::joesgirl::

beatlesgirl25 · January 2010

On second/third read, I realize my comment was dumb and ill-timed. I have a sick sense of humor, and sometimes things that sound amusing in my head don't translate well outside of it. I do feel badly about your situation. Would you like me to delete the comment?

Edit: May post and run to finish making dinner, but I'll be back. Just let me know.

iamjoesgurl · January 2010

No. Don't worry about it. I was just feeling bad that I even have brought up this subject because now everyone hates my DH and he really is such a great guy.

RachNRich · January 2010

FWIW (I've been lurking to catch up), I don't think what you said was ignorant.

A joke? Yes. Ignorant? No.

Two different things.

RachNRich · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_joesgirl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d22ba804-7a4d-43aa-9169-fb49fd4dc2baPost:0d90942c-c728-4a08-aabd-47f0c03d2b10">Re: ::joesgirl::</a>:
[QUOTE]No. Don't worry about it. I was just feeling bad that I even have brought up this subject because now everyone hates my DH and he really is such a great guy.
Posted by iamjoesgurl[/QUOTE]

<div>And my two cents to <em>you</em>---mainly because I am the <strong>queen</strong> of saying crap that makes other give Rich the side-eye. </div><div>
</div><div>Here's the deal: If you say craptastic things about your DH, people will think craptastic things about him. They will never know the back story to why he said it, or to why you are okay with it....which is why you should 1. Not say craptastic things if you do not want craptrastic responses, or 2. Be okay with what people say, and roll with it. </div><div>
</div><div>And, I don't think your H is a douche. Maybe he wanted kids then, and doesn't now. Only you (or, rather him) knows what's up with that.</div>

crfische · January 2010

I don't know him, hence, I can't hate him.

But I can only imagine the downer it would be thinking you married someone who shared the same vision for your future and then finding out that that wasnt the case at all.

Scott and I both went into marriage knowing we were indifferent on kids. Even know we go back and forth about it. But I just know for a lot of women, having babies is SUPER important and I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of having to hear my husband say JUST KIDDING, I don't think I want them, ya know?

I hope it works out for you, Joe. I really do.

iamjoesgurl · January 2010

I said ignorant because she made a judgement about him based on one thing. I did not say that Beatles was ignorant (very different). She was just uninformed and to say a mean thing about him made me want to defend him.

I didn't realize that I'd hit such a nerve. If I was coming on here every other day unloading about him, that would be one thing. But I've never said anything negative about him. I was just being honest in answering the question and I was a bit surprised by the responses. I'm not offended, just surprised.

And thanks again Fische.

beatlesgirl25 · January 2010

Thanks rach.

Joes girl, I think we may be cross communicating here... I wasn't making any judgments about your H, and I really hope you wouldn't take my silly joke as a judgment against him. It wasn't even realistic enough to be taken as a statement toward anyone. I was really responding more to what Fishy said about his dinner.

I was apologizing to you for making a joke about a sad topic, and a weird one about eating kids at that. But never did I judge your H. And don't worry, I'm sure no one here "hates" your H. No one's even going to remember this after awhile, unless you keep reminding people why they don't like your H.

ExpatPumpkin · January 2010

I got to the threads late, but I just wanted to share my thoughts...

If my DH changed his mind about having kids - before the wedding, after the wedding, today, or tomorrow - it would be a deal-breaker. I'd still love him, but we'd have to part ways. And I wouldn't begrudge his leaving me for the same reason.

This is not like one person wanting to live in the city and the other in the country... There's absolutely no middle ground here. No room for compromise, because one of you loses no matter what.

As much as I love my DH, I wouldn't give up being a parent for him. And if I did, I'm certain that it would lead to resentment later down the road that would probably break us up anyway... And I can't imagine the regret of being too old to conceive and having never even tried to have kids

This is not an attack on your DH... Just my two cents. And I REALLY hope that your DH comes around and changes his mind back. Good luck

iamjoesgurl · January 2010

Expat - First, I want to say thank you. What you said seems to be from the heart and non-judgmental. When I said my vows, I meant them. For better, for worse. He is a great guy and I will never hold this against him. I think that before we got married, he wanted to want to have children (for me). I don't believe that he wanted to hurt me but when I started bringing it up since we have been married, I can tell that he really does not want to have children. I hope, like you, that he will change his mind. But if he doesn't, I have come to terms with it. I have several nieces and nephews that I'm really close to and spend a lot of time with. I know it is not the same, but it is what I have.

::joesgirl::

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