Bachelorette costs?

jtheiss · September 2009

People jumped down your throat about the other things you said about your "expectations" for your bridal party. The only thing you can really "expect" is that they show up for the big day, everything else is gravy and should be appreciated no matter how big or small. And to answer your original question, YES, $300 is too much to spend on a b-party. I would be mad as well.

LMGreene85 · September 2009

its nearly 20 girls...also i dont think the gift thing is a possibility as most of the girls have been in each others BPs over the past few years and no one has gotten anyone gifts so I think thats the presidence, unless the MOH decided to get one on her own, no BMs were ever asked about or suggested gifts...

LMGreene85 · September 2009

**20 girls total, 9 of them (10 including me) as part of them wedding. the other 10 or so are not in the wedding

uppereastgirl · September 2009

$125 spa package ... $35 pre set dinner menu ... $30 open bar...and hotel depends on girls staying over but anywhere from $50 to $75Do any of these prices include tax or gratuities? What are they getting in the "spa package"? (Most spas in NYC charge $125+ for a facial alone). By the time you get out of the spa, they'll probably be spending more like $160 each, probably $45-50 for dinner (plus won't they be paying for drinks at dinner? those could really add up), tips on every round of the open bar (plus for $30 how many hours is this open bar lasting?), plus wherever you move on to from there because a $30 open bar probably is only for a few hours, plus whatever cabs etc. are required to go from place to place, plus train or whatever to get into the city... plus breakfast the next day, etc. It is probably going to be way more than you estimate.

uppereastgirl · September 2009

"But if you want an honest opinion ... if someone was planning her own bachelorette, whether she's paying for herself or not, I might be inclined to balk at it on principle alone. I wouldn't mind if she said to grab some drinks and a casual dinner someplace, but I think that planning your own elaborate bachelorette with the spa and the hotel stay comes across as self-entitlement. Because like I said, you're not owed a bachelorette and if you get one it's supposed to be given TO you, not BY you."Yup-- that sounds exactly right to me. I tend to be okay with splurging on bachelorettes because I find them really fun, but I would be soooo balking in this case.

jtheiss · September 2009

You're also still six months out from the wedding, like someone else said they might have planned something for you if you had given them the time to do it. You're kind of jumping the gun in my opinion.

ddelo23 · September 2009

Either way - for US to tell you what to do for your bach party is silly - so no matter what other girls here say it will cost versus what you say it will cost, it doesn't matter. what matters is that you get that communication going with your girls,a nd at least tell them that you'd like them to plan everything (if they want to have one, and i'd add that in). If they decided in the end they don't want to have one, then that really sucks, but it is what it is. Like everyone said, it's not an entitlement, and it shouldn't be "expected" but...I would understand in the end if you're bummed since they didn't throw you one. Moral of the story is - talk to them, before it's too late to even have one. (or before people get pissed off)

I <3 Seabass · September 2009

Just because no one ever asked you what you wanted to do doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to do. And no since the bride isn't supposed to be throwing the party it isn't about what the bride wants to do. It's about what your BP wants to give to you. At this point since you've obviously gotten complaints so you should just tell your girls that you're handing the reins over to them and that you'd be happy to do whatever they plan. This way you're letting them know that you expect a bparty and it's up to them to plan one or not. Remember not everyone gets a bparty as plenty of girls on the board can attest to.

melissa82 · September 2009

I would pay up to $250ish, depending on what it was. (Or more for a destination, depending on for who and where.) But I don't think that's too helpful since you're not inviting me.

I'd have MOH ask the girls what's a good amt to spend/run a price by them.Also, being that you're 6 months out, I think you're getting ahead of yourself. Let the BMs handle it. I'm 3.5 months away and we haven't even mentioned dates for a bparty yet and I'm not worried at all.

