Am I the only one?

jewls261521 · September 2009

I'm just wondering... am I the only one that isn't having issues and drama with my BP. I think people just need to relax and not get so bent out of shape because of the smallest things. I mean, my MOH is my sister, who is 18 and just started college, so I'm not really expecting a whole lot out of her... or the other to BM's that I have, for that matter. My sister and my brother's girlfriend are both in college and not working, and my other BM (my best friend) just started a new job, so I'm not expecting them to spend a whole bunch of money on me. I don't even really want them to. I just want them to be there with me when I get married and have a good time. I guess my point is that I've read post after post about how these brides' BM's aren't doing every little thing that they think is expected of them, and I don't see how people can treat their friends that way. Just a little vent, I guess.

peachkins · September 2009

I totally agree, and no, you're not the only one who isn't having issues with their BMs. Mine have been fantastic- they've all ordered and received their dresses and they threw me a very nice shower. My bachelorette party is in two weeks and sounds like it'll be a ton of fun. I don't understand why all this stuff is heaped on BMs. Mine have offered to help with things, and I may still take them up on it as the wedding gets closer, but up until now I've done everything myself or with my mom. I mean, it didn't take that long to assemble my invites or even address them- and I did mine myself in calligraphy. I may eat my words when it comes to the favors, though.

I guess it helps that I'm a pretty laid-back person, so when the girls started asking me what shoes they had to wear I just told them to pick something out of their closet if they wanted to. And again, my girls have been great. I mean, my one friend actually asked how tall the GM she was walking with was so she could determine how high her heels needed to be. That kind of detail never would've crossed my mind. She'll be wearing whatever height/style/color of shoe she wants per me.

jewls261521 · September 2009

Exactly! I mean, I still have a ways to go before my wedding, but all the important stuff that's needed to get done so far was done with my mom or my fiance. One of my girls actually asked me about shoes because we're going to order their dresses (a little early, I know) this weekend. I just told her to wear whatever shoes she wants. I have more important things to worry about than what my BM's feet look like. They've also been talking about things like the shower and the bachelorette party, which won't be for months but it's nice that they're planning to do something. I just never would have expected it from them, or feel like they're "supposed" to do it. That kind of thing just drives me crazy.

Leah&Christian09 · September 2009

You're not alone. Mine were also drama free, even my normally drama filled SIL. I didn't ask them to do anything, and whenever they asked, I told them I didn't expect them to do stuff for me. The more I said "you don't have to do that" the more my sister said "I know, but I WANT to." They're all amazing women, and the wedding reminded me of how lucky I am to have them in my life.

bablingbrooke · September 2009

Mine were awesome. Even my PITA sister/MOH--she wore the dress and showed up, which is more than I could have fairly expected

And "above and beyond" doesn't even describe my BMs. Maybe it's because I didn't order them to do things?

sapphirebaby926 · September 2009

You're not alone. My bridesmaids have been absolutely amazing - they got their dresses ordered and altered and everything is set for the wedding. They threw me a nice bachelorette/bridal shower and have constantly asked me if I needed help with anything. But if they didn't it wouldn't have been a big deal either because this wedding was for my fiance and I to plan.I don't get how people think that being in your wedding automatically obligates someone to be your indentured servant and has to plan(and pay for) all these parties and help with invites or favors or whatever other silly little detail they feel *has* to be done or their wedding will be ruined.

MegBrew09 · September 2009

My WP has also been amazing. The only drama that has come up is truthfully my fault. I asked too early and there is one BM I regret (she actually asked me what happens if we get divorced, seriously??). But that is my fault and now I have to live with it. The rest of them are wondeful, GM included. They through FI and I a wonderful shower/cookout and I can't wait to spend more time with them when the big day comes. I don't usually post here, but do read a lot and I've noticed that about the board as well. Glad you said something

CTGirl30 · September 2009

No, you're not the only one (although it might feel like that sometimes on this board!) who is not having issues with her BP. Plenty of girls are having good experiences. I think most of the issues other girls are having might be stemming from (a) unrealistic expectations / not having a clear understanding of etiquette, (b) poor / hasty or poor and hasty decision making when it came to asking the people they asked, and (c) excessive self-centeredness.

