at. I must say my fiance was the only one of his siblings with any get up and or drive. However he is light years behind me when it comes to processing information and making an executive decision. I would love to start my own business, but not when I cant do thing the way I want them so until then I have no intention on doing it. He wants me to just go for it head first. . . man please. I know far too many entrepreneurs to even make a bad move. It does frustrate me. Oh and the idea that he wants me to slow down and have a baby really pisses me off - that is a distraction from what I want. I am not having a baby, he had better borrow a relative's kid. Ok - Rant over!

blue19violet · September 2009

lol rajah, girl, you got some stuff on your mind

. I hope he can find a relative's kid to borrow. I think you nailed it when you said that it had a lot to do with how they grew up. Fi's family members (the one he grew up around) have always been comfortable with a middle class existence that included going to work and getting a paycheck. I AIN'T mad at that fo' sho. However, I grew up po' and know what it's like to see my family struggle. I've always had a side hustle (not in a negative way) have been doing my thing from the get. I remember selling my poetry to kids in JHS to give to their crushes. Valentines week was always my busiest

. I guess because I grew up struggling, my brain has developed to think of ways (ethically and legally) to bring my family out of poverty. I think the fact that he grew up comfortable (def not rich but never having worried about food on the table and being able to take yearly vacations) does give him the same sense of urgency. He's happy just getting a paycheck every two weeks and doesn't see any reason to add more work to his plate.

withmike · September 2009

We are opposites as far as work is concerned. I work for the city as a teacher and I love it. I dont really want to start a business of my own (or at least not now). I like what I do and I like working for the "man" in this capacity. Now my hubby has an entreprenuerial spirit and wants to start a business, but to me they are not sound business decisions. They change quite often and there is not one that he has etched in stone. Until he has them etched in stone, he has to work for the "man", LOL, because I dont want him to dive in and fail. I want to make sure he succeeds in what he does. So yeah we have differences in opinion when it comes to work but overall, we put it all together and make it work. Thats what frustrates me the most, lack of concreteness in his ideas.

MrClintonsFirstLady09 · September 2009

lol @ rajah having her man bother somebody elses kid lol. I know right! Blue, girl fortunately you are not alone in this one. I feel you totally. I feel limited and helpless because at this moment I cannot embark on some of the things that I want to do because FI thinks it's not the right time. FI is somewhat like your DH. Scared to take a chance. I try to carefully plan. I will not put myself in a compromising position with no backup plan. FI just hopes for the best and waits to see what happens. WTH! And he never has a real inspiration to do anything that may be beneficial to us or our home especially if it involves full participation. I have to put the fire under him to get moving and that gets my eekoloids to acting up. I wanna slap him sometimes. So I know how you feel.

rhodesign · September 2009

blue, girl...you speak nothing but the truth! FI isn't 100% negative nelly on my entrepenurial ideas, but he always presents the practical 'what if' scenarios and is comfortable with comfort. For me, it's not even so much about earning millions as it is not being stuck in a job I hate. I changed jobs 4 times last year because I was restless, and while he stood by me, I had many a talking to about being happy with what I have. I needed that, but at the same time...yeah. My creative heart won't hear of it!Other things...the only real difference between us is that I'm a social butterfly and he's a quiet homebody. If he's comfortable around people, he'll open up and be just as charming and fun as he is around me or his family/friends, but he has a hard time when I try to take him places or with people he doesn't know as well. It used to drive me crazy because he'd be like a little kid and cling to me the whole night instead of mingling, but he's gotten better. It's still like pulling teeth sometimes to convince him to go to a party, though.

ladylum · September 2009

I'm marrying my twin but the only difference that bugs me in a minor way is how he is not as big of a planner as myself. He was a little perturbed at me because for about a month straight all I did was look for reception venues and caterers and wouldn't stop until I was satisfied with the ones I had chosen. He thought I wasn't fun anymore. When I got pregnant and he realized we didn't have to move the wedding because most of the hard work was done, then he appreciated it!

