what to teach boys about women

DG1 · September 2009

this is all over the toddler board today. (gulp - I'm on the toddler board! nooooooo!!!)18 things to teach your sons about women - CNN.com And all of the replies are "that's cute' or "I agree!" Personally, I'm disgusted. I get that it's not really a serious article, but WTF? It's all about flowers and chocolate and stereotypes, with maybe TWO items about basic respect.I'm sorry, but there are a LOT of things I think my sons should understand about women, but mostly it boils down into basic respect and equality, and I'd like to think that DH and I show that pretty well in our everyday lives. Still, we'll ahve to work hard to override society's overall message about it, and things like "keep a hidden stash of chocolate" aren't going to help.

L_Woods · September 2009

It's bad luck to buy someone you like shoes? Man and I are screwed.

L_Woods · September 2009

I agree with #15 though.

baconsmom · September 2009

Bullshit like this is why I had to "train" my husband to treat me like a normal human being. <bangs head against wall>

awesome-sauce · September 2009

I do agree that parents should teach things like common courtesy by leading by example. At the same time some parents don't. (Think of Some, not all, parents and kids in the grocery store.) So really a list for some people isn't so bad. If you think about it, we fuss about men not opening doors for us. Then we say that the things on this list are stereotypes. ?

awesome-sauce · September 2009

The stash of chocolates is silly though. Duh I keep my own.

baconsmom · September 2009

Who's this "we", AwesomeSauce? You got a mouse in your pocket?I'll b!tch about PEOPLE failing to hold a door when appropriate. I expect common courtesy from EVERYONE. I expect to be treated like another human being, not an alien from Venus who will never be understood. Sht like this confuses men and - what's the female version of emasculation? Because that's what it does for women who don't fall in line with these ridiculous stereotypes. You don't need to be an emotionally manipulative crazy person who expects someone to buy her useless pretty things and read her mind to be female. And I don't want to raise my daughter to think so, any more than I would raise my son to do so.

ReturnOfKuus · September 2009

I may be alone in this, but I think it's important to teach young men (not little boys, of course) how they can refuse to subtly contribute to inequality. And I'm not talking just being respectful like most people mean it - I'm talking about teaching a lack of objectification, and really seeing women as people. I don't think that is entirely taught by example.

DG1 · September 2009

Ditto. What's with the "we?" I'll gripe about someone not holding a door if it slams in my face. And it doesn't matter if that someone is a man, woman, or (reasonably-aged) child. And I will also give that person a side-eye if they let a door slam in anyone's face.I am not liking you, awesome sauce. You're trying too hard, and you're wrong on this one.

baconsmom · September 2009

It can be, if it's a really good example. My father modeled it, but he also talked about being a feminist (in the basic, women are equal people model, not the political activist model) and encouraged all of us to be ourselves. He stood up for me when I wanted to be an altar server, too, and went to the meeting with my brothers. He also treated me exactly the same as the boys (much to my mother's horror at times), so that they saw their big sister learning cars and how to fix things around the house and how to defend herself from attackers and how to be generally a useful and self-sufficient person. An example like that says a LOT. Of course, if there's no sister to help, it gets more difficult, and then conversations need to be had.

awesome-sauce · September 2009

I like my H to buy me flowers, jewelry, hold the door open for me, listen to me - and not just nod, have a good personality. I don't want him to be a mama's boy.Is that so bad? Just because I like these things does not mean that I am mindless. Or that I am a whittle woman that stays in the kitchen barefoot all the time. *pets mouse*

DG1 · September 2009

I'm continually amazed that DH ended up the way he did (in many ways, but specifically re: his attitude toward women and their "role). MIL was a SAHM, did all of the cooking, all of the cleaning, basically all of your traditional "wife/mother" stuff. When she is OOT, FIL lets dishes pile in the sink until she gets back. It's amazing to me that he got out of that house realizing that there's no such thing as "women's work" and "men's work," although his value system is a little bit more traditional than mine. But he is a full partner in housework and child care, and I do what I can in the yard and with the cars and the like.So, even though DB1 and DB2 won't have a sister to watch, I hope they glean a lot from the way their father treats their mother.

awesome-sauce · September 2009

I guess I should mention that while I like those things I also had my H show me how to change a flat tire and rotate tires. Just in case.

VarunaTT · September 2009

B/c obviously, while being a SAHM, you couldn't possible understand/teach/show equality in genders. Obviously, a SAHM is nothing but a result of patriarchal oppression.

awesome-sauce · September 2009

Meh not trying. I'm bored today. Work is slow. Off to lunch.

DG1 · September 2009

Just don't assume the rest of the world works that way and invoke the dreaded "we." DH brings me flowers every other week. I wish he would quit, because I think it's a waste of money. But I don't have the heart to say so, since he is really being sweet, and they're not really expensive flowers. (And the flowers are nice while they last.)

DG1 · September 2009

Oh, V. That's why I added all of the other stuff. Throw in every "traditional female role" stereotype, and MIL is it. She did all of the shopping, cooking, sewing, childcare, cleaning, all of it. FIL worked and brought home a paycheck. Certainly, households with SAHMs can teach equality and respect by example. Obviously, DH's did. It just still surprises me.

NOLABridesmaid · September 2009

I think my house was traditional for the most part. Mom took care of the house, kids, cooking, shopping. Dad would cook every blue moon, but it wasn't often. He would clean, but he was a very neat man. Dad: Took care of outside, fix things inside, homework(cause he was better at it, trust me) school projects. He took me to the mall a few times, but it was always to one store, and I had to find what I needed in that one store. It was much better to go with mom.

NOLABridesmaid · September 2009

DG, this is why a feel sorry for guys. They can't win. Poor fellas.

E Squared · September 2009

1. F the article square in the A. Not only does it invoke subtle sexism, but it's grossly heteronormative.What if your son wants to learn about other boys? ;P2. F that "we." Common courtesy has no sex or gender.3. With tattooed, guitar-slinging, crazy-haired parents, we figure our kids are going to get more than their share of, "Yeah, what's on TV or in your textbooks is not what all families are like."

baconsmom · September 2009

Well, we were raised in a traditional home - but my dad showed us all that a family works together. Yeah, my parents had the "traditional" division of labor, as do my husband and I. But it's not a hotel for the "man of the house".It's the attitude that teaches, not the division of labor. SAHing doesn't make one partner the servant of the other, nor does it absolve the WOH partner of being responsible for making a house a family home.

what to teach boys about women

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