jeannigirl · September 2009

Not me either, I have a kick a** BP. My girls are gung ho on helping in any way they can. I did not ask for their help only to be there on the day. I do not want them to feel like I don't want their assistance either if they have told me they want to be involved in such and such. I posted something a while back on how great my BP was has all I do hear is complaints from Brides about what their MOH/BMs are not doing. It does get old. I don't respond to alot of them. Its because of all the wedding shows/magizines that give this crazy list and advice on the role of the BP. They buy into that and treat their friends has hired help. Its is refreshing to every now and then hear about a appreciate Bride who has no expectations or demands from her friends other than to share her wedding day and stand by her side. Enjoy your friends and appreciate them and you will be blessed beyond anything, I know I am.

jewls261521 · September 2009

Haha, well that's not too bad. My sister would probably say the same thing. I'm just glad there are other people that have positive things to say about their BM's. It's a nice change.

ks3pink · September 2009

I don't expect a lot out of my BP but I do expect them to be there when I need them and not talk trash behind my back. Since I have one who never does what she says she will (and will probably be kicked out before the dresses are ordered) and my aunt talks behind my back (my matron of honor) i'm really depending on my maid of honor (my cousin) to do the little things and be there to help. My parents are paying for the wedding (as they should which I don't understand why many others on this board seem to be doing it themselves) but my mom isn't in to helping with stuff. I am a college student with a part-time job and a 3 year old so I need all the help I can get. Maybe the other brides you are talking about are in a similar boat to mine and this is why they have the posts they do. Please think before you post. 10/10/10 Bride!!

banana468 · September 2009

ks3, if you're planning to kick someone out of the WP, I hope you're planning to end the friendship - as that's what booting anyone from the WP does.If your aunt talks about you behind your back, why not talk to her about any issues that you two have to try to resolve them? She'll be your aunt long after you're married.Your attendants aren't there to 'do the little things'. They're there to be there for you on the big day. It's great if they offer but 'the little things' are to be done by you and your FI and no one else unless the offer comes in.This comment though was completely inappropriate:My parents are paying for the wedding (as they should which I don't understand why many others on this board seem to be doing it themselves) but my mom isn't in to helping with stuff.That's a wonderful gift that you're receiving by your parents paying for your wedding. They don't HAVE to nor SHOULD they. It may be tradition for them to do so (I was also blessed to have parents who paid for my dress and reception) but it's never something that you should expect.

rfinch316 · September 2009

Amen PP!!! Wow. Case in point.

jgleespen · September 2009

Go banana! And jewls, my WP has been great as well! Just because they're call "bridesmaids" doesn't mean that they are supposed to be at your service. And I agree with banana, your parents paying for the wedding is a GIFT, and should not be expected.

lyndserlu · September 2009

I think you are in good company jewls...I too have a VERY drama free bridal party!! I absolutly love each and every one of our party members. My girls ask me all the time if there is anything they can do, but honestly all I want is for them to have a wonderful time the day of my wedding!! They threw me the most amazing shower and bac party!! Our groomsmen are in the same boat. My FI and I are just so happy and feel so blessed to be surrounded by the most amazing friends!!! However, I do have to say, drama-free brides have drama-free bridal parties!! Congrats to all you drama free brides!!!!!!!

lyndserlu · September 2009

PS....GO BANANAS!!!!!!!!!! I second all your comments!!!!

ks3pink · September 2009

Excuse me banana but it has always been tradition that the bride's parents pay for the wedding. Not doing so is the same as parents telling their children they must go to college but not helping pay if they don't get enough scholarships. It's what is supposed to be done. Case and point rachel. And I am absolutely ready to end the friendship because she's not much of a friend if she can't even return a simple phone call or show up when asked to. And by the way if you're already married why are you still keeping up with these boards? 10/10/10 Bride!!

peachkins · September 2009

First, let me say that my parents are helping me pay for a large part of my wedding. That said, I never felt that they HAD to pay for anything. It's something that they wanted to do for me, and I greatly appreciate it. Also, I'm sorry ks3, but your analogy is flawed. I'm an adult, so my parents aren't going to "make" me get married. And even if they insisted on it, why is having an expensive wedding the same as getting married? If I decided to get married just to appease my parents, and neither them or I could afford to throw a big wedding, I would go to the JOP. You're just as married after leaving there as you would be with a big, expensive wedding.