oburrell · September 2009

I am actually the more practical one but I try to never stop on my DH's entrepreneurial spirit. I am all for him starting a business but it has to make sense to me and he has to have a good business plan first. His spirit has actually got me thinking about opening a business, but I'm the type who wants to work for someone else first, save and invest wisely, get that cheddar in the bank and then take a risk. I think the opposite personalities work as long as both people don't try to change the other person or push/pull them the other way. Sometimes you just have to give a little, but it ways that make you both comfortable. For example, DH wants to invest 80-90% in stocks and I don't feel comfortable with that. So we came up with a number that feels good for both of us for stocks and bonds and if things change, then we change them. The difference that does frustrate me is he doesn't mind being broke sometimes. I work full time and go to school online because someone needs to bring in a steady paycheck. He goes to school fulltime and even though he has plenty of time to work-he doesn't even want to look for a job because "we have enough". I'm like, naw! We don't have enough if we're living paycheck to paycheck! But he doesn't see anything wrong with it and I can't make him find a job...

trevette1981 · September 2009

I get frustrated because he's a "just let it happen" kinda guy and I'm a planner, down to itineraries for vacations.lolIt's okay sometimes, but when we recently talked about having a baby, I suggested trying to a April birth, so I can have maternity during the last of the school year and the summer. He said, why? Just let whatever happens, happen. ARGH! Come on man!LOL

OFF · September 2009

My guy is also a let it happen kind of guy. I get so frustrated because I'm so anal and I over think and plan everything. I thought I was the only one who did itineraries for vacations

He's just so laid back, he can't plan in advance and does everything the last second. I'm just like ARGH!! What's weird is he also has an entrepreneurial spirit which I think is funny cause he can't plan a day let alone come up with a business plan. But hey I encourage him as much as I can.

the cat · September 2009

P will go along with WHATEVER i decide to do. that's no joke. i told him one time about some totally crazy business move i wanted to make. he said to go for it and he'd back me 100%. i think he may be a bit TOO supportive. he tells me all the time that his job is to take care of the family and support me in whatever i want to do. As for working for 'the man', he'll encourage me to go out on my own in consulting, but he's content. He has ideas to go it on his own, but i don't see him really taking steps forward to do so without some HEAVY encouragement from me. Tripping thing is, he has a great business mind, but he doesn't see it.

the cat · September 2009

wait...i see i didn't really answer the question

i don't co-sign on something if i don't think it's gonna work. I'll be straight up and give u a list of pros and cons. P will figure it's not gonna work, but he wont say anything. after it's all over and done with, he'll be there with the tissue and clean my nose as i cry...real talk! He's much more careful with his important decisions than with mine. i too plan vacations. he'll get on the road and be like "we can do this, this, or that and go here... I wanna know what's 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. After the planned things are done, then we can be spontaneous.

blue19violet · September 2009

@withmike – I understand the balance between wanting to support his dreams and wanting to make sure that those dreams are rooted in reality. It’s not fair to ask you guys to risk your future without a stable business idea and plan. @ MrClintonsFirstLady09 – Is he scared to take a chance at this moment in time? I can understand that it might be difficult since you guys are planning a wedding. However, does he seem more open to the idea when the planning process is completed? Lol @ wanting to slap him sometimes. @rhodesign – “comfortable with comfort” – truer words have never been spoken. I also think you hit the nail on the head about the spirit of a creative person vs. that of one not as imaginative. Like you, I’m always “itching” to try different things. I know myself well enough to know that I need to change careers at least every 4 or 5 years in order to keep from being restless. Hubby is old school. He has his degrees in the field that he is interested in and this is the work that he’s going to do for the rest of his life. I think it’s great that he has figured out his passion but (FOR ME) I just can’t grasp my head around being satisfied with doing one thing for the rest of your life. As for your man’s shyness around new crowds, I empathize. Although I don’t stick to my hubby when we’re in a new crowd of his folks, I do tend to stand to the side and not really mingle. I’d bet that this is something that he has to talk himself into doing when he goes out with you. It is frustrating. @ladylum, haha, I love how he is appreciative of the time you spent planning after he realized how it’s benefiting you guys now. @ oburrell – The same thing I said to withmike holds true here. There is a very fine balance. A goal without practical steps to achieving it is simply a dream. I think it’s great the way that you two were able to compromise on the issue of investing. Lol @ naw! I’ve always loved that word. Oooh I don’t know about being okay with brokenness, lol. The being satisfied living paycheck to paycheck thing is one historical habit that (I own it in the name of Jesus) I intend to break. It’s at worst a slave mentality and at best the mentality of an indentured servant. You have no guarantee that the paycheck you’re waiting for will be there on time or even be there at all. God forbid something should happen, you’re left scrambling trying to find cash. This is why since we made the decision to get married that I’ve been annoying fi about an emergency fund. We’re trying to pay off one credit card debt that’s like a rain cloud over an overall sunny day and then intend to reroute that money (when we’re done) to savings. How does he feel about savings? @ trevette1981 – lol @ Come on man! The itinerary for vacations is a bit much

