I really hope

notquiteblushing · September 2009

that this is a joke, or to use knot terminology MUD, but I have a feeling that it's not:http://bloggingpoints.blogspot.com/2006/04/how-to-be-good-christian-wife.htmlHow to be a Good Christian Wife. My favorite line is "only whores make frozen orange juice."What do you think?

jeanacorina · September 2009

"A fat Husband is a faithful Husband."And Husband is always capitalized. Wow.I've got more, but class is starting. That was a fantastic read! How did you find that?

noelle24 · September 2009

I swear I've read something very similar to that in an old 50's magazine. Wow. Unfortunately, I don't think she's joking. Aye carumba.

notquiteblushing · September 2009

It was linked in another blog I read. I've read a few of the other posts now and I think it must be fake because each one is something completely sensational. But then again she gets really defensive in the comments so I don't know. I will NOT be a good Christian wife apparently.

noelle24 · September 2009

I wouldn't have done well in the olden days either, NQB. But frankly, I want a PARTNER in life, not a master that I have to serve like he's a god.

notquiteblushing · September 2009

Yeah seriously. The post did make me crave biscuits and gravy though.

AnneAndJJ · September 2009

Just...wow. I read something similar on the internet before, but it was the Young Woman's Guide to Being a Good Wife (or something along those lines), and was written in the 1800's!! It seems like some people genuinely appreciated this woman's advice...I couldn't imagine living like that though!

bekalinz · September 2009

wow...what happened to being equals in a marriage?! i have read something like this before but was written a long time ago!i really hope she was being facetious in posting this!

Acrosthec · September 2009

I have a friend who has something similar to this posted on her fridge as a complete joke.Unfortunately, after reading the comments, I'm pretty sure AnnieAngel is being serious. And to me that's just sad.

dreamingblue · September 2009

Wow, that just makes my skin crawl.I don't think she's kidding, either. I have a few 'born again' friends who more or less subscribe to this method of thinking when it comes to Christianity and marriage.

notquiteblushing · September 2009

Ha I love your responses jeana. I tend to go to bed first so I guess that's one area I fit the bill. Good luck trying to wake me up after I'm asleep though.

oceana919 · September 2009

I am apparently going to burn in a big fat vat of hellfire. Ooops.I think I'm going to print that and post it on the fridge, and see how far my BF shoots his frozen OJ out of his nose when I reads it. Frozen OJ that he serves himself. While I'm at work. Three points for the devil.

loopy82 · September 2009

I would also be going to hell. This makes me think about that girl who posted a while back that I believe was very Christian and was saying how divorce is absolutely not an option and she would stay with her husband even if he beat her because they could work through it.

Sky88 · September 2009

HAHA! I recently attended a bridal shower where the bride was given a framed copy of "How to be a good wife" that was taken from a 1950's home ec. book. Her aunt was totally serious about it too. CREEPY! This is really similar to it... Enjoy!http://iws.ccccd.edu/grooms/goodwife.htm

