guest list rules?

marburs · October 2009

whats the rule with coworkers? just my manager? how bout my boss(who I hardly ever see), everyone in my department? even those who I don't like? How bout their spouses? can I invite children of family and close friends? and not children of not so close friends? BM and GM are married- do I invite their 2 year old boy? And just hope someone will take care of him during the ceremony?help please! I'm lost!

missizz · October 2009

I wouldn't send a STD to co-workers. You never know what can happen in 6 months at work. Things could be totally different. That being said, it depends how you feel about everyone and what your department is like. I only have 8 people in my whole company, so I invited all of them (and you should definitely invite their spouses/significant others). If you have a bigger department, I'd be pickier.Your BM and GM will understand that they're in the wedding, I would leave it to them to decide what to do with their child, they know that they can't stand up there with their kid.The whole invite some kids but not others leaves a sore taste in the mouth of many. You'll get responses on both sides of this one. I don't really have advice one way or the other on that because we did an adult only reception.

marburs · October 2009

wouldn't send a STD to co-workers. You never know what can happen in 6 months at work. Things could be totally different. very good advice- def taking this.Let's see, I have about 15 people in my department. Could I just do a 'work table' and not invite spouses? I would agree tho- if any of them invited me to their wedding- I would def want FI to come along. Can I pick and chose who I like tho? Can I just not invite any of them? They wouldn't be missed IMO...

AMK2009 · October 2009

I agree with Stace, I wouldn't send an STD to coworkers, because if they quit, or you get a new job or something, you don't want to feel obligated to still invite them. I'm not sure what the proper thing to do as far as who to invite goes, I invited my whole office (there's only 5 of us), plus their spouses. DH didn't invite anybody from work because his company is much larger, and he didn't feel comfortable inviting some and not others.I think yes you can invite children of close family and friends, and not children of not so close friends. We did this, I don't see anything wrong with it.I'd leave it up to BM and GM as to whether they want to bring their 2 year old or not, I would think they'd get a babysitter knowing they won't be able to watch him, but I wouldn't just not invite him. Are you inviting thier parents or anybody that is close to them that could watch him during the ceremony and pictures?

skybluejen · October 2009

DH and I met at work and therefore had the same work friends. We worked in an office of about 30 people. We invited only those we were close to (about 10 people), however, we DID invite our bosses despite our feelings toward them. We just felt we should invite them. They both declined. We invited +1 on all guests including coworkers. All of our married coworkers brought their spouse, the single ones came alone.I personally would invite your BM/GM's son, but that is just my opinion! We invited all children, though many chose to leave their children at home.

AMK2009 · October 2009

Hmm, I personally wouldn't do a "work table", I wouldn't go to any of my coworker's weddings by myself. I think it's ok to pick and choose who you want, as long as you realize that other people are going to find out and may be hurt that they weren't invited. Or maybe they won't care, I don't know. If you wouldn't miss having any of them, I think it's perfectly ok to not invite coworkers. In fact, I'd chose to not invite anybody before I picked and choosed people, unless of course you've made really good friends with some people at your job.

dicer2 · October 2009

I work in a giant department, so I only invited a few people that I'm closest with. I invited them with their spouses. They were all discreet enough to know I couldn't invite everyone so they didn't talk about it at work. Neither DH nor I invited our direct managers.I only invited kids of close family - my first cousins, my God-children, and my BM's son.

brivb10 · October 2009

I'm with Stace on having an adults only reception. As far as co workers - I work in a very small office, but am not close to anyone (and most have been married/divorced a bazillion times) so I am not inviting anyone. DF has a huge office (500+ ppl) so he is inviting just his boss, and a close friend and his gf (whom we often hang out with outside of work).

KRMac · October 2009

It is up to you! I didn't invite any coworkers (but they all were OOT) and DH invited the two that he was close with and their SOs. We hang out with them frequently outside of work, so we used that as a rule of thumb. I think it is perfectly fine to invite the children you are close with and not all children. I would determine a "rule" with family though - all of your 1st cousins and their kids, but not 2nd cousins and their kids or whatever for both sides. Oh, and I think it is fine to address an STD to just the adults and then if you decide to include the kids to just add that to the wedding invite. Just ask your BM what she wants to do with her 2 yr old. They might enjoy a day/night without him OR might not be able to find childcare, so I'd just let them decide if it doesn't matter to you and you'll have other kids there. And if you do invite him, I'd ask someone to take care of him during the ceremony...another mutual friend who he knows or invite his grandma.HTH!

