Please help me! Gift Etiquette problem

Chelsea Stephenson · May 2011

I have a serious connundrum for you ladies. There is a family that I haven't seen in 10 years although I was friends with one of their children while I was in elementary school. My mother occasionally sees the mother of the family at the grocery store but that is it.

My mom told them I was engaged and said that they were very happy for me. Now with slightly less than a month to go to the wedding I found out that they bought most of the china off of my registry. According to my guess that means they spent about 700$.

The only thing is, I never invited them to the wedding. I haven't seen any of the family myself in a decade. What do I do??

Should I invite them? Do I simply thank them??

jaycee7389 · May 2011

honestly, i really don't know what i'd do. i'd say it is too late to invite them, but absolutely thank them. pretty awkward situation! good luck.

mica178 · May 2011

What does your mother think?

There were family friends who sent me/us gifts even without being invited, and there were guests who were invited but could not attend who sent me/us generous gifts. I just sent them very nice thank you notes.

Summer2011Bride · May 2011

I would just send a nice, heartfelt thank you note. Some of my mom's work friends who aren't invited sent us gifts just b/c they wanted to. Gifts do not equal an invite. Some people just like to do that regardless. A month out is short notice for an invite and would come across that you are only inviting them b/c of the gift (which you would be). A TY note is fine.

ootmother2 · May 2011

I don't think that's very unusual. I love giving presents, invited or not.

Just thank them nicely. A wedding invite now would just make everyone uncomfortable.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

Gifts are meant to be a sign of heartfelt congratulations. It's not quid pro quo. Many people invited to the wedding buy gifts because they are close to you and wish you well. Many people not invited to the wedding don't because they are likely not as close. But the two are mututally exclusive. Don't worry about it, just send a nice thank you.

futurepivko · May 2011

that was very nice of them. this close to the wedding they probably knew that they were not getting an invitation, but wanted to do something nice anyway. make sure the thank you note is fabulous and move on.

Chelsea Stephenson · May 2011

Thank you everyone!!

My maid of honour also thinks that inviting them now would not be appropriate. My mom thinks I probably should invite them but still feels on the fence about it.

I think perhaps I will not invite them as per above. I will however write them a thank you note now, and then one after the wedding too when the rest of the thank-you's go out. Does thanking twice make sense?

thesuninherhead · May 2011

I agree- just once is fine.

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2011

Send the TY now and then could you possibly host a little dinner party for them within a few months? Using the china of course. ;-)

jelybeancg · May 2011

Did you actually get the gift yet? You say you "found out that they bought most of the china off of my registry". What if they bought it thinking maybe they would be invited but would return it if not invited?

Send the TY after actually receiving it. Just one thank you.

achiduck · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-gift-etiquette-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a020b0c-8bfa-46e0-8249-c3a07740d4b6Post:fe5d9e91-2e36-49f9-8b7f-8fc32744cd93">Re: Please help me! Gift Etiquette problem</a>:
[QUOTE]Send the TY now and then could you possibly host a little dinner party for them within a few months? Using the china of course. ;-)
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

This.

I think inviting them now would just be super awkward. Also, you don't know what thier current financial status is, so $700 may not be a big deal to them.

SirJuliusVonHaast · May 2011

I agree- one thank you note and don't send a late invitation.

Also, I would definitely have them over for dinner and use the china.

slbinpink · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-gift-etiquette-problem?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8a020b0c-8bfa-46e0-8249-c3a07740d4b6Post:37af9a01-09ce-4754-a120-adac3f06f30b">Re: Please help me! Gift Etiquette problem</a>:
[QUOTE]Did you actually get the gift yet? You say you "found out that they bought most of the china off of my registry". What if they bought it thinking maybe they would be invited but would return it if not invited? Send the TY after actually receiving it. Just one thank you.
Posted by jelybeancg[/QUOTE]

This

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