Reversed Snobbery

I <3 Seabass · October 2009

Why do people think it's acceptable to criticize people for spending what they consider a ridiculous amount of money, but you would get flamed to high _hell if you said to someone "you're so cheap, you only spent $X" ?

illmollywopya · October 2009

I think its a jealousy thing, no one is jealous if you spent less than they did. If you spent more, they wish they could of spent more

ddelo23 · October 2009

good point. I don't have an answer tho.

USER876 · October 2009

because being frugal is the new rich

erikag23 · October 2009

i know this is so out there, but it is kind of like when people comment on how skinny you are that is acceptable, but if you comment on how fat someone is that is not acceptable.

uppereastgirl · October 2009

I've always wondered that too!!! (in real life, but probably more so here)

jaimelody · October 2009

Definitely because of the economy and some parts of jealousy. I know I feel it when I hear what people can afford to spend on their wedding that will only be one day. True it's your money to spend, but everyone has a different circumstance. I don't think you should be shunned for spending more money though.

Mye · October 2009

its lack of manners both ways!

mbcdefg · October 2009

I think it's because some people can't help it that they can only afford to spend a small amount on something, and you don't know if someone is being cheap or if they're genuinely poor. Whereas anyone who's spending a large amount of money can always scale it back if they choose. I think they're being criticized for NOT choosing to scale back. Plus, with the economy being in the shiitter nowadays, I think a lot of people want to lay a guilt trip on people who spend a lot, because so many people cannot afford to do extravagant things anymore.

Lola Minnie · October 2009

Totally agree with Nic here. It's kind of sad if you think about it.

soontobemrsdavis · October 2009

i agree and I see why a lot of people dont share prices. I def see it more on boards that have a wide mix of areas bc overall our prices here are way out there in comparison to other areas in the country. Im more in the camp of I wish i would have been able to spend more on xyz..dont hate appreciate (corny I know!! lol)

uppereastgirl · October 2009

User, it pre-dates the poor is the new rich thing -- people were definitely doing that here back in 2007. People would ask a simple "How much are you paying for x?" and if people who were using more expensive vendors answered (which can be helpful to establish the range of what's normal, or to find out what certain vendors charge without having to send away for info from the vendor), people would kind of flip out.The way I looked at it is, we're all planning our weddings, we aren't friends in real life and aren't in competition with each other, why can't we all just be honest and forthcoming instead of having to do the "I'll email you to tell you how much my vendor cost." I now understand that this board isn't as anonymous as I thought it was back then, but I do kind of wish that it was okay to ask questions about high-end vendors, or to share info about them without getting flamed here. Not everyone is on the same budget, high or low.

mbcdefg · October 2009

I don't really know if it's a matter of "jealousy" in all cases. If someone spends $200K on a wedding, I just think that's stupid. Sure, I'd love to have $200K, but if I did I wouldn't be blowing it on a party ... I'd spend it on a house. I'm not jealous that someone else is having a $200K wedding, I think it's foolish to spend that amount of money on a single day of your life. Even if I COULD afford to have a more extravagant wedding, I don't think I'd want to. Even if someone gave me $200K, I think I'd only use about $5-10k of that, MAX, to pump up our current wedding budget (and that's mainly so we could book the hall's bigger room and maybe get a photobooth or something cool) and then the rest would go to a house payment. And if I already owned a home, it'd go into savings so we could live comfortably for a while.

jaimelody · October 2009

I think mbcdefg has a good point. You can't tell if someone is scaling back. I like a lot of the price sharing on here because it helps me to get the most for my money. So many vendors overcharge and I for one don't want to be taken advantage of bc I don't have the extra $ to put down on it.

uppereastgirl · October 2009

MBC, what you're forgetting is that there are a lot of people -- certainly not the majority in the country or here or anywhere, but a lot of them -- for whom spending $200,000 on one day isn't a blip on their radar and certainly wouldn't keep them from buying a house. I think it is stupid for someone to spend $200,000 on one day if it is something that they have to save up for to do, or if they'll have to make lots of sacrifices for it, but I don't think it is stupid for everyone.

