Hotel Accomodations

stina93446 · November 2009

It pains me that not only do you not get it, but that I also missed most of this post.

Anon I. Mouse · November 2009

You cannot demand people show up for the after party, or that they stay at the hotel (or a hotel) or even that they show up for your wedding (of course this would be a bit frustrating if they said they would, but they are not your slaves...). I would HOPE that those in your WP are all responsible enough to figure out their own wants, desires and needs, and figure out whether they want to go the after party, whether they need a room, and so forth.Of course it depends on the context, as there are times hotel rooms are more likely to be needed" - if you have out of town guests it is polite to offer to pay or arrange for accommodations, or if it is a destination wedding, you may also wish to present some options.So, that being said, you certainly can provide possible options along the lines of "if you are looking for accommodations after the ceremony, we suggest....". In no case should it be mandatory that they do so, or even "highly recommended" or in any other way that sounds "almost mandatory". As my FI and I are having a destination wedding we DID price out and put rooms "on hold" at the resort for our invited guests in order to obtain great pricing for the weekend. We informed guests that if they so chose they could contact our contact at the resort to confirm the reservation, upgrade it, or even just go somewhere else to stay, or not stay....it is left entirely to them what they want to do. No one is required to stay (though as almost all our guests are traveling to the destination, and our wedding is taking place later in evening, we expect most will end up staying there as we are also providing them spa certificates/dinner certificates as our wedding favours).As for the after party, II am at a bit of a loss why it matters that the BM has offered to open his house for an after party.....I think that is great of him to do, and takes the pressure off of you and...honestly....would you not rather be spending some time with your partner after all the hoopla of the day? My FI and I are having a small ceremony, going to the resort dining room with our guests after for some dinner, and then we are leaving them all on their own (we were even going to bail to go for a couples massage, but we are doing that Sunday morning instead

).

stina93446 · November 2009

Why are the BP members needed at the after party? You already have 40 guests that are supposidely going to it. You're not going to miss your bms and gm. I see, this is all because of the gm's party. Get over it. After the reception, it's over.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

Sounds rather pushy to me. We had an afterparty, and some of the wedding party got rooms, some didn't. They went home, or crashed with other guests. You can't require their attendance, no matter how much you'd prefer it. It IS, after all, a party, and supposed to be FUN.

leeshab1982 · November 2009

The bottom line is that you can't require your BM to do anything after the ceremony. All you can do is let them know about the after party and the hotel rooms. The rest is up to them. The wording in the newsletter would be the same as what you have said to them on the phone. Why would the wording be any different in print than over the phone?I'm strange when it comes to sleeping...I hate sleeping away from my own bed. There have been many times when I've driven home (even from a few hours away) at night after an event because I want to sleep in my own bed. I would drive home from a friend's wedding rather than stay in the hotel because I don't sleep well in other places. That's just me and I'd hate for a friend to be upset or disappointed in me for not wanting to sleep in a hotel room. If they decline, I'm sure they have a good reason for it and you should accept that and move on. It's a very minute detail of your wedding day, so just try not to get worked up about it.

SarahPLiz · November 2009

I hate to stir the big pot of crazy that is brewing on this thread, but from booking our own block of rooms, I know that if you have X number of people book a room, then you get some sort of freebies, upgrades, rebates, etc. at certain hotels. This may be one possible unspoken motivation for encouraging in-town guests to stay at a hotel.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

You're paying $333 per centerpiece? Really? What the heck kind of flowers are you having?

[Deleted User] · November 2009

Alright alright ladies. We get it, she is in the wrong and you disagree with her. I just happened to stumble upon this post because of the shear magnitude of responses. I do believe the intention of these forums are to give candid feedback. However, I do not think it benefits anyone to gang up and berate someone. I am choosing to speak up on behalf of this lady, not because I agree with her position, but because I disagree with the reaction to her post and the pummeling this woman is receiving. I don't often post outside of my local board, but do peruse often. I find that this happens often, a group finds someone is in the wrong and all 30 people chose to tell her that she is wrong. I don't disagree with what you are saying, but I think that we should be considerate in how we respond to someone who is reaching out for help. Recently there was a post from Knottie Annie about being cautious about the responses we give so we don't scare people away from using these boards. There is a certainly a difference between giving pointed advice and being malicious. For me that line was crossed when some ladies started to become personal and dig at this lady, exp: pointing out that her grammar was wrong, passing judgement for what she is paying for flowers, etc.... Just some food for thought.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

You know something? If he realized her error with the first post, there wouldn't be all the subsequent posts trying to convince her. It's not a "pummeling," it's a "maybe I can explain it better and she'll see" or a "maybe if she sees everyone's in agreement, she'll understand." Of course, none of it seems to have worked. She just got stubborn and less reasonable instead.

