Am I the only one?

peachkins · September 2009

::smacks palm to forehead:: I give up.

LaneyandChris · September 2009

Banana - No problem, I'll delete my comment myself. I was just so irritated after reading all of that!!

banana468 · September 2009

I don't expect it necessarily I look at it as tradition. Plain and simple, wow you people get really bent out of shape! Sheesh!! Apparently tradition is a long gone thing of the past.Here's the thing though. There's a HUGE difference between actively choosing to follow tradition and EXPECTING others to follow tradition. One is taking initiative and moving on your own with things and the other borders on the verge of acting overly entitled to things.For example: DH gave me a diamond solitaire engagement ring when he proposed to me. He did so because it's tradition (even if that tradition is under 100 years old), because he loves me, and because he WANTED to buy it. Not ONCE during our courtship did I say anything along the lines that I expected him to buy me a diamond ring. The ring was given to me and it followed tradition but it wasn't something that I said he should do. If he didn't buy it, I wouldn't have felt like I was still owed something.When I attend a wedding or a shower, I give a gift because I WANT to. It's tradition to do so but I continue with that tradition because of my desire to - not because the couple mentioned anything to me about what they wanted me to give. Had they done anything like that and suddenly the gift giving no longer comes from my heart. It comes from the feeling that my loved ones feel like I owe them something. That leave me with a bad taste in my mouth.THAT is the difference between entitlement and tradition. I'll assume that you're wearing a white dress (or some shade of white) as tradition. If however someone told you that you HAD to wear a certain dress and in a certain style, that person would be acting inappropriately and entitled to seeing you in a certain article of clothing.Your parents may be paying for your wedding and that's a wonderful gift that they're giving you. If however you mentioned anything to them about expecting them to do things, then their desire to uphold tradition and give you that wonderful gift is no longer there. It's then their catering to your desire but the gift is not heartfelt.

banana468 · September 2009

Laney, I happen to agree with a lot of the sentiment expressed however I'd be remiss to let a personal attack slide.

ks3pink · September 2009

Wow! What a moderator! You seem to attak just as much as anyone else! I have long let this discussion go but have kept up with it to keep from being misrepresented. I know what I was saying, that I was surprised so many parents no longer pay for weddings, but apparently I struck a nerve I really didn't know existed. Anyway, I'm glad everyone had drama-free wedding parties because having to pay for my own wedding would be drama enough. 10/10/10 Bride!!

banana468 · September 2009

Wow! What a moderator! You seem to attak just as much as anyone else!I am NOT attacking. I'm engaging in debate and attempting to clarify the difference between participating in tradition and expecting others to follow it. They are not one and the same and I truly hope that you see the difference. I've seen people I know and care about get hurt when they don't see the difference between the two. I truly hope that you do see the difference as well.That comment however was really pushing the limits. I'll call others out when they don't follow TK's rules and that includes when someone calls me out as well. This is a warning. If you attack other knotties or myself I'll be forced to hit the ban button. We can engage in debate but NOT in personally attacking one another.

something_nice · September 2009

My bridesmaids all live hundreds of miles away from me, so while they give me feedback on my choices and serve as brainstorming aides, I would be kinda crazy to expect a ton from them given they will already be traveling for the wedding. I'm also my MOH's MOH so instead of her doing my MOH stuff and I doing hers, we're each doing our own. Sorry if that sentence was a little odd.. Anyway, they are great because they are my best friends and would not be in my bridal party if I didn't think so. As for the parents paying: My mom paid for my sister's wedding and my brothers but I still do not expect her (nor do I want her) to pay for mine. There are several reasons for this: First while it is tradition, I don't come from a traditional family. I have a step dad I love, an ex step dad who raised me and a real dad I barely speak to... traditionally who pays for my wedding out of them? I don't really think Miss Manners covered that.... Second, I know from watching my sister and brother's weddings unfold that having financial help can cause the drama of "I don't like that idea and I'm paying", so I choose to pay myself to avoid the drama. Third, I would like to avoid drama and so I am doing as much by myself as I can and just inviting the people I care about to a wedding where all they are required to do is be a guest. That's what wedding coordinators are for: taking care of your little jobs, managing the details. Your family, friends and bridal party should just be there to share in your happiness. That's just my opinion though, there is nothing wrong with accepting help should it be offered so long as you are aware that help comes with strings. Sidenote: I appreciate having the already married ladies around because you've been through the planning A-Z and have insights I don't.

ejsaeger · September 2009

Thanks, ladies, for the most rousing thread I've read in my year on TK! What fun.MacGillis, I'm a young bride, too. Sometimes I feel some animosity from other posters, but it's attitude, not age, that most respond to. Girls with a sense of entitlement are my pet peeve as well! Most ladies here recognize that I can be a 22-year-old bride and still have a good head on my shoulders.As far as my BP goes, the revised version is great! My oldest friend decided that my wedding wouldn't fit into her schedule. My BMs have been fantastic thoughout that mini-drama, and now they're getting wedding-frenzied because they want to, not because I asked.Aside from the best man putting off ordering his suit, it should be smooth sailing until December!

something_nice · September 2009

Oh, and I should also add that while my Bridesmaid's live very far away the Groom's men are all soldiers who are stationed with us and have gotten bizarrely interested in the planning. Sometimes they act more like BMs than GMs, especially the best man who has known me longer than he's known FI. They offered to throw me a bachelorette party but I fear what that would entail...

ks3pink · September 2009

Sorry to offend bananas I just feel like everyone jumped on my very simple observation. I didn't much see how my saying I was surprised that many parents were not paying. I personally see the tradition followed very much here. Sorry to call you out but a lot of people here attacked me without actually calling me out so I guess I didn't much see the difference. It won't happen again, I just got a little aggrevated there. 10/10/10 Bride!!