Acrosthec · September 2009

Jeana has inspired me. I think we need to turn this into a poll of sorts to see which of us is getting to hell faster. And....GO! 1. Always be up before your Husband in the morning so you can have his paper and his breakfast ready for him when he wakes. Although it is the morning, there is no need to be slovenly, always make sure you are showered and dressed with your hair fixed and your make-up on. ALWAYS serve fresh orange juice. Only whores use frozen.We don't get a paper. BF makes his yogurt and granola and eats it in the bathroom while I sleep a little longer. I eat breakfast in my office at work. My co-workers are lucky if I dry my hair before I get to work, let alone put on makeup and do my hair to serve BF breakfast. We have bottled single serving OJs. Not fresh or frozen. TAKE THAT.2. DO NOT sit down at breakfast. Your Husband will be trying to read the morning paper and the sound of your chair scraping on the floor will be a distraction to him as you get up and down to fetch him more biscuits or find his briefcase for him.Neither of us sit down to breakfast, and if I'm getting anyone biscuits it's going to be me. Most likely at dinner time. With gravy and sausage. If BF has had a rough day I *might* fix his plate for him.3. DO NOT be a clingy wife! Your Husband has a lot on his mind in the morning, planning out his busy day. Do not try to engage him in conversation about what your plans for the day are or other trivial matters. Always walk him to the door. Make sure to carry with you any of the things he has forgetton so he doesn't need to go back for them. Offer yourself for a kiss, but if he is too busy to notice DO NOT POUT. He has a lot of responsibility and the morning is not the time for feminine hysterics.Aside from walking him to the door and doting on him, I actually am really good at leaving him alone while he's getting ready for work. Mostly because I'm sleeping.4. DO NOT CALL YOUR HUSBAND AT WORK. Nothing will distract him from his responsibilities at work faster than trying to deal with yours as well. It can wait. In the case of an actual emergency, of course, calling him at work is necessary. PMS induced crying jags are not emergencies.I don't call him at work. The last thing I need is the wrath of the court system for busting him in the courthouse with a cell phone. I wait for him to call me for lunch so I know he's not in court. One more step towards Heaven!5. Spend your day cooking and cleaning. There is no excuse for anything other than a spotless house. Filth is for pigs not humans and cleaning top to bottom everyday is a good use of your time as well as good exercise. Bake lots of cookies and cakes and treats. ALWAYS REMEMBER a fat Husband is a faithful Husband.I spend my day at work. Although I do spend about one night every other week or so cleaning the house from top to bottom. He hates to do it, and I find it almost soothing, so I handle it. Sometimes he'll help if I have a short timeframe and need it, but I figure, the dogs are mine and it's my responsibility to vacuum up their hair. I also bake on occasion, but not a lot. Only for special occasions.6. When your Husband gets home from work, do not jump him with problems you've had during the day, or questions about his day. He needs time to relax and wind down. Make sure the TV remote is next to his chair and the batteries are fresh. Once he walks in the door, ladies...turn OFF the soaps and talk shows.I fail utterly and completely at this, but so does he. He always is the first to ask me about my day. And no part of my day involved soaps or talk shows, so I don't blow through batteries faster than the speed of light.7. Have a snack ready for him to eat as you finish dinner. If he is not happy with your choice of snack DO NOT POUT, it's your fault. He's had a busy day and he's not psychic. Replace the snack immediately with what he wants.He makes his own snacks. He's a big boy. He considers himself lucky that I cook dinner, so he would never ask me to make him something WHILE I'm cooking so that he could spoil said dinner.8. Dinner should be more formal than breakfast. At this meal you may be seated, and allow him to serve himself from the table. Of course if he wants hotter gravy or something from the kitchen, you need to be up and gone for it with a smile. DO NOT PIG OUT. Always leave the table a little bit hungry to maintain both your figure and your dignity.Seated - on the couch. Watching whatever he wants to on TV. If he wants more he gets up and gets it. I eat whatever I want (though I will admit sometimes I feel sorry I ate so much...)9. After dinner you may begin clearing the table as he waits for you to bring his dessert. He will be in a state of relaxation by this point and feel contented. If he aims a playful swipe at your backside during the clearing, respond with an "oh you!", smile and continue to the kitchen to get his dessert.No table to clear, and we very rarely have dessert. I think if he swiped at my butt and wasn't drunk we would both collapse from laughing so hard. And then I'd check him for a fever, because surely he'd be sick.10. When choosing a dessert, remember a fat man is a faithful man and a full man falls asleep fast. Use lots of rich icings and creamy fillings.Again, no dessert. And I definitely don't want to fatten him up. Who am I, the witch from Hansel and Gretl?11. Do not complain or question if your Husband has plans for after dinner. He has the right to a private life. Never call to check up on him. Use your free time to bake more, or to do his laundry.I'm actually good on this one. He usually tells me where he's going, but generally his plans are my plans, and if they aren't it's because his game nights are set and I use that time to unwind and watch my crap TV that I have DVR'd or read a book or something. And occasionally I *will* do laundry, his and mine.12. Always go to bed before your Husband. He deserves a quiet time to reflect on his day and to plan for tomorrow. If he wakes you for sex when he comes to bed, give in graciously. I do usually go to bed first, so that's not an issue. Him waking me for sex would be like him hitting my butt. There's something wrong, or he's drunk.13. Never initiate sex yourself. Only whores initiate sex.Well then I guess I'd best go claim my street corner.And I'm going to hell as well...but isn't it fun to know exactly WHY?

