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Big Wedding vs Small Initimate Wedding

PhoenixMamaPhoenixMama
10 Comments
in Second Weddings
Yeah, you guys will likely get sick of me in the next year or so.  :P  lol

I tend to bounce around from idea to idea a lot... and I just read a post that mentioned a Christmas Wedding at home, as it's already decorated, etc...

And instantly my head created the whole vision... an intimate wedding at home.  FI and I have a cute open concept house and the stairwell/balcony area would be absolutely perfect for pics, and a processional...

And I thought about all the money for a big wedding... the whole reason we are waiting til 2013 is just to save money...

And I think about all the things that money could go towards... like a jacuzzi for our back porch area.  lol 

I'm trying to dechipher out in my head why it's so important to have the BIG wedding. 

I had so much fun at the reception of my first wedding, and I know in part that goes into it...

I think of all the cute DIY things I have in my mind to do... and some could still be done at home...

I know this is something I'm going to talk to FI about.  He is a realist... he is all about saving money and his big thing was that he doesn't want to go into debt with a wedding... but I know part of him really likes the idea of a big party with our families, and he doesn't want to just do a firehouse hall or something like that.  :P 

I know when we had first talked wedding/marriage... we both had initially had in our heads to get married at our home in the backyard... but then we both latched onto getting married on our dating anniversary which is in December, and we live in NE PA... so it will likely be COLD and snowy.  lol  Which means we needed somehting inside... which then spurred the pricing out venues and all of a sudden our intimate backyard first visions totally got buried.  lol

Hmm... most definitely something to talk to him about... but I'd love some other thoughts from you gals.  I think a sticking point in my head has to do with the fact it's the 3rd and final and his first... and I want it to be amazing and perfect. 
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Re: Big Wedding vs Small Initimate Wedding

  • right1thistimeright1thistime member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Here's my advice - stop planning the wedding.  Get back to concepts.

    Sit the two of you down with a notebook or laptop.  Take turns answering questions, like:  what is the most important thing for YOU about this wedding celebration?  Who can you not imagine NOT being at the event?  When you close your eyes, what mood/ feeling/ image do you want the wedding to project?  What kind of food do you envision?  What kind of beverages?  What kind of flowers?  Music?  Activity?  How will the ceremony look? Feel? Sound?  Smell?   Allow yourselves to be corny and silly.  Be fine with things that don't go together, for now.  Elegant mood and lots of hay??  Sure, why not!  Let your imaginations run wild.  Just brainstorm.  If he says there has to be a vodka luge, and that is the LAST THING you will ever allow at your wedding, hash it out.  As you give a little, and he gives a little, you will come up with your plan. 

    I think the problem occurs sometimes when people try to spring a wedding fully formed from their heads (like Athena), and then get so attached to what comes out first that they don't debate and reframe and re-form the concept.  

    Once you have a draft concept, compare it to your budget, and then yea or nay the venue, the dates, the vendors, etc.  Voila!  A Wedding. ~Donna
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  • Browneyes72Browneyes72 member
    10 Comments Second Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I agree with right1thistime, get back to concepts.  Just make a list of things that are really important to you both.  Then go from there.

    However, I love love love the idea of a Christmas wedding at home.  If my honey hadn't done the whole Christmas wedding before, I would be having a Christmas wedding myself.
    TJ
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  • lindaloulubbocklindaloulubbock
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I love the idea of a Christmas wedding. :)

    I wish had done more thinking like right1thistime explains.  I feel like we've bumped along and as we get closer, I'm realizing this wedding is less and less what we wanted it to be, and more what happened along the way.
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    So, I definitely think that the way to go first, is to do as Donna suggested.  However, do not think that a small wedding is stress free.  The women who were here at the time may remember how stressed I was, because for a wedding that was to just be the two of us on a beach (that was fi's request--the beach!) I couldn't find an appropriate dress, then I couldn't find jewelry, and then on and on. 

    On top of that, my first wedding was a Christmas wedding.  Expect that some people may not show because they'll have a ton of other commitments.  Or, they may not have the money to spend on travel if it's near Christmas.  To add to that, if you're one that is very sensitive and likely to get your feelings hurt if you're anniversary is not remembered, this is not the time of year to get married. My anniversary and Christmas presents were almost always lumped into one.  And that didn't mean I got better presents, it meant I only got one.  Maybe that's why I'm not married to that one anymore.  :-P

    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • mmhepbmmhepb
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_big-wedding-vs-small-initimate-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:251b42f0-e460-4e09-a0e1-d28baf6446cfPost:f1c0c97c-41e6-4935-a11e-a51f2ddb8649">Re: Big Wedding vs Small Initimate Wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]If he says there has to be a vodka luge, and that is the LAST THING you will ever allow at your wedding, hash it out. 
    Posted by right1thistime[/QUOTE]

    <div>So funny! I'll have to make sure that wasn't on my FI's mind. Although, pretty sure I'm safe on that one. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" /></div>
    Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end... Wedding Countdown Ticker
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