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What to do or say??

ffmaidffmaid
1000 Comments
in Military Brides
A friend of mine her husband got back from iraq about 6 months ago. He had been overseas when we became friends ( for 2 years) anyway she just heard last night that he is being sent back to iraq. I do not know how to comfort her or exactly what should I be saying?
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Re: What to do or say??

  • MCH77MCH77 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Just be there now and after he leaves.  There is no exact thing to do or say.  :(   GL!
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  • gingerthebasicemtgingerthebasicemt member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    MCH is right... There really isn't much you can say. Just be there to comfort or to listen to her vent. Deployments are tough. I also know that for some, #2 is harder than the first.
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  • something_nicesomething_nice member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    There really is no right thing to say, it really depends on your friend and you. However I can tell you my two least favorite things to hear leading up to and during a deployment: 'I know how you feel." I get this a lot as my FI is deploying soon. People compare the deployment to things like business trips, or summer vacation and it drives me mad. Also, I can hardly express how I feel, so how could someone else know? 'Time will go by faster than you think' Yeah, ok maybe this is true, but hearing it doesn't help.
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  • ishatagishatag member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Don't try to make up reasons why it's not all that bad. Just acknowledge that it sucks and offer to be there if she needs anything.... and then follow through!
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  • mehgankmehgank
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I agree with pp's, there's not a whole lot you can say that will cushion the blow of finding out that he's leaving again. Just be there for her as a shoulder to cry on and a kind ear. Maybe you could suggest doing something regularly with her to help pass the time, so she has something to look forward to, such as a monthly book club, cooking/quilting/crafting classes, even doing a weekend hike together in different places that you think she'd like. I know for me, during my FI's deployment, the loneliness is the worst part, so having friends who actively want to spend time with you makes it so much better.
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  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks Ladies. She is such a nice woman and we became friends at work and then now both work elsewhere but she has turned into a good friend. I really should see if she wants to join my roaving coacktail party club. ( everyone brings a yummy appetizer or drink once a month fitting a theme) she would fit in well in that group and have fun plus there is always a babysitting group where the kids all get put together and a team of babysitters do a craft project ( usually fitting the theme)and eat pizza with the kids while the adults get adult drinks and foods. Since not all couples it may be more comfortable. They have 3 boys too which makes this hard.
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  • ishatagishatag member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Wow, I want to join your cocktail club! lol. Go ahead and ask her. :)
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