FI really hurt my feelings...LONG :o(

sdstephens2010 · October 2009

So, we got engaged and of course I was extremely excited. I was so excited that I started planning right away. When I started asking questions, his response was "Let's just enjoy the engagement". I said OK! A day or so later, we talked about it a little and decided on a date. Knowing that we only had 1 year to plan and pay for everything, I started asking questions. Apparently he was overwhelmed by all of the questions and decided that we should just elope, which I was very happy with.Me, being the proactive person I am, found the location, booked our date and time, went dress shopping and got my dress. Well, he decided to make a joke out of it and told everyone that I started planning the night of the engagement and didn't give us time to enjoy the engagement. Now, I can take a joke, but it stops being a joke when it is repeated over and over for 6 months. So, I confronted him about it and told him how I felt and he apologized while laughing. He also told me that he told his boys about it and they were all laughing. Again, I can take a joke...but that cut deep. I'm embarrassed and I feel like now they will think that I pressured him into all of this. I'm so disappointed and trying my best to forgive him and move forward, but I feel so stupid...and all I was trying to do was be organized.

mycicybride · October 2009

I understand how you feel. I am queen planner and started asking questions shortly after the engagement as well. He clowns me all the time in front of his cousins and I was a lil bothered by it like you were....but.....the next time he started up.....I just decided to fight fire with fire and clown him about how he is the absent groom in the planning. They laugh at my jokes back. Take it all in stride. You have voiced your issue so now he knows its an issue. He has been warned so next time you voice your opinion possibly in mixed company...he may need to fix his face like my FI did. He was soooooo surprised that I didn't just sit there and let me be the butt of his jokes.

mahoganieyes · October 2009

Don't let this bother you. From one bride to bride, we know how organized we want our day to be. So people who have never been married might think this is funny at how you want things to be done. Well I say let that roll right off your shoulders and keep doing!

MrClintonsFirstLady09 · October 2009

First of all I am sorry that you were hurt. But let me tell you, he was not doing this to hurt your feelings. Men are not into the whole wedding thing like we are (most men, I will say). My FI was nonchalant about it too. Then when he realized what all planning a wedding entailed (sp), he froze up and had to literally take a night away from the house to get his thoughts together. They think that all they need to do is show up and all the preparing and fuss we are making is not necessary. Planning a wedding is a lot of work and it does take time and money to bring it to fruition, even a DW. When he proposed, I don't think he was ready for you to run out and start preparing immediately because according to your post, you did not set a date until a few days after. Men are like children sometimes. You have to kind of lead them and help them understand the concept of things. While he felt it was a joke, he didn't think that it would affect you as much. His joking about it may be his way of dealing with him being nervous about the whole thing. I say speak to him open and candidly about the whole engagement/wedding planning process. See how he feels about your action and let him know how his actions made you feel. At that time you will be able to determine if he is truly feeling pressured into doing something he is not yet comfortable with. Because proposing to you was a big step. That's huge for men period. But then before he could get past that you immediately started planning a wedding. He may truly be overwhelmed. You gotta take it a step at a time and definitely communicate with him. You want a great start to your marriage. You do not want to go into it feeling this way, you know what I mean? GL and I pray it works out for the best. HTH

ddyoung · October 2009

You just keep on plannin! Make the decisions, and then in 6 months say what you think about (insert something you decided on long ago!) Thay way you can still feel comfortable with having things organizing and he can go on his merry little way. Maybe give him one big responsibility and if he doesn't get it done (which he will probably need your help for!) let him know he shoulda did that a long time ago lol. But I know exactly where you are coming from - FI told his family I was "wrecking his nerves" about getting all their addresses for the guestlist. Mind you I never asked for addresses, I asked for a # of people. AND this was like a month or 2 after the wedding when you know you can't do anything without knowing how many people you have. I just let his comments roll off my shoulder (they sat their for half a second weighing me down though - not gonna lie). Men are from mars, women are from Venus and they don't even TRY to leave VENUS. So just do you girl and plan your fabulous wedding! GL

KimRhone · October 2009

I can relate to you because my fiance did the same thing to me. He said that I started planning too early and I didn't give the engagement time to "settle" in. I was so so hurt because I was so ready to jump in and start planning the best day of my life. I realized that he proposed but he truly wasn't ready. We spoke about it; I gave him some space and then he came around. He decided that he was ready to set a date. I sympathize with you

Mypasmita · October 2009

Sorry about that. Like PP, men are just that: MEN!!! You need to: 1. keep planning 2. talk to your FI and let him know how he's making you feel, everyone has a limit and he i am sure he understands and needs to respect that. I don't think he knows how it's affecting you... GL!

HisWifey82 · October 2009

Don't be embarrassed, guys just dont get it sometimes.

sdstephens2010 · October 2009

Thanks Ladies! I was on the verge(sp) of just giving up. I think I'm going to teach him a lesson in all of this. When he asks about anything concerning the wedding, my response will be "I'm going to do like you and just show up", LOL! I'm going to make him responsible for invitations going out and Thank You cards. I'm not going to let him get me down and I'm going to try not to get "HOOD" too, LOL!

khaligumbs · October 2009

I can take a joke also but I think that comment should have stayed in the house between you to. Marriage is serious and not to be played with. Obviously you did not pressure him to marry you, so do not beat up yourself! Please ask him not to repeat the joke anymore because it does not make you feel good about yourself. What is said is the past so you will have to move on from the fact that him and his friends are all laughing. I hope you feel better. (HUGS)

Lovie 129 · October 2009

I agree with Cicy and Clinton. Take it stride, give him what he gave you he'll stop.

sdstephens2010 · October 2009

I told him the joke was no longer funny and he needed to learn how to keep his mouth closed. I told him that if he wanted to cancel the date and reschedule later that it's fine with me...and wouldn't you know...he gor scared! I want to marry someone who is just as excited as I am. His arse is about to WORK!

nitaashanti78 · October 2009

I agree with the other pp's...keep it moving with the planning. I've been there too with my FI as well. When we first got engaged, I started up planning as much as I could...I think FI got a little nervous, so much so that I really feel that is why he came to me pushing the date back 6 months because he felt like things were going too fast. And my feelings were hurt as well.I have learned that I'll just keep doing my thing with this wedding. When I want input, I ask for it, but at a minimum. He chose the date, the colors, the food. I'm cool with that, I'll handle the rest of it...I think you'll need to try that with your FI. See what he'll feel comfy talking about that's wedding related, everybody's man is different. Either way, CONTINUE the planning, do not stop!

dst10spr97 · October 2009

I know he was probably getting on your last nerve, but don't take it personal. As someone already posted they just aren't into the wedding like we are. My fiance used to piss me off acting so non-chalant about it. I just had to get it in my head that he loves me and just wants to be married and doesn't care about all the pomp and circumstance (spelling). :-) Also because we as brides to the majority of the planning, we know what we have to do and the timeframe of when we have to do it. Nobody wants to be stressing during the last few weeks of their wedding because they waited until the last minute.

FI really hurt my feelings...LONG :o(

Re: FI really hurt my feelings...LONG :o(

Choose Another Board

Search Boards