CM1206 · September 2009

I actually planned my own bparty. My MOH was underage and out of state, and my other girls just had no idea where to start. I had one that wasn't going to be able to make the date, so she was out on the planning and the other two had never been in weddings before. It was just a lot easier for me to pick a place. That being said, I made sure it was ok with everyone beforehand. And it was about $100 per girl. I paid for myself and I paid for the entire dinner. The other girls were happy that I took it over.

kpeteley · September 2009

I agree with pp's about jumping the gun - your 6 months + away from wedding. It's a little early to be planning it yourself.

I <3 Seabass · September 2009

Oh and ditto whoever pointed out that you're still 6 months out. You didn't even give them a chance to plan it. Like Melissa I'm about 3 months out and my MOH and a couple of friends have asked me about it in passing but no plans have been made, and I can pretty much guarantee that nothing has been priced out, and I'm not the least bit concerned.

neilly18 · September 2009

I agree with most PPs that there should be no expectations and evreyone has a different financial situtaion. Plus if a lot of your friends are married now their financial obligations may be elsewhere now -- saving for a home,paying mortgae family etc. The one thing I do disagree with is that if noone is offering a BParty then you must be doing something wrong. All of my BMs and MOH live out of state. I got together with my college friends this past weekend in DC but my local friends keep asking me what is going on for the Bparty, but have not stepped upped and offered to plan because they have other life responsibilities to worry about more than my BParty.

neilly18 · September 2009

OH just read you are 6 months out -- yes FAR too early to worry

cvl105 · September 2009

I personally think that $300 is a lot. We went away for a whole weekend and I don't think they spent that much. Although I could be wrong.

dominoe611 · September 2009

i have to disagree with pp that it shouldn't be about what the bride wants - i think the bride should definitely have input but more as a response than an order. i have been to bach parties where we went to a strip club and drinking all night and others that were spa days or slumber parties. i know for me - if my bp planned anything with strippers or anything like that i would have been really upset - it just isn't my idea of a good time.i do agree that you are pretty far away and they probably haven't even though of your bach party yet.

LarissaAnn · September 2009

1. It's way too early to decide no one's "stepping up" to plan you a bach party. 2. Planning your own bach party is hideous. If you want to plan a girls' night out, do that. But that means going bar or club hopping (and you, as the bachelorette, will get in for FREE), not making everyone spend crazy money because of what YOU want. 3. I *think* my chicks spent under $200 each. The last one I went to before that was $150 each. 4. No, the bach party isn't just about what the bride wants. It's about what the others choose to give her. My bach party was a complete and utter surprise. All I knew was we were going into the city and what I should generally wear. That's IT. They planned, they chose. Of course, I chose bridesmaids who knew me well enough to know what I'd like. 5. If you planned your own bach party and expected me to shell out $300 because you were dictating the plans, whether I was bridesmaid or guest - I'd decline. And not so politely.

LMGreene85 · September 2009

I know it's 6 months out but before you know it the holidays are here and after that people are always broke. I wanted to give my girls time to think about it and save up the money if this is what was decided on...$300 over six months doesnt feel like much.And again, to clarify, bc if you dont spell everything out you get accused and ridiculed, i never demanded anything, in fact i sent an email ASKING if everyone was ok with that, got some yes's and some no's...the point of the post was to ask what everyone thought what WAS reasonable, as some of my girls felt $300 was not. But thanks for the attacks just the same.

caketime · September 2009

You need to get off of your high horse and realize you are being very selfish. Perhaps your BP (10 girls total according to your site with last names for all the world to see) was going to plan something. But you did not let them, I'm assuming because no matter what they do it would not be good enough for you.Sit down, calm down, and think about how you would feel if one of the weddings you were in the bride said: this is what I want to do, here's the cost, and oh yeah we are 6 months out so I'm not even going to consider letting you plan something for me.

