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FI vent... I hope this isn't too long.

MrClintonsFirstLady09MrClintonsFirstLady09
500 Comments
in African American Weddings
Y'all I am not one to come on here and put all my business out there like that but I was wondering if any of you ladies married or engaged have experienced this. FI and I live together. We have been living together for about 9 mos now. Mind you when he came, all he came with was his clothes, shoes, XBox360, a couple pots and pans (lol), clippers, stuff like that but nothing household major. Why does he feel like because we live together and are about to be married he can loan our stuff out to his family without asking me and it is cool as far as he is concerned? Now I don't care if they use but damn can you consider a sistah and ask me if it's ok? He feels like what's mine is ours and I agree but I do not do anything without him knowing it and I feel he should have the same consideration. Especially when you loaning out big ticket items out the house. Has anyone gone through this? I am just curious.
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Re: FI vent... I hope this isn't too long.

  • mycicybridemycicybride
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I feel you but for me it wasn't a big appliance.  It was volunteering 'my' SUV to haul something. He drives the car...I drive the SUV.  The SUV is mines...negro...ask me first!Cicy
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  • the catthe cat
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    No I haven't been through this but I feel ya. It's like "you didn't bring it in here, so you can't loan it out". Am I right? Putting myself in that situation, I can't see loaning P's stuff out to my sisters n stuff cuz it just ain't mine to lend. I get into trouble with that what's mine is ours cuz I really don't feel that way. What I bought is mine, what you bought is yours, and what we bought is ours. In other words, don't loan it out unless it's yours! Dang I'm selfish! Just have a chat with ole Vonny and sweeten it with sugar. I'm sure he'll understand. I mean, really...he'd prolly be upset if you loaned out his clippers to your aunt to trim her nose hairs or something crazy! LOL!
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  • mahoganieyesmahoganieyes
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    LOL@ cicy! He is quick to give away my wedding books to his engaged coworkers. I had to check him on that! Tell them to get their own $hit!


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  • MrClintonsFirstLady09MrClintonsFirstLady09
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    @ Cicy Oh hell he use to do it with my SUV too. Until I told him look, you need to be asking me. First of all gas is high as hell and then how you  know I want my stuff scratched up? Why can't they use so and so's truck, etc. the excuse it ain't big enough. Well dammit mine ain't either then.Cat, oh trust we had a nice lil discussion today when he let my lawn mower, the edger and the blower go out to his stepdad. Then when I asked him about it he had the nerve to get a lil p o 'd. Oh well. You need to discuss things with me like I do you. he will be ok.
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  • alfdallas21alfdallas21
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    yep I think the majority of us feel where you are coming from and personally DH & I run our household exactly how Cat stated - what I buy is MINE, what you buy is YOURS but what we buy together is OURS...so DH is free to loan out his ish if he feels like it but it doesn't apply to my stuff and vice versa...Cat's right, just have a simple talk with FI (with a bottle of wine and a T back on...LOL!) and tell him how you feel.
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  • neasy2004neasy2004
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh Boy, I go through that all the time. He get on my nerves with that. The stuff I buy he dont think to buy it.Then once I have it HE start servicing everybody and their MOMMA. lmao, so i definately feel you.
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  • clross01clross01
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FI was lending out my address to his friends who wanted to use the benefits of the county I live in..  I had to put my foot down and tell him to stop.. Just what I need to have county coming to my door asking is so n so, lives here.. A place where I pay bills..
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  • khaligumbskhaligumbs
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I understand the whole concept of whats mine is yours and vs.  We discussed this in our pre-marital class.  However, first you two are not married yet and second all decisions should be made jointly.  I think you should sit down and speak with him.  Because you do not want this to become a habit...you know?  Do not be to mad at him.  Our men are working progress.  He will get better if you speak with him.
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  • Crook251Crook251 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'v been in a similar situation. He thinks it cool to just leave me out of MAJOR decisons (like buying a car in the middle of planning a wedding trying to buy a house). Then has the never to say this is our family car we needed this, this is our car, WT???? What I really needed him to do was let me know about this so I could have ran when I had the chance. LOL!
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  • tamtam7tamtam7 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Dang!  The lawn mower, the edger, and the blower??!!  We need an edger and a blower, I need to ask your FI if I can borrow his. LOL!  The previous posts were funny as hell!  I'm not in that situation currently, because neither one of us have anything to loan out, but I would be pissed if I were in your situation.  That's just inconsiderate.  It's just common courtesy to ask first.
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  • Lovie 129Lovie 129
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    LOL, wait til he loans you out. Yep, she'll cook the mac n' cheese and you know nothing about it. Lawn tools, household items are nothing compared to 150 deviled eggs needed at 2:00 and you find out about it at 12:45pm.....go figure!
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  • kimmy.korikimmy.kori
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FI hasn't done itnows how I am about my things but he has invited people over to watch the game or something...HOW DO YOU KNOW I WANT EVERYONE IN MY HOUSE? I'm very particular about who we have over. When I come home, I want to relax. Sometimes people don't know how to leave. My family members included.
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  • kgsmiles3kgsmiles3 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Im late to this post...but my Hubby volunteers my services all the time. Picking up his friends kids from school and daycare...That quickly stopped bc I told him if he doesnt take care of it ...than I would...And as Godly as I try to be...Someone was gonna hear em loud and clear...
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