Wedding Etiquette Forum

Save the dates for a destiation wedding.

A little background: I am not the girl who ever dreamed of the big white wedding. My fiance also has no desire to monkey suit it up for our nuptuals. I am in USA and he is in England so any wedding will be a destination for one part of the family or another. So we did the next best thing for us. We both love Disney World as do our respective familys. Our closest friends go almost yearly.  We go with them as money allows. I feel inviting people to something fun like Disney would be so much better than the expsense of having a small event at home which essentially will cost about the same for people to attend out of town. There are tons of kids and I do not want people to come and have to feel like they need to dress up and kids are bored. What better is Disney to accomidate the kid in all of us.

The concern: We decided that on our next big trip in 2014 we wanted to invite our immediate family and close friends to come celebrate with us at Disney world during the first week of December. We both know this is a tough time for people to travel and are aware that not everyone will be able to attend.  I want to send out save the date cards very early so those who want to attend have plenty of time to decide if they want to come. We can not afford to pay for people to come on vacation with us but would like to offer them the option to join us. We do plan to have a very special dinner at one of the Disney restaurants(Liberty Tree Tavern) with an amazingly exspensive and well worth it cake made by Disney (we will pay for dinner this night of the celebrations)  the total head count will be just under 40 people total. 11 of which are kids 17 and under. Sharing Disney with a bunch of kids makes people cringe and all I see is a huge family photo with Mickey (sister thinks I am nuts)

The question:  How is this worded? Do's and Don'ts? Am I missing something?

sorry its so long :eek:

My thought was to send out the Save the dates as soon as possible and then feild questions as we get them.

Re: Save the dates for a destiation wedding.

  • How is what worded?  The STD?

    I don't think most people would expect to have you pay for the trip, however, the dinner (that you're planning) would be expected.
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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    What you're planning sounds absolutely fine, but it's way way way too early to even consider sending STDs yet. 12 months is really the maximum I would suggest.

    Lizzie
  • I think even for a DW it is ridiculous to send out STDs more than 2.5 years in advance. I'd wait until next summer AT THE EARLIEST. 

    Also, you know you have to pay for park admission for all of your guests, correct? No one can just come into the park to go to the Liberty Tree, they have to have a day pass. Have you considered just having a DW in Orlando, but not at an actual Disney park? It would likely be much more affordable and possibly easier for your guests. You wouldn't get a picture of you with Mickey in your dress though. 


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  • Yes, I was wondering if i should say something special on the STD's.  I guess since with all of the planning I have to do myself for the wedding and that we have started saving for this trip already I know the costs and for many of the people we want to include it might be better to give a heads up now. I was thinking of STD's early. I could mention to those who I think may need as much advanced notice as myself now that we have started planning and what we are doing.  I just want to really make sure I have my bases covered. I am making an international move on top so the spreadsheets have started already.
  • I know everyone needs park admission and I will be up at 4am on the day we can make our reservations. No one who will come with us will stay off property. That is the one wonderful things. Not having to drive anywhere and having Disney transportation totally out weighs off site accomidations. The family from England are planning to rent DVC points to stay at the Boardwalk with us. My family is undecided but they favour Coronado Springs. We are true addicts in the Disney scheme of things especially with my best friend being a Disney travel agent which doesn't help stop the addiction.  I go every 2 years and can't wait to go to Disney in France.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-the-dates-for-a-destiation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d837744-0871-493e-8e66-968474db216ePost:0d3f60ba-b370-4bfa-be8d-07601adff273">Re: Save the dates for a destiation wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know everyone needs park admission and I will be up at 4am on the day we can make our reservations. <strong>No one who will come with us will stay off property. That is the one wonderful things. Not having to drive anywhere and having Disney transportation totally out weighs off site accomidations. </strong>The family from England are planning to rent DVC points to stay at the Boardwalk with us. My family is undecided but they favour Coronado Springs. We are true addicts in the Disney scheme of things especially with my best friend being a Disney travel agent which doesn't help stop the addiction.  I go every 2 years and can't wait to go to Disney in France.
    Posted by Neece1974[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I don't think you can make those kinds of decisions for your guests. Some of them might want to stay elsewhere and rent a car and you can't expect them to do otherwise. Unless you pay for it of course, but they could still deny your offer and decided to stay at Universal or in downtown Orlando if they wanted. I appreciate that you want to plan out every detail but it is impossible to dictate the details of everyone's vacation.