banana468 · September 2009

Ks3, the thing is that you didn't make an observation, you stated that your parents were paying and that they SHOULD pay. When you make an observation it's fine but when you add the opinion after it, you have to expect that people will find issue with it - particularly when your opinion was stating how you think people should spend their money. Money has been and will be a hot issue on the boards and in conversation. There's a reason why it's one of those things that people advise not discussing it in personal conversation.Beyond that, I hope you see that people offered their opinions and clarifications of facts based on what you said. Others are free to state their opinions based on what others post and that's what happened here. Just as it's not OK for you to attack me though, it's not OK for other posters to make personal attacks against you.

akhasting · September 2009

You are not alone! My BP is great! My sister is my MOH and she is only working part time right now. My soon to be sister in law lives in another state, as does my best friend. My cousin lives out of town, and on of my other friends lives near me, but has a crazy busy work schedule. Their main job is to be there on my wedding day standing by my side supporting me. I always joked that I would be Bridezilla, but I've watched that TV show and I refuse to be ridiculous and selfish. Yes, it is my day, and yes it will be about me and my husband to be, but I'm not going to treat everyone like crap and expect them to drop their entire lives to do what I say. I am very thankful for each person in my BP. The only way my wedding experience will be great is if everyone is happy and has a great time. Drama free, Bridezilla free. Good Luck to you! I know your wedding will be great!

KRHagen · September 2009

The only thing I asked from my WP was to go get measured for their tuxes and dresses by a certain date. THATS IT, NOTHING ELSE, not pay for them, not order them, just go to and get measured. They couldn't even manage to do that. I don't think that it is always necessarily the Brides fault.

Pure Bride · September 2009

I am also not having any issues with my BM. I do not have any expectations of my BM but to be there for me at my wedding as my attendants. I feel that my BM have gone out of their way to be there for me as my MOH has helped me through the entire wedding planning process,including designing my programs, and organizing and applying make up for me and my BM. My other BM from out of state by 6 hours came up for my bridal shower. To me, it is my honor to have my BM there for me at my wedding.

banana468 · September 2009

The white = purity is actually something that's been confused. It's really a symbol of frivolty because white isn't a practical color to wear.My point with the dress was only to clarify the difference between following tradition and feeling entitled to or expecting it. Ks3 has made her point though and we should wish her the best of luck with her planning.

Future Mrs. Lindstrom · September 2009

The only problem I ahd was the my first & second choice for MOH dropped out...like I can't find them now! But our BM's wife filled in as MOH and the maids were hubby's sisters. They helped plana couple friends weddings and were maids so I didn't worry about anything. They picked great dresses and my shower was fantastic. My MOH planned my bachelorette and it was fun.I wasn't expecting lavish bashes anyhow...I'm not a big partyer.

salgeogal · September 2009

I'm having an easy time of it too. My only issue so far has been that my soon-to-be-hubby's family got all offended when we told them all we really needed for them to do at the wedding was be there, have fun and wish us well. They were expecting to be asked to clear tables and wash dishes and I don't know what all else. The restaurant has paid staff! Just have fun! Cripes! There are worse problems to have, though!

Nikkiesix · September 2009

Props to Banana 468 and Peachkins in regards to ks3Pink comments! People blow my mind everyday! Ks3Pink, you really seem to be out of line and are not listening to what others have to say. Your parents are not required to PAY for YOUR wedding!!!!! It is very nice that they are going to do so, but "traditions" have changed. Already being said, traditions that come from way back in the day. Your presentation and attitude is what is causing this stir on the blog. You come across as self righteous and that you are owed something. Most people that I know are paying for the majority of their weddings or the whole thing. I have never expected that my parents would pay for my wedding and never asked for a dime. It was presented to me that they were offering some help, of course we took it, but are paying for a VERY LARGE PART ourselves. Hopefully you will not teach your child that he/she is entitled to things: I'd feel sorry for you if you did because once you are older and a parent, you may not have $$ to just pay for a wedding!

buttrfly168 · September 2009

I never had one issue with my bridesmaids. I think they people who don't get along with them, are a little bit "bride-zilla-esque." I want to tell them "you CHOSE them, so stop complaining!!!"

fawnkay0ne · September 2009

I have to say, I have, and have had since day 1, very low expectations from my BP, and yet they still disappoint. Unfortunately they are my sisters to top it off. My fiance and I paid for their dresses, and we asked nothing else of them. All of my DIY was done by myself, my fiance, and my MOH who offered to help. My MOH has been beyond amazing. She threw me an outstanding shower and Bachelorette party. My one sister caused drama for the bridal shower, and refused to come to the bachelorette party. Both sisters have told they will not be attending the rehearsal brunch. Some of us get let down even when we expect as close to nothing as you can get.You cannot pick your family, and you cannot change how people behave. I am hurt and angry that they are not as eager to be a part of my wedding as I would be if this were one of theirs, but I am taking the high road and will enjoy the happiest day of my life, with the man of my dreams.

klaeder · September 2009

You are DEFINITLY not alone. I have three bridesmaids in college, or getting ready to graduate from college, including my MOH, and I completely know where you're coming from. I have heard so many things from people about how I should be expecting more from them. Knowing and understanding their situation only makes you a bigger person. You wouldn't want them to expect you to be spending hundreds of dollars if the roles were reversed. That being said, you can't control them....so if they want to spoil you a little, LET THEM! It's your time, and you're the star....a little extra never hurt anybody!

Am I the only one?

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