WWYD?

clschnack · September 2009

*Disclaimer: This post might come off that I am an ungrateful snot, but I don't mean it like that at all. Ok, so today I got a gift in the mail from my uncle. It was a pair of candlesticks and a vase. The invoice was accidentally in the bottom of the box and they each cost $195!!!! (they are Waterford crystal). My first reaction was what am I going to do with a $200 vase and that I wish he would have just wrote me a check instead. I am going at this in a practical way... we are not only getting married, but we are closing on out first house in a few weeks and we need furniture, bedding, paint etc. THAT is what we need, not fancy crystal. Even though it is very pretty (we would just never use it) FI wants to sell it on Ebay and put the money towards new things for the house. My mom said I am being a snot and that I need to keep it since it will last forever. Opinions?

tafaye · September 2009

If it were me i would probably feel the same way we recently moved into our first house. And man does it eat up money. But, I would keep it, because it is nice to have a few of the nick nack type things to put on the furniture.It would be nice to have the money for furniture, but you would buy that for yourself no matter what. What your Uncle did was give you something you would never buy 4 yourself. and if you are lucky enough to have a guy that buys flowers every once in a while, you ave a beautiful place to put them.If you do feel that you need the money more, I would pick one to keep and one to sell, that way you are still keeping something that he graciously gave you and you get a few bucks! It is kinda snotish if you sold them both.

andrea01012009 · September 2009

as bad as it hurtz mom is right on this one.

katherineUTC · September 2009

I dont think it'd be snotish at all if you wanted to sell both of them. I cannot even TELL you how much money we have spent in the last 2 months on furniture, decor, window treatments, outdoor equipment (lawn mower, weed-wacker, etc), omg... Buying a house is SO unbelievably expensive. You gotta ask yourself "is it my taste? Would I enjoy seeing it in my home?" If the answer is no or a "meh" then definitely try for the money. That's what I would do, hands down. It's all about practicality at this point!

clschnack · September 2009

TaFaye- I guess I never thought about the fact that those are something we would never buy for ourselves. But I also know that 99% it is going to end up in a cupboard and might come out once a year. I feel like that would be a waste of his money.

jennifer111180 · September 2009

IMO, I think it would be rude to try to sell them on Ebay (or try to sell them period, for that matter). Personally, I would feel extremely guilty if I ever tried to do something like that. I think you also need to ask yourself if you would even be thinking about doing that if you didn't see the invoice and knew how much each piece cost your uncle. What if you try selling them on Ebay and aren't able to get out of it what your uncle put into it? That would add to my guilt even more.

Pinky09 · September 2009

Honestly, I would keep them. I know, I'm like you and would want the money instead BUT Waterford crystal is something that you would never buy for yourself, and I think candlesticks and a vase you could actually use. You said you bought a new house, candles sticks could go on a dining room table and a vase could be used for the pretty flowers your husband will be bring you. You will get lots of money from the wedding that can be used for the new house, keep the presents (they will last a lifetime!)

clschnack · September 2009

Jen- I understand what you are saying. Is it any different then when a couple takes a wedding gift back to a store and either gets cash/store credit/or another item? Thats where FI is coming from. (My uncle ordered these offline, not in store if that matters). I am just coming from the point of being tight on money and trying to get things we NEED for the new house (essentials like blinds, paint, and furniture). But bottom line, I am still so grateful that he would spend that kind of money on us. I am just confused at what to think right now. Thanks for the input girls!

LVCK · September 2009

Hopefully most of your other gifts will be from your registry and be things that you need.... or money! It would be the "right" thing to do to keep them. It's something your uncle wanted you to have. Weddings in general are not particularly practical... but as I said, hopefully the rest of your gifts will be. If you get to a point where it's sell the crystal or not eat (or something similar but not so serious), I think you can sell it!

jennifer111180 · September 2009

I do think it's different, but that's a matter of personal opinion. I didn't return any of our shower or wedding gifts for money. I did have guests that bought off the registry, but I kept those items (vase, glass pitcher, pottery). I just feel uncomfortable with that personally. But like I said, it's a matter of personal opinion.

tafaye · September 2009

I agree with jennifer, i think it is different.Your Uncle bought you some things that he thinks you will have for a life time and be able to pass them to your children. And I am sure he knows that these are 'special' items and not everyday ones, that's why he got them. So, I still hold that I would keep them.

meredithl618 · September 2009

I agree with many of the pps who have posted that they would advise not to sell it. Honestly, you shouldn't worry about how he spent his money or that he should have given you something that you'd liked better. The crystal is a great gesture and something that will be special forever. I think it's great that he bought you something so nice. Although he spent a lot, I think it's not right, IMO, to say I wish that I'd just have gotten the money. I think that it's good to have a lot of stuff that you get from you wedding that is practical that you can use everyday, but what about some stuff that is for those special times when you have a romantic dinner or he brings home flowers on your anniversary. Those are the times when I think having really nice items make it sentimental and special. I don't think that you'd be able to get the money out of the items if you sold them on ebay... plus, like another pp, I'd be guilty that I sold such valuable/sentimental item for cash. I think you'll get money later from the wedding that you can use for items that you didn't get. Sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear!

