Hotel Accomodations

aerinpegadrak · November 2009

Dude, I go to bed every night at 8pm, because I have to get up at 4am to catch a train to work. Staying up any later than 10 is a herculean effort for me, even on the weekends. Perhaps your friends aren't willing to completely throw off their body clocks just for one night.Bottom line: If they want to attend the party, they'll find a way to do so, even if they can't afford to shell out nearly $100 for an unnecessary hotel room. If they don't want to attend the party, they'll find a way out of it, no matter how much you try to compel their attendance.

DBean00 · November 2009

Sorry we can't be funny in our signatures anymore.

Simply Fated · November 2009

"I would like for 50 to decline so I don't have to degrade my centerpieces."Wait... really? Ok... so your dad gave you X amount of money. You planned your wedding accordingly based off of that amount. Now you need to rebudget things because of these added 35 people. Am I getting all that right?Honestly, you could have told you dad, it is what it is, adding people now is not an option. But it's too late for that.So now you have to hope 50 people decline so you can have the centerpieces you want. Rough times.I have another question.. how come these 40 people are getting hotel rooms? Are they all OOT?

mbcdefg · November 2009

I just don't get why you're going to be so disappointed if these people decide not to attend an after-party (and who knows, maybe they'll come to the party but drive home afterward instead of getting a room). Isn't them devoting their day to your wedding enough for you? I think you're losing sight of the big picture here. You don't own the entire day. It doesn't make them bad friends if they'd rather get some sleep than stay in a hotel room with you for another few hours. What are they going to miss at the after-party? It's not like you'll never see these people again, right?You're also coming across as a martyr with the line about not being able to rely on people to do the same things that you would. It's making it seem as if you only do nice things for people because you expect the same thing in return. If that's the case then you're missing the point of a good deed. And the martyr, "woe is me" attitude might be what's making your friends not want to spend the additional time with you.

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

Sorry we can't be funny in our signatures anymore. Oh, yours is funny.

mbcdefg · November 2009

And I think the point of the signature comment was that "luckily" isn't even the right version of that word for that context. "Lucky enough" is what you mean.

DBean00 · November 2009

Well I'm glad because some of you disagree that you want to tear apart every little thing you see. That;s really nice and helpful just like theknot is supposed to be. The 40 people are local and want to attend our after party and want a night away from the kids.

mbcdefg · November 2009

Well, if you want to get technical, the Knot is intended for advertising purposes. And "helpful" doesn't automatically equal "I will tell you that you're right no matter what." "Helpful" sometimes means talking people out of a bad idea, especially if it means keeping the poster from making a fool out of herself to her family and friends. And what we've been trying to tell you all afternoon is that strongly encouraging/guilting people into booking a hotel room for your after-party is a bad idea. But, hey ... if you want to "strongly encourage" your closest friends to get a hotel room and come to this party, by all means do it. But don't get upset if they do not take it well, or if you find them distancing themselves from you after your wedding. (Although maybe that's O.K. because, heck, you'll have had the Perfect Wedding Day, right?)

DBean00 · November 2009

People were already invited! I would never dis-invite a guest. He added the 30 on AFTER invites were sent. He said it was fine however he gave me a very generous budget and I would like to stick with it. 30 people is $3,000 more dollars in food and an additional $1,000 in centerpieces.

mbcdefg · November 2009

I also find it amazing that you keep coming back to defend this idea, even after every. single. person. here has told you you're wrong. I mean, even in the threads where the regulars here all disagree with the original poster, there's usually at least a lurker or a semi-regular who pops in and agrees with her. I don't think you have anyone in this post telling you that you're within your rights to "strongly encourage" your friends to pay for a hotel room and attend a party for you after they've just attended a larger party for you. Seriously, that doesn't count for anything to you? EVERYONE telling you that this is a bad idea?

DBean00 · November 2009

I ASKED HOW TO WORD IT IN A NEWLETTER! I took the advice of calling and they were all more than happy to book a hotel room. NO ONE said they didn't want to! I WAS ASKING for wording so I wouldn't seem rude. If any of them said "It doesn't fit in my budget" or "I think it will be a long day, thanks but no thanks" i would have respected that!

banana468 · November 2009

MODERATOR HEREDBean00, the ladies here are giving you great advice on the after party situation. The point of this forum *IS* to give advice. They are supporting you by letting you know how to go about things appropriately. Not telling you how to do something that can come off as very rude doesn't mean that the ladies here don't want your wedding and after party to be awesome. It just means that they want to prevent you from making a mistake that you'll regret later.That said, ladies, please remember that we are here to help.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

$1000 in centerpieces for 30 people? What are they made out of, solid gold? That's $300 per head! Sorry I just can't wrap my head around that. There's a lot of emphasis of form and style over substance here. You might rethink that. It would just resolve a lot of your stress and tension. Focus on the wedding as you marrying your FI, not the stylistic elements.

