Is it rude to bring the present to the ceremony?

LizzieB819 · September 2009

I typically give wedding presents the old fashioned way - by taking them to the actual wedding. Last week, a friend of mine told me that she heard that this is now considered 'bad etiquette.' I realize that it is easier for the bride and groom if the presents are shipped directly to their (or their parent's) house, but naturally this costs extra money. I don't mean to sound cheap, but I usually have a set amount that I am planning to spend on somebody's wedding. So I can either (a) spend the extra 10-15 dollars on shipping and go out of my price range, or (b) spend less on the present to accomodate for the shipping costs. I don't really like either of these options (especially b), and so it seems as though the best solution is to just take the present to the wedding.For a close friend of mine, I delivered the present to her house, which I figured was a good compromise. But, I don't think this is a good option for weddings where you only casually know the couple.My friend feels the same way that I do about all of this, and now we are worried that if we take presents to the wedding it is going to make us look cheap or rude. Any thoughts or opinions?

gabi829 · September 2009

I've never thought of it as rude. How can it be rude to give somebody a gift? I think most brides anticipate this and have a table for gifts set up at their site. If your gift is large or breakable, I might recommend hand delivering it if you don't want to pay shipping charges.

golf*bride · September 2009

If bringing the gift to the reception is the best option for you, then I don't see a problem with it. I've never thought it to be rude or inconsiderate. I think most couples expect people to bring gifts and arrange ahead of time for someone to help out.

Leah&Christian09 · September 2009

I think most couples expect that people are going to ignore this rule of etiquette and drop them off anyway, and they therefore plan to have to transport gifts. The last few times I've ordered a gift, it's been through BB&B and I think they shipped it for free. I can do it online, not worry about it, and be done.

VeganBride2008 · September 2009

I don't think it's rude at all. We are a gift not cash family so I had a table set up and anticipated having to take stuff home. I however failed to make any arrangements to do that (it was the only "oops" in my whole well oiled wedding) so we ended up loading them all into our limo and then taking them to the hotel with us that night (and then into a cab the next morning back to my mothers hotel, and then getting a van to get them back to our appartment). It was a little overwhelming - and exhausting because my husband and I were loading up by ourselves at the venue for over an hour after everyone left - but it was okay too - it gave us an opportunity to be alone for a bit - and wake up a bit - and talk to some of the staff that had made the day wonderful and thank the dj while he packed up... it was kind of funny actually and we got to open everything the next day which was pretty fun! All that said, if you can send it ahead, its a nice treat for the bride and groom (we only had one come in advance) but any gift is thoughtful and I think the notion of it being rude to bring a gift in any fashion is a little... off...

VeganBride2008 · September 2009

in fact - just to add to my last post... we had a couple of people who did not bring gifts to the wedding (for whatever reason) and who mentioned our gifts as though they were coming, but have never given us anything and our wedding was almost three months ago. I would say we're not getting those gifts...Also, I live in Canada and here the big registry spot is the bay. When you buy a gift at the bay you can choose to have it sent to the receivers home store - we had a lot of people do this, but it just meant that we had to go get all of the gifts from the bay (which is downtown with terrible parking and the parking garage is under construction so we couldnt get access to the building) then we had to double check the lists and paperwork to make sure there weren't any mistakes (which there were many) after all of that we got home and found that we got one place setting in the wrong colour, so it now needs to be returned and we are still waiting on several back ordered items and need to follow up on all of that. It has turned into a full project, which would not be the case if the people had brought the gifts to the wedding (again, we still appreciate the gifts from them - they had no way of knowing what it would be like to deal with the store... but sometimes what is perceived to be best, isn't always... just a thought)sorry - punctuation and grammar are bad

Calypso1977 · September 2009

i do not think its rude, although its certainly much easier for the couple of you send it ahead of time. do you live close enough to deliver the gift to the bride or groom yourself? I did this with my SIL - she comes over to the house periodically as she lives about 40 mintues away from us, adn i just gave hers to her the other day when she happened to be over.

