What do you think?

ring_pop · October 2009

They say the first year of marriage is the hardest. I see how this might be true for a couple that have never lived together before, but do you think it applies to couples who lived together before the wedding? Does anything really change after the wedding?H and I moved in together about 4 months before the wedding. I didn't think things would change after the wedding, but they have, a little. I can't quite put my finger on it. It's probably just the adjustment from wedding-planning mode to normal-life mode. We had never lived together before we were engaged. Whether this will be "hard" to deal with remains to be seen, but for now I quite like the change.

pinkpinot · October 2009

I always think about this. IMO I think it applies to people who haven't lived together.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · October 2009

My friend and her H had lived together for 2 years before their wedding (about a year before they got engaged). She still said it was the hardest year, by far (they've been married almost 5 now).We're so new, I couldn't tell you if anything is different. I honestly don't think it's hit us yet. We keep telling each other that it doesn't feel any different (we've lived together about a month after getting engaged, so maybe 15 months or so).

laurenclaire1386 · October 2009

I'm not married yet, so I'm not really qualified to say one way or the other. But, FI and I live together now. I can't see how our day-to-day lives are going to change after we're married. We do everything married couples do, already. Joint bank account. Merging of stuff, etc. I can't see how our relationship will change, except its legal status. Oh, and my last name will be different after we're married.

arbolita · October 2009

We lived together for about two years prior to the wedding, and nothing feels different.

georgia_bride09 · October 2009

My husband and I lived together before we were married; we've actually lived together for the majority of our relationship. I still believe that the first year is difficult in that you're setting up roles and responsibilites for life. We moved into a new house and that, too, has had its challenges. Plus, there's a different family dynamic when you're married- the inlaws expect more of you, or they do in our case. I think it would be 100% if all of our issues were brand new because we didn't live together first. You don't really know someone until you live together. There's an intimacy that doesn't come until you know someone's daily routines and patterns.

ExpatPumpkin · October 2009

We didn't live together until after the HM. Then we moved me and my stuff to his hometown. We will have been married for 9 months next weekend, and it's getting easier. When I get mad, sometimes I think "why did I do this"? But then those feelings go away

I think over time I won't feel that way anymore. Perhaps the first year is simply about accepting that your life has changed and you're not going back to the way it used to be.

Mrs.C-To-Be · October 2009

I would say it applies mostly to those couples who have not lived together. I have lived with FI for just about our entire relationship (5 yrs), and I honestly can't see anything making a difference after we are married. I mean I already know his "noises", irritants, bad and good habits, and everything in between. It's a benefit I think of living together before you get married. I can see the adjustement from full-on wedding mode to normal everyday life being a little bit of a change, but not so much if you have already lived that life with your spouse in an earlier stage.

scoetto · October 2009

In 1 month, J & I will hit our one year mark as being married. And yes, this was the hardest year of my entire life. We had a lot to deal with though - multiple surgeries for his back, custody battles, he had some personal demons to deal with, court cases, crazy exes, etc. It was super rough. Like, I wanted a divorce rough. It got better over 90 days ago when he got sober. And now we're back to normal. Even though I lost my job recently and he is looking at another surgery, we're looking at it as "we can get through this" where before it was "will we ever get through this".

danieliza1127 · October 2009

I had actually never heard that before last week when I read it in some post. My friend had told me that the first year of marriage was the best, as far as being all lovey dovey and in the "honeymoon" period. That I did find to be true.We had already been living together for almost 3 years when we got married, so it wasn't hard for us at all. I actually felt a positive shift in our relationship once we were married. It's hard to explain, but just some sort of permanence, comfort, partnership, thing that was there before but just stronger once we were married.I could see where a couple who had not lived together before would have a hard time adjusting at first.

Nebb · October 2009

I dont think it had anything to do with having gotten married, but our first year of marriage was the hardest in our relationship so far. We had a lot of financial trouble so we fought a lot (I was unemployed, then my husband was unemployed, then my hours at work were cut more than in half), we had a lot of stressful stuff happen and it seemed to even out and get better towards our anniversary. If anything though we really learned more about our finances and how to fight better, so it benefited us in some way.

sarah0725 · October 2009

I can't imagine anything being harder than all these years we're spending apart. But I guess I'll find out. Right now, when I think of living with FI I imagine lots of hugs and bunnies.

mandapanda78 · October 2009

Our first year of living together was the hardest, so I'm hoping that was the hurdle that most people talk about. We were together for 1.5 years and then moved in together. Almost a year after we moved in together we got engaged. I think it was so hard just because we were both in our 30s and so used to the way our lives were when we didn't have someone else around all the time.

ring_pop · October 2009

For us I think the main thing was getting used to always being around each other. As much as you want to spend time together, you also need "your" space. I definitely agree with this and I think I've been feeling a little of this lately. I happened to have a night alone at home last night and it was almost a sigh of relief, particularly since we live in a tiny condo that doesn't give us much personal space.