I <3 Seabass · September 2009

To clarify what I said before. I think it should be up to the BP to plan and decide what kind of b-party they want to throw for the bride. With that said, I would expect that the BP would want to throw a b-party that the bride would enjoy. And, whether they ask for her input or keep it a surprise, I would hope they would keep her in mind when making arrangements.

caketime · September 2009

Two hints/advice:1 - Instead of your registry under vendors you should make a separate tab, easier for your guests to find.2 - Do not link your wedding website to the knot!! You have your last names, your bp last names, all of your info. You are just asking for a boatload of trouble.

leah2b · September 2009

For my very close friend's I don't mind spending the $$ and I am especially always up for a destination type event. However you need to think about how much you are asking people to pay for YOUR wedding. If you add up the shower gift, shower costs, engagement gift, dress, shoes, transportation, wedding gift, bachelorette costs, it can easily exceed $1000 per person. This is quite a bit of money for some people.If they need to "save up" the money, then you are probably asking for too much. On the spa thing, I have a few friends that would NEVER spend their money of spa stuff - they perhaps dont enjoy it that much and consider it a waste of money.

LarissaAnn · September 2009

"And again, to clarify, bc if you dont spell everything out you get accused and ridiculed, i never demanded anything, in fact i sent an email ASKING if everyone was ok with that, got some yes's and some no's... the point of the post was to ask what everyone thought what WAS reasonable, as some of my girls felt $300 was not." Well, thing is, THEIR response gave you your answer. If $300 was not reasonable for THEM, then it's not reasonable. End of story. What, precisely, did you intend to do with our responses? If we backed you up, were you going to go back to your girls and attack them, telling them that strangers on the internet thought it was fine and so they were being unreasonable? Because for the life of me, if you already have their answer, I can't see another reason for you to post this here.

LMGreene85 · September 2009

I'm sorry, I was under the impression this board was a place to get advice from other brides...my mistake?

erikag23 · September 2009

it is, but you just happen to not like the advise we have given you.

I <3 Seabass · September 2009

Do not link your wedding website to the knot!! You have your last names, your bp last names, all of your info. You are just asking for a boatload of trouble.She's been told this before and apparently that's just another piece of advice that she does not intend to take from this board.

uppereastgirl · September 2009

Did you not get lots and lots of advice here from other brides? Just because it wasn't what you wanted to hear doesn't mean it wasn't valuable input? People got snarky because of your entitled attitude. On second thought, I take back everything I said in various posts above. The sky's the limit. They should be willing to pay whatever you want them to, particularly because you're such a martyr for spending so much on their weddings. $300 sounds completely reasonable even though some of them have indicated that they aren't comfortable with spending that. Just tell them to put aside $50 a month as a payment plan for your bachelorette party because it is more important than utilities or paying off student loans or saving for retirement or a house or whatev. Good luck with planning and have fun! Does that at least count as advice to you?

mrs.spunky1508 · September 2009

But what is in my budget, or is reasonable to me is not of concern here. What is of concern is obviously people have a limit - even your closest friends and family members - and spending $300 is over it. Therefore, all we can do is suggest cheaper alternatives or suggest letting them take the reigns. For all but a sister (which I don't have, I'm an only child) or my bff in the whole wide world I would not be spending $300, sorry.

caketime · September 2009

Seabass you are right. I figured maybe it would sink in but alas I was wrong. Oh well, you try to give advice to be helpful but oh wait we don't give any that's right.

mbcdefg · September 2009

If about a dozen different people are telling you that you're going about this the wrong way, then wouldn't it stand to reason that they've likely got a point?The difference between US saying this stuff and your friends saying this stuff is that we'll tell you straight-out what we think. Whereas your friends are going to be saying all this stuff behind your back. So instead of whining that people here are "attacking" you, I'm wondering why you're not thinking, "You know, they've got a point - maybe this is why my friends are refusing to spend this kind of money on me."Post this on a national board and see what kind of responses you get. In addition to people telling you that you're completely out of line for planning your own party, you'll also get girls from Bumblef*ck, Nebraska, telling you that $300 is simply outrageous for a bachelorette party and your girls shouldn't expect to spend more than $20 each, because bachelorettes in other parts of the country usually consist of a pizza and a Blockbuster video.

Bachelorette costs?

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