ecuchika · September 2009

Lots of mixed reviews so far. But if I may add onto this...Your Uncle must of had a reason to buy you those vases. Men generally know what they want when they go looking/shopping and get it so in his mind he thought of getting you those vases. Now as far as getting them online maybe given his situation it was easier to buy them online--easier to find etc. But I would keep them bottom line. Make a use for them...with a house you will prob. have to decorate...use them somewhere in your house. (less money to buy on decorations) maybe get flowers to put in them if they are in a main area maybe use real flowers or if you put them in a guest room, less frequently visited area, get some nice silk flowers to add to your room! Just my opinion you have to make up your own mind in the end. I HTH! Oh I noticed "FI said" to sell them..it is your uncle how do you feel?!? How close are you to this uncle? Would he come to visit? Is it your mom's bro...maybe she feels like this was a generous gesture of him to his beloved neice and future nephew-in-law. Ebay prob wont give you enough money back from them to make a difference anyways.

midnite007x · September 2009

Courtney, I totally understand where you are coming from on a more practical level. It is awkward when someone spends that much money on something like that. My grandma bought me a lamp from paris one time and spent a rediculous amount of money on it. That lamp sat in my closet for 8 years before I finally sold it on ebay. It wasn't anything I would use and whenever I did think about using it I was too scared something would happen to it. I'm not sure what I would do in your shoes, although those items do make a nice touch its hard to keep something around you don't see as useful. My first thought was same as FI and didn't see it any different then the registry but after reading I do see others point of view and understand the difference. I don't know if your uncle ever visits but if he does then I would be worried he would ask about them and that could hurt his feelings.

NcsuPsych · September 2009

Just to throw my opinion in . . I think you really should keep them. Like many others have said, your uncle wanted to get you something that you wouldnt normally get yourself and he thought you'd enjoy them. I can also relate to the expenses that come with a new house as my FI and I just moved into ours about 3 months ago. I would hold off on selling them (if thats what you have decided to do) until after the wedding to see if you could use any cash gifts for house things instead. We've only put blinds on the front three windows in the living room and three more in the bedroom. We don't have a table yet and haven't painted anything. We also got a push mower for 15 bucks off craigslist. We're just saving money and buying one big thing a month for the house (next month is a new entertainment center. . woooo)plus, what if he visits and notices that they're gone?good luck with your decision!!

Beantown Mama · September 2009

I completely understand wanting and needing the money versus having expensive useless crystal in your home. How close are you and this uncle? I probably wouldn't be able to sell it on eBay because I would feel bad. It's obvious he spent a lot of money on something he thought you and Fi would love, whether or not he thought about the practicality of it. I'm sure you will receive money and other useful gifts for your wedding that you can use towards your house. I would keep the candlesticks. You may grow to love them one day.

laudanum1 · September 2009

True gifts are given without strings. Strings can be anything like expectations of how you will use the gift, when you will use your gift, where it might be displayed, the expectation that you will return it if you don't cherrish it, or that you will never sell it. A gift is yours to do with what you will. It's not rude to sell it, give it away, or toss it.Many people - especially older people in the South - think that gifts are money are impersonal & rude. If you're going to do something with your gift that might upset someone (like your mom), then you probably shouldn't have publicized your intentions.You're not being a snot. It was a gift. Now it's your rightful property to do with as you see fit. You may regret your decision later or you may find the money of more benefit. Either way, it's 100% up to you & no one should make you feel guilty about what you do with your own things.

grace_uga · September 2009

I would sell them. That's just me. I think that you should do what is in your gut to do. If you would never use them, then you would never use them. It's 100% up to you. I agree more with Laud on this one.

RedHead14 · September 2009

I agree with your mom (although not her harsh language). Waterford crystal is not something that many of us are dying to own in our 20s. However, the gift was probably given with the intention of it lasting a lifetime. If it were me, sure there are other things I'd rather have now, but I can always appreciate gifts that are beautiful, thoughtful and classic. Like Pinky said, you can definitely use things like candlesticks and vases (just get FI to buy you flowers!).

kgaliger · September 2009

I don't think you're ungratful for wating to sell them, but i wouldn't sell them. First off you're still a 'few' weeks away from your wedding. why don't you wait until after the wedding and see what else you get and if you still feel you need the money that badly, then decide if you want to sell them. We've been getting more and more gifts lately and a lot of checks. Will waiting a few weeks really make a difference in the improvments toward the house?

andrea01012009 · September 2009

the problem is we live in a society where even tacky things such as regifting are acceptable. so it seems harmless to take a very thoughtful gift and resell if for money on ebay. i think that if your uncle had given you something such as an iron, pyrex, pots or towels you would well be within the realms of being able to return it and do soemthing else. they are very ordinary. crystal is one of those gifts that people that buy crystal do so because of it's beauty and longivity. it is heirloom material. i think that when you look at it from that perspective then what your uncle actually gave you is priceless and much more a gift from the heart than most of your other wedding gifts. I bet he's one that really treats his wife well and is a carefull thinker.

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