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  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-the-dates-for-a-destiation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d837744-0871-493e-8e66-968474db216ePost:3640b399-a3dd-465d-ab12-dc3496b40c1d">Re: Save the dates for a destiation wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, I was wondering if i should say something special on the STD's.  I guess since with all of the planning I have to do myself for the wedding and that we have started saving for this trip already I know the costs and for many of the people we want to include it might be better to give a heads up now. I was thinking of STD's early. I could mention to those who I think may need as much advanced notice as myself now that we have started planning and what we are doing.  I just want to really make sure I have my bases covered. I am making an international move on top so the spreadsheets have started already.
    Posted by Neece1974[/QUOTE]

    Honestly it sounds as though you've already verbally informed everyone of the plans. Sounds like no STDs are necessary.

    Also, I know you said you want to send them early, and we get that. 12-18 months is very early (I sent mine out at 6 months). 2 1/2 years is just cray cray early.
    Lizzie
  • I am not telling people they have to stay on property.  I just know they will based on prior experience that the people we are inviting will stay on property and plan to. I have one couple who may opt to go to a Condo as the family owns time shares down there but it won't be an issue with park admissions. The only planning I will be doing is 180 days out will wake up and make the reservation for those who are planing to attend. I don't really plan to wear a dress. Shorts and tshirts are the norm for us. Offsite isn't an option for our group and if they choose to then that is fine by us either way. I don't dictate I just like people well informed. We all travel together often and the only difference on this occasion is all of us 40 will be on the same vacation at the same time instead of the smaller groups of 13-20 we are used to.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-the-dates-for-a-destiation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d837744-0871-493e-8e66-968474db216ePost:bc7703d9-5676-41c3-b6b4-fc456ae4f366">Re: Save the dates for a destiation wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Save the dates for a destiation wedding. : Honestly it sounds as though you've already verbally informed everyone of the plans. Sounds like no STDs are necessary. Also, I know you said you want to send them early, and we get that. 12-18 months is very early (I sent mine out at 6 months). 2 1/2 years is just cray cray early.
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]


    Most already know planning is in the works. Date was confirmed and the England family was the first to be verbally notified to make sure it would work for them before we settled for it. They are standing on thier heads with Joy we finally nailed a date.
  • Are you doing the ceremony and then a dinner immediately following at Disney? I was a little unclear about that. Mention your plans to key guests when you talk to them so they can start saving early if they want to. Send formal STD's at 12 months. Set up a room block within Disney and include that information, or a wedding website with that information on your STD's. You cannot dictate where your guests stay unless you pay for it so be understanding if someone chooses to stay elsewhere.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-the-dates-for-a-destiation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d837744-0871-493e-8e66-968474db216ePost:98a8eb8d-4223-4e25-81d8-abc13cb2f169">Re:Save the dates for a destiation wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you doing the ceremony and then a dinner immediately following at Disney? I was a little unclear about that. Mention your plans to key guests when you talk to them so they can start saving early if they want to. Send formal STD's at 12 months. Set up a room block within Disney and include that information, or a wedding website with that information on your STD's. You cannot dictate where your guests stay unless you pay for it so be understanding if someone chooses to stay elsewhere.
    Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]
     

     We will be married prior to going to Disney. No formal ceremony. Just paperwork. The Dinner is more a celebration verse reception. Casual and fun. I am working on our website today. The family from England already decided to rent DVC and get a Grand Villa for them. (Skype is our best friend) My fiance and I are renting DVC 2 bedroom to share with my best friend we plot new Disney trips the day we get to the resort. My family and friends like Coronado Springs and since they stayed there last 4 trips I assume they will again. They are not the do something new people.   The STD's were a thought but I probably won't use them and just set up the website and pass it on. 
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    ^No matter how basic your ceremony, it's not just "filling out paperwork" That's not how it works.
    Lizzie
  • Do all of your guests know they won't actually be witnessing you two getting married and that this is an after the fact celebratory thing?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-the-dates-for-a-destiation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d837744-0871-493e-8e66-968474db216ePost:e2ccef7b-8b8f-4291-8e70-55dc2e42a181">Re: Save the dates for a destiation wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]^No matter how basic your ceremony, it's not just "filling out paperwork" That's not how it works.
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]


    no essentially its paying for the license, having the basic ceremony in front of my neighbor, signing it all and submitting it. it will take about 3 days or so.
  • One other thing, you can't book Disney rooms yet for 2014.  In fact, you can only book rooms for 2013 by actually calling Disney to reserve the room, but they will charge you the updated rate once it becomes available.  I don't know if that's possible for 2014 rooms.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-the-dates-for-a-destiation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d837744-0871-493e-8e66-968474db216ePost:03b6741b-758d-4b86-9b79-362501d56417">Re:Save the dates for a destiation wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Do all of your guests know they won't actually be witnessing you two getting married and that this is an after the fact celebratory thing?
    Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]
     
