FI's Help!

Re: FI's Help!

• AprilJT

  

  September 2009

  Nope, I think you were totally in line!    At least now he is helping!  My fi doesn't pay any attention or give any imput until things are already settled and paid for and then he's like, "it was all your decision and we never talked about it and i don't like it".  So if I agree, if you aren't going to help me then I don't want to hear about it! 

  

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• NYHarleyBride

  

  September 2009

  I have taken a whole different approach. Unless he asks or wants to be involved from the onset, I don't even bother (since he half listens and forgets what I told him anyway). Order the flowers, he will have no idea or care what shade of blue (or any color) they are the day of the wedding.The ties and the RD are the only two things he really cared about and I pretty much let him do that (except I researched the ties and showed him three choices and he picked and I ordered. So far this has worked, except sometimes I do feel liek I have taken on all the work. It certainly has avoided any confrontation though....lol.

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• gabi829 member

  

  September 2009

  I'm sorry about your fi!  When I first asked fi what he envisioned for our wedding, he said fire-breathing dragons and circus performers on stilts juggling bowling pins.  I try to involve him as much as possible by cultivating the vision of "our wedding" as opposed to "my wedding."  Some decisions just aren't as important to our fiances as they are to us.  Men frequently don't realize how many decisions have to be made for a wedding.  But if you ask open-ended questions about what he would like or what he does feel comfortable helping with, he might start becoming more involved.  Sometimes, even a simple straightforward request like, "Would you be able to help me with X?" can work.  Also, he might feel that you two need  break from wedding planning.  I know that my fi doesn't want to be bombarded with wedding questions right after getting home from work.    Best of luck with your planning!

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• ericandcindy

  

  September 2009

  No I don't think it's bridezilla at all.  It takes everything for me not to have the same response as you every time.  It seems as though sometimes you work so hard and put so much into it because they can't find the time or just don't want to.  Then once it's done it's not right.  So I know exactly how you feel.  At least now he's doing something for it.  Maybe it'll open his eyes to helping out more when you need it instead of when it's already done.  GL sweetie and :::hugs:::.

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• captainleela

  

  September 2009

  Ugh. Men. You are not being bridezilla at all. My FI was the same way. I quickly discovered that I don't ask for his opinion on anything unless it's a really big decision, like a vendor. Otherwise, I choose and he doesn't get to complain if he doesn't like it, because he was never interested in the decision-making process. Every now and then if I really want his opinion I will narrow it down to two choices, and he just has to point at which he likes better. The other thing I make a point of doing is say something like "you need to pay attention to what I'm saying right now because this conversation is going to end in an actual decision being made." Honestly, he probably could give a hoot about the flowers (like 99.9% all of our grooms) and the color of the tablecloths, and the favors, and all the other stuff that we stress out over but they just don't care. So really unless it's something that directly effects him, like his outfit or a vendor...I would just make a decision yourself and not even bring it up with him.

  
  

  {Blog: Adventures of AlaskanAlison}

  
  

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• SteffyC

  

  September 2009

  Awe thank you ladies so much!!  I totally lost it there for a second   We had a long talk on the way to our holiday dinner and I am feeling much better, but it helps to also know he is not the only one!PS- I love the, you better listen a final decision will be made at the end of this, line!!

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