banana468 · September 2009

Excuse me banana but it has always been tradition that the bride's parents pay for the wedding. Not doing so is the same as parents telling their children they must go to college but not helping pay if they don't get enough scholarships. It's what is supposed to be done. That's not correct nor is the comparison even one that makes sense.Yes, there was a tradition that parents paid for their daughter's wedding. That was also back when the daughter lived at home until she was 18, where she was whisked out of the house to be a married woman as her parents needed her to be out of the house financially. The wedding was simple with the bride wearing her nicest dress and the reception was often a plain house party with cake and punch.Gone are those days! The wedding has morphed into something totally different. If your parents are happy to pay for your wedding, then to compare it to 'tradition' means that you should expect the simple wedding that existed way in the past. At the very least, expect the wedding on your parents' terms if they're financing it. That often means serious compromises. In this tough financial time though, to expect parents who may have lost tons in their 401K or who found that the value of their home plummeted in the last year to pay for the wedding that YOU want is truly selfish indeed if you're not prepared to dip into your own wallet as well.Furthermore, to also compare a wedding to a college education doesn't hold water. A college education is worth a lifetime. A wedding is ONE DAY. And parents don't owe their children a college education (although I agree that they shouldn't mandate one). Loans exist for a reason and many parents also expect that if their children are truly set on a specific college then they also expect the child to contribute to his/her education as well. Many find that in order for the child to truly appreciate the value of that education, paying for it is necessary. Again, Mom and Dad DO NOT owe their child that.And I am absolutely ready to end the friendship because she's not much of a friend if she can't even return a simple phone call or show up when asked to. You're missing the point. Why not focus on the friendship first and see what's leading to that behavior? Sure those aren't great things but there may be larger issues beneath the surface. Is it worth ending a friendship when you're jumping to conclusions? Get the full story before you make decisions.And by the way if you're already married why are you still keeping up with these boards? Look up at the top of the Wedding Party board. Retread and I are mods which is what brings us back to this particular board frequently. Beyond that, I truly appreciated the advice given when I was an engaged bride to be that the married ladies shared. Now that I've been married for a while, I still like to come back to return the favor. After all, these boards would be the blind leading the blind if they were limited to engaged women only. Don't you think a married person may have a few pointers to offer since she's been through a thing or two? ;-)

ks3pink · September 2009

I do still live at home. I am a full time college student and work a part-time job. I have worked since I was 15 yrs old and have never expected anything. I don't ask for things either. I know how expensive things are but I personally feel that parents are obligated to do more than just raise a child. Which is really very broad. I have a child of my own and will do the same for her that has been done for me because that is what is right and good. I have also attended college on scholarships and will complete college without my parents spending a dime on anything. So a wedding is really not too much to ask. These are my responses to some of the wonderful comments others have written about me. Now I must get on with my night full of mommy-hood and homework because I don't just sit around on my behind and wait for things to come to me. Thanks Ladies! 10/10/10 Bride!!

banana468 · September 2009

You're missing the point. You're not OWED anything by your parents. It's lovely that they're paying for the wedding but that's not something that they have to do. Yes, ideally parents don't stop doing things for their children when they turn 18 but as an adult, paying for the wedding is your responsibility until your parents offer.As far as living at home right now, I also think you're missing the point. You're in school and have a child and that's all money that your parents are spending on you as a grown adult. They're already doing wonderful things.One thing I'd like to advise to you is to tweak your bio. You have too much information in there.

ks3pink · September 2009

I don't feel that i am owed anything. I do see your point I just don't necessarily agree. Call me old fashioned if that's what I'm being. I wish more people had parents like mine who were willing to help. I know everyone can't or won't for whatever reason, but that's why I said what I said to begin with. I didn't know the tradition was broken. Where I live the parents still pay for everything if it's the first wedding unless the daughter asks them not to. Its kind of understood around here that more often than not the parents of the bride are footing the bill. 10/10/10 Bride!! PS - as for the original purpose of this post I think your WP should be wonderful but that's not always the case and that's kinda what these boards are for.

BoxerMomma24 · September 2009

KS, Banana is correct. The fact that you're in school and raising your own kid and living at home and STILL expect mom and dad to foot the bill for your wedding (I'm sure they're your daycare, too) is absurd to me. The bride's parents used to pay for the wedding in the days when the bride got married at age 18 and she didn't go on to higher education. No female did back in the day. She was married off and there was no elaborate event... It was a simple ceremony. A small reception likely pot luck and/or a small hall was rented. No one spent tens of thousands of dollars on one day - not even $8,000 for the day - and forget about $1,000 for the dress. It was either what your mother wore or a simple white dress. Get off your high horse. Take a look around. Hundreds of thousands of people have lost and are losing their jobs, their 401ks, their homes and your concerned that mommy and daddy are SUPPOSED to pay for your wedding?!?! Grow up. Perhaps if you weren't so closed minded you would learn from women who post on these boards that are already married. I certainly have.