. LOl, but I can def see your point about the baby. Is he the type to wait to find out about the baby’s sex on the day of birth?

missevans · September 2009

What irks me the most about FI is that he expects NOTHING to ever show the signs of wear and tear. I told him that if I pay for something, I'm going to use it and nothing lasts forever. He can't even enjoy his house for fear that something will happen. I'm like, when kids get involved you can kiss that pristine azz carpet GOODBYE! My car has some bumps and bruises and he's like "I can't believe you don't care". I'm like "nope, its a car and its driven...its not gonna remain like it was on the showroom floor". That drives me nuts. The other difference actually works in our favor. I'm in human services, he's in business and sales. I make less money but I'm the community oriented, compassionate one. I'm the one volunteering each weekend or donating to various causes. He's kind of mean in that respect. It works though because losing my income won't hurt that bad once I decide to start my own non-profit and work there full time. Well, that's what he said...

blue19violet · September 2009

@ cat – “he tells me all the time that his job is to take care of the family and support me in whatever i want to do.” – you gotta respect a man who wants to do right by his family. Re: “P will figure it's not gonna work, but he wont say anything. after it's all over and done with, he'll be there with the tissue and clean my nose as i cry...real talk!” – is that his personality in general? @ missevans – lol @ not remaining like it was on the showroom floor. He sounds like my mama who used to try to keep the plastic on the living room set so we wouldn’t mess up her chairs. I like the way that you balance each other out with community work.

the cat · September 2009

Blue - no that's not his personality in gereral - just where I'm concerned. he's a fierce protector of the family and will cut somebody in 2.2 secs if they fool with us! but if i say i want to just babysit for cash, he's with it. if i say i wanna go dig ditches, he'll say 'baby that's hard work but if u wanna do it, i'll rub your back when u get home'. if i say i wanna go back to school (which i have) he supports that too. when i set out to do the full tae bo tape after about 8 months of general inactivity, he encouraged me, told me i could do it, then he soothed my injured ego after i was only able to go 8 minutes!

trevette1981 · September 2009

Blu- not sure if he would like the wait on the sex, but I'm thinking he wouldn't since he really doesn't want a girl. Wonder why?! LOLOFF- Inteneraries (sorry I can't spell right now) are good for vacations because you can find all the things you want to do and put them together. I can't just go somewhere without research and a plan. I don't want to miss anything.lol

tamishae77 · September 2009

Our differences are actually somewhat similar to yours. I'm more career driven than he is. He's so laid back when it comes to that and it drives me crazy.

Lovie 129 · September 2009

MY FI is laid back, quiet...sometimes too quiet and laid back, while I was always told "your mouth is going to get you in trouble". As far as money goes, we are on point....save, save, save. Also, Fi is retired military, everything has a time and it's own place. He really doesn't frustrate me......BUTWhat I don't like are the "crackish" relatives that come with FI....OMG!

mycicybride · September 2009

Fi and I are total opposites. I'm a nerd. He's cool. I'm organized. He's messy. I like to plan ahead. He is Mr. One Day at a Time. But for some weird reason...it works. He helps me not take life too seriously and I help him take it more seriously.

POLL: Differences in your personalities

Re: POLL: Differences in your personalities

Choose Another Board

Search Boards