soontobemrsdavis · October 2009

tis true MBC..i think an extra 15k would have been perfect for moi. Butifyou live a lifestyle where you can actually afford a 200k wedding it may be what is expected. Sometimes its just for the show and sometimes people just really do live lavishly for the heck of it. One day I will know the feeling :-)

Lola Minnie · October 2009

To be honest, I would share $ stuff (gifts / vendors / etc) with you guys as I'm anonymous, no name or photo. However, I wouldn't talk $ with friends. It's just not right because what if others can't afford what you can or you can't afford what they have. It's just something that shouldn't be discussed.

kpeteley · October 2009

I think that the flaming part is due to a skinnier or person with a higher budget being viewed as priveledged in comparison. Some people have the same budget as a person spending less, but choose to spend more in certain areas.

yusi196 · October 2009

Like Mye said, it's lack of manners. Everyone has a different way of living, thinking, spending, etc etc.....if someone wants to spend 50K,100K,200K on their wedding, it should be no one's business but the bride and groom's or whomever is paying.....Erika, that's so true LOL.....I hate when people say: you need to put some meat on your bones....

mbcdefg · October 2009

I hear what you're saying, UpperEast, but IMO spending $200K on a party is really silly even if you DO have the means to comfortably afford that much. It's certainly their prerogative, though, and if I'm invited then I'm appreciative of their generosity. I think I just find it silly because I already think that weddings in our area are fairly over-the-top already. I've seen really nice weddings here on this board for about $50K and I don't think I would want anything nicer than what those people had. I think it's just me thinking, "If I had that much money I wouldn't know what to do with it." The only thing I'd really do with a few extra thousand dollars would be to book the hall's larger room so I don't have to worry about fitting people in the smaller room - I wouldn't really be interested in getting more flowers or fancier invites or special lighting, just because it's not my style. And if someone handed me $200K, I'd probably book a really big-name signed band or something just because I think it's cool.

30may09bride · October 2009

Uppereast, I completely agree. Most people who spend $200,000 on a wedding, aren't typically spending all of their money. It is all relative and there are alot of people out there who have that kind of money sitting around, and spending that much on a wedding isn't a big deal.

mbcdefg · October 2009

Oh yeah, I wasn't talking about people who'd be dead broke after spending their last $200K on a wedding. Now THAT would be stupid! :P

uppereastgirl · October 2009

Getting handed a few thousand extra dollars though or even getting handed $200,000 extra for the wedding when you've been working with a certain budget is very different from growing up the daughter of a billionaire. I don't think there are any of those on this board, but if that is how you grew up, you maybe wouldn't have many of the same wedding plans that you currently have, and you probably wouldn't think much of spending $200,000 on one day. And then think of all the girls on the national boards who can't believe someone would spend $30,000 on one day... It is all relative.

uppereastgirl · October 2009

"A week or so back, there was a post on videographers/cost.. that post really helped me realize [well a little late] what should be spent on videographers.Had i known this, i wouldn't be sitting on a 7K contract for a Single HD Camera [and that is just the video!]"I don't know who your videographer is, but I think there are some who are probably worth that. The majority aren't, but spending a lot =/= getting ripped off. Much like spending a little =/= getting a good deal.

Rosie24 · October 2009

Initially I shared how much our budget was and what we were paying pp at our venue with our close friend who asked. Of course that was not the best thing to do bc I got some really critical remarks and comments. A gf of mine even stopped discussing her wedding details with me. I was upset at first but decided to keep my mouth shut. I understand people can't afford a $x amount but if you are going to ask me, don't hold it against me. I don't care what's in your bank account so don't care what's in mind. Bad economy or not...to each his own. That's how I feel about it:)As pp said...yes, I think it is jealousy to some level.

Lola Minnie · October 2009

Wow bells, that is alot for a videographer from what I've heard, but maybe that is more towards the norm. But if it makes you happy, that's what matters, not the price tag. I wish people thought more that way.

