Snarky Brides

Am I being unreasonable?

So we just got engaged, but the other day we were sitting at my FMIL's house just talking about different elements of the wedding....and somehow the topic of transportation came up. My fiance is the only one in his family that drives, and his parents are divorce but live right around the corner from each other. They divorced several years ago and although they don't talk, they don't hate each other. Somehow it was suggested that we (my fiance and I) would be willing to rent a car to transport them to and from on the big day, but my FMIL said something to my fiance along the lines of "well I hope you're not expecting your father and I to share a car, we haven't spoken in years!"

What does everyone else think? I was kind of taken back, considering 1.) they live right around the corner from each other and it would save us on having to rent two vehicles, 2.) We are paying for the wedding ourselves (with maybe a small donation from my parents). I understand it might be a little bit awkward since they haven't really spoken in awhile, but can't they suck it up for a few hours on their son's wedding day? They saw each other a few months ago when their granddaughter was born and the hospital didn't burn down so I don't understand why they can't sit next to each other for a drive. I obviously don't have to worry about this for awhile but this is my first "FMIL moment" and I thought it was kind of....I don't know, a little bold of her to expect us to shell out extra dough we don't necessarily have?

Maybe I'm thinking too much into this....it is still very early to be planning this sort of thing!

Any input would be great!

EDIT: My fiance is absolutely not driving anyone, anywhere, on his wedding day. That was never an option for us. We would probably end up renting a car and chauffeur to take them around the day of. His dad is really the one who needs transportation and is perfectly fine sharing a car with his ex-wife if need be.
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Re: Am I being unreasonable?

  • I think it's generous of y'all to provide transportation.  How do they usually get around?  It would be more considerate to have the car make two trips if possible, that may not work logistically.

    Being stuck in a small enclosed space with no one else to talk to except the one person is way different than being at a hospital at the same time oohing and ahhing over a baby.  
  • I've always been in the beggars can't be choosers camp. If you are paying for the car, then unless she wants to find her own transportation, she should STFU and take one for the team.
  • They normally take the bus or my fiance drives them. Dad doesn't drive because he is now disabled and mom doesn't drive because it is cheaper for her to take the bus. I don't want to have to worry about my fiance taking everyone home on his big day though.
    I didn't even think about making two trips. Honestly it's so early in the process that I haven't really thought of anything...but I guess Iw as just wondering how other people who may have been in the same situation have handled it.
  • Isn't there anyone else that they can ride with?

  • Your FI driving them shouldn't even be an option.  He'll be busy. 
  • Does your Father inlaw  have medicaid? if so then for appointments he has he can get tranportation paid for by them.
  • There's really not many other options. None of the other kids drive and my fiance doesn't have much family. We could probably ask a friend to do it but honestly, not a lot of my friends like FMIL...
    Fiance is 110% NOT driving people to or from on his big day. It's just not happening.
  • I agree with cew on both parts. First, beggars can't be choosers. Secondly, isn't there someone else who could drive them? Do they have brothers or sisters or friends going to the wedding?

    I think it's generous of you to pay for one car, let alone two. If it was such a big deal for them, I would think they could possibly save money so far in advance to rent their own car.
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  • edited February 2012

    First, please stop with the "big day" shiit. It makes it hard for me to take you seriously.

    Second, maybe I'm heartless, but this is really their problem. If there is plenty of time between now and the wedding, then they have plenty of time to make a plan about getting to the wedding. They are his parents, if they want to be there, they will find a way.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-unreasonable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f658f64c-0455-4daf-81a2-d806abbc8bbdPost:7b97e7ad-8553-4a1a-8a52-8fb683a7f904">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]First, please stop with the "big day" shiit. It makes it hard for me to take you seriously. Second, maybe I'm heartless, but this is really their problem. If there is plenty of time between now and the wedding, then they have plenty of time to make a plan about getting to the wedding. They are his parents, if they want to be there, they will find a way.
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    <div>Agreeing with you again.</div><div>
    </div><div>I feel like this should be their problem. I understand wanting to help his parents but if they are going to complain about how you're helping them, I think they should be in charge of finding another option.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-unreasonable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f658f64c-0455-4daf-81a2-d806abbc8bbdPost:7b97e7ad-8553-4a1a-8a52-8fb683a7f904">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]First, please stop with the "big day" shiit. It makes it hard for me to take you seriously. Second, maybe I'm heartless, but this is really their problem. If there is plenty of time between now and the wedding, then they have plenty of time to make a plan about getting to the wedding. They are his parents, if they want to be there, they will find a way.
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm with you, except that they've already mentioned it to his mom.  I think if they retract now they'll get caught in the "but you said!" trap.  OP, if there's a lot of time then maybe it needs to be put on a way back burner for a while and just see how it develops.  </div>
  • I'm having a hard time with grown adults having this problem.  "I'm not sitting in a car with him!"  Puh-lease.

