Washington-Seattle

sister dilema, long

So my sister lives in Yakima. We aren't close and we have completely opposite personalities that clash in the worst ways. We only lived together until I was 10. She moved in with our grandma and I moved in with my dad.  We drifted and lived and still lead COMPLETELY different lives. A few years ago I thought FI was going to propose because he told me he bought me really expensive jewelry and he was financing it. I told my sister because she happened to call and she told me that she didn't want to be my maid of honor because she "couldn't just drop her life for me or my wedding". She also told me that her daughters would need to beable to come to my bachlorette party and bridal shower. I never planned on having her even be in the wedding party. Turns out FI bought me a really expensive diamond tennis bracelett that I made him return.Then recently she was telling me that since I have so many good friends and my bestfriends live over here and have been my bestfriends for over 10 years that she wouldn't be hurt if she wasn't in my wedding party. Again, we aren't close, I would never want to kick one of my girls out that I've been friends with forever. She is completely uninterested in my life unless it somehow benefits her.So last night when I was going to turn my computer off and go to bed, she messaged me on facebook and was asking about the wedding. She was talking about the bachlorette party and other wedding related crap. Then she called me and said, well once you pick the rest of the girls I'll call them and ask them what they want to pay for. I tell her that the bms usually plan the parties and she goes, we'll you still plan on having me as the MOH right? So I tell her no.She got really mad and just started freaking out on me. She has the worst temper and will literally turn into psycho in 1 second. At the drop of the dime she starts acting like she has no sense. I don't trust her. She is seriously a liability to me and I just really don't want to have problems on my wedding day because she starts trippin. I feel bad because I think she expects to be in my wedding but after talking to my mum and dad, I am not going to ask her. I have really tried to avoid talking to her about weddings. Randomly she calls me a lot and asks me about the wedding and then she stops calling and forgets my bday passes. I know that this is going to start a fight and my sister holds grudges. Maybe it sounds insensitive but I'm not going to change my mind because she is going to be angry. I was going to ask her to do a short reading or something but after the way she acted it just proved that I am right about her. Am I being a completely b!!tch or what? Why would some one ask you if they are in your wedding party?? UGH!!!!!!!!
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Re: sister dilema, long

