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South Asian Weddings

Super stressed

I just want to vent, I didnt know marrying my own kind (indian guy) would be so tough. My future in laws have always hated me..for no reason besides the fact am not the women they chose as a arrange marriage prospect for their son. They made my future man swear to not pay a penny towards the wedding. Me and my parents are paying for the entire wedding including the reception with no help from anyone else or him. I want to have a very nice wedding so I am saving up a lot..and my dad is expect the cost to be around 60k, I feel so bad putting my parents through this :(

Re: Super stressed

  • Meghana55Meghana55 member
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry you have to go through all of this.  What does your FI say about his parents telling him not to contribute to his own wedding?  If he's letting his parents control his contributions to his own wedding, then I think a serious discussion needs to happen between you and your FI.  And furthermore, I think your FI needs to have a serious conversation with his parents.  Not even about finances (because your FILs are not obligated to pay for the wedding), but the way that they are treating you.  If your parents have offered to pay for the wedding and are more than happy to do so, there is nothing wrong with that, however that burden should not be forced on them.  In the end, you and your FI's finances will be combined, so any money that you are contributing to the wedding is essentially coming out of your future combined assets. And if you're concerned about costs getting out of control, you can still have a very nice wedding on a budget.  There are great ways to scale back your event and cut some of the unnecessary things that generally increase the price tag.  If you and your parents are unable to host an elaborate wedding, you should consider scaling things back to accommodate everyone. 
  • edited December 2011
    This a tough situation. I agree that a very serious talk needs to happen. Eventually your FI's finances will become both of your business.  What will happen when you both decide you want to buy a home together and his parents intervene and make him promise not to contribute a cent towards it? I think the best thing for you guys is have him settle his independence issues from his parents before you two are hitched.  This is something that could follow you both into your marriage and not be a good thing.  
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with Meg, this is time for a Come to Jesus talk with your fiance.  There is no reason why your future husband should be watching you stress out as you drain your savings and your dad's to pay for a wedding.  Your future in laws sound incredibly manipulative and controlling.  Your fiance should not sit back and allow them to exert so much power over him. 
  • edited December 2011
    what! awww put the brakes on girl! of course, agreeing with the other girls that beyond having a very nice wedding i hope you take the time to communicate with you FI to ensure you have a very happy marriage.This goes far beyond the who's paying for what...b/c after all the money is spent and the hoopla is over its gonna be just you and him and the parental issues. and btw you can have a nice wedding on a budget! just takes some creativity and good family/friends...and in the end no matter how much or how little you spend, i bet you and your loved ones will be swearing it was the best wedding ever :)  GL!
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you girls, even if I dont need help with the wedding it would be nice to know that he would offer to help. Yes a sit down talk is in order, I see him next week and will make sure we get it right before heading to look at prospective wedding venues. He is expecting the wedding to be grand therefore I been super stressed with high expectations from everyone, and his parents want it to fail no doubt therefore I am not giving them the chance to pick at things ugh..lucky me
  • edited December 2011
    So sorry you are going through this!  I can't believe your FI would agree to his parents demands.  Sorry to be so blunt but I think it is really outrageous.  Its one thing if they don't want to contribute their money but they should have no say in what he does!  He is a grown man!I think you need to clear the air with him before things go any further.  We don't live in the 1800s any more.I've been through my share of parent problems but once my parents voiced their disapproval, it gave me the freedom for DH & I to plan this wedding as we wanted.If he is marrying you against their will, he can contribute against their will too.  Really, what is the difference?  You need to talk to him!
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