Niki9103 · September 2009

Buying someone a gift is not rude or an inconvenience. If that is the feeling of the bride and groom, then maybe no one should be giving them gifts. Especially if you have a gift registry, then you should expect that people will buy you gifts off of it and bring it to your wedding. Plus I have never been to a wedding that did not have a gift table, so I would assume that most people anticipate receiving gifts at their wedding.

ffmaid · September 2009

Until teh knot I had never heard of it being poor form and most people I know bring gifts to the wedding. I do not view it as rude at all

klkuczynski · September 2009

KUDOS Nikki & FFMaid!!! Really are we at the point in "Etiquite" that there are rules on giving gifts for cying out loud! Its a gift! and for that matter if I were ever told by a bride or groom that bringing a gift to an event is in bad manners... I would most likely have to say, "Well then if how you receive my gift isn't good enough for you them maybe my gift period isn't!" and take it back. That's just me.... someone who was brought up to appreciate peoples effort, time and willingness to celebrate.

Ab42187 · September 2009

Nobody will think its rude to bring the gift you got the couple. I just got married on Saturday and even though people seemed to ship most of our gifts to us the week before we did still get a bunch of actually gifts plus cards. I had set up a gift table in anticipation for this. I didn't expect anyone to ship my wedding gifts to me if there coming to the wedding.

mizu22 · September 2009

it's fine. that's why gift tables are often set up at receptions.

aek83 · September 2009

Think of it this way: would you ship a gift ahead of time to a housewarming, shower, birthday party or *any* other party? Probably not.

cmugurl05 · September 2009

She said bringing a gift to the ceremony, not the reception hall. I think its very rude to bring it to the ceremony. There is no where to put it and it should inconvenience anyone. If you bring a gift bring it to the reception!

dojo1 · September 2009

I don't know that I would go so far as to say that it is 'bad ettiquette' or 'rude' but from a practical stand point is REALLY a pain in the rump to figure out how to transport the goods without burdening your wedding party / parents on the day of to watch out for them. My preference is ALWAYS to buy off the registry and allow the happy couple to pick up the gift at the location of their choice at a time that is convenient for them. It doesn't cost you one red cent extra and some places even gift wrap it for free!

duckie1905 · September 2009

abell-no one said that they were ungrateful. The presenter asked and while it seems weird because no one follows it, proper etiquette dictates that the gifts be sent to the couple before or after the wedding and not brought to the wedding.And yes, I have been to weddings in which guests didn't know/chose to ignore this particular piece of etiquette to great GREAT inconvenience to the bride and groom and their families. No one was ungrateful for the gift but were put out with having to transport and care for it. Like many things, just because it is done doesn't mean that it isn't in violation of etiquette. This issue has nothing to do with being ungrateful, it is a question of proper etiquette.

duckie1905 · September 2009

Oops, I mean the OP asked...don't know why I called her a presenter.

bethziobro · September 2009

Anyone who thinks its rude and bad etiquette to bring the gift to the actual reception, rather than shipping it directly to the home, needs to get over themselves!! Bringing a gift to a wedding is in no way required to begin with! That being said, you should be thankful and gracious for any gift you receive, regardless in the manner of which it was given!!

gad7 · September 2009

To answer the original question, no - I wouldn't call it "rude." However if you'd like to additional value to your gift to the newlyweds, ship it. It's not that they won't appreciate a gift that is brought to the wedding. It's just that a shipped gift is doubly appreciated!

sah04015 · September 2009

I don't really see how it can cause the bride and groom a "great GREAT inconvenience" to receive gifts at their wedding. I'm sure there are plenty of people willing to help them carry a few gifts. And if they're taking off for their honeymoon I can't believe there isn't someone willing to schlep & hold the gifts for a little while. I think it's the least you can do when someone is gracious enough to bring you a gift on your wedding day

flutgrl1 · September 2009

I've never known anyone to leave for the honeymoon right from the reception. In that circumstance or a DW I would prob ship something. But otherwise, I would feel very odd not giving something AT the wedding itself.

duckie1905 · September 2009

I don't really see how it can cause the bride and groom a "great GREAT inconvenience" to receive gifts at their wedding.Well unfortunately, there aren't always family members willing to schelp and store gifts for a couple (I've seen it multiple times). It is nice to assume that family would help but isn't always the case.I'm not saying that I was ungrateful for gifts, or that anyone is. You are misunderstanding. There is a big difference between what happens in practice and what is considered proper etiquette. It is not proper etiquette to bring gifts to the wedding, the polite thing (etiquette-wise) is to ship them before or after.That is all I was saying. I know not everyone cares about etiquette and following the rules it sets out but some people still do care, and that's what the whole point was.

