Update..

Lovie 129 · October 2009

Ladies,I said I would keep you updated. The news is not good, its not the worse though. My eyes were open to the family I'm marrying into. All I can say is the wedding is on hold, still no word from FI, but his daughters mother (yep baby mama) has been supportive, rare in these circumstances I hear. Thank you for the support and prayers. I don't want to take up more board time with my issues.Kaiya

brobin01 · October 2009

Kaiya! I have been checking the board daily to see if you had updated us. Aww

Well like we said before, you are truly in our prayers! i'm glad the news isn't "worst" and I am happy that you have some support. It's nothing wrong with putting things on hold. I'ts best to work issues out b4 marriage. We love ya!

miss2mrscj · October 2009

Kaiya,I have been checking back as well for you to update. I'm glad you have some support. I've kept you and FI in my prayers. I know what you are going through because I have several aunts that have the same issue and it's pure hell when you are left clueless. Just please continue to pray and I know your prayers will be answered. Please know we are here for you. I am here for you! Take all the time you need we are here to listen and support you. Luv ya!!!Aneitra

trevette1981 · October 2009

I don't even know you that well, but I've been checking back to see what's going on. I've been praying for you.

sdstephens2010 · October 2009

God makes no mistakes! Stay prayed up girl!

tamtam7 · October 2009

I'm sorry that the news is not good, but I am glad that you are in good spirits. Don't worry about taking up board time, we are here to help and be supportive of one another. I've been really worried about you and I am glad that you updated us on your situation. I wish you the best. Oh! And I just read your response to me in the "How Do You Relieve Stress" post, and all I have to say to that is come on over...I got A LOT of Riesling to share!!!!

foxxy1 · October 2009

Kaiya,I'll keep you and FI in my prayers. I pray the Lord will help and guide both of you.

khaligumbs · October 2009

Aww. You can vent to us! Thanks for the update. I would put the wedding on hold to...at least to you two figure out whats going on. Communication is so important in a relationship. I have so many married people in addition to our pre martial counselor telling us that. Hope everything turns out positive for you.

MIABRIDENTAMPA · October 2009

Kaiya I am going to continue to pray everything works out for the best!!

Lovie 129 · October 2009

Thanks ladies. SD, that's what I used to think. I have been so unlucky with love, I always believed I was meant to be a mom and daughter only, never a wife anymore. It slowly appears to be looking that way again. FI has been in touch with people, just not family nor me. FSIL said he was a womanizer and she was not worried about him. WOW, how devastating to hear that from a police officer. FSIL is no longer returning my calls, his niece said basically "do you". Its weird, I feel like I have become the butt of a horrible joke. I feel like FI loved me, but hearing all this makes me wonder, and his actions are odd. I am still very concerned for him and I want to hear from him, but I'm not sure if that will happen any time soon, if at all. I go back to school tomorrow so I will be busy with homework and son, and my mind will be full, thank God. I'm weary, sometimes I feel like I was played. I thought I was smarter than that.

tamtam7 · October 2009

Don't blame yourself. It is not your fault. It's good that you are finding this out now so that you can prepare to heal. I know that I don't know you that well, but you seem to be a good person, and you deserve the best...just the way that you are dealing with this situation shows that you are resilient and strong.

feleciae19 · October 2009

Lovie, You were not played, you learned a spiritual lesson. We should do just as Jesus did, look at our crisis as a stepping stone to something better. I have been played before, but I learned from my mistakes by seeing the red flags of things that are not right in relationships. Right now your FI is showing you red flags. Take this time to learn about what you want in a godly man. With my FI we decided to practice chastity and keep our relationship pure until marriage. God willing, things will work out because we did things God's way. Sex outside of marriage confuses things, and sometimes causes one person to take the other for granted. Maybe your FI just needs some space. However, if FSIL says he is a player then she might be telling the truth. If he is a player, then let go, because no woman is ever enough for this type of man. His family might be strange but that is still no excuse for FI to not call. He could man up and tell you how he feels. Like they said take this time to take care of you. Keep busy read your Bible. When I broke up with a boyfriend from college I was so hurt!! Girl, I could barely get out the bed. But now looking back on it, my life would be so awful if I were to have stayed with him. I think GOD SAVED me from a lifetime of pain. Now, I have a wonderful godly FI who puts ex- bf to shame. Who is to say that God is answering your prayers and saving you from a lifetime of pain? Maybe God has another man in store for you because this one is not cutting it. God wants the best for you, and a good man would not leave you high and dry, and not tell you if he is alive or dead. He could have shot you a text.You sound like a wonderful woman who deserves to be treated better than that. You are a queen!!! Find a king that values your worth!!! Just because this guy is acting out does not mean that you will not find a GOOD man. . My aunt got married three years ago at 47 and thought she would never find love but she did!! This man puts her ex-husband to shame girl!!! He is a good godly man!!!! If your FI decides to contact you, talk things out and let him know that running away is not a way to solve problems. Calm productive communication is the key to solving problems. Some men are emotionally unavailable. This is what we all have to learn from relationships that go astray sometimes. I had to learn this lesson too! I know what NOT to look for and when a good godly man came along I knew that he was the one for me. How long have you dated this man? If it is not long then maybe he was just playing games. Some men like to propose marriage early on just to hit it and then quit it. There are some slick men out there beware. Keep yourself busy with your son, school, and your church. Your faith will grow so much! Join a bible study group at your church or look into getting into BSF, a national bible study group on Tuesday nights. This week we are studying John 2. Tonight's key principle was: Jesus is able to transform our current crisis into a place of joy and blessing.Remember ALL things work together for good for those that love the Lord and this TOO shall pass. Please keep us updated if you can. It is always good to talk to people that care about you. I will pray for you and your FI.