aerinpegadrak · November 2009

Call me crazy, but if invitations were already sent out, I would consider the guest list closed at that point, and wouldn't have accepted any additional requests. But there's that silly backbone of mine getting in the way.If you need 50 people to decline and your dad added 30, that still means that you originally invited 20 more people than you could afford or fit in your venue. That's still poor planning.I've had people on these boards talk me out of bad ideas before. I've appreciated it every time, and I think my wedding will be more successful and less stressful because I've taken advice from the wise ladies here into consideration.

gottahavashorti · November 2009

Please read Stage's signature. The goal of this thread seems to prevent the possibility of that.

megk8oz · November 2009

You can't require or "encourage" them booking rooms ... honestly, you can't require or "encourage" that they attend the after party. Did you ever think that maybe after the incredibly long and exhausting day that is a wedding, that some people might just want to go HOME? And perhaps them not booking rooms is there nice way of telling you that?

bablingbrooke · November 2009

Wow, strike that, I CANNOT do math and really shouldn't try.

mbcdefg · November 2009

I ASKED HOW TO WORD IT IN A NEWLETTER! I took the advice of calling and they were all more than happy to book a hotel room. NO ONE said they didn't want to! I WAS ASKING for wording so I wouldn't seem rude. If any of them said "It doesn't fit in my budget" or "I think it will be a long day, thanks but no thanks" i would have respected that! That is 100% contradictory to your original post:Did/Do any of you require (I know that word sounds harsh) your bridal party to book hotel rooms for the night of your wedding. We are having an after party and I would like them ALL to attend and stay with us. I'm not really sure how to get this point a crossed to all of them. I have secured a discounted rate and most have booked expect for 4. I am going to suggest it again in the wedding newsletter however I need help wording that we "highly encourage" them. ..any advise?And, I must ask ... if they all said that they'd do it, then WTF do you need to address it in a newsletter for? They already said they wanted a hotel room, so why is there a need to hound them again about it?

megk8oz · November 2009

I have a feeling this is going to become a DD. And regarding this "My wedding ends at 11pm, I highly doubt they have any plans afterwards": It's 2pm where I am right now, and just from READING what your WP is expected to endure that day, I'm fighting the urge to just down a glass of wine of call it a night.

tidetravel · November 2009

The 40 people are local and want to attend our after party and want a night away from the kids.So, what I'm hearing is that since members of your WP don't WANT to spend the night in the hotel or go to the after party, that they OBVIOUSLY don't care about you. FWIW - you asked for advice on how to word something so it doesn't seem rude. The reason you haven't gotten advice on the wording is because there is NO WAY to say it without being rude.

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

So basically, what you want to hear is "Since we will be hosting a mandatory after party, members of the wedding party should plan to stay at the hotel. Rooms info... If you choose not to attend, you've made your point about how much you care about me, and you may as well skip the whole thing."

AdeleDazeem · November 2009

wow... this post is making my eyes hurt.I've been a MOH. I went above and beyond for her and I would do it again. But, had she called me, asked why I hadn't booked a room at the hotel, and when she explained I really should because there was going to be an after party and my presence was requested, I would've hung up the phone and vented to the first person I saw. Just saying.'Course. I do really hate after parties. Really.In spite of this, I enjoy that you are a Phillies phan. Go Phils.

steffenfam · November 2009

I think the REAL ISSUE here is that DBean wants people to come to HER party, not the groomsman's party.

Licia&Wayne · November 2009

I'm just throwing this out there: I seriously do not understand how this hasn't been a DD yet.Seriously Bean, don't word it at all. Just let them know of the afterparty and that you would just love for them to be there. Done and done.I'm sure you're friends love you very much and will do what they can to make sure your wedding is very special, but you can't put pressure on someone to come to a party, no matter what title they have in your wedding.

Liz4444 · November 2009

what i would still like to know is why people MUST stay in the hotel, why can't they attend the after party and then go home?

aerinpegadrak · November 2009

Liz: Apparently the WP is not responsible enough to find a designated driver, call a cab, find a cheaper hotel, or simply not drink themselves stupid and be able to drive themselves home.

duckie1905 · November 2009

I think its pretty sad that you are competeing with your BM for attention. You are jealous of one of your friends because he is going to take attention away from you.It is an afterparty. Are you paying for it? Are you paying for their hotel rooms? No? Then you have no right to require anything (and face reality, no matter how sweetly you word it you are making it a requirement). More than likely they were completely nice about your demands over the phone and are now trashing you to each other about your attitude.You truly are treating your friends like children that 1. can't decide how to spend their time and money AFTER your wedding and 2. Can't be adults and be responsible drinkers.Do you always treat your friends like they can't make their own decisions?

Liz4444 · November 2009

aerin, thanks for clearing that up... i guess the only way the WP has made it this far along in their lives without maiming themselves is that they have been told what to do by others... got it!

caymans_christy · November 2009

Duckie, you took the words right out of my mouth... If my friend had called me and asked me about booking a room, I would have said "sure, I'll call about that this week..." And had never made the call...

stina93446 · November 2009

I don't think you can "demand" that they stay there. If they don't want to do it, and don't want to attend your cocktail party, there's not much you can do.

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