Pros/Cons of Hyphenating last name

punkyshoester · October 2009

Good morning! My last name is a strong part of who I am, and although I have two brothers to carry on the namesake, it still doesn't change the fact that I would like to keep it. My H has no opinion or problem with it either way...just wanted to get some opinions.I wanted to ask the ladies who have hyphenated their names post-marriage for any insight they can provide in to the pros and cons of doing so. Have you run into any trouble? Why did you decide to hyphenate, rather than just take your Hs last name? Any other viewpoints/opinions are greatly appreciated!Thank you!!

laurenclaire1386 · October 2009

My mom didn't change her name her name when she married my dad. My brother and I took our dad's last name. She has no brothers and didn't want to get rid of it. Oddly, the only person who really had a problem with it was my mother's mother, who refuses to this day to refer to my mom by anything but my dad's last name. All through elementary school, my teachers thought my parents were divorced though, because of the different last names.Personally, I'm not down with hyphenating. It just seems to complicate things. And, if you're having kids, would their names be hyphenated also?

lyndausvi · October 2009

Uhggg... I did not hyphenate but still have 2 names. I really regret my choice. It's been a PITA.Example: flying. America Airlines does not do 2 names. So my name is smashed together on the ticket. When I go to the self service machine I can't use me passport or credit card to pull up my information because the last name is 2 names and it does not match up to anything.Some places will pick one of the 2 names instead of both. Not really a big deal. But it becomes confusing. At the doctors I have to listen for either my maiden, hislast name or both.Overall it's just been annoying correcting people.

ggmae · October 2009

I felt the same way. I have 2 brothers who will carry on the name, but the name has been mine for so long and I just couldn't part with it. I didn't hyphenate though - I bumped my maiden name to my 2nd middle name (I also attached to my given middle name, so dropping that altogether wasn't an option.) So now, I am FirstName MiddleName MaidenName DH'sLastName. On my license, I put my maiden name initial, but all 4 names are on my SS card. On our joint account, I am FirstName MaidenName DH'sLastName, but on my own bank account I am all 4. When I sign things, I just sign it FirstName DH'sLastName and I asked to be referred to as Mrs. DH'sLastName. When we have kids, they will have DH'sLastName/my new last name.So, it's not as confusing as it sounds - I just couldn't choose which name to drop and just kept them both.

BecW2be · October 2009

Can you drop your middle name and keep your maiden? Or keep both middle and maiden and add last? Hyphens will confuse people and just aren't worth the trouble.

maggyruth · October 2009

My FI and I were just discussing this last night. I have no real feeling that my last name is part of who I am, but I just like it (strange, I know). I WANT to take his last name. He mentioned the middle name thing to me, and I think that might be what I go with.

dsouldiva · October 2009

I haven't done it but the link below has some cons to doing this:http://www.oddee.com/item_96453.aspxI would say unless it's ridiculous, like the ones attached, there's no reason not to if that's what you want to do.

LesPaul · October 2009

I personally don't like hyphenating. I moved my maiden name to my middle name. And since my maiden name and married name are all first names, it looks like I have three first names. Really four, including my original middle name.

Moneypenny424 · October 2009

Like ggmae, I have four names (2 middle names). I go by First Maiden Married. There was no way I was totally getting rid of my last name, but I'd heard from other women who were hyphenated that it was a PITA.

tenofcups4me · October 2009

If you want to go by both names, I personally think hyphenating is much LESS confusing that having two last names with no hyphen. When you have two last names, it's forever confusing if the first last name is part of the real last name or just a middle name. For example, there's Jane Smith Doe. Is her last name Smith Doe? Or is Smith a middle name and Doe is the last name? (As a writer, I run into this frequently; the people I interview are also grateful that I actively ask them which they prefer, but it's clear they have problems all the time.) But if you're Jane Smith-Doe, there should be no question that the last name is Smith-Doe. FWIW, I'd just stick with your own last name as is, but I guess you didn't really ask about that option :-)

ScarletGem · October 2009

I have two last names. I just added DH's last name as a second last name and kept the rest of my name the same. He honestly didn't care either way, but I wanted to legally have his last name. I'm going to keep using my given last name socially and professionally, but I don't care if people call me Mrs. Hislast. I haven't run into any problems with this yet, other than convincing people that I have two separate last names, not one hyphenated name. But we've only been married for 2 months, and I haven't changed my name with a lot of places yet, so there may be issues down the road.

lyndausvi · October 2009

Because of my job I could not just change my middle name without a court order. I did not want to get rid of my maiden name yet I wanted to take DH's name. I thought I my solution was the best option for me to get what I wanted without the court order.If I had to do it again, I would have picked one name. Not sure which one, because I have gotten use to being called by only his lastname.

punkyshoester · October 2009

Thanks to all for replying. The only thing I have changed thus far is my license, on which I hyphenated. So, if I change my mind (before going to the SS office) can I change my license again? Or leave it as is. The only other option I would consider is "FirstName MiddleName LastName HisLastName". Argh - this post has actually made me considerably more confused! haha. I guess I just have to think about it!Thanks again!

brndmrkl · October 2009

I'm more attached to my maiden name than my middle name. I actually don't really like my middle name. So my maiden name will become my middle name. My new initials will be BMW. I think it's cool.

