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FMIL wants to invite their whole church...

agape1cor813agape1cor813
100 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, when my fiance e-mailed his version of the guest list, there was a line that included "Open invitation to (Church name) family." I said there was no way  we would do that, and he said his mom "just wants to post an invitation on the board so people can send money or gifts." I told him if they want to put an announcement in the bulletin it is one thing, but to put an invitation up in a public place could lead people to think they are invited, which put would put my family (who is hosting and footing the bill) in an awkward spot.

Who is right in this case?
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Re: FMIL wants to invite their whole church...

  • ExpatPumpkinExpatPumpkin member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    You are correct.  Open invitations are a recipe for disaster.  What if people show up?  Will you have enough chairs and food for an unknown amount of possible guests?
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You are right.  Don't do an open invitation just to get gifts and cash.
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  • LesPaulLesPaul member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    In some places it is common to invite the congregation to the wedding ceremony, and it is understood that they only attend the reception if they received an invitation.  I attended a wedding like this once (the ceremony was during the regular Sunday service).  It's tricky, though - I would be worried sick about reception-crashers.
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  • agape1cor813agape1cor813
    100 Comments
    I'm really grateful I am correct on this one.

    I talked to my mom about it, and we feel since they are not really contributing any money to the wedding, they shouldn't get much say in details like that.
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  • cenglecengle member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments
    Yes, you are right here.  What FMIL wants to do could lead to a disaster.  However, I think what you mentioned about putting a notice in the church bulletin, that you're getting married, I think that would be fine.
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  • andy71781andy71781 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-wants-invite-their-whole-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b7b2569d-6193-4c1b-a5f9-df0994b5f388Post:a2049f64-afce-4f0b-a16c-5401c68ca821">Re: FMIL wants to invite their whole church...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm really grateful I am correct on this one. I talked to my mom about it, and we feel since they are not really contributing any money to the wedding, they shouldn't get much say in details like that.
    Posted by agape1cor813[/QUOTE]

    Heck no - you are paying so you do what you want to.  Open invitations sound horrific for planning/budget purposes. 
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  • FutureMrsTRFutureMrsTR
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary
    I mean, technically, a church is a public place of worship so if someone from his congregation wants to attend just the ceremony I think they can.

    But your FMIL's thinking of "put a notice up so people will send money and gifts" is heinous.
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  • cenglecengle member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-wants-invite-their-whole-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b7b2569d-6193-4c1b-a5f9-df0994b5f388Post:e02d5d25-6803-40a8-a4f8-f4e200fae766">Re: FMIL wants to invite their whole church...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I mean, technically, a church is a public place of worship so if someone from his congregation wants to attend just the ceremony I think they can. But your FMIL's thinking of "put a notice up so people will send money and gifts" is heinous.
    Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

    Right, I think it would be okay for an announcement to go into the bulletin or something, so that church members can come to the ceremony if they want, but I think it's a bad idea to have an actual invitation out where everyone can see it.  I think that would imply that everyone is invited to the reception, at least to some minds.
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  • dawnmarie0627dawnmarie0627
    1000 Comments
    In most churches, an announcement automatically goes into the weekly bulletin. I'm not sure about all churches, but in a catholic church the marriage date and the 2 names will be posted in the bulletin the 3 weeks before the ceremony. The priest marrying us explained that it serves 2 purposes: the first is to let the congregation know that you are getting married and they are welcomed to attend the ceremony and the second is that if anyone is suspicious of the marriage (someone is already married or something like that) they can anonymously report it to the priest.

    Stick to your guns on this one. No good will come from an "open invitation".
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  • KnittibellKnittibell
    1000 Comments
    You are- that's a hot mess just waiting to happen! Post it in the church bulliten and leave it at that!
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