AdeleDazeem · November 2009

For what it's worth, swming, I agree with you.I have to laugh at some of the posts because people really do jump off the deep end at "dealing with" the original poster (on ALL boards, not just this one). Some are VERY nice and helpful, but some people really enjoy just being snarky or being lost in their own way of doing things because, to them, it's definitely the right and only way. And those posts are really frustrating to read and I feel bad for the original poster. But some bring it upon themselves as well. I won't comment on this case exactly again (I did already post about it), but people really were trying to get her to see reason. Anyone can post what they want and what they feel is right. That's the beauty (and the curse) of a public message board - especially an international one. You have to come in here with a thick skin. This is why lurking is so important - so when do you get jumped on, you've prepared yourself for it. And maybe, just maybe, you'll take the advice to heart.(sorry that's so long! I've lurked for nearly six months now so I promise I didn't come out of nowhere)

banana468 · November 2009

Swimmingbaby, you're absolutely right that people shouldn't gang up on the poster.Based on the responses I'm seeing though, most are not pushing the limits. They're asking questions and attempting to understand the situation. That's a huge difference between ganging up and a long discussion. I do hope DBean comes back to discuss but more importantly, I hope she's had some time to chill out a bit. This seems to be one of those things that seems really important today but isn't in the grand scheme of things.

stina93446 · November 2009

Bravo retread! Seriously, Dbean. If you heard nothing except what retread said, you're doing good.

Sunny0710 · November 2009

SwmgBaby & Joy- I couldn't agree more. I have been reading these boards for awhile, and just starting chatting last week. While some Knotties provide great advice and honestly want to help, there are a select few who seem to thrive on assuming the worst of the OP from the get-go and have fun putting them down through repeated rude and demeaning comments. This is not mature or useful for anyone; it is mean-spirited. I say, if you cannot provide your advice in a friendly fashion (even if you disagree) it might be better to keep your comments to yourself. My advice to the OP: I think you should mention the after-party to your friends casually, the next time you see them. That way, if they are interested you'll be able to tell right away and you can provide them the details. If they seem like they aren't up for it, then no need to press them further. They will have had a long day and may just prefer to rest up. Either way, you'll have fun with those who have already RSVP'd. Sunny

dani7248 · November 2009

Hi All:I am DBean's MOH and actually planning my own wedding (she is my MOH as well). I absolutely plan to stay overnight and would even if she didnt ask. She is my BF and if it means a lot to her, then why wouldnt i?? I have been in tons of weddings and have always stayed overnight when it was suggested or prompted. Most weddings i have attended are generally in the PM hours and it is fun and relaxing to see everyone after the wedding after the 'stresses' of the day. Its not considered a duty at all. DBean is absolutely NOT a bridezilla - she couldnt even if she tried, which is why she asked for wording suggestions when talking to the rest of her WP. She would never judge those that couldnt stay, just wanted to convey it would mean a lot to her.Thank you for those who provided her with sound suggestions - you are the reason we come to the boards in the first place, not to replay a scene from Mean Girls.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

"She would never judge those that couldnt stay, just wanted to convey it would mean a lot to her." Scroll up and see what she wrote about the members of the WP who aren't going to come to the afterparty. It's not quite as rosy as you paint it.

banana468 · November 2009

Dani, I'm so glad that you're excited as her MOH! That's always the ideal situation.My guess is that DBean's desires got mixed with her wording. Unfortunately with the way some comments were phrased, it gave the impression that only the "good" friends would atend this after-party and those who didn't shouldn't be in the wedding at all.It's a new day today, the Yankees are World Series champions, and my hope is that clearer heads are prevailing. :-)

AdeleDazeem · November 2009

aw, Banana.... I really like you a lot. Your advice is always so level headed and gracious. However, you like the Yankees. I will try to overlook this :)love, a die hard Phillies fan.PS - The Yankees really were the better team for the past six games.

marissabarone · November 2009

wow you guys are awful and mean. I would think twice before posting anything on here to be attacked. A actually agree with D bean-but let's not jump all over me now. Everyone needs to calm down.

emilykathleen511 · November 2009

Everyone IS calm, they are just trying to prevent DBean from hurting her friends or being rude to them.

bablingbrooke · November 2009

"wow you guys are awful and mean" Calling out everyone for being mean is not nice and comes across as hypocritical. Just sayin'.

Nano78 · November 2009

A couple of years ago, my FI was the best man at his friends wedding and the bride threw a big stink b/c no one wanted to attend the "after party"..The WP did and honestly we were PISSED!! My FI was like "we spent all day w/ them and I'm tired..I just want to go home" and so did everyone else..besides, after the wedding don't you want to be alone w/ your new hubby rather than a bunch of people crashing your wedding night? think about it

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

I think if you think this post was mean, you must live on a different planet than I do. The only mean thing in this post is trying to dictate how other people spend their money.

banana468 · November 2009

Marissa, NO ONE is acting mean.Retread or I would delete personal attacks.

fitnessgirl630 · November 2009

"If my bridal party is pissed that they have to go to an after party then they shouldn't be in my wedding."Really????? I'm sorry but you are completely out of line.You say your BMS are "not off duty" after the ceremony.Wake up call: These are NOT people you are paying to be your personal slaves but cherished friends.

Hotel Accomodations

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