    I agree with Cew - they have plenty of time to come up with a plan that does not involve the groom playing chauffeur.  But, to demand that 1. Son drives them to and from the wedding and 2. Son makes TWO trips to accomodate their immaturity is just crazytalk.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-unreasonable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:f658f64c-0455-4daf-81a2-d806abbc8bbdPost:0cec0692-5426-4b4b-84e8-f7f671d68bd4">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being unreasonable? : I'm with you, except that they've already mentioned it to his mom.  I think if they retract now they'll get caught in the "but you said!" trap.  OP, if there's a lot of time then maybe it needs to be put on a way back burner for a while and just see how it develops.  
    Posted by pirategal03[/QUOTE]

    Very true, so I would just stick with the original plan of renting one car and if she doesn't want to ride in that car, then she can find her own transportation.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-unreasonable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f658f64c-0455-4daf-81a2-d806abbc8bbdPost:33238d63-5ab9-4ccf-bca3-cc6727a2326a">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm having a hard time with grown adults having this problem.  "I'm not sitting in a car with him!"  Puh-lease.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    Tell me about it, I thought I was hearing things when she said that.
  • JenGin74JenGin74 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited February 2012
    Who suggested the whole car rental thing? Did FMIL just assume that you would do this for her? If so, she sucks.

    If you or FI suggested it, then I think you might be stuck, but there's no way you should have to shell out for multiple cars. She's just going to have to suck it up.
    imageimage
  • Well, you are all right, we still have a lot of time until the big day and this is probably the last thing I want to stress about. I think we're just going to see how it plays out. To clarify: Dad will need some sort of transportation on wedding day since he does not have any relatives or friends that will be attending, other than his children who don't drive (I am not even worrying about how they are getting there). Mom could probably find someone to transport her around but I honestly think she will just stick us with the task of finding someone for her. Usually I am the sort of person who would tell everyone to take a hike....but they are the groom's parents so I am trying to be nice. Laughing
  • We suggested the cars. His dad needs a ride regardless of what his mom is doing and there's no one else who would be able to take him. I don't mind putting out the money for the car because I want them to be there. I just don't want to be told my efforts to get everyone there aren't good enough.
  • Why can't any of these people just take a taxi to the wedding?
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  • I feel like you may be making this more complicated than it needs to be. Just get the car for dad and tell mom that she can either ride with him or get a taxi. End of story. If she never drives, she should be very familiar with finding transportation.
  • Technically they could but we were just trying to be accomidating. They are his parents.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-unreasonable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:f658f64c-0455-4daf-81a2-d806abbc8bbdPost:0840a0dc-5a67-401f-ab95-0c8c959207f2">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I've always been in the beggars can't be choosers camp. If you are paying for the car, then unless she wants to find her own transportation, she should STFU and take one for the team.
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]



    This. Exactly.
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  • would a taxi be cheaper?..
  • Im having a hard time believing there is only one person (fi) in that WHOLE family who drives.
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  • She probably has some relatives that drive, but no one in her immediate family, except for my fiance drives. My fiance doesn't really bother with most of his family so I don't know if he'd be open to asking them to drive her around, but if she wants to do it then that's fine with me.

    To the poster above who mentioned Medicaid: I didn't even know they do that! I'll have to look more into that. Thanks for the idea. Laughing
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-unreasonable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f658f64c-0455-4daf-81a2-d806abbc8bbdPost:4d8537dd-60c7-432a-9d1c-1d672dd10ba4">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Im having a hard time believing there is only one person (fi) in that WHOLE family who drives.
    Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

    <div>If he's never told them no before, why would they bother learning how to drive? </div><div>
    </div><div>OP, seriously. I get that you want to be nice (especially for his dad who's handicapped), but they're adults. This is one day where your FI gets to be selfish; he doesn't need to take care of them. Will this continue after you get married? It's time for mom and dad to cut the cord and learn how to be responsible for their own daily lives.</div>
  • How does FFIL feel about it? Is he ok riding with her? If she is the only one being a brat about it then she is SOL.

    When the time comes when you need to start figuring out transportation, get some prices (I think cars rent by the hour, so while 2 trips is completely unneccessary and a little annoying, it might not cost you anything more than just a little bigger tip for the driver)... just one car is beyond accomodating. I would say "we have one car for the two of you, it is going to pick you up between x oclock and y oclock. If that doesn't work for you, there is still time to find another way of transportation."
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-unreasonable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f658f64c-0455-4daf-81a2-d806abbc8bbdPost:a7d841cc-15ce-4f78-80bd-a514ab619f13">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Does your Father inlaw  have medicaid? if so then for appointments he has he can get tranportation paid for by them.
    Posted by Delaney85[/QUOTE]

    That doesn't really help for the day of the wedding. 

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-unreasonable?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:f658f64c-0455-4daf-81a2-d806abbc8bbdPost:41a75a36-42c4-4c07-8a23-a13916ddedb8">Re: Am I being unreasonable?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel like you may be making this more complicated than it needs to be. Just get the car for dad and tell mom that she can either ride with him or get a taxi. End of story. If she never drives, she should be very familiar with finding transportation.
    Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

    This.  You ARE being accommodating.  You're providing transportation.  If one of them chooses not to take the transportation you're providing, that is their choice and then becomes their problem.  End of story.

    And again, I hope you mean you're looking into medicaid paying to take him to MEDICAL APPOINTMENTS, not your wedding.  That's not going to happen, nor should it.

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    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
  • Yes, I am looking into it for medical appointments...he does have several of those! I know it's not going to help for my wedding. Laughing
  • Ok, good!  Just making sure.  That would definitely help you guys out in the long run.

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