SarahSmile23 · October 2009

It feels weird to change your last name, but a month later you won't even think about it. I'm very anti-hyphenating, though. All the ladies I know who did it are very high-maintenance.

ggmae · October 2009

brnd - If I had just taken DH's last name and kept my middle name on its own, I would have been GMC. Yours is way cooler.

jamm2019 · October 2009

Just do what you like. It didn't matter to me to take my husbands last name. I still have my identity...Although my maiden name was not common, and my new last name is common.

lpstl · October 2009

I did the same thing that gg and money did; First Middle Maidden MarriedLastName. It was really easy with the DMV, SS, Banks, etc. The only issue I've had is with my HR department, they just don't get it. But overall I'm happy with the decision.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

My last name IS a strong part of my identity. It's unusual and I really, really like it. Unfortunately, it's also 9 letters with a capital letter in the middle. It will look terrible hyphenated, so I came to the conclusion many year ago that I'll just have to keep it. (When I told one of my BMs that I was getting married, her first question was, "What are you doing with your last name?!" She thinks it's nice, too!)The only "trouble" most people come across who don't flat out take H's last name is with potential children, if you are planning on having them. Some people want the family to all have the same last name. Some don't like that the kids just get H's last name when they're both their children, etc. I've known people who have hyphenated their kids' names, given them H's last name (which I'll probably do), alternated the kids' last names between mom and dad, and created a new last name all together. There's no one solution for any of this.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

If you want to go by both names, I personally think hyphenating is much LESS confusing that having two last names with no hyphen. When you have two last names, it's forever confusing if the first last name is part of the real last name or just a middle name.I 100% agree with this. I would never assume a person had 2 last names. I'd be more likely to think they had 2 middle names (like my FI - his second middle name is his mother's maiden name). Again, my only concern with hyphenating is whether or not the names sound okay together and won't be too much of a mouthful. I knew a guy who had a hyphenated last name and each part was 3-4 syllables. Yikes. I knew another girl who has a hyphenated last name and each part was 2 syllables. It was her birth name and she adored it.

ExpatPumpkin · October 2009

Whew, this thread makes me so happy I live in Mexico... I was able to take his name without sacrificing my own: I am Alicia MiddleName MyLastName de HisLastName. I mostly go by Alicia de HisLastName down here. The downside of this is that it literally states that I belong to him, but that's just language semantics

I didn't even change my name in the States - my passport, etc. is the same. If we lived in the States, however, I probably would have dropped my middle name and become the above, but without the de.

ExpatPumpkin · October 2009

Oh, and our children will be named: Name MiddleName HisLastName MyLast Name

kate51485 · October 2009

Expat, do you guys plan to live in Mexico always? Just curious

mynameskatie · October 2009

My Fi and I have kind of the opposite problem. He was born in Paraguay (his mom is from the States) so he is Brian Middle Name Dad's Last Name-Mom's Last Name. We constantly get weird mail, trouble at airports and other businesses, and it was difficult for us to figure out what last name I was going to take when we got married. Finally we talked to his parents about it and they're cool with him legally dropping his Mom's last name. Its going to make life a lot easier.

jamm2019 · October 2009

I knew a couple where the wife kept her last name. When they had kids they had her last name as their middle name and then their fathers last name.

brookelynpaisley · October 2009

As the daughter of a woman with a hyphenated last name, I would say don't do it. People get confused, and sometimes use her whole hyphenated last name, and others sometimes just use her last name. Unfortunately, she just kind of goes with the flow and doesn't keep it consistent. I actually almost got dropped from all my classes in college one semester because my tuition funds weren't applied correctly because of discrepancies with her last name. I think it's a hassle. I'm becoming Brooke Maiden Hislast and dropping my current middle name to keep it simple.

mmm_080809 · October 2009

I hyphenated and don't regret my decision at all. I love it. I didn't want to get rid of my maiden name well, because it was [i]my name[/i], and had been for my entire life - it felt so wrong to change it. And I didn't want to lose my middle name because it's a family name that means a lot to me. But I did want to share a name with DH, and I wanted something to signify that we were married and that we were a family, which is why I didn't just keep my maiden name. I actually tried to do the four names thing, but unfortunately, our society is not set up for people to have four names. My maiden name kept getting left off of important documents - our BMV wouldn't let me put all my names on my driver's license, etc. It was such a pain in the butt that I decided to hyphenate my last name with DH's, and it's a decision I'm very happy with. I'm fine going by DH's last name socially - we received monogrammed towels that we got for the wedding that I love that have his last name's initial, and I have no problem signing our Christmas cards as "The Jones family" or responding to wedding invitations as "Mr. and Mrs. Jones". But legally and professionally, my name is First Middle Maiden-Married. Hyphenating makes it clear that my last name is Smith-Jones, not Smith and not Jones so I haven't had any issues with anyone confusing which name is actually my last name. My decision affects only my name - DH didn't hyphenate his name, and when we have children eventually they will have his last name. It's a very personal decision, you just have to go with what you feel is best. GL!

Pros/Cons of Hyphenating last name

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