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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Cuss10
member
I seriously want to give a dress code.
I went to a friend's wedding last night. It was a formal wedding. One of the other guests showed up in a pair of knit Bermuda/ walking shorts and a cropped, off the shoulder tee shirt. She knew the venue was fancy and she knew it was a formal wedding. Her disrespect toward the bride at not even pretending to care astounds me.
I wouldn't actually give a dress code, but serious people should know you don't attend a wedding in gym clothes.
I wouldn't actually give a dress code, but serious people should know you don't attend a wedding in gym clothes.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I seriously want to give a dress code.
So don't worry about the dress code. If people want to look like tools then they will. Nothing will stop them from looking poor. Instead, the dress code will only irritate the guests who know better OR it will make some feel guilty that they may not look acceptable enough in their perfectly acceptable attire.
And the bride did notice. She had to ask the photogrpaher not to photograph this woman standing next to the cake table while they were cutting the cake.
[QUOTE]Since none of you could read where I said 'I wouldn't actually give a dress code' I'll say it againPosted by Cuss10[/QUOTE]
Um, I read it.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I seriously want to give a dress code. : Um, I read it.
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]
I have dial up internet, when I hit post only the first 2 replies were there.
If you invite these people to your wedding, you obviously care about them.
1. If they normally don't "dress up", why would you expect different for your wedding? That is how the person chooses to represent themselves outwardly...it is a reflection of themselves, not the bride nor groom.
2. If you care about this person, would you really let the way they are dressed impact whether or not you have pictures of them at your wedding? They have taken time out of their schedule to celebrate with you!
3. If the way someone else dresses at your wedding is going to have a negative impact on you, than you sound superficial.
Maybe they couldn't afford a nicer outfit, and picked the "best" one they had. Maybe something happened to what they had picked out and they had to wear that one....Maybe they have a medical condition in which they want to hide or have to avoid certain clothes/shoes because of said condition. Maybe they just don't realize you are supposed to wear 'nicer' clothes.
[QUOTE]Sometimes when people under-dress,<strong> it's not out of disrespect; it's because they are extremely uncomfortable in formal attire and have not had many occasions to do so before. It's not that they went through their closet and picked out the dingiest thing they could find;</strong> maybe they just aren't used to dressing up, and really do not feel comfortable spending an entire day or evening in a suit and tie and dress shoes or a very nice dress and heels and make-up. I would rather not judge my guests for their attire and assume they were out to sabotage my ambiance, and instead just hope that they were comfortable and enjoying themselves.
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This exactly. I seriously doubt they got up that morning and plotted to sabotage the wedding by dressing casually. I could care less what my guests choose to wear. If they show up looking tacky, they will only draw attention to themselves.
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[QUOTE]People would ignore the dress code, anyway. Unless, the venue actually turns people away. It's like when people write, "Adults Only" on the invitations... and people RSVP for their kids.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This. I also don't remember what anyone wore at our wedding either. To me, if someone dresses too casually, it only reflects poorly on them. They look ridiculous amongst everyone else who did dress appropriately, and that isn't a reflection of you.
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[QUOTE]Ok...to play devil's advocate a little bit.... If you invite these people to your wedding, you obviously care about them. 1. If they normally don't "dress up", why would you expect different for your wedding? That is how the person chooses to represent themselves outwardly...it is a reflection of themselves, not the bride nor groom. 2. If you care about this person, would you really let the way they are dressed impact whether or not you have pictures of them at your wedding? They have taken time out of their schedule to celebrate with you! 3. If the way someone else dresses at your wedding is going to have a negative impact on you, than you sound superficial. Maybe they couldn't afford a nicer outfit, and picked the "best" one they had. Maybe something happened to what they had picked out and they had to wear that one....Maybe they have a medical condition in which they want to hide or have to avoid certain clothes/shoes because of said condition. Maybe they just don't realize you are supposed to wear 'nicer' clothes.
Posted by HockeyFan4[/QUOTE<div>
</div><div>This. This. This.</div><div>
</div><div>Who do people care this much? I am thrilled for any of the guests who are at my DDs' weddings - that they took the time to come celebrate with us. I just seriously do not give a flying frogs fannie what they wear. I care far more about the person than the package. This only ruins or affect things for a bride if she chooses to be a drama queen.
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However I remember the person who dressed down to my wedding. And he knew better. The man was my father's age and he had married off two of his daughters at fine establishments. The dude dressed well for those events and his shirt didn't tuck in at my wedding.
He's the one who looked poor.
"Halloween may have loose women scantily clad...
But Christmas has a pregnant virgin.