tidetravel · October 2009

Our first year of marriage was a trial if I have ever seen one. Granted, I write a lot of it off to "getting to know one another, again" since we moved in and got married within 9 months of reconnecting (dated several years ago.) But, really. DH lost his job and was in/out of work, there were several health problems he experienced (bacterial infection, lyme disease, fibromyalgia) and in our immediate family (stroke, heart attack, surgeries, NICU babies), cars broke down, communication issues, counseling for communication issues, legal/court issues, etc. We both lived our lives wondering "what next." And ironically, after the one year mark, everything seems to be turning around (not trying to jix it). I figured that if we could make it through all of that, we can make it through anything.

crfische · October 2009

Our first year was a walk in the park! Pretty freakin' awesome. But we lived together for about 9 months before we got married, too. We also didn't consume ourselves with wedding planning, and did it in three months, so I cant' even say that we really went through a wedding planning STAGE in our lives. We just kinda threw a big party and hoped for the best.

danieliza1127 · October 2009

so I cant' even say that we really went through a wedding planning STAGE in our lives.I feel the same way. For having had a typical reception and spending tons of time on the Knot, I still never understood people who got all stressed out from wedding planning or said they were consumed with it. I mean really, there just wasn't that much stuff to do. It didn't occupy any part of our normal lives really. We have drinks at a bar a couple of times a week so when we had to talk wedding, we just did it there. I don't get the big deal. Anyway, I digress.

squirrly · October 2009

I tend to think they mean living together too. The first 6 - 8 months of living together were very challenging at times, but it's gotten pretty "normal" by now. We're planning a 1000 mile move and new jobs for both of us right around the time of the wedding, though, so I suspect it'll be tough for that. I also think that living together will be EASIER for us when we move into a house together. Rather than FI just moving into my house. Sometimes he feels like he's camping out, instead of living there. (He didn't have much furniture to move in, so it doesn't look much different.)

julezlee · October 2009

DH and I's roughest year was actually probably our first year dating. It took us awhile to get the hang of our relationship and how to fight with each other. The year we lived together before the wedding was much easier than that. I only have 3 weeks of married life under my belt so I don't know if this first year will be uber tough but I am starting to feel different. This past weekend was just total married bliss. Neither of my parents called me for my birthday and I still had an amazing weekend because DH is my family now and that's finally hitting me. Hopefully it just stays good. I can see us having a bit of a rough year just because we're really anxious to move but we need to save up, find new jobs and all that.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · October 2009

Maybe that comes from when people married young and were broke for the first year?Yeah, but if you're splitting the cost of stuff/combining finances, it seems like it would be easier.We've lived together for almost 2 years, after dating for 7 months. I thought doing from a 7 month long LDR to him moving into my apartment (with roommates!) would be tough. The one roommate was the hardest part. Everything else seemed to be almost too easy.

jilybeans4 · October 2009

DH and I lived together for around 4 years or so before we got married. I would say the first year of living together was the hardest - but that was because of a lot of factors unrelated to living together (such as him being unemployed for several months and us moving out of state after about 10 months). Things have gotten easier in the time since. I've been married a little over 7 weeks, and none of the day to day stuff has changed at all. The only thing I've noticed is that I'm noticing some of the little stuff more - like him leaving his wet towel on the sink or socks in the living room - and its really hitting me for the first time that these are things i'm going to put up with for life. I knew that before of course but it didn't sink in to the same extent. I don't know that I'd call that "hard" though. Living together for the first time was hard!

mandysmear · October 2009

We've lived together for 4 years now. So, nothing really changed for us. THe feeling changed but I can't describe it. It's a good thing though.However, no this hasn't been the hardest. The hardest year on our relationship is the year my mom died.

[Deleted User] · October 2009

For us, I think the worst is over. It was a difficult adjustment, especially with the little guy, but I think we weathered the storm pretty well. We have our routines, chores and alone time all set and we have a great time together. Right now, our only challenge is that his schedule sucks and we don't feel like we get enough family time.

Mrs.C-To-Be · October 2009

I'll add, I think it depends on where you two are at in your lives, and what outside factors are playing a major role in your marriage. If you have several things come up all in the first year (like sceotto was saying), yes, I can see that being the hardest year for anyone.

Brie2010 · October 2009

By the time we're married, we will have lived together officially for one year and unofficially for about 2.5 years. I honestly think the first year of marriage will be better. Right now, we're a little paranoid about me getting pregnant accidentally (especially him) because it would be a huge deal to his family to have a kid before marriage. I'm hoping marriage will relax him at least on that front--if there's an accident after the wedding in that department, at least his parents won't freak out. We're also stressed about the wedding and WR costs, even though we're only paying for a part of it, so if nothing else it will be a financial burden out of the way.

crfische · October 2009

Right on, Dani. Right on.

Mrs.C-To-Be · October 2009

Oops, sorry...I didn't mean to make that all bold.

brittjoy84 · October 2009

FI and I have lived together for three years now so I don't see much changing. The first year we moved in together was definitely the hardest.

aMrsin09 · October 2009

Oh hell, I'd just like to live with my H at some point during our first year. It's not looking good for that. We've been married for less than 60 days and I'm already asking WTF did I do?!

jamm2019 · October 2009

We lived together for 6 yrs before we got married so nothing has changed since we have been married. I think the first year after we had our daughter was the hardest for us...I think it is different for everyone.

Calypso1977 · October 2009

we lived together (albeit as roommates, not as a married couple woud live) for 6 months prior to our wedding. marriage has been very different, most notably in the area of finances.

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