ashleyandjerry2010 · September 2009

I'm having no problems what-so-ever. Yet again, I'm not asking them to do much becuase I know they're busy ladies. Also, only my MOH lives near me, my other BM's live upstate and out of state so I know while they'd love to help me, it's a little hard for them to do it. They're going to do my bachelorette party and shower and such but other than that, I just want them to show up and have fun that day!

ks3pink · September 2009

I want to make it clear that I work to pay for my child's daycare. My parents both work and always have. I do not have it as easy as you seem to think. I am grown up and realize that I am very fortunate. I am not riding on a high horse, rather in a car that is on it's last leg because I know none of us can afford a new one now. I am a responsible adult and that is why my parents do what they do. They haven't had to pay a dime for school and neither have I (even at a private college) so I don't see a nice wedding as being to much to ask, at most it will total $5,000.00, and much less if I can. I do not need a $20,000.00 gala, just enough to make it look nice because my parents have done so much already. Stop trying so hard to put people down and realize that everyone has a different situation. I realize this and this whole thing started from me saying I was surprised so many brides pay for their own weddings now days. I never said i wouldn't help if i could, it's just not possible and my parents want my wedding to be one to remember as it is something that is intended to last a lifetime. 10/10/10 Bride!!

LaneyandChris · September 2009

In keeping with the actual reason for this board, I'd like to add that my BP has been great! I think a lot of the reason they've been easy to handle is because I keep them happy...they chose their own dresses in a specific color and their own shoes. I have helped them along the way to pay for things by sending them gift cards. My MOH specifically got a dress that she could wear to other weddings because she has multiple this year, and my FG got a dress to wear for her First Communion...how awesome is that!? My wedding is not their financial burden. My theory is that they are doing me a favor, I'm not doing them a favor by asking them to be in my BP. I think a lot of brides go way overboard with their expectations for their BPs. Shout-out to all the level-headed, rational brides!!!

jewls261521 · September 2009

Wow. Okay well, first of all, I did think before I posted this. And I think you completely missed the point, KS. All I was saying was that I have a WP that is amazing and I haven't had to deal with any drama yet. If you have people in your WP that cause drama like that, then maybe you shouldn't have picked them. As far as the "your parents are supposed to pay for your wedding" comment goes, I think it's ridiculous. My parents are helping, as well as FI's parents, AND my grandmother, but I wasn't expecting that out of any of them, and I certainly didn't feel like they HAD to do it, nor do I need them to do it. It's a nice thing to do, but I don't think any parents should have to do it. Anyway, I'm glad I'm not the only one with a drama-filled WP. Congrats ladies!

jewls261521 · September 2009

*drama free. Wow, I'm really not awake yet.

banana468 · September 2009

Laney, PLEASE no personal attacks or I'll be forced to delete your post which had a lot of good points.

krmqdm09 · September 2009

I agree jewls! I have an amazing bp! I kept it really small (2 bms and 2 gm). And everyone is family. I didn't want to strain any friendships or pick between my friends so fi and I decided not to do so. However, I have an AMAZING best friend who I talked to and explained why she wasn't in the bp and she was completely fine with it. She has also decided to be my "bride's assistant". She's going with me to get my dress and learn how to bustle it. She's also the only one going with me to get my hair done the morning of. She volunteered to be there to help me that day. And I love her all the more for it. In return I'm taking her for a mani-pedi the week of the wedding. I feel very blessed to have her to help me...as my MOH is my sister who is still in highschool. As for my parents. I am also very lucky and very blessed that my parents want to pay for the wedding. I didn't expect it and FI and I actually were trying to figure out how to finance it ourselves before my parents told us to stop and that they were paying. That being said...I know my parents are fine finacially but I would never want to "over extend" them as I have 2 younger siblings still at home. So just because the offered doesn't mean give anyone the right to go above and beyond and expect a HUGE over the top wedding. I think its very rude and childish to think that your parents "owe you" a big elaborate wedding. They have already done so much for you anyways...buy you clothes for however many years, feed you, take you places, ect. To expect college to be paid for (which mine did not...I did that all on my own) and then an elaborate wedding is simply ridiculous!

ks3pink · September 2009

I don't expect it necessarily I look at it as tradition. Plain and simple, wow you people get really bent out of shape! Sheesh!! Apparently tradition is a long gone thing of the past. And by the way the whole teachers having to deal with students thing. I'm a future teacher myself!! High School Math to be exact and it's our job to deal with our students no matter what the case may be. Just had to respond to that ironic comment.. 10/10/10 Bride!!

Am I the only one?

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