Please help! We are all new at this, and laugh that we are the blind leading the blind...I just want to make sure that, despite the somewhat nontraditional circumstances of this wedding, we are not violating any etiquette to an offensive extent.
My best friend is getting married! There are three of us who are very close, so she will only have myself and our other friend as her attendants. The bride lives in New York (and will be married there), I live in California, and the other bridesmaid (M) lives in Ohio. M & I have begun planning a shower for the bride, to be held this summer in New York. The bride's family and most of her long-time friends live in CA, and we do not expect that people will fly to NY for the shower - this will probably be a smallish restaurant luncheon, with us and the groom's family and a few local/work friends. Is it appropriate for M & I to also throw her a shower in California? It would likely be at my parents' home, and ideally would include the groom so that people who may not be able to travel from CA to the wedding can celebrate them as a couple. Everything will be spaced well apart, considering that all of us have to travel and will have to save up $$ to do so - we are thinking the NY shower in May, the CA shower in Aug, and the wedding is in NY in Nov.
So...are we doing this right, for a long-distance wedding? Is the timeline awkward? Would we be asking too much of guests to attend two events, if there are duplicate invitees (such as the bride's mother, or other close friends)? It is unlikely that any of the bride's family or other friends will offer/be able to throw her a shower; is it inappropriate for both events to have the same hostesses? Thanks so much!!