Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but UGH

pakarufus · October 2009

My Fi's friends are getting married this fall, we are getting married next spring. I just found out that they changed their reception to the same place as us (we chose this location last Feb), they are doing the same thing for their honeymoon (going whale watching in the NE), and last night when she was describing her dress, I think it is the same one I bought (which I had shown her pics of after I bought it, and before she got hers). I am trying to be understanding, but come on!!! I may just lose it if I see the dress and it is the exact same as mine!

jajph1974 · October 2009

You should stop telling them details about your wedding. Honestly, I wouldn't be happy about that either.

kjane12 · October 2009

Yeah, it's a little bit annoying. I wouldn't want that either.

goheels05 · October 2009

The only thing that would bother me is the dress. Sometimes location can't be helped; everyone in my town gets married the same place I did because of the location, service, and price. I wouldn't have not had my wedding there just because a friend had. Their honeymoon has no effect on you whatsoever. But the dress? That's annoying. Of all the dresses out there, wtf?

ninjette04 · October 2009

You know what, I would loose it too! My girlfriends went out last night, and text me telling me one of them was engaged and doing THE SAME color scheme I am... I about lost it, until I found out that they were messing with me... But, if it were true, I would have been soooo p***ed if it had been true

pakarufus · October 2009

Yep, just came back from the wedding, she had on my dress. I am just FUMING now. I am more hurt than anything, WTF!!! I'm going to try to make some changes to my dress to make it more my own, remove the train (which I had been considering anyway) and maybe add a corset back. UGH!!!

bcnoelle · October 2009

That is so rude of her! And very "Single White Female" movie-ish. I don't think I would be able to maintain my friendship with her without calling her our about it and asking her what her deal is. Do you have many mutual friends? If so, I would probably want to change something with my dress. But honestly, it will probably look pretty different in the eyes of the guests. I feel like dresses look so different depending on who is wearing it. Sorry to hear about your friend being so sketchy!

bingham101 · October 2009

Is she your friend or more his. Was your family there? I wouldnt change my dress because someone I knew was wearing it. Maybe she saw all the good deals you were getting and went with you same vendors. i know it sucks but i wouldnt change your plans because someone else did the same thing... I agree with pp I wouldnt tell them any more details though. Its none of her business. GL

bharnett · October 2009

Stop sharing! Easy peasy solution.

)

AprylM · October 2009

I have watched this happen to two friends of mine. One friend had the same venue, Same reception venue and brought the same dress.It was okay when she choose the same venues, but when she brought the dress all hell broke loose. They are No longer friends. I did ask the copycat why she brought the dress and she honestly couldnt see what the big deal was about as it was just a dress and she just loved it - Noone noticed they had the same dresses of the shared friends in the groups except the ones who knew about it.I guess it would just feel like someone was stealing your dreamI suggest keep ALL plans to yourself and im sorry that it is happening to you.

Asheia · October 2009

My EX-best friend did the same thing to me. Not only did she steal my theme, my colors, and bought a cheap ugly imitation of my dress. She also forced her boyfriend into proposing when I told her that my FI and had *discussed* getting engaged. She took it as a race to the alter. After she stole my theme I quit telling her anything about my wedding. She found pictures of my dress by going through my wedding planner while I was in a different room. She did everything she could to belittle whatever info about my wedding she could find out. Frankly, you have two options. Try your best to be patient and just not tell her details about your wedding. Understand that she probably just has no clue what she is doing. Or, stop being her friend. I tried to be as understanding and patient as I could, but she couldn't handle it. She mistook my patience for distance, and with a few other problems we are no longer friends. If you want to stay friends, tread lightly and suck up the annoyance. Take it with a grain of salt. Most friends aren't worth losing over something so petty.

danielle.dugas · October 2009

Who copies a wedding dress!!??!?!?!That is TERRIBLE I'm so sorry!!!

brownhenry · October 2009

That is totally crazy! I can't understand why anyone would even do that you would think that you'd want it to be your own. I can't even think about someone else getting the same dress as me it just irritates me. I only tell my close friends who have completely different styles what I am doing with my wedding. I'm really sorry to hear she did that I would seriously ask her why she did it. Good luck make sure you stop telling anyone but family or already married women lol.

rubber_chicken · October 2009

honestly i don't see what the big deal is. in 6 months no one will remember any details from her wedding, and even if they did, it's not like your guest lists are exactly the same. and as for the dress, the only one who ever remembers the dress is the bride.

