WWYD: Speak up or keep your mouth shut?

Button5807 · October 2009

Update: I've spoken with my friend and she didn't appreciate what I had to say. According to her what she's doing is harmless and if she wants to do it every afternoon for the rest of her life it doesn't matter. "It's just a joke, I like the attention. I don't get enough at home so what's the matter with getting it elsewhere, IT'S JUST WORDS!"*sigh* Needless to say I don't see us being as close as we used to be...

Chunkobutt · October 2009

IT'S JUST WORDS!for now...

jeanacorina · October 2009

Button, I know it's tough. Some days I miss being able to just talk about NORMAL stuff with my friend. But after a year of listening to all the "juicy" details of her divorce, the guys she slept with before her divorce was even final, and hearing "OMG I really think this guy could be the ONE!" one day, and then "Well, I met a guy at the bar last night, and he's so incredibly hot! I know you don't approve, but we spent the night together" the next day... I am so over her.We used to talk about our cats, vegetarian cooking, politics, and our respective travels. Now, everything she talks about has a penis.I mean, the other night she called me, and needed "emergency" advice on what to make for some friends of hers that want her to cook a vegan meal for them. Then she talks all about her current BF, who she is SO IN LOVE WITH even though she was SO IN LOVE with another guy when this one came along. Then she asks about my wedding plans, and I kid you not-- I say two sentences and she CUTS ME OFF and says "Oh! I have to go, BF is calling me! Bye!"I haven't talked to her in weeks. And apparently she doesn't mind enough to talk to me about my life instead of rushing to answer a call from her BF that she spoke with less than an hour ago.Friends suck sometimes. I forgot to put her on my guest list. Might be a sign.

loopy82 · October 2009

Sorry Button. Maybe she'll come to her senses one day. Personally if I were having a fantasy/virtual/vocal, etc affair I would feel pretty darn guilty.

Button5807 · October 2009

...exactly. I told her that I disagreed with her point of vew and was choosing to end the conversation before it turned spiteful. (Which was uncharacteristically mature on my part) But not before she had time to insinuate that I was jealous of multiple people being interested in her. Ugh, this is the WRONG WEEK of the month for this B.S. :-/

notquiteblushing · October 2009

Oh man that's rough. I can't afford to lose any more friends but sometimes I think mine are side-eye worthy too.

Chunkobutt · October 2009

ooof, sorry button but her words are not sitting well with me.Not only are these just words FOR NOW, but technically this can be considered an emotional affair. She needs some couples counseling imo.

loopy82 · October 2009

Wow! I can't believe she turned this into you being jealous. At that point I think I would have no option but to walk away for awhile.

Button5807 · October 2009

I'm sure she'll go on happily living her life until this guy says he wants to be with her and then she'll pick fights with her BF until he dumps her so she doesn't look like the bad guy. Then she'll come running to me for advice and comfort etc... hopefully I'm not there anymore.It's not a nice thought but I'm currently entertaining the idea that since he's married it won't work out and for once she'll be alone, maybe then she'll find some sense of self...

Acrosthec · October 2009

If she freely admits that she's doing this because she doesn't get enough attention at home, that should be her first red flag that the relationship she's in is not for her. And it's perfectly ok to admit that you don't like your relationship and end it. However, to be into getting attention from married men instead of ones that are single because your relationship is sour...she may need counseling. I just don't see that as normal.Also, something you said irked me. You said you met the guy on campus once when he came to visit her for one of their "romps?" Have they been together before? If so, I would think it's even more likely that the "words" will soon turn into actions because it's already comfortable for them as they know each other...carnally.

Button5807 · October 2009

Acro - Their relationship is a weird one, she had a friend who was big into internet dating in high school and this guy was one of the people her friend talked to, eventually the friend decided this guy wasn't for her but she invited him over anyway and sort of passed him off to my friend. They fooled around that night and then spent the next year or so just chatting online, talking about everything.She admitted she never had feelings for him, and when they did actually start hooking up it was because she was bored. That was about 5 years ago and since then they've just chatted almost everday online and as far as I know this is the first time it's started to go back into that direction.I can't be sure though because I know she's been unfaithful before but that only came out after the fact. I've been operating under the assumption that she'd grown up and moved passed that but now I'm starting to wonder...

KD+BC · October 2009

"it's just words" = he hasn't made a move....yet.

MidniteRae · October 2009

She's been unfaithful before? Sucks for her boyfriend. Hopefully he comes to his senses and dumps her.

SassyBrass · October 2009

I like how she said "It's just words", and also says "I'm not getting enough at home".Um... you're not getting enough words? Yeah I bet. Unfortunately, she's gonna do whatever she wants if she has the opportunity. If she's really craving that kind of attention, it will turn into more than words. I wouldn't call either of them "stand up" people. It has nothing to do with jealousy, and I think on some level she knows what she's doing is wrong. I wouldn't have a second thought about it if she said she had a dream about it or something, but actively having these conversations with the potential person? I'd say it's only a matter of time before they're boning. And she wants you to hear about it and act like it's great girl talk. I'd keep my distance from her for now.

WWYD: Speak up or keep your mouth shut?

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