Is there a polite way to ask for $ as a gift?

ericaberryy · September 2009

Hello all, Fiancee and I live together so we have all we need. We are not expecting our guest to give us any gifts. Told our parents we just want everyone to have fun with us on our day. However my mom already has family asking what gift they can give us. We would appreciate the $, finacee was laid off in July. Would it be ok to state something like the following on our website? "There will be a money Tree at the reception", something nicer ofcourse. I would also have the parents spread the word. Or is this not appropriate? Also, has anyone used: ourwishingwell.com? heard thats another option. All suggestions are appreciated. Thank you all.

xxquemirasxx · September 2009

Well as etiquette states.... I believe that's a BIG NO NO! But I totally understand the fact that you live with your FI and don't really need electrical appliances. If I am correct knottie malibu once stated she add a very polite note in her invite stating they were blessed to have the stuff they needed but if you can add to honeywell.com for their honeymoon. Which personally I thought it was a GREAT idea.

She said it was a hit! So maybe you want to do something like that or have both sets of parents or wedding party spread the word. Maybe I wouldn't ask directly for the cash but create a website they can add funds & for the not so up to date with technology guest, you can just hope they'll include the cash

I would page her is she doesn't post and ask her any direct/advice how to approach the situation

HTH!

Soon2B Mrs.V · September 2009

Nope, sorry, it's a big no no. I would be irritated if I received an invite with any sort of note like that, or even if it was stated on the wedding website. Honestly, DH and I both lived on our own before getting married and we found plenty of nice things to register for. I would rather register for a few nice things than get a bunch of chachkee things that don't go with anything in your house.

kcliveoutloud · September 2009

You can totallly go the honeymoon fund/home fund route through websites set up for that. As stated above Malibu used Honeyfund.com, we have as well. It basically sets a monetary value to an activity you would like to do on your honeymoon. I have also seen couples set up a fund for saving for a house which you could do through these websites. As others have said it is not a good idea to just come out and ask for money but you can set it up for guests to find on your wedding website and you can have your parents let people know when they ask. Good luck!

23sb · September 2009

You can have family and friends spread the word to those who wouldn't mind. I wouldn't put it on the invitation. Keep in mind some may get offended so a wise thing to do would be to register for a few things. And for the guests you think might get offended - just direct them to the registry. Honestly I could care less if someone just wanted money as opposed to a whole bunch of crap they rather not register for and I don't mind at all when someone does. I almost always give money even if they do register. It's they're wedding so I think people should be able to ask for what they really want as a gift. And it's obvious what most people really need/would want especially nowadays - $$. It saves me the hassle of making a trip to the store, printing out some long a$$ registry, and looking through a laundry list of items to shop for. Besides regardless if it's monetary or a tangible gift, you're basically giving them money in one form or another. Either way, it's all coming from the same place - your wallet. I just don't understand why people get all worked up and offended about this issue whenever it reappears on the boards. Screw etiquette. That's just my opinion.

malibu09bride · September 2009

Thanks for the shout out girls :-) Yes, DH and I lived together a little over 2 years before getting married. Our place is jam packed with stuff. We decided to register for our honeymooon with honeyfund.com. Since our guest list consisted of more friends (close to our age) than family we decided to put an insert in our pocket fold invites. We titled the insert 'Additional information' and stated something like (sorry..i'm at work and can't remembe the exact wording): Your presence at our wedding is gift enough, but for those who would like to give us a gift please contribute to our dream honeymoon. We are blessed to have a home filled with all the things we need. Then, we included our wedding website info as well as the honeyfund website info. This worked out extremely well for us, and we were able to have our dream honeymoon thanks to the generosity of our guests :-). Good luck!

Soon2B Mrs.V · September 2009

I have also heard of people registering at Home Depot for items like hardwood flooring, etc. to upgrade their homes.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · September 2009

I'm totally in the same boat - I live with my fiance and we don't need anything. Plus, we MIGHT be living out of state by the time the wedding rolls around, which means that if people bring gifts to the wedding, I don't want to deal with bringing them home. However, there's no nice way to annouce you want money. Just don't register anywhere, or register for gift cards if you must. (Do registries seem kind of tacky to anyone else?) Or else do a honeymoon registry. The cash registry services take a percentage off the top, so it's much better to just get a check. Simply have your parents and wedding party tell people, "Well, they really have all the housewares they need, but they WOULD like to be able to go on a nice honeymoon..." Most people will take the hint. Most people would honestly rather write a check anyway.

Soon2B Mrs.V · September 2009

To the pp, how could a registry seem tacky? If anything seemed tacky, I would think it was asking for money. If you are going to receive gifts, wouldn't you prefer to receive classic items that go together instead of random chatchkees? Many people prefer to give a gift, instead of having the money wasted on gas, groceries, and other random items which I would worry my monetary gift would end up being spent upon.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · September 2009

This is definitely getting off topic, but the reason I think I registry might be tacky is because you are basically demanding gifts. You are saying, "Well I KNOW you are buying me stuff, so he's what to get." Personally, I don't care if I get a single, solitary gift for my wedding. That's not why I'm getting married. I'm having a wedding because I have found someone I want to commit to and I want people who are special to me to be there to celebrate. I suppose some people get married for the gifts, but I can't say I understand that.And if people give me something that I don't really like, I don't care! At least it will always remind me of that person. I do, however, buy gifts off other people's registries for them. Simply don't want one of my own. Oddly, I'm not totally opposed to a honeyfund, though.Oh, and I knew someone who got married (well, he and his wife had a SECOND wedding because their first one was too small or something), and registered for only really expensive stuff in the hopes that people would just give them money. You can't say THAT'S not tacky.

cocacolagirl · October 2009

I would just mention it to people individually. When it's a demand made to everyone, it becomes pressure guests resent. But when it's a quiet mentioning to each person, they feel honored that you trust them enough (and relieved if they hadnt thought of the perfect gift yet!) On another note, have you found a venue yet? I have been staring at href="http://www.gatheringguide.com/ec/event_venues_wedding_sites.html">http://www.gatheringguide.com/ec/event_venues_wedding_sites.html until my eyes bleed. Got to find the perfect one!

Is there a polite way to ask for $ as a gift?

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