noelle24 · September 2009

remember a fat man is a faithful man and a full man falls asleep fast. Use lots of rich icings and creamy fillingsAnyone else think that this is the wife's effort to get out of sex? Because, you know, only whores enjoy sex.

noelle24 · September 2009

1. Always be up before your Husband in the morning so you can have his paper and his breakfast ready for him when he wakes. Although it is the morning, there is no need to be slovenly, always make sure you are showered and dressed with your hair fixed and your make-up on. ALWAYS serve fresh orange juice. Only whores use frozen.I'm with acro on this one. Usually FI will hear me say "Mphfff...YOU take a shower first... I'm asleep". We don't even drink OJ at all. Like acro, my co-workers are lucky if they see dry hair, let alone make-up with "fixed hair".2. DO NOT sit down at breakfast. Your Husband will be trying to read the morning paper and the sound of your chair scraping on the floor will be a distraction to him as you get up and down to fetch him more biscuits or find his briefcase for him.We both sit. Me in front of the Today show or re-runs of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Him in front of his sports news. And I don't FETCH. I am not a dog. And if the sound of a scraping chair is enough to annoy him, I'd ask him what crawled into his cheerios and died.3. DO NOT be a clingy wife! Your Husband has a lot on his mind in the morning, planning out his busy day. Do not try to engage him in conversation about what your plans for the day are or other trivial matters. Always walk him to the door. Make sure to carry with you any of the things he has forgetton so he doesn't need to go back for them. Offer yourself for a kiss, but if he is too busy to notice DO NOT POUT. He has a lot of responsibility and the morning is not the time for feminine hysterics.Yeah right. Again with the "Fetching" and "carrying". Am I a sherpa? No. That doesn't mean I've gone into hysterics.4. DO NOT CALL YOUR HUSBAND AT WORK. Nothing will distract him from his responsibilities at work faster than trying to deal with yours as well. It can wait. In the case of an actual emergency, of course, calling him at work is necessary. PMS induced crying jags are not emergencies.I call, text, and email him at work. Just to let him know I'm thinking about him, or because I've thought of something I need to ask him and chances are good I'll forget until we talk later that night.5. Spend your day cooking and cleaning. There is no excuse for anything other than a spotless house. Filth is for pigs not humans and cleaning top to bottom everyday is a good use of your time as well as good exercise. Bake lots of cookies and cakes and treats. ALWAYS REMEMBER a fat Husband is a faithful Husband.Hahahaha. FI is more of a clean freak than me. He actually likes laundry and dishes, while I loathe them. I do like cooking, but often we cook together. It's our thing. And if not feeding my husband properly will cause him to stray, I think I need to trade him in for a new one.6. When your Husband gets home from work, do not jump him with problems you've had during the day, or questions about his day. He needs time to relax and wind down. Make sure the TV remote is next to his chair and the batteries are fresh. Once he walks in the door, ladies...turn OFF the soaps and talk shows.Ditto Acro. I'm horrible about this. 7. Have a snack ready for him to eat as you finish dinner. If he is not happy with your choice of snack DO NOT POUT, it's your fault. He's had a busy day and he's not psychic. Replace the snack immediately with what he wants.You want a snack? You have arms, yes? Hands? Two working legs? Do you need a map to find the kitchen? Then what are you asking me for?8. Dinner should be more formal than breakfast. At this meal you may be seated, and allow him to serve himself from the table. Of course if he wants hotter gravy or something from the kitchen, you need to be up and gone for it with a smile. DO NOT PIG OUT. Always leave the table a little bit hungry to maintain both your figure and your dignity.Me and hunger do not mix... and if FI ever commented on how much I ate in a negative way, I'd probably slap him upside the head. And last time I checked, couch does not equal formal. Huh.9. After dinner you may begin clearing the table as he waits for you to bring his dessert. He will be in a state of relaxation by this point and feel contented. If he aims a playful swipe at your backside during the clearing, respond with an "oh you!", smile and continue to the kitchen to get his dessert.Ok, we do give each other butt slaps from time to time. But I do it to him too, which would probably land me in the "whore" category. And who eats dessert with every meal these days?10. When choosing a dessert, remember a fat man is a faithful man and a full man falls asleep fast. Use lots of rich icings and creamy fillings.Ummm. I'd like him to live past 40. And unlike this woman, I don't necessarily WANT him to fall asleep right away ;-)11. Do not complain or question if your Husband has plans for after dinner. He has the right to a private life. Never call to check up on him. Use your free time to bake more, or to do his laundry.I don't mind if he goes out occasionally, but if it's all the time, I'd have a problem. But why must I use that time to bake or do laundry? I'd probably call up some friends to go out myself!12. Always go to bed before your Husband. He deserves a quiet time to reflect on his day and to plan for tomorrow. If he wakes you for sex when he comes to bed, give in graciously. Yeah, right. We tend to go to bed together (when we are lucky enough to be in the same zipcode). And good luck if he tries to wake me up... I'm dead to the world. Try me before I get sleepy, buddy.13. Never initiate sex yourself. Only whores initiate sexHand me my red light while I pull on my hooker boots, won't you?

