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Help!! Who to invite?!

vertai06vertai06
in Texas-Austin
My fiance and I are paying for our wedding ourselves. I would like my wedding to be between 75-100 people. My problem is my mom's side of the family-it's huge! There are almost 75 people to invite on her side alone. Most of that side of the family is 1st, 2nd and 3rd cousins whom I barely know and can't even remember their names. I wouldn't have a problem not inviting them (since I've only ever seen them at other weddings and for graduation celebrations) except that (1) her side of the family gets easily offended  (2) there are some cousins on that side I am inviting b/c I am close to them and (3) I am inviting all the other family members on all the other sides of the family. My parents have already said they will not help us pay for the wedding. I would rather have a smaller, more intimate wedding of my dreams than one in which I barely know the people there and will be a budget buster. However, I risk hurting people's feelings if I don't invite them. What should I do??-Confused Bride
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Re: Help!! Who to invite?!

  • reddie36reddie36
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would not worry about peoples feelings, especially if they are 2nd & 3rd cousins or other relatives who you barely know and only see at other events. They will probably not care as much as you think, and also probably would not come anyway. If they do care - they will get over it. If you let your parents know to relay to anyone who asks that you guys are footing the bill and had a very limited guest list then that's really all that needs to be said. Invite who you want to spend time with and who you want to share the day with you. I agree that it is what you want that it is important, and since you guys are paying for it then you should do what you want.
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  • MnMShawMnMShaw member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    1. It's your wedding, do what YOU want.2. If you are paying for it, then it is YOUR money, so do what YOU want with it.If you aren't close to them and don't talk to them then they don't get an invitation.  You just have to tell them that you are having a small wedding because that is what finances allow and you just can't invite anymore people.  Our rule of thumb was that if we didn't talk to them at least once a month then they didn't get an invite.
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  • SarahPLizSarahPLiz member
    10000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with PPs. If your parents arent paying then they don't get to dictate your guest list. Try the circle approach, starting with immediate family, then aunts and uncles, and then 1st cousins (counting both you and FI's family), etc. until you get to your top number. NEVER count on people to decline. Once you hit your number, then tell your mom that you just can't fit anymore and still be fair to FI's family. That way, you have a definite level cutoff (no one frther than 1st cousins, and not their kids, for example), so no one's feelings get hurt. If they feel so stongly about it, they can pay for it!
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  • cmcmorecmcmore
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I totally agree with the other ladies. If they arn't helping and you don't want them there really, then do what you want! My FI and I are only having 50 people. Trust me when I say I know how you feel. But people will understand when you say its a small wedding. Its not worth all the money you will have to spend to make everyone happy. Good luck and stay strong!
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  • somethingsweetingsomethingsweeting member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We had the same problem. We had to pay for the whole wedding by ourselves (no help from any parents) and we tried to keep it about 75 people. And we have huge families!We cheated a little bit - since much of our family lives far away, we sent invites if we were pretty positive that they wouldn't come. For the rest, maybe try announcements? That way they feel recognized and respected, but you don't have to buy them dinner :)
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  • cstrattontxcstrattontx member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    This was a big point of contention in my family as well. We decided to do no kids, cousins or co-workers to keep the numbers low. There are a few exceptions, but because it is our wedding, we can choose. Also, others are right in family being very understanding when you explain it is a small wedding.
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