destination vs small home wedding

skits_1 · October 2009

Hi ladies, My FI and I got engaged late august and are planning to get married in august 2010. I've never wanted a full on large wedding, and he's rather shy as well so I found a place which coulc accomodate our group of 50. I'm about to put down a deposit for that and the ceremony location.While I definitely dont expect him to plan any details, and for that matter Im starting to see that they are bogging me down, The other night, I heard him talking to a family member and saying that he's not that involved only for the big stuff and that the wedding is "just for me". Now, a little context, we are older, already own a home together, are financially stable etc.I'm starting to think that the idea of a wedding might just be silly seeing how we are older. And to clarify we did talk after I heard his conversation (I heard a snippet) so this might be out of context, and he basially said he wants to BE married and does not care about napkin colors etc. Part of me should be happy, I know all he wants now is kids, but part of me is like should we even bother with the wedding and go down south?Anyone in similar life situation and how did you handle it. I havent been living at home for many many years so I find it maybe a bit odd to have a wedding?TIA

scoetto · October 2009

I don't think a wedding is silly at all. No matter what age. If you want a wedding, have one. A destination wedding will probably limit your guests (not everyone will be able to afford to attend) so if you want something small, that might be your best route. Congrats & good luck!

ac_in_dc · October 2009

I'm 36 and this is a second marriage for me. I wound up having a fairly standard issue wedding (church, white dress, 100 people, dancing, cake). Mostly because DH hadn't been married before and he wanted to have a chance to invite his family and friends to a celebration. And I'm the youngest of a big family and my brothers & sisters and nieces & nephews were all really happy for us and wanted to celebrate....we hadn't had a wedding in my family for 10 years or so.Just keep whatever you do fairly relaxed and don't wear a big poufy dress and you'll be fine. On the other hand...It sounds like you & your FI may have a different situation than we did...like you want something smaller. I'd talk it over and figure out together if you want to elope or not. If you don't want to elope, are there people you absolutely must have at a wedding? What's the easiest way to accommodate them at a party? Something local, a casual bbq, etc.

aMrsin09 · October 2009

We were in almost the same situation, older, this was his 2nd and my first. Don't underestimate what he "isn't saying. When I wanted to throw in the towel and do a JoP to save the money, that's when it came out that HE really wanted a wedding. His words were "we only get once to do it right".We had a very small immediate family only wedding in the morning and just took everyone to lunch at an upscale restaurant. No napkin colours, no place cards, none of the "irritants", that bigger weddings have.

salt78 · October 2009

Weddings are never silly or odd, but all those things about napkin colors and all that jazz didn't matter to me either. We are both in our early 30's and having a small destination wedding.

LauraW313 · October 2009

If you don't have a wedding and just go to the JOP, are you going to regret it? I did a JOP the first time and missed the emotion and reverence of that special day. I am getting married in March to a wonderful man, and he actually understands that the day is for both of us. Our colors are actually based on our favorite superhero-Superman. We both wanted a wedding because he's never been married, and I want to have God involved in this wedding, since He wasn't at the last. Your FI may not want to pick napkin colors, but I am sure he will get into the enjoyment of the day and the bonding that celebrating it with friends and family brings. Give him small tasks that are important but don't bog him down with details. Have something that day that only stands for him, some symbol or momento, and he will feel more involved-help him understand that it is his day too.

skits_1 · October 2009

to aMrs09: Yes I completely see what you are saying. Last night I felt bad that he said the wedding was "just for me" and told him I am not sure of what I want anymore. He said why not? We have an awesome restaurant along with a great location (we visited both on Thanksgiving) then the weekdn after he told me out of the blue how excited he is for our wedding..So the hard part is that I would feel bad having a wedding just for me, when really It's OUR day. It's just making me think about what I want. Also does not helo that everyon under the sun is all about wedding stuff, its annoying Ive got a lot of other things to do!

skits_1 · October 2009

Laura: I completely agree about giving him small tasks. The other night a song was playing he said hey! They should play this at our wedding, can you write it down?Hes started a playlist, thought about first dance... he also wants to plan the honeymoon and I agreee 100% to that! At the tasting, if we go with the restaurant, I want him to choose the food & wine...I think those are great tasks. I guess im freaking out for nothing...its PMS for sure..Thanks everyone for your kind responses!

ac_in_dc · October 2009

I won't lie, it *is* work to plan a wedding. But a lot of the crap people think you need to worry about can be ignored. The folks on this board (p&e) are surprisingly sane, and there are a lot of people here who have had casual, laid back parties where they didn't fuss too much about flowers & placecards & napkins & favors. What I did was hire vendors that I really liked & trusted (which took some research early on), gave them a very rough vision, and did whatever they suggested. It worked out well.

bbyckes · October 2009

I agree with others that it isn't silly to have a wedding regardless of what age you are. We will be 35 and 40 when we marry. If you want a wedding, have one. I even presented FI with the option of just JOP'ing it and I too, was surprised that he in fact really wanted a wedding. He wanted to "do it right." We haven't been living at home either for the longest, that has nothing to do with the concept of celebrating two people who have chosen to make a committment to one another. The ceremony of 50 sounds nice. I hope things work out for you, I don't see how you'll regret it.

LauraW313 · October 2009

Also have him in on the selection of the music when you enter as man an wife into the reception. My FI and I talked about it and we are entering to the Superman theme from the movie. Get something different than the usual stuff played that shows the playfulness for your personalities. Good idea about the wine tasting and having him choose. If you have questions for him, give him a choice between 2 or 3 things. Guys like to "fix" stuff (problems) and they like to keep it simple.

aMrsin09 · October 2009

Ac is right. I could have gotten into a lot more (and almost did) but I put all my energy into the ceremony since that is what DH "wanted to do right". Since I was planning from overseas, it took A LOT of work to find the right restaurant, but once I did, I just let them do thier job. As it turns out I accidently picked the place that had won Best Restaurant in Perth for 5 or so years.I stressed about music a bit becuase our venue was a bit strange but in the end, that even changed up last minute. To this day they tell me DH picked a song, but I have no idea what I walked to.

baystateapple · October 2009

You can make a wedding personal and not fussy at all.Sit down with FI and talk about what he really DOES care about. Chances are there will be at least one thing that he has his heart set on. Good photography? Good food? Having the people he loves there to witness? Focus on the BIG things that you both agree on, and forget the rest. Nobody's going to care about personalized napkins or cutesy little favors. And it's so not worth getting stressed out about those things. Focus on what's important to BOTH of you, and hang the rest. It's a very good chance that none of those things are crucial, anyway.

sarabellam · October 2009

If you want a wedding, then have a wedding. I wanted to JOP it, husband wanted to have a wedding. So we had a small wedding that satisfied us both. Did we worry about napkin colors, DJ's, centerpieces... not so much. We did have awesome reception food (he prepared most of it) and a killer cake (which I made).

destination vs small home wedding

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