kat112 · October 2009

I'm having a semi-adults only reception. I only invited the children that are first cousins, and my god child (who happens to be the son of my MOH). You are perfectly okay in inviting children that are family and not kids of not-so-close friends. Just try to draw a clear cut line.As far as your BM and GM's son goes, I would hope that they would decide on their own to find him a sitter, since they will have other commitments during your wedding. I think it would be nice to extend the offer to them though and let them decide since they are both close enough to you to actually be in the wedding.As far as your co-workers go. Only invite those you are close with and want there! The one thing that might be difficult is if you work in a very small office and are close with everyone except 1 person. Personally, I'm not really close with too many people at work. I'm only inviting one friend (with a guest since we won't really know anyone else) and my boss and her husband.As far as inviting co-workers spouses goes, yes, if a couple is married, etiquette says they come as a unit and should be invited as a pair, even if they are your work friends.GL! I know it can get so confusing!

marburs · October 2009

ok- Ill leave it up to my BM about her kid. Her sister is due in February, and I'm inviting her. So her husband could watch the kid. Of course- they'll have a 3 month old- KR and Angela- would you bring a 3 month old to a wedding? Or how bout- would you even go to a wedding that soon after you have a baby (i'm assuming you would, but I have no idea)? coworkers- all good suggestions, I think I'll invite the close ones along with their spouses. I'm not close with anyone here outside of work. But I think I'll invite 2 ladies I talk to, and my 2 superiors. so that's 8. and there's 10 at a table- so they can all havetheir own table. hopefully they don't talk too much about it...kids are hard- I have some thinking to do.Thanks ladies!

dicer2 · October 2009

One of my friends brought her 4 month old. I didn't specifically invite him, but I knew my friend would be bringing him along.

marburs · October 2009

4 months old? wow. didyou have a crying room during the ceremony? we have the whole building, so people can go in the cocktail hour room during the reception. But- and I feel kinda guilty about this- I would be p!ssed if a baby cried throughout my ceremony. (i'm a horrible person, I know)

brivb10 · October 2009

you're not horrible at all! We're hoping the adult reception discourages child attendance to the wedding just for this reason, but we definitely won't deny "admission" to the wedding if they have a kid or anything. We're just trying to avoid that.

dicer2 · October 2009

I'm sure that if he had started crying, my friend would have taken him into the back of the church. I would not have asked them to leave the baby at home being as young as he was, and it meant more to me to have my friend there even if her baby cried during the ceremony!

KRMac · October 2009

LOL - to me, the 4 month old would be easier to invite/deal with than the 2 year old! My friend is getting married in August and it looks like my mom won't be in town then. The baby will be 6ish months old then...will I feel comfortable enough leaving him with someone else at that point? I have no idea yet. With my mom, for sure. But I'm not even sure how I would feel about one of my aunts or cousins...especially because they have their own little ones to look after.To me, the issue with a wedding is that it is a LOOOOONG day to leave your baby. It isn't like you are grabbing dinner or going to see a movie. So I might not want to leave a really young baby, especially if I was nursing. But everyone is different and I wouldn't be upset if you didn't want an infant there!My cousin didn't bring her 2 year old son to our ceremony because he likes to talk about "Jesus being naked up there." Loudly.

My church also has cry rooms.

missizz · October 2009

LOL, babies don't cry 100% of the time! I would also think that whoever was caring for your friend's baby would take them to another room if they were crying. I also doubt that they would take a baby to the wedding if they're in it. A 2 yr old is one thing, a 3 month old baby is another.

AMK2009 · October 2009

My cousin didn't bring her 2 year old son to our ceremony because he likes to talk about "Jesus being naked up there."OMG. I'm LOLing at this.I would totally bring a 4 month old baby to a wedding, and I would have no problem going to a wedding 4 months after giving birth (heck, I have to go back to work after 6 weeks). My nephew was 3 months old at my wedding, and he was a perfect. They are easy at that time cause they'll sleep anywhere. He'd wake up, eat, then go back to sleep in his bouncer. At my brother's wedding last month, my nephew was 8 months, and it was a little more difficult because he would not just go to sleep in his chair with the noise and the people everywhere and he was cranky, and eventually my aunt took him home so he could sleep (and so my brother, the BM, didn't have to leave the wedding early).

d78 · October 2009

I skimmed through the responses here, since I should be doing my work, but was looking to procrastinate! :-) Personally, I found the all or nothing approach to work best for us. That way, if anyone asked, we could say we had to use general rules to draw a line somewhere. For instance, we invited all kids (and I was disappointed they didn't all come!), none of DH's coworkers (his decision), and and none of the students that work for me (just my actual co-workers and there are only two of them).

king26 · October 2009

I think it's up to you who to invite to your wedding from work. We have about 35 staff members in our building. I think I'm just inviting my 2 aides and their husbands because I'm fairlyy close to both of them. They've worked for me for the past 4 years, and we go out as couples some times. I'm also inviting the other special ed teacher, because we are together during the school day all the time. I like a lot of other co-workers, but I don't want it to get out of control, so I figure inviting my own staff, plus the other teacher will work well. As for kids, I agree with some that say if you invite some but not others, feelings will be hurt. We are having an adult reception with only kids who are in the wedding (4 of them) being at the reception. They are my closet family, so it works out.

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