Don't read if you're sick of hearing about Noodle issues

BecW2be · September 2009

Poor Nugget. I think you should also go home, but I'd tell him you are not prepared to speak to him until you get to explain everything you feel, and he gets to explain everything he feels, without interjecting. Or call him and tell him you'll come home when he's ready to behave like an adult and stop with all the MEs. I do have to say, when I read ffmaids post and she told you to "meat face to face", I immediately imagined you two just slapping each other in the face with your "meat". Like a bitchslap with naughty bits. Maybe try that if all else fails?

mocha beans · September 2009

I've kept up on this but haven't said anything because I've been at training during the days, but I know exactly how you feel. FI and I went through this exact same thing early on in our relationship, and it came down to he needs be more okay with doing family stuff or it wouldn't work. I'm not a huge family person, so it's not like I wanted him to spend hours with my family every few days, but spending time with them at holidays or every few months wasn't out of the ordinary to me. We came to an agreement, and it's been resolved.Anyway, I think Tide has good advice. I think this should be discussed in a neutral area to hopefully cut down on lashing out and keep things civil. I know we get issues resolved much better at our bar because we don't yell or things like that in public. Instead we actually solve the problem because we have to discuss it civily.I know I'm just a random internet stranger, but if ya need an ear that's uninvolved, let me know. I don't think I'm far away (CR), I have no problem listening to venting over a drink or two.

NuggetBrain · September 2009

Like a *** with naughty bits. Maybe try that if all else fails? Actually Bec, he does that. All the time. Runs up to me naked or hanging out of his pants, smacks me in the face with his junk and runs away again.

BecW2be · September 2009

Well, maybe it's time to return the favor! I'm not sure how that works logistically, so maybe a boob slap? Just whip it out, smack him in the face like polite people used to do with their white gloves?

mandapanda78 · September 2009

Why do boys DO that? Why do they like to hit you in the face with their junk? Is it genetic? Is it taught in school? WTF?

NuggetBrain · September 2009

Just whip it out, smack him in the face like polite people used to do with their white gloves?I already do that. I actually hit him so hard once that he knocked his head into the corner of the computer desk and got a little cut on his cheek. I felt horrible about it (I don't know the powers of my boobage) but he was really proud to tell the guys at work the next day where the cut on his face came from.Now everybody there wants to meet me.

laladypoet · September 2009

nugget. what the hell are you doing?? go home, woman! talk this chit out! consider it practice for after you're married and you don't have some place to run off to.

laladypoet · September 2009

and can I say something? if my husband up and left me for his family's house after a fight, I'd be heartbroken. then I'd want to kill him. that is shiitty. sorry, but I can't back your play on that one.

laladypoet · September 2009

every time I say something in one of these threads I don't know if it's even read cause it's not acknowledged. so, I may have wasted my...er, breath?

NuggetBrain · September 2009

No you didn't waste your breath Lala. I understand what you're saying - I didn't think of it as leaving him, just as going to cool down for a night. But I can see how he would think of it as leaving him. And that's not what I intended.

Kati0105 · September 2009

Nugget I honestly think you need to go home. I know you are still upset but this has gone way beyond a fight. It almost sounds like a trial separation at this point, so unless that is what you want I really think you should go home and try to work on the issues with Noodle.

laladypoet · September 2009

I wouldn't go so far as to call it a "trial separation." is this normal for you guys? I mean, in the sense that when you guys fight, one leaves for a couple days to cool down? if not, I can see how he'd be wigged out. and if he's acting out of character, that's probably why.I totally understand cooling off. I do it to. but only for like a day, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna leave my house. I just take time out, write it down, get my thoughts together, and then talk to him. not saying that's how everyone should do it, or anything. I don't know.but I think that by being gone this long, it's becoming perhaps bigger than it really is. it could turn into one of those things where someone goes, "What did you guys start out fighting about?" and neither one can remember :)ya know?

J&K10910 · September 2009

Oh Nugg. I'm sorry this has turned into this big mess. I do think you need to try to talk to him again. Write stuff down. It helps me get everything out that I need to, especially when I start to get frustrated. I agree with PPs--set some ground rules (you each get to speak uninterrupted, etc). I agree with lala that he's probably freaked out and that may be a big reason why he's acting like kind of a dink. And then when you're done, big hugs and junk/boob slapping can commence.Good luck!

mandysmear · September 2009

all but one of the fights i have ever had with my husband, i don't remember why we fought or any details of it.

