Hotel Accomodations

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

Let's just be honest about what this is really about. The GM wants to have a party as his house, and you are upset b/c it won't be about you anymore. Oh, and I call MUD.

DBean00 · November 2009

I cannot MAKE anyone do anything however I want them to know that we would APPRECIATE it if they could stay. I have never gotten ready at home. Every wedding I have been in the girls get ready together. It is what it is. I am not demanding but I want them to know that we would like them to.

DBean00 · November 2009

If my bridal party is pissed that they have to go to an after party then they shouldn't be in my wedding. The wedding is over at 11pm, i HIGHLY doubt they have other plans for the night.

SarahPLiz · November 2009

oh, and afterparty= AFTER the PARTY. Party is expected, after is not. I don't understand why this concept is so hard to get. Requiring or strongly suggesting that people love you, dote on you, or enjoy your company does not necessarily make them do any of those things. In most cases, the result is quite the opposite. I'm just sayin'...

bablingbrooke · November 2009

"I want them to know that we would APPRECIATE it if they could stay." Then just say that. But for the record, that's not what you asked. You asked how to "highly encourage" them and how to require them to do it w/o using the word require.

banana468 · November 2009

Thanks Stage. That's why I compared it to a family dinner at the in laws that you don't want to do. The person having it clearly thinks it's a FABulous idea. However the kids may just go because they know that they'll be guilt-tripped forever if they say no. Please don't be the MIL to your friends. :-)

mbcdefg · November 2009

Then the reasonable way to say that would be, "We blocked off some hotel rooms for $89 a night and we will be having an after-party in our room following the reception. We would love it if you could attend." That's it. Extend the invitation to them, once, and then let them each make their own choice. Remember that an invitation is not a subpoena, so if they decline the invitation to book a room and/or attend your after-party, then it would not be at all fair of you to hold that against them.

Simply Fated · November 2009

Just to clarify... do you want them to stay over the night of your wedding or the night before your wedding?

bablingbrooke · November 2009

"If my bridal party is pissed that they have to go to an after party then they shouldn't be in my wedding" That's not a good attitude. It comes across as entitled and bitter. You don't want to come across as entitled or bitter. I love my friends to pieces, but after spending all day/night taking part in the wedding, I'm going to be pretty tired. I'm not an after-party person and would decline just about anyone's afterparty that late. It's nothing personal. And I bet there are some ppl in your WP who feel the same way. If I was told I HAD to attend, I would be upset.

SarahPLiz · November 2009

"If my bridal party is pissed that they have to go to an after party then they shouldn't be in my wedding. The wedding is over at 11pm, i HIGHLY doubt they have other plans for the night. " Umm. how about sleep, and relax, and calm their nerves. I "turn into a pumpkin" at 10:30 every night and that makes me no less of a good friend to those who stay out later. It just makes me a tired, cranky, and resentful one if they force the issue. Oh, and getting ready with the bride is different than sharing a hotel room the night before. No one puts on makeup at 2AM for an evening wedding.

Simply Fated · November 2009

"The wedding is over at 11pm, i HIGHLY doubt they have other plans for the night."They might have planned on going home and sleeping... or going to the groomsman's house for an after party.

banana468 · November 2009

If my bridal party is pissed that they have to go to an after party then they shouldn't be in my wedding. The wedding is over at 11pm, i HIGHLY doubt they have other plans for the night. See, that's the attitude that can be a bit too domineering. It's making it sound as if they're not allowed to be worn out and ready to go home at 11. Sometimes at 11 I have serious plans. They involve a down comforter and a great pillow. It's just a matter you respecting your friends as you want them to respect you. Talk up the party and make it sound like it's going to be great. My guess is that most of them will want to go. However if you make it sound like you'd rather have them not in the wedding at all if they say that they don't think they want to attend the after party then I think they're going to wonder where the friendship lies.All I'm asking is that you approach the event with an open mind and the flexibility that you do with the reception itself. The invitations are not a summons - PLEASE don't treat them that way for the after party.

Simply Fated · November 2009

I asked that, too, Stage... that threw me off...

emilykathleen511 · November 2009

OMG. I just saw her post on the Dec 09 board saying that she NEEDS 50 people to decline her wedding. That is some great party planning skillz.@ OP: I don't understand why you think you need your bridal party at the hotel afterward. What do you think will happen if they don't? Will this ruin your wedding day? I don't get it.

caymans_christy · November 2009

I was in a wedding a year ago and the bride blocked rooms at the hotel across the street from the reception. She also had an afterparty. However, I chose not to stay there after the reception. My FI doesn't drink (my lifelong DD!!) and honestly I was so tired that I didn't even stay til the end of the reception. I was up at 7am and spent all day "making her day special". I just wasn't going to spend any extra money on a hotel room nor could I devote the additional time. You don't know what your WP has going on the next morning - church, family events, etc. - especially so close to the holidays. I didn't want to stay in a hotel room, get up the next morning, drive the 5.25 miles home, just to get a shower and get ready for the day. If FI and I don't have to, we don't stay in a hotel. I prefer my own bed and my own pillows. I also have a dog that was already cooped up for an entire day - was I supposed to board him for the night too? My friend's wedding was also in the middle of the holidays and FI and I were rushing around visiting people and doing "holiday stuff". Even though we could have afforded the hotel room, spending the night in a hotel (and probably not getting a very good nights sleep in a strange bed) was simply a luxury (time-wise) that we could not afford.If your only concern in drunk driving, then set up cabs or DDs for those that did not get a hotel room.