shiningstar1717 · October 2009

My cousin got married in Sept. I am getting married in Feb. She changed her wedding date 4 times before I even got engaged. When my FI and I set our date she made sure to set and keep a date before mine. Then as we started planing the wedding i noticed that everything I said she would say I really like that Idea and then it was in her wedding. It was really hard to not share what was going on with the wedding because we are in each others wedding we are very close. She even started trying on dresses that looked just like my dress and wanted to get the same bm dresses I picked out. Even though my wedding was further away I planed a lot faster than she did. When I found out about the dresses that is when I sat and had a talk with her. Told here that I was flattered that she loved so many of my ideas but those are for my wedding. To make her wedding her own. She had some of the same things I will have but it was incorperated differnt than it will be at mine. Obvisouly it is too late for that. She doesn't sound like she is a friend at all. It is a good Idea to change your dress. As for rubber saying it is not a big deal. It is. My guest list will be almost exactly the same as her guest list. I remember the what the brides dress looks like at almost every wedding I have been to. People will remeber. If they have a lot of the same friend people will be like hmmm seen this before. I would def say something the the girl.

hillaryeggert · October 2009

Sounds like you just got back from the wedding and it's over and done with, but I guess I just want to say you have every right to be annoyed!If it was just the dress, or just the reception site, or just the honeymoon, maybe that would be just a coincidence. But to use practically every detail from your wedding planning is just lazy and bizarre. I think what would bother me most is that she probably thought she'd "get away with it" since she'd be getting married first. Bleh!On the bright side, dresses look different on different people, especially with their own veils, etc., so don't worry about that. Or you could alter the neckline or remove the train if that's something you'd considered anyway. Just take it as a challenge to put her to shame with how awesome you will look on your wedding day!Also, if it would make you feel better, I wouldn't fault you for telling her something like, "Great wedding! I know some people aren't cut out for planning things, so I'm glad you had me to copy off of. It was sure nice to get a preview of my upcoming wedding since, as you and I both know, you stole most of my ideas. Thanks."Good luck!

brownhenry · October 2009

*"Great wedding! I know some people aren't cut out for planning things, so I'm glad you had me to copy off of. It was sure nice to get a preview of my upcoming wedding since, as you and I both know, you stole most of my ideas. Thanks."* Hillary that is great! That is definately a great idea

tommyandy · October 2009

Thanks for paying for the preview of my wedding! Now i know which of the choices i've thought of are just plain bad (or tacky or cheap or terrible together or...) Thank you so much for giving me time to correct what would have been a disaster. JUST MAKE SURE TO SAY IT IN PERSON, NOT IN WRITING!!

rubber_chicken · October 2009

We attended a friend's wedding (exactly 4 weeks before our own) - same color scheme, same theme, similar reception sites. we didn't care. they didn't care. no one cared. so no, shining, it's not a big deal. at all. in the end, all weddings are essentially the same. that's what makes them weddings. i find it highly ironic - this is a website DESIGNED for us to share/steal ideas from each other, and you're worried about other people copying your weddings. if its that big a deal maybe you shouldn't be making bios with detailed descriptions and pics of all your "unique" ideas.

futuremegp · October 2009

My future brother in law and his girlfriend got engaged 3 months after us (well not really engaged, she needs to be on his insurance) and had planned on getting married 2 weeks before us. After some discussion they changed it to 2 months before us. Needless to say, she had already known some details of our wedding and she started to take ideas from me here and there which got me mad. I just stopped telling her any details. If she asked, I said it was a surprise. My advice it this:Don't let people who can't think for themselves or have a serious lack of creativity take things away from your day. It's a sucky thing that you can't shout your wedding plans from the rooftop but in cases like this, just don't give her any insight on your plans. In my case, their wedding was the other weekend and I left thinking that I had nothing to worry about. Their wedding was completely different then ours will be and the lack of creativity on her part, showed. Happy planning!

mrseddyinwaiting · October 2009

I'm in a similar position, but with my FMIL. She's upgraded her E-ring the same as mine, upgraded her wedding band to match mine, has colored her hair very similar, has selected her wedding day hairstyle very similar, her shoes are identical... and the list goes on. I got very angry, then I just had to let it go and tell myself that it is a (bizarre) form of flattery. Besides, you, FI and your families know it was your creativity and hard work that your wedding is based on. She can't help it she hasn't got good ideas of her own. I'm sure it'll be beautiful anyway.