  • edited December 2011
    You are on the right track. She did not earn a spot in your WP and her recent behavior would really have me rethinking even inviting her. I'm completely serious. My sister and I are not close - we're as different as night and day. Luckily she didn't expect to be in my WP (I don't think so anyway - and she never said anything). But come my wedding day - she was one of the worst guests there. She was on her phone the entire time - EVEN DURING THE CEREMONY and in all the pictures she's in, it's VERY apparent she does NOT want to be there. I wish she'd stayed home. Seriously. Family is not entitled to anything. Nothing. This is YOUR day to be surrounded by your friends who love and support you. Not your psychotic sister who would only complicate and potentially ruin things. Guess which one is the sister I'm talking about in this photo of the boquet toss (we didn't realize how few single friends we had there...) [IMG]http://i38.tinypic.com/343gccm.jpg[/IMG]
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  • edited December 2011
    Holy giant picture!!! Sorry - I suck at the interwebz
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  • melissa82melissa82 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Don't feel bad about it. It sounds like she just wanted the "title" of being MOH without putting in any of the years of relationship it takes to be that close to someone that they'd want you as MOH!
  • edited December 2011
    haha, that pic is huge but its completely obvious who she is. I'm glad some one else is in my boat.
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  • ArchelArchel member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree, what you're doing is right. She shouldn't have expected to automatically be included in the wedding party - especially after that "false alarm" a while back. I wouldn't give her anything to do in the wedding and just hope to God that she doesn't ruin anything with her bad behavior. Also, I can see her and her daughters attending the (family) bridal shower, but the bachellorette party!? Is she crazy? Her daughters? How old are they?
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  • edited December 2011
    Laura - you should tell your sister "Nice bra straps." ;)
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  • edited December 2011
    You are definately not the biitchy one.  Your sister seems very self-absorbed and you seem like a very generous person to even consider allowing her to do a reading.  I agree with PPs.  Don't feel back about not putting in the WP.  As for the bridal shower, I would invite her and see how she acts.  If she get crazy, maybe your mom could talk some sense in her.  You are doing the right thing.  It's going to be ok and if she's a biitch during the wedding, let your BMs and family take care of her. 
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks girls.
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  • edited December 2011
    Buwahahaha, Tygirl, I love you! I was thinking the same thing. :)Sara - you are absolutely on track. Do not give in and don't give her ANY tasks for the wedding. I would seriously reconsider even inviting her. My best friend was living with her crazy sister due to falling on hard times. She was on her way to pick up her daughter after having 2 job interviews when her sister called and biitched her out because the sister had arrived home, and while she usually enters the house through the garage, decided she wanted to go through the front door and my friend had the house key. (Only 1 key? I don't know.) My bf explained she was on her way back from picking up her daughter after interviews and her sister just KEPT screaming. When she got there, her sister was irate and physically threatening her and her child! She had to call the police from inside the car (wasn't safe to get out) just to get stuff out of the house safely and go find somewhere else to stay the night. People who go from normal to psycho like that are scary. My friend now just refers to her as 'the crazy lady' and considers herself to not have a sister. I'm not saying your sister might go THAT crazy to be potentially violent, but you do NOT need that kind of crazy around you.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with Tygirl. I have the same issue as you with my FSIL and another friend. No matter how much they complain nothing is going to change, it will just lead to more stress and drama. It is best just to let it go and ignore them, as hard as it is.
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  • edited December 2011
    Thank you ladies so much. It makes me feel better when other people understand and think the same about a situation as I do. Tygirl, I also thought the same thing.Krystel, my sister would probably get violent, she is crazy. BUT, I may be the younger sister but my sister knows I'll still wrestle her like we did when we were little. I just don't want to do that in my wedding dress. :0) haha.Rachel- my nieces are 4 & 7 right now. They still don't need to come to the bridal shower. They have fathers, the kids can be left with them.
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  • edited December 2011
    Sara - have a couple bigger and buff friends be security on stand-by and give them warning about your sister and anyone else you think you may end up having to throw out. And like PP mentioned, have your WP and family be the buffer between you and her. I'm planning on having my brother, dad, and MOH as the buffer between my mom and I (I DON'T want to hear a single damn complaint from her the day of).
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  • edited December 2011
    Yes my buffer = Teasha & Shannon. I'm telling them all the people who are crazy and pointing them out for sure. Or just sending them pics. I don't want any issues. Believe me, if I didn't want my nieces who I ADORE to come, I would seriously wish her equally psycho boyfriend to not 'allow' her to come. The sad part about my sister is that my mum's mum (my grandma) likes my sister better than me. So since I had this little discussion with my sister last night, she will likely bad mouth me to my grandma and aunt and they will be jerks to me. This is precisely why I decided against using my grandma's timeshare. I figured my sister would say something to her to make her cancel our honeymoon.
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  • edited December 2011
    You are definitely on the right track, like everyone else has said. I'm truly sorry you have to deal with this it is not fun for anyone.DH had to deal with several sleepless nights with me because my sister was being a bittch and it made me not be able to sleep.When we first got engaged my grandma and mom told me I needed to have my sister as a BM in my wedding. I was talking to her about it and she said she didn't want anything to do with being in the WP, so I never asked her. Everything was fine up until about 2 or 3 months from the wedding. The only reason that we can come up with as to her changing her mind was that somehow grandma and mom convinced her she needed to be a part of it.Invites went out and we sent her her own invite and the RSVP date came and went. When I asked grandma about it she said it was because she didn't feel like we wanted her there and decided she wasn't going to go.In all reality I'm glad she wasn't there. She never liked going to events when she was not in the spotlight and I really don't want to think about what would have happened had she come.You will get through this. You just need to stay strong and not let all her complaining get to you.
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  • edited December 2011
    I was just thinking, use your DOCs as a buffer! And then you said that, lol. PPs pretty much said what. I would. I just wanted to say that you sound totally reasonable. Keep your head up date-twin!
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks Jennyann! :0) We think a lot alike!
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  • edited December 2011
    GOOD GOD! what a nightmare of a woman. I wouldn't even invite her to the wedding at this point. I hate when brides go off about it being "their special day"..when lets be honest, a wedding is just a giant expensive party and the theme is how in love you are..but still. Its a special day, costing you alot of money and I wouldn't take a chance of that broad doing anything to ruin it.
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  • jennuinnejennuinne member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Anyone who is not going to be happy for you and make your wedding fabulous sucks. No need for drama. Any normal person who genuinely cares about you, friend or family, will not make you feel bad for not choosing them as a BM or MOH...they wouldn't want to stress you out or make you feel guilty, they'd just grin and bear it and be supportive.
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  • amylbellamylbell member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    beezarre!!!! you are sooo NOT being a beeatch...It almost seems like she was waiting to pounce this on you to start a fight esp after twice telling you she didn't want/need to be involved....and how old are her daughters??? shower maybe but b-party?  very doubtful...plus just to assume she's in your wedding esp since you're not the least bit close?  and only pops up when it's something she wants but not your bday.....very odd....you did the right thing...and like you said she's a liability, don't want any drama on your special day
  • teacherpigletteacherpiglet member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sara- Stand your ground.  Do not give in.  My sister and I are not really close.  We grew up in two different households halfway around the world from each other.  I knew I did not want her as one of my girls because we are not close at all.  I wanted my closest friends up there with me.  Instead, I had my sister do a reading, three days before the wedding, my sister calls me and informs me that she has strep and could not do the reading.  I was lucky to be able to find a friend who did it for me. The whole time during the reception I guess people told me my sister was upset because people were not focused on her.  Um, hello?????  It was my wedding!!!!  
  • edited December 2011
    Teacher - I hope the people told you that AFTER the wedding?
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