DBean00 · November 2009

Oh sorry, I haven't planned a wedding before. I need 50 declines because my father added 30 people to the guest list sweetie. Sorry I can't tell my father who is paying for the wedding to not invite people he wants to!

Simply Fated · November 2009

Not to go off-topic, but why do you need people to decline?

bablingbrooke · November 2009

If 40 guests have booked rooms but the rest haven't, are you also forwarding them the wedding newsletter "strongly encouraging" them to book a hotel room? Or are you only doing this to the WP? THAT is the distinction. I think you had a vision that the WP would go above and beyond and do whatever you said because you have always done that for other weddings. Now reality hits and people aren't doing that. It's disappointing and you're trying to make them do it. But as pp said, you won't have the same afterparty as you envisioned because people don't want to be there. And I'm sure the way you envisioned this did not include people who don't want to be there. Life happens and weddings don't go 100% like we plan. That doesn't mean it's any less fun or perfect. It's just something we have to roll with. I think if you adopt that attitude you'll be happier. You don't sound that happy.

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

Oh sorry, I haven't planned a wedding before.Most of us never planned a wedding before. But we were smart enough to figure out that you don't invite more people than you can handle. Then again, we also didn't need 12 people to tell us that we can't dictate how other people spend their money, either.

DBean00 · November 2009

My father over invited. Regardless if everyone accepts it will be fine however for budget purposes I would like for 50 to decline so I don't have to degrade my centerpieces.I just called the 4 remaining bridal participants and 3 of them are booking their room this week. Waiting to hear back from the 4th.None of them said they wouldn't, I was asking you ladies how I could word a newsletter that encouraged them to stay not forced them.

DBean00 · November 2009

I did take my 20% into consideration..my Dad over invited AFTER the 20% of declines.

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

What 20%?

CTGirl30 · November 2009

If my bridal party is pissed that they have to go to an after party then they shouldn't be in my wedding. The wedding is over at 11pm, i HIGHLY doubt they have other plans for the night. Yikes. No, they may not have any other plans...but maybe they'll want to go home and go to bed after such a long day. Or who knows what. Maybe they've got stuff to do on Sunday (errands, laundry, whatever people do on wknds that they'll be behind on since all day Saturday was devoted to you) and don't want to be getting home mid-day on Sunday after staying in a hotel room.I'm just trying to get you to consider other people besides yourself here since your posts really are sounding very self-centered.If you would APPRECIATE that people stayed over in the hotel, convey that. But you asked in your OP how to let people know you STRONGLY ENCOURAGED them to pay for a hotel room without specifically REQUIRING it. There's a difference.

trix1223 · November 2009

The signature says it all for me "240 luckily (sic) enough to have received invitations." I'd say that's all anyone needs to know.

DBean00 · November 2009

bablingbrooke that's exactly what I expected and it is VERY disappointing because I would do it for them. NOW I KNOW that people don't normally go "above and beyond" like I would. Lesson learned. I am not sending the newsletter to all of the guests. I just thought that if 40 guests were doing it then the bridal party should absolutely. Afterall they are "suppose" to be the closest friends and family we have. I would never call them and say 'YOU HAVE TO' but i wanted them to know it would be important to us if they did. That's all!

gottahavashorti · November 2009

Do you need 50 declines in order to not max out your venue's maximum capacity, fit into your venue comfortably, have your preferred guest list size, stay within budget, etc.? If it's the first, it's definitely ok to request to re-evaluate the guest list, as the wedding could be shut down if you violate fire code by having too many guests. But that's a moot point now.

CTGirl30 · November 2009

OK I just read the rest of your posts about needing 50 people to decline...?!?!??!?! Are you for real? This all sounds like a bit of a chaotic mess to me.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

You probably don't need to be told this, but assuming a blanket 20% won't come isn't a good idea. DH and I kept a spreadsheet running and guessed the likelihood of each person coming based on distance/closeness of relationship/expense to travel. Time consuming but worthwhile. We had about 95% accuracy. A blanket 20% would have been too few declines, and a blanket 30% would have been too many. I say this for the benefit of anyone reading this who hasn't sent out invites yet but that is planning such an assumption, not you personally.

mbcdefg · November 2009

Oh sorry, I haven't planned a wedding before. I need 50 declines because my father added 30 people to the guest list sweetie. Sorry I can't tell my father who is paying for the wedding to not invite people he wants to! Well, to be fair, you COULD have said, "Dad, the hall only holds XXX people, so we need to cut back on the guest list a bit." Did you even tell your father that you were over the room limit? I assume that he's a smart man who would realize that you just can't cram an extra 50 people into a room that wasn't designed to hold that many people. And if he said "No, I'm paying for it so I'll invite whoever I want," then you could've either (a) cut some of your own guests to make the maximum, or (b) said, "In that case, Dad, FI and I will just pay for our own wedding because we really can't go over the hall's maximum occupancy requirements."Don't blame your father for your mistake. Likewise, don't blame your wedding party members for not fulfilling some bogus "requirements" just because you decided to help out your friends when YOU were a bridesmaid. It's great that you helped them clean up or do whatever the bride asked of you, but that doesn't automatically mean that your own bridesmaids and groomsmen are obligated to do whatever you ask of them. Just because you chose to do something doesn't make it a requirement of everyone who comes after you. That's like me telling my brother that he's obligated to go to the same college I went to.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

"bablingbrooke that's exactly what I expected and it is VERY disappointing because I would do it for them. NOW I KNOW that people don't normally go "above and beyond" like I would. Lesson learned." So my advice: Be disappointed for a day and then let. it. go. Life's too short to hold onto disappointments like this.

Hotel Accomodations

Re: Hotel Accomodations

Choose Another Board

Search Boards