    Yes, there will be no shocks to anyone coming. We have been together since 2004 we have to have the marraige so I can move to England in 2015. It is a long drawn out process for all the red tape it entails.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-the-dates-for-a-destiation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d837744-0871-493e-8e66-968474db216ePost:ca893c52-0ee5-4463-9b7f-f3b3cf6c1929">Re: Save the dates for a destiation wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]One other thing, you can't book Disney rooms yet for 2014.  In fact, you can only book rooms for 2013 by actually calling Disney to reserve the room, but they will charge you the updated rate once it becomes available.  I don't know if that's possible for 2014 rooms.
    Posted by strlzfan11[/QUOTE]


    My travel agent (best friend is handling the rooms for all involved. My family has her on speed dial) I travel with my agent.. talk about customer service.
  • Whoa. Okay. First, if you are not getting married in Disney, than when you send save the dates, they are not really save the dates, as they imply that there will be a wedding to attend. You are going to have to think about how you word them so people understand you are asking them to come and celebrate your marriage with you (at their expense)

    Second, you have a travel agent? Why don't you have the agent look into booking a trip for the group? I know group packages can be very nice depending on the amount of people who book. They save everyone some money and give you some different options on how to entertain your guests.

    If you are not going to go that option, then you cannot expect your guests to stay on the property, even if they have in the past. Financial situations change pretty quickly in this economy and what people were able to do before, or even now, may change by the time you get married.

    I'd talk to your travel agent and I'd talk to Disney. I'd also see if there is an events planner in your area that would be able to help you with the wording of your paper stuff. Because depending on how you word it, people may think different things are happening.

    It sounds like a great idea, in theory, but when you break it down, it's not a destination wedding or anything other than a celabratory get together in Disney.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_save-the-dates-for-a-destiation-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d837744-0871-493e-8e66-968474db216ePost:10c629ab-38fc-4d97-b04e-b6f979e07676">Re: Save the dates for a destiation wedding.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whoa. Okay. First, if you are not getting married in Disney, than when you send save the dates, they are not really save the dates, as they imply that there will be a wedding to attend. You are going to have to think about how you word them so people understand you are asking them to come and celebrate your marriage with you (at their expense) Second, you have a travel agent? Why don't you have the agent look into booking a trip for the group? I know group packages can be very nice depending on the amount of people who book. They save everyone some money and give you some different options on how to entertain your guests. If you are not going to go that option, then you cannot expect your guests to stay on the property, even if they have in the past. Financial situations change pretty quickly in this economy and what people were able to do before, or even now, may change by the time you get married. I'd talk to your travel agent and I'd talk to Disney. I'd also see if there is an events planner in your area that would be able to help you with the wording of your paper stuff. Because depending on how you word it, people may think different things are happening. It sounds like a great idea, in theory, but when you break it down, it's not a destination wedding or anything other than a celabratory get together in Disney.
    Posted by futuremrsbruno[/QUOTE]


    Disney stop doing alot of the grand gathering services starting last summer. They are weeding out the program. My agent and I have prepared on site prices for both hotels and DVC based on a possible increase in room prices historically it is in August although last year it was in June and they expect June again this year but we will wait and see. we plot based on historic prices and discounts and she has it down to a science. I have never paid full price to go to Disney and probably never will as often as we go.  I was hoping to get some input on wording here. To my family and friends who will be coming they aren't going to be surprised on the non ceremony and the choice of how we will celebrate our marriage. I am guessing with the small group I will do the save the dates as a simple formality and the cool invites. It isn't worth asking as I am feeling the need to simple defend myself. I don't ever demand, I am not going to be offended if someone goes offsite and chooses to not to come at all. We are a very laid back group of people and communication between us is easy. I will take my leave as easy as I came and hope the knot the best in future.
  • AbbeyS2011AbbeyS2011 member
    1000 Comments
    edited May 2012
    So OP, you are GBCK simply because you want to send STDs to a family gathering (not a wedding, as you finally spelled out) in 2014???  Then, you get offended because people on here give you advice about the timing of STDs (which is correct, BTW) , and as well, look at your situation with fresh eyes, and give you suggestions that you may not have thought about? 

    Bottom line is this, sweetie - any way you slice it, you and your FI are planning to get married in a private ceremony (in front of your neighbor), then apparently announce your recent nuptials to your respective family members while on a trip to DisneyWorld, and have a celebratory party/dinner.  There is nothing wrong with that, just call it what it is.  You are not having a DW, because you will already be married.
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