Way cooler." - anna.oskar
My bf's sister adamantly disagrees and it's kinda funny watching her already big eyes get bigger when her mom said she wanted to wear pants to her Sweet 16 party lol.
Agree, as tempting as it is, you can't say anything about it. All you can do is take comfort in the fact that the only person who looks like an idiot is the idiot.
It's not "disrespect for the bride", it's just that some people don't really know what to do (etiquette wise, dress code wise, whatever). Don't take it personally if someone doesn't dress right for your wedding.
[QUOTE]I'm somewhat surprised at the posters claiming a person's comfort is more important than dressing appropriately. And I've done enough thrift store shopping in my impoverished days to know how cheaply one can get appropriate clothes. I'm most comfortable picking my nose and farting. I don't either of those at weddings.
Posted by j-harvey[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Most people do dress appropriately for weddings but I just don't see why this matters to a couple. If you invited them, they were important to you. If they have come to your wedding under-dressed this is probably how they are all the time, and all of a sudden this is a huge deal and will wreck a wedding or make the bride feel disrespected? I'm sorry I just think that is dumb. it is a one day party and if someone dresses down, why care?
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It won't ruin my wedding if someone shows up underdressed. I'll still be married. It'll still be a great day. And I'll still be glad they're there. But will I side-eye you and wonder about you later? You betcha.
[QUOTE]I am also mystified at the idea that it's more important to be comfortable than to dress appropriately for the occasion. <strong> I mean, this is the etiquette board, after all. We're all about determining what's the most appropriate and mannerly thing for people to do in certain situations. Part of that should be dressing appropriately for the situation at hand.</strong> It is about respect, for me. Both for yourself and for the people around you. Maybe I've been watching too much What Not to Wear, I don't know. But I do believe that people judge you on how you react when put in different situations, and showing up in appropriate clothing is part of that. And part of being a grownup is recognizing that you can't always have everything the way you want it, and sometimes you have to be uncomfortable for a little while in order to be appropriate. It won't ruin my wedding if someone shows up underdressed. I'll still be married. It'll still be a great day. And I'll still be glad they're there. But will I side-eye you and wonder about you later? You betcha.
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You are correct that guests SHOULD know how to dress. However, it's VERY rude to tell people what to wear by imposing a dress code. That's the difference.</div><div>
</div><div>Now, if someone asks you, "How formal is your wedding, what should I wear?" then I think it's fine to give suggestions. "The bridesmaids will be in long dresses and the groomsmen are wearing tuxedos. I think most people will be in cocktail attire." Or "Church clothes are fine!" Generally the people who "don't dress up" won't be the ones to ask you, because they generally aren't concerned about what other people think about their clothing.</div><div>
</div><div>I had two aunts show up in black jeans, cowboy boots, and dressy tops. I knew they would probably wear jeans, as that's what they've worn to other family weddings. But for them, that IS dressed up. Neither have a lot of money to go dress shopping, and they are both very uncomfortable in dresses. It was much more important to me to have them attend, regardless of what they were wearing. I would have hated for them to spend money they didn't have, or to spend all night being uncomfortable, just to feel like they were "dressed up enough." And really? They looked fine, and I doubt anyone noticed what they were wearing.
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I agree that a good photographer would avoid the person wearing something strange. But if they show up in photos -- whatever. If they're not part of the wedding party, it won't be that often. You can probably weed those photos out if you really want to, and if not -- doubt anyone will notice. If they do, hey...it reflects on them, not you.
Don't stress about it.
[QUOTE]Since none of you could read where I said 'I wouldn't actually give a dress code' I'll say it again. And the bride did notice. <strong>She had to ask the photogrpaher not to photograph this woman standing next to the cake table while they were cutting the cake.</strong>
Posted by Cuss10[/QUOTE]<div>
This bride sounds like a lovely woman. So concerned with judging her guests' fashion sense that she could not even enjoy cutting her cake. I hope she was not running around blocking photographs ALL night. "No, not this person." "Not that person either." "That bowtie is ghastly." "Oh, the girls are sagging too low, Great Aunt Margaret."</div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I seriously want to give a dress code. : This bride sounds like a lovely woman. So concerned with judging her guests' fashion sense that she could not even enjoy cutting her cake. I hope she was not running around blocking photographs ALL night. "No, not this person." "Not that person either." "That bowtie is ghastly." "Oh, the girls are sagging too low, Great Aunt Margaret."
Posted by runpipparun[/QUOTE]
Of the 98 people that RSVP'd 35 were actually there so this woman, the wife of a groomsman, that staked herself out next to the cake table all evening was exceptionally noticable.