AnneAndJJ · September 2009

Noelle, that is what it sounds like. But remember, if he wants it, you better give in or you're going to hell! In the other thing I read a long time ago, women were supposed to wean their husbands off sex, to once a month (but still give in whenever he asked). BAHA!

jeanacorina · September 2009

Acro, I am so going to hell at twice the speed you are. :PWhen I die, God is going to look at me and say "Well, JC, you're not a bad girl, but you've got that whole mouthy problem. Do you always have to have the last word?"Me: "Well, duh. You're GOD, you made me this way."

dreamingblue · September 2009

I love this game. lol 1. Always be up before your Husband in the morning so you can have his paper and his breakfast ready for him when he wakes. Although it is the morning, there is no need to be slovenly, always make sure you are showered and dressed with your hair fixed and your make-up on. ALWAYS serve fresh orange juice. Only whores use frozen.OK, we don't live together at the moment, however, when we do spend nights at each others places (sometimes the entire weekend), he is always the one up first and cooking something. Seriously. I'm spoiled (we'll see how it goes once we co-habitate. lol).2. DO NOT sit down at breakfast. Your Husband will be trying to read the morning paper and the sound of your chair scraping on the floor will be a distraction to him as you get up and down to fetch him more biscuits or find his briefcase for him.He doesn't read the paper. We sit on the couch to eat, and every time I say something in passing like 'Oh! I forgot my napkin, I'm gonna go grab one, you need something?' he's already up, gone, and bringing back my napkin. He makes a better wife than I do...3. DO NOT be a clingy wife! Your Husband has a lot on his mind in the morning, planning out his busy day. Do not try to engage him in conversation about what your plans for the day are or other trivial matters. Always walk him to the door. Make sure to carry with you any of the things he has forgetton so he doesn't need to go back for them. Offer yourself for a kiss, but if he is too busy to notice DO NOT POUT. He has a lot of responsibility and the morning is not the time for feminine hysterics.haha..he and I are both far too ADD to follow each other around remembering what the other one forgot. We are both poster-children for Ritalin. Seriously. 4. DO NOT CALL YOUR HUSBAND AT WORK. Nothing will distract him from his responsibilities at work faster than trying to deal with yours as well. It can wait. In the case of an actual emergency, of course, calling him at work is necessary. PMS induced crying jags are not emergencies.We call, text, e-mail, etc. all day long. Partly because we don't live together and we don't get to spend all that much time together because of his job hunt/taking care of his father with alzheimers and aunt in chemo. He can laugh about my "PMS induced crying jags" and pretty much expects them during that time of the month. But he's fine. I don't know how he does it, actually, cause I go from dropping f-bombs to politics to all the reasons I adore him. I'm glad he finds amusement in my hormonal imbalance. lol5. Spend your day cooking and cleaning. There is no excuse for anything other than a spotless house. Filth is for pigs not humans and cleaning top to bottom everyday is a good use of your time as well as good exercise. Bake lots of cookies and cakes and treats. ALWAYS REMEMBER a fat Husband is a faithful Husband.BF cooks, BF cleans...I'm pretty sure he keeps me around for my charm and good looks.