daisiesinmay · September 2009

To me it is really not an issue of whether it is rude or not. I've mailed them, brought them to the wedding, as well as hand-delivered them. All depending on the circumstances of the wedding. I had them mailed where either myself or the bride/groom had to travel more than 30 miles. I gave them personally if it was an expensive gift (we went on a ps3 recently and absolutely did not want that sitting around at a reception or in a car). Typically I've brought gifts to the wedding. Thats just what I thought people expected (since the brides always had tables ready).Now, having gone through my own wedding, I will probably try to hand-deliver gifts before the wedding more. There is nothing wrong with giving gifts before/after the wedding. We were going to try to squeeze everything into three cars. Luckily one of our GMs had a truck and so we loaded everything into that and it made things easier, but it was still a full truck. Somewhere in transportation 3 cards got separated or lost. I had three gifts with no names. Ultimately I found out two of them, but still there is one person who hasn't been thanked and that bothers me. Its not rude if you don't deliver. To me its just a nice courtesy though.

Leah&Christian09 · September 2009

"Anyone who thinks its rude and bad etiquette to bring the gift to the actual reception, rather than shipping it directly to the home, needs to get over themselves!!" Someone tell Emily Post and Ms. Manners to go get over themselves. It isn't proper etiquette to bring gifts to the wedding. You can ignore it all you want, and probably a majority of people do. Just because you choose to ignore rules of etiquette doesn't mean that you should insult people that observe them.

moonlitmama · September 2009

i'm in trouble if people bring gifts to the reception. we're getting married in nyc and the only car being used is the taxi cab we're jumping into after the reception to go to our after-party. my mom was going to take any any cards/money home with her. i am certainly gracious to receive gifts - but bringing them to a reception is very presumptious of the giver that they can be transported afterwards by the couple or their friends. when i give gifts - i try to think of what's convenient for the receiver - not what's more convenient for me (especially at a wedding!). the couple spent time and money on this day that they chose to share with YOU - don't be a cheapskate - and mail the gift. just my two cents.

LizzieB819 · September 2009

I actually did mean the recpetion, not the ceremony. My bad

drackow · September 2009

While I don't necessarily find it "rude," I do find it terribly inconveniant. I think bringing envelopes with money in it is fine (easy for Father of the Bride or BM/MOH to just collect the envelopes at the end of the night,) but we had 200 people at our wedding. How, exactly, would I have taken 100 gifts back to our hotel at the end of the night, had everyone brought their gift? We did have about a dozen presents or so brought to the wedding, and luckily my brother was driving home in a large car, so he took them. But the last thing I wanted to worry about at the end of my reception was getting the gifts safely home. For the sake of brides everywhere, please please please PLEASE just ship the gifts or drop them off at someone's home. It's the right thing to do.

golf*bride · September 2009

I think most brides planning a wedding are more aware of etiquette 'rules'. Ordinary people are not going to look up etiquette when going to a wedding to find out the rules about when to give a gift, what to wear, etc. They do what they think is right.

kmmssg · September 2009

Every wedding I have ever attended (in the midwest) has had a gift and card table. People quite often bring gifts to the wedding (ok, the reception). I have to say that after marrying off a few DDs I do have a better appreciation of the conveniences of giving money or shipping the gift ahead of time, but I would never think someone is rude for bring a gift. The girls have all had gifts brought to their weddings, but most did just give money. Yes I know what Emily and Miss Manners have to say about this and I am a devotee of each, but it's common around here and I think nothing of it.

mhande · September 2009

While I now know it is proper etiquette NOT to bring the gift to the wedding, I think regional traditions vary. Where I grew up, it was very common to bring the gift to the wedding. Same where my fiance grew up. However, we recently attended a wedding in the region where we now live, and we were the ONLY guests to bring a gift to the wedding. It was a bit embarrassing. But now we know. Still, I think it's common to have gift tables at weddings, because there usually are people who bring gifts.

Is it rude to bring the present to the ceremony?

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