NuggetBrain · September 2009

No, normally we don't leave. Honestly, I think this made me more upset than usual because it reminded me of how my grandpa would mention how he wanted to spend more one on one time with Noodle, get to know him, etc. But because he was always avoiding hanging out with my family, my grandpa felt like he'd be intruding or overstepping his bounds by calling him up. And I couldn't say anything to change his mind on that. And now he's gone, and there's a part of me that's really angry because he pretty much was my dad, and I know how worried he was about me settling with the "right" guy and stuff and because Noodle was so anti-hanging out with my family, he never got a chance to really know him or felt comfortable trying to spend some QT with him.And the fact my grandma is starting to feel the same way is making me extra-upset. Like, the two most important people in my life want to get to know my future husband and they feel they can't because he's so standoffish. It really really upsets me. Honestly if it was just my mom and me going bowling, I wouldn't have gotten that upset.

laladypoet · September 2009

okay, how often does noodle hang out with them?I will tell you this--one of the most recurring arguments is that I don't really like hanging out with Jose's family. I mean, once every couple months is fine, but when they're shoving themselves down my throat twice a month, and his mom is so overbearing and omgIcan'ttalkaboutthisorI'llgetside-tracked...anyways, Jose and I had to reach a compromise. ONCE a month max. I try to not complain about it, and he tries to not get upset when I tell him that no, I don't feel like seeing them again, it's been a week.so that's why I'm pushing for the compromise thing so much. because it has to work for both of you. I'm not taking Noodle's side, I don't even know him, but maybe it's not that he doesn't "want" to get to know them--maybe it's just not a priority to him, and he doesn't understand why it is one for you. tell him something like, "It'd make my grandmother so happy if you gave her a call sometime." and he'll probably do it. hell, I call my MIL from time to time because of this, and I bet your grandmother is a million times better than my MIL.

laladypoet · September 2009

and here's one more thing--I know you love your grandparents, and I'm sorry that your grandfather has passed. but it's not fair to hold "what could have been" against your fiance. that kind of resentment will only fester if you don't find some way to let it go. trust me.

laladypoet · September 2009

(and by "what could have been," I mean the kind of relationship your fiance and your granfather could've had)

NuggetBrain · September 2009

They get together maybe 6 or 7 times a year. Even Noodle said they don't get together much. And yet we go up to his parents' house every other Sunday (at least) for dinner. In fact, we're going up there this Sunday. And there are get togethers we have where I don't mind if he doesn't go - like when we go to the casino if he doesn't have money, or something supergirly like shopping or a chickflick movie. So what I'm asking is for him to spend maybe 5 times a year with them, outside of Christmas, Easter and Thanksgiving (which we always split between families anyways).

NuggetBrain · September 2009

And I've told him multiple times that I would like for him to put more of an effort into hanging out with my family. And when I do say "it would mean a lot if you go with us to X today" he's all "*huff*FINE" and then pissy with me about it for the rest of the day.

tidetravel · September 2009

So, have you decided what you're going to do?

NuggetBrain · September 2009

Actually Tide, I am going to dinner with him tonight to discuss things. I wrote down all the main points I wanted to say because sometimes when I talk, I get distracted and go off on tangents that have nothing to do with the conversation. Hopefully we can reach some kind of agreement or understanding or something. And I plan on going back home tonight regardless, but it will definately be strained if I do and we're still fighting. So here's hoping we get it squared away tonight.

J&K10910 · September 2009

That sounds like a really good plan Nugg. Good luck.

tidetravel · September 2009

Apparently, I'm only allowed 1 post every half an hour. Thank you knot.That sounds like a good plan. Just try to let go of some of your anger before you get there - it's hard, but if you go in looking for a fight, that's all you're going to get. Hopefully he will be receptive to what you have to say - and maybe you'll be receptive to him, too?Talk it out. Go home tonight. Sleep on it, and hopefully in the morning some of it will sink in. And, regardless of what happens, I still suggest some sort of counseling, just to work on opening lines of communication.If you wanna talk off board, just email - jarmocida at yahoo.GL!

mocha beans · September 2009

Good luck Nuggs, I hope things work out!

Bubbalub · September 2009

Best of luck, Nugget! I usually write down my main points, as well, when I need to have a big talk with someone.

laladypoet · September 2009

that's great nugget! I'm sure you guys will be able to work it out. I'm sorry things have been craptastic for you lately.

thesuninherhead · September 2009

Apologies that I'm late to this, but if it were me, I would want to write him a letter. Stay as calm and rational as you can, and outline in simple terms why you're upset, and a concrete solution that you'd like to see happen (eg. that maybe he attends every third event, or particular ones like birthdays or something). Ask him to read it and think about it, and then you can meet to discuss. The benefits of writing something is that it gives you time to get your point accross without the frustration and anger that can come with face-to-face talking, and he'll have time to process it without that, as well. Personally, I also agree with the others about you needing to go home soon to talk it over, too.

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