Rosanna'n'Steve · October 2009

I think it's funny how people say "it's a bad economy" so people should not be spending a crap load of money, but ummmm if someone can afford to spend that money then spending it on things actually helps the economy! If everyone just stopped spending to stop spending because other people can't afford to then i'm pretty sure we'd be in a lot worse shape. If you can afford it then who cares how someone wants to spend their money. It's not your money. It's different if they can't afford it and are just doing it to show off, but if you have the money and you want to spend it on one day, go for it. It's the same thing as when one person decides to buy a lexus versus a toyota...If i have the money, yes I could buy the 20k toyota, but I want the 50k lexus. As long as I can pay the bills without it affecting any other aspect of my life, it's really none of your business.

kewltif · October 2009

When I wrote my vendor reviews I actually did post my price for everything, because I know price really influenced my decisions. I might look at flowers and think "Those are cute" and then find out their entire floral budget was only 1k and then be like "Wow! Well for 1k those are SUPER CUTE!!!" It lead me to a lot of my vendors. Anyway- I'll be honest. I don't know if I really criticize what people spend on here so much (I'm sure I've done it from time to time), but whether I say it or not, I think I am somewhat critical of certain people's budgets. The reason? Because I don't think some people can really afford what they are spending on things (not just weddings) and I find it foolish and I am frankly dumbfounded by it. I'm not talking about the girl who has her parents paying for her wedding, but I am talking about the girl whose FI is laid off and she works part time retail and she's buying a 3k dress (totally making up this example- it's not a particular person). I've always been good with my money. It's just the way I am. I don't like being nervous or worried. I guess maybe the criticism comes from a lack of understanding? I don't understand how couples who make less than half of what DH and I make can afford extravagent vacations, new cars, large homes, etc. And then I remember... credit cards! Putting even $1 on a credit card that I cannot pay off at the end of the month is totally unacceptable to me. I just cannot fathom paying interest on something. I'm like "OMG! It'd be like paying $150 for a $75 dinner. Why would I do that?" Anyway- these are totally general statements and is in no way my opinion of everyone on here who has anything nice. I can't be the only person who admits to being judgmental...

kewltif · October 2009

I think I'm also much more about bragging about getting a good deal than how much I spent on something. There are exceptions, but most of the time if I am referencing money or something I bought, it's to say what a good deal I got. Like if someone says "I like your shoes" it's instantly, "These were on sale. Only $15!" I think I am almost ashamed when I think I over paid for something. It's like I don't want anyone to think I'm an idiot. I also have a tendency to round down. People ask me what I pay in rent and I'll knock a little off (to avoid the "wow, that's a high rent!" comments).

uppereastgirl · October 2009

I absolutely agree Tiffany. I definitely judge people who go into debt over silly things (weddings, cars, other material things...). If you can afford it, great. If you can't, it is silly to pay much more for it in credit card interest.For me, the best example is one of my bridesmaids... got married in 2006, did not have a fancy wedding, it was upstate (so much cheaper than down here anyway) and her parents helped out. She and her husband were making around $200,000 a year at that point (in NYC and with heavy student loans). She didn't pay off the credit card debt from her wedding until after she was divorced in 2008. Really? I just wonder how it is even possible to manage money that way -- the cash should have been there at some point. And she didn't start a 401(k) until last year, after working for four years.But I think at least some of it is how you were raised. If my father found out I was carrying credit card debt from month to month, he'd probably disown me (even though I'm 30, married, and not his problem anymore).

kewltif · October 2009

To clarify a little bit- I know my opinions come out strong, particularly in writing- I'm really making a statement about lavish behavior that people cannot afford. I'm not talking about everyone out there who occasionally splurges and buys nice things or takes nice trips. I'm not talking about people who save up to do do these things. I'm sure if you investigated my closet or took a peak at my receipts you could accuse me of the same thing at times. I also know that I don't really know everything about everyone's financial situation. I think when I was younger I used to just assume people made more money than they did. Over the past few years through occasional frank conversations (IRL and on here) I'm really starting to pick up on the fact that anyone can buy nice things and try to look the part, but a lot of people are also going home at night and stressing out about paying their next bill.

Reversed Snobbery

Re: Reversed Snobbery

Choose Another Board

Search Boards