Gosh, I'm on the express train to Hell, apparently. And we are both working on losing weight, so I'm pretty sure fattening each other up is a bad idea...I mean, sure, if I need a crane to be lifted out of bed, then chances are I'm not straying...6. When your Husband gets home from work, do not jump him with problems you've had during the day, or questions about his day. He needs time to relax and wind down. Make sure the TV remote is next to his chair and the batteries are fresh. Once he walks in the door, ladies...turn OFF the soaps and talk shows.He's the first one to call me at 4:01pm (I'm done with work at 4) to find out how my day went. He doesn't even watch that much TV, cause that would imply he was home with nothing else to do- it's that ADD thing again. lol7. Have a snack ready for him to eat as you finish dinner. If he is not happy with your choice of snack DO NOT POUT, it's your fault. He's had a busy day and he's not psychic. Replace the snack immediately with what he wants.Um.. wouldn't this be called 'appetizer' if you're making it for him as you're finishing cooking dinner? And really, there's a fridge right there with lots of fruit and veggies. Grab one. Insert in face. CHOMP CHOMP. Enjoy.8. Dinner should be more formal than breakfast. At this meal you may be seated, and allow him to serve himself from the table. Of course if he wants hotter gravy or something from the kitchen, you need to be up and gone for it with a smile. DO NOT PIG OUT. Always leave the table a little bit hungry to maintain both your figure and your dignity.Woe to the man who ever made a comment about what I ate and how much. And my response to any man who wanted me to serve him like this would be "Have you broken your legs? Cause you're on the fast track for it if you expect me to serve you like that..."9. After dinner you may begin clearing the table as he waits for you to bring his dessert. He will be in a state of relaxation by this point and feel contented. If he aims a playful swipe at your backside during the clearing, respond with an "oh you!", smile and continue to the kitchen to get his dessert.OK..BF and I swipe at each other now and then, but it's always in fun...so I don't blink an eye at that- but he'd be up cleaning the table and doing dishes right along with me. The faster it's done together, the faster we can get to other things...

10. When choosing a dessert, remember a fat man is a faithful man and a full man falls asleep fast. Use lots of rich icings and creamy fillings.Ditto not wanting him to fall asleep right away. Where's the fun in that?? And rich icings and creamy fillings? I think I just gained 10lbs...11. Do not complain or question if your Husband has plans for after dinner. He has the right to a private life. Never call to check up on him. Use your free time to bake more, or to do his laundry.We are good about not bugging each other when we're out with friends and whatnot. If a question comes up, he'll just text me and vise versa...not a big deal. I also have issues with worrying (*sigh* thanks, Mom), so I like to know a ballpark time to expect a call/visit, etc. It is not unreasonable, and he's good about this. 12. Always go to bed before your Husband. He deserves a quiet time to reflect on his day and to plan for tomorrow. If he wakes you for sex when he comes to bed, give in graciously. Hmm...when we're together, we generally go to bed together (but I'll chalk that up to not living together ATM), however, he KNOWS that waking me up for sex in the middle of the night could lead to death. Yes, that's right, death. lol (I have a habit of throwing punches if someone wakes me up in the middle of teh night, thanks to growing up with my little brother who loved to torment me while I'm sleeping). lol13. Never initiate sex yourself. Only whores initiate sexWell, let me just slap on my scarlet letter and crotchless panties, and I'll join the rest of you in the red light district.

JoKelsiC · September 2009

I don't think it's real. In her profile it says that her favorite music is NIN and she has a pic of her legs. That makes me think it's a fake.

notquiteblushing · November 2009

Remember this post? Unfortunately the new formatting has made the responses hard to read but it's interesting enough to revisit.

I really hope

Re: I really hope

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