PhD Setting Date-Help!

So my FI and I just got engaged and I'm kinda anxious about setting the date. Here's the situation: He currently lives in another state and I've just moved to TX for a PhD program. He has already requested a transfer here and been promised one when his current project is finished (that could be Feb or as late as June depending on variables). We're both in our early thirties, but don't plan kids... no rush there. I desperately want to be married at my parents home. For one thing, the yard is georgeous, for another it has enormous meaning to my family and me. If I want to go this route, it really needs to be a late summer wedding for weather reasons. He's not all that into the planning part. He's happy to help with doing things, but has been honest that with a few exceptions, doesn't really care about most of the choices to be made. I'm fine with that. I'm struggling with the idea of planning this wedding while living alone in a new city, so far from the venue, not knowing when my FI will get here. 10 months seems like a long time until I figure in the rediculous stress of this new program I'm in.... I actually put my underwear on inside out twice this week without noticing (I'm exhausted). I never knew I could endure this much stress with this little sleep, and now planning a wedding... sigh. I like the IDEA of getting married in August 2010, but am thinking of pushing it out till August 2011 to reduce stress, have him here for the process, have more time, adjust to all the other transitions in my life, etc. But OMG, 22 months????? I need a sounding board here. I don't want to half-a** our wedding. We both waited so long to meet "the one" and I want to really celebrate. At the same time, I feel like an engagement that long is anticlimatic. I can't decide. Any thoughts?

Re: PhD Setting Date-Help!

  • Oh my dear I can totally relate. Here's the deal: I'm in my second year as a PhD student, 8 hours from "home" (where the wedding will be) and not living with FI.  I will be defending my masters a few weeks before our wedding. I may be crazy.Originally we had this same "should we wait a year" conversation. I wanted to, he didn't (but I know I would be planning most of the wedding). I let him convince me to do the wedding this coming year - and I'm really glad I did!In the end, it takes a lot of time (and some stress) to plan a wedding, but doing it by next August is TOTALLY do-able. I found once I started planning that I wouldn't have WANTED a whole extra year because I already know most of what I want. It would have been like dragging out stress even longer.You find that you just fill in wedding planning in the extra 10/20 minutes of your day that you would normally be doing something else. Eventually it all adds up to a lot of planning :). Just make sure you have a great support network (bridesmaids, parents, whatever!) who can help you even if they are far away.  It will make all the difference!Hope that helps feel free to send me a message if you need to chat!~Lauren
  • I guess I'm not really going to help you decide with my opposing opinion, but I would wait.  Yes, it is possible to plan a wedding in less than a year, but I know I couldn't handle it.  Our engagement is about a year and a half and I'm already feeling insane.  Some of that is stress from having time to save money, though; if your parents are paying for the wedding, that will alleviate that issue.When you add in the factors of waiting for you FI to move, adjusting to your new program (you just started a couple of months ago?) AND a new town...well...I think it's safer to wait.  Then again, it really depends on how much help you'll have with planning (it's just FI and I) and paying.
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  • For starters, Skype = best invention ever. That way, before he gets to TX, you can at least talk about wedding issues without racking up enormous phone bills. Skype to Skype calls are free. I know how PhD student pensions are. Spend some time with your fiance discussing the merits and drawbacks of pushing the wedding back a year.Like another poster said, set aside some time every day to do a little planning. It could be during a lunch break, while you're waiting for an experiment to finish, something. It'll give your brain something else to think about for a while.There's a PhD student in my lab (I'm a senior undergrad doing research) planning her wedding long-distance too; her fiance lives in India.
  • Thanks y'all. I'm still on the fence with the date, but we got some good news today... my FI's transfer here was approved. It will likely be March or April before a position open up here, but they are following through, and it looks like a relocation package too. Whew! Maybe August 2010 is do-able.... still pondering.
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