strawberrykn · October 2009

Thats just lame! So sorry...I am getting married next week and recently went to 4 weddings and I was praying they didn't have my dress but even if they did it would have been coicidental. Well if there are going to be a lot of the same guests at yours and it really bothers you, you can change the dress or get a different dress. I say post a pic and everybody give suggestions of things you can change about it. Just realize though all the changes might get pricey so you may want to consider selling & re-purchasing. you could even change location if that really bothers you too if you don't lose out on too much money in deposits but I wouldnt be as concerned with that. At least its not next week, then you wouldn't have time to change anything..you have plenty of time.

sweety7946 · October 2009

I would tell her you like what she did with Your ideas, but you'll just make them turn out much better than what she pulled off...Stealing the dress...that's just wrong

SassyBrass · October 2009

Man... times like this, I'm glad I'm the last to get married out of all of my friends. They all had great weddings and good ideas, but they were "them". Not "me". And all of them looked great in their dresses, but I wouldn't want any of them for myself. That said, I think it's way uncool to copy the exact dress. Especially when it's so obvious that they didn't know what they wanted, then they saw what you had, and all of a sudden, they "end up" with the same thing? Yeah, WAY not cool.And as a PP said, out of ALL the dresses out there. I agree- there's a million dresses out there, I can't really buy that the only one that worked was the same one. If you choose to alter your dress a bit, just make sure it's still your style. You don't want to discourage yourself when you already have a kickin dress.

Simply Fated · October 2009

I can understand her wanting to use the same reception venue, especially if it has really good food or something or is popular. I can even understand her replicating your idea for a honeymoon, since, let's face it, whale watching sounds pretty awesome. But the same dress, too?Maybe she forgot where she saw the dress, but knew she liked it? I dunno, just my lame attempt at being rational there.I like the idea of saying to her (saying, not writing) something along the lines of, "I loved your wedding dress! It looked.... 'okay' on you. Oh I wouldnt' worry about it, I'm sure no one noticed. But, hey, at least the food tasted good."

jadedecaro · October 2009

who steals a dress?and honeymoon place?venue maybe its okay because its a good deal or something.but who steals a dress?im sorry, she is very jealous of u. she basically wants to be u or some sort.tell her it's not okay if she steals ur dress.or just give up the dress and find something way better.but dont change the venue, or the honeymoon(only if u already booked that one.)i would change the dress and dont share ur wedding info with her anymore.

shannoncolwill · October 2009

My bestfriend is going through a similar thing with her future sister in law. I don't think it's fair but maybe you can get ideas about what she did that you don't want to do in yours and have a "better" wedding. I don't think competition is the best thing for this situation, but "she started it."

fourteen · October 2009

I'm with rubber chicken. Quit being petty. Seriously, what's the big deal? My friend had a similar cut dress, after 3 months, no one cared and no one noticed. Unless the dress was one of a kind, someone somewhere will have the same dress as you. Get over it. It's one day and no one except the happy couples cares about it after the party. People that do have too much time on their hands.As for color schemes, yes, one of your friends down the line will have the same scheme as you. There are some schemes that are more popular at certain times of year, but you're probably not going to have the same centerpieces, flowers, tablecloths, etc. But come on, to end a friendship over a wedding? That's just ridiculous and petty.

collegebride06 · October 2009

I had the same issue you had, my MOH had seen my dress and the color scheme of my wedding 5 months before she got engaged. She got engaged and is getting married this fall 3 months before my wedding. She should be her color scheme which is the same as mine, which okay thats one thing not a huge deal, the next thing is one day she sent me a pic of the dress she loved which was my dress. that I minded. we have the same friends and mine was already ordered and I was not happy about her wearing it beofre me. Anyway I sent her a pic of mine with the pic of hers and needless to say she chose a different dress. I was not mean in the email either, just said we both had great taste. From that point on I stopped sharing everything that had to do with my wedding to her and anyone else that would have a convo with her.

therockisblinding05 · October 2009

I know people are saying it's petty, but I can see the problem there. It's not a matter of just liking the same stuff; she is purposely trying to undermine your ideas. Does she tend to copy you normally? If so, then you have a bigger problem than just wedding ideas. I hope your friend feels comfortable enough in her own taste that she doesn't have to deliberately steal yours.

dojo1 · October 2009

My dress has a big stiff collar on it and it is really distinctive. If you saw it on someone else, you would definitely know it!! I'd be distraught if one of my friends knowlingly bought the same - I chose it becuase it was so different and it made me feel really avant guarde. I would not have those feelings if I knew other people had already seen it on someone else.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but UGH

Re: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but UGH

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