ddyoung · October 2009

issues - smissues! girl you are not bothering us we are here for you. im still praying for you and if it's meant to be it will be so dont even trip. at least you get to see the human side of his BM and know that at the end of the day people got your back. and most importantly God's got your back. :-) good luck with school! and you've got a man to raise so show him what it means to trust God and deal with situations and crises like a real live woMAN should...

sdstephens2010 · October 2009

As sad as this entire situation is, I think you should definitely listen to the FSIL. Also, as someone else stated, you gave a huge red flag now. Don't ignore it. God has a destination for us all, but our detours make the journeys longer.

Lovie 129 · October 2009

Ladies thank you so much. I have never had so much drama in my life outside of my job. The more I sit back and let things unfold on their own, the more I learn. FI is ok, he has been seen, even made some calls where unfortunately monetary requests were made of him. Those of us that really care for him for "who he is" not what he can give still have not heard from him. I took serious what pp posts said about warning signs so I decided to call FSIL for further clarification. Let's just say prayer is needed in that situation. His daughters mom has been an absolute jewel and has been able to fill in the blanks for me. Even if we do not get married, God has not led me to walk away from him. I have realized he needs unconditional love from people who ask for nothing material from him in return. Apparantly, he has not gotten that since his mother died from his own family. I am well, my faith is strong, but please continue to pray for FI. His faith in people and God has been shaken by circumstances throughout his life. Yes, I'm glad this happened b/4 we said I do....but I swear this is not a deal breaker to say I don't....am I foolish or stupid???

ddyoung · October 2009

I don't think its stupid. i think you should proceed with caution at first of course but at the end of the day you have to forgive. like they asked, how many times should a man forgive someone who's wronged him? 7 times 70...basically everytime! and it seems like you have really forgiven him in your heart. you do have to protect yourself and your sanity though and considering that he has still not reached out to you a week later, he has to want to be forgived and he's not even showing that. girl you are in a very tricky situation and as much as I want to give you my input/advice it isn't going to be able to take into account everything you all have ever been through. but like someone else said, communication is the biggest piece in your relationship and if you don't have that foundation there you have a big hill ahead of you (in the same breath, with faith the size of a mustard seed you can move all mountains) so just try as best you can to listen to God's voice and think about everything from his point of view. What does HE have in store for YOU? sending you much love and continuing to pray for you :-)i too have asked myself am i being foolish for remaining with someone and at the end of the day NO relationship is without its flaws. its how you cope from them and what you learn from them thats most important. you can't have a testimony without first having a test. now whether that testimony involves a future with FI is up to you to get from God. GL!

HookaPants · October 2009

You bout a damn fool and anybody who tells you to stay with him is a damn fool. Change your number, change your locks and send his sht to his mama's house.He doesn't give a damn about you. NOT A DAMN. Because if he cared about you he'd at least tell you to get lost. He hasn't called/written/texted/sent a homing pigeon/smoke signal/ NOTHING in over a week. In fact, he insulted you by clearing out his voicemail. Not a dealbreaker? Really? Really? Because red flag is all over this. This man has SHOWN you what he is through his actions and you're still hanging on. Maybe he's gone back to drugs, maybe he's with another woman, but even if he comes back and gives you an answer this is always going to be with you.What are you teaching your child? That's it's ok to walk out on women and come back when you feel like it because they'll always be there wating and pining away for you like a puppy. Or in this case, a dorrmat, because a puppy will find a master and act like you never existed. Have you thought that maybe God is trying to show you that this isn't the man for you? You're praying for an answer and it's been given. Cry a lil bit, have a drink, take a deep breath, cry some more, fix your makeup and MOVE ON!

Lovie 129 · October 2009

Thanks DD for your input and HookaPants, that's why I love this board. We all have strong opinions and they are valued. I took in everything you all said, prayed about it, and thought things through. Ladies, you ALL are a jewel.

HisWifey82 · October 2009

Wow....Hookapants, said exactly what I was thinking but too scared to say because I have a tendancy to keep it too real and most people can't handle it...

HisEarth. · October 2009

Amen.

ddyoung · October 2009

woooo wee i felt like a fool just reading it and i aint even in the situation. that was too real hooka. u sound just like my best friend... which is probably why she is my bf in the first place...GL lovie

sdstephens2010 · October 2009

HookaPants, you just preached! Like others, I was thinking the same thing, but trying to stay positive. But sometimes the truth hurts. I have learned to stop giving advice based on what I would do, but sometimes that's what we should do...as a friend.Lovie 129, as I stated in an earlier post...God makes no mistakes. And as my mom once told me, never cry, feel down or depressed for someone who isn't doing it for you. Count it all joy and keep moving!

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