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No gifts please....

HSchallHSchall member
Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
in Ohio-Cincinnati
This will be a second marriage for both my fiance and I and we really do not want anyone to give us gifts for our wedding.  I am wondering what would be the best way to get this message out.  I know that technically you are not supposed to say anything about gifts on the invite but does this count if you are saying please do give us any?  I feel like if we don't do it in an formal/official way and we just do it by word of mouth people will still feel obligated to give a gift and we absolutely do not want that.  Any thoughts on the topic, how to do this and what language to use would be much appreciated!  Thanks!PS.  Wouldn't it be nice if the message box to do a post had a spell check?
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Re: No gifts please....

  • abromanelloabromanello member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think it's really sweet of you and your fiance to not want your guests to get gifts...but I don't think you could put it on your invitation.  That said, it's certainly nicer than putting a registry or "cash only" on the invitation!  I just think you have to expect that some people will really want to get you gifts because they're celebrating your big day, and others will feel like they have to even if you say you don't want anything.  So I think I would really do word of mouth, but expect to still get gifts. 
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  • girlyDgirlyD
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Does anyone know if it is ok to have a note that " in lue of gifts donations to a favorite charity etc. etc"?   Just wondering if that is ok.  Then people can give in your name and they are still giving but they can also opt out.  I am not good at the wording part. Chime in:)
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  • hrparkerhrparker
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Gifts should NEVER be mentioned anywhere on your invitation (this goes for "no gifts, please" and "in lieu of gifts, send to charity," too).The only appropriate way to get your wishes across for gifts is by word of mouth (or possibly in your SHOWER invitation).
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  • HSchallHSchall member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree that etiquette-wise gifts shouldn't be mentioned in the inviation but also, etiquette-wise guests should give gifts.  I do a lot of things that etiquette-wise may not be "proper" but still seem to be approriate from a practical perspective.  Moreover, the bottom line of proper etiquette is making people feel comfortable.  If I were invited to a wedding I would give a gift even if I heard by word of mouth that the bride and groom didn't want one--I would be concerned that I may not be getting the story straight and would not want to upset the bride and groom by not thinking of them and not giving them a gift. If I got an invitation that said something along the lines of no gifts please I would not be offended but be pleased that the point was made clearly and feel comfortable when I did not give them one.  I think this is a lot different than listing registeries or "cash please."  Hmmm, I think I may have just reasoned myself to my own answer!
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  • hccpsuhccpsu member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm in the camp on putting nothing on the invitations because that is the standard of etiquette.  I also think if you put "no gifts please" someone might interpret that as asking for cash rather than gifts.Possibly the best option is just to have a small wedding?  Then perhaps later you could host an open house.  You might get a few gifts, but I'm sure fewer than for a wedding.
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  • catbarnes09catbarnes09 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    From the knot Q&A Q. We want to put "please no gifts" on our invitation because we feel that the obligatory gift tradition is just not right, but everyone we tell scoffs at us! Are we tacky or rude for doing this? Are we the only ones who don't expect gifts and just want our guests to spend our special day with us? A. Some couples do choose to put "Your presence is your present" or something like that on their invites, because they really want their guests to know that their attendance is the most special part. But at the same time, most guests want to get you a gift, something to help you begin your marriage. It's not tacky or rude to ask for no gifts, but it may make some guests feel affronted -- they were looking forward to getting you something, and it seems you don't want anything, and now they feel awkward about it. Remember -- wedding gifts are not mandatory, they are merely customary. It's gracious to let your guests make the choice of whether or not and when to give you something. If you feel really strongly about putting "no gifts" on your invites, it's not a faux pas to do so -- but maybe just spreading the word through close friends and relatives would do the trick, too. Another solution -- let everyone know you'd prefer them to donate to the charity of your choice in lieu of a gift.
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  • thoward298thoward298
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My friend got married and ran into the same problem. They sent a poem with the invitation along the lines of "we have kitchen linens and bath towels, etc...." They were really creative with it and just asked that people bring cards/money. It wasn't rude at all and they had a big glass bowl for people to drop in the cards. I wish I still had the poem but not sure where it went!! Hope that helps!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • hrparkerhrparker
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ???Your friend actually asked people to bring money???
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