Make it go away!

betrothed123 · November 2009

Okay, I'm typically not one to cry. However, I got some terrible news about my grandfather today, right around 2:30, and I just stopped crying about 15 minutes ago. Now my head hurts like crazy (this happens every time I cry, which is one of the big reasons I so rarely do it).Any suggestions to make my headache go away? I haven't really eaten much since Monday, so I'm making myself some food and I'm hoping that will help a bit, but I honestly cannot deal with a headache on top of everything else right now.

vallyhoo · November 2009

Aspirin? Excedrin? Fresh air?Sorry about your grandfather

Night_Sprite · November 2009

A cool damp cloth on your eyes. It'll help with the swelling a little.Lo siento.

beatlesgirl25 · November 2009

I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa. Have you taken any OTC pain relievers? I find that ibuprofen helps when my head feels all swelled up on the inside from crying. That, and plenty of water to rehydrate.

betrothed123 · November 2009

Tried them all... nothing

I think it's sinus related, but none of the sinus stuff I have is helping either.Thanks, though.

squirrly · November 2009

You're in luck. I have chronic headaches, so I've got LOTS of techniques.1) Ibuprofen2) Tylenol Rapid Release (obviously not unless you don't have ibuprofen)3) hot shower4) avoid caffeine5) heating pad on low on your head OR neck/shoulders - whichever feels better6) go get a massage, or get FI to give you one. focus on head, neck, scalp, face, hands, feetI'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. I lost mine in May. I'll be here most of the night if you want/need to chat.

betrothed123 · November 2009

I didn't think about a cool damp cloth. That is next on my list. Thanks.

sucrets4 · November 2009

sinus = NETI POTI think that's my new answer for everything. I say it all the time, but it works!!

betrothed123 · November 2009

Thanks, Squirrly. I'll put those on my list and work my way down it.I also greatly appreciate the offer. Right now I'm waiting for my dad to call and say he's gone. When I talked to my dad earlier today he told me not to bother going up there tomorrow because we'd be lucky if Grandpa made it to tonight, let alone through the night. All of his body systems have shut down, so we know the end is very, very close.

betrothed123 · November 2009

I really need to get a netipot. I have a lot of friends how swear by it.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · November 2009

Betrothed, take your boss up on his offer, and go see your grandpa tonight if you can. Even if you don't make it in time, at least you'll be doing something. Please don't wait until tomorrow

squirrly · November 2009

That's so tough to deal with. My grandfather faded slowly - it took a little over 3 months. He fell, broke his hip, had reconstructive surgery, and never got better. He pretty much stopped eating and wasted away. I made the choice to NOT go visit once he moved to hospice, but to talk to him on the phone, because I didn't want that memory to be what I held onto. He understood. The hot shower is the best thing I'd recommend right away. It helps clear everything out. Make sure to close the door & let the bathroom get really steamy. A lot of people really find lavender and vanilla scents to be soothing, so if you have any shower gel/lotion/etc. with those scents, they may help too.

betrothed123 · November 2009

I really wish I could. I got the call today while I was at work and as soon asI walked into my boss' office he just said "go home." So I know I'm free and clear there. H, however, is working until 11 tonight and I need to go pick him up. He'll have no other way to get home. It's a 6+ hour drive, so attempting it at this hour, in the emotional state I'm in, and alone would not be a good idea.

squirrly · November 2009

About not visiting - let me clarify - he was 6 feet tall, and was down to about 90 lbs. The last time I saw him, he looked more like a mummy than himself. I thought we were in the wrong room when we first walked in, until my grandmother came in. He wasn't himself anymore. Your grandfather may be in a much different situation.

squirrly · November 2009

Betrothed, is there anyone who could drive with you? Could your H leave work early?

betrothed123 · November 2009

Grandpa was originally diagnosed with lung cancer about 4 years back. For the next 2 years we got varying follow-up diagnoses from "There's no cancer, he's perfectly healthy" to "He has advanced cancer and emphysema." About 6 months ago he decided he didn't want to go in for chemo anymore. I've seen him a handful of time since, but because of the distance it's really hard to get there.When I talked to my dad today he told me that grandpa had opened his eyes once since they got there yesterday, and that even then he didn't seem to recognize my dad. That's what made me start crying.Okay, so hot shower and then some food. I'll be back in maybe half an hour.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · November 2009

Okay, don't be unsafe. I wish I lived close, I'd offer to help somehow or pick your FI up or something.Big hugs. Big big hugs.

betrothed123 · November 2009

is there anyone who could drive with you? Could your H leave work early?Unfortunately, no... on both counts.

sarabellam · November 2009

Betrothed, I'm so sorry. Is there a friend that you can send to pick up your husband from work? The only thing that short-circuits my headaches sometimes is 4 ibuprofen, a couple of Benadryl, and some sleep. You can also take Tylenol at the same time as the ibuprofen with no ill effects (got that tidbit from my daughters' pediatrician as a tip to reduce fevers).

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · November 2009

I know you said he didn't recognize your dad, but could you call someone there and have them put the phone to his ear so you could tell him you love him? I'm sure on some level he knows who is with him and how much love is around him, even if he can't consciously express it. I'm positive of that.

pristinedemon · November 2009

Depending on how close you are to your grandfather, and it sounds like you two are pretty close, I would go see him. I lost my dad to colon cancer 2 years ago, and even though he did waste away - when he passed he weighed maybe 110lbs and he was 6'1" - I am SO glad I was in town to spend his last couple days (even though we had no idea those were his last days) with him. Sorry, I know that's not really headache advice but I've been in your shoes. Just hang in there, okay?

betrothed123 · November 2009

Thank you for all of the support, ladies. The shower did help a bit... until I started crying again.Unfortunately there's no one I can ask to pick H up. He specifically said he didn't want me making the trip alone, either. He plans on driving me up there, either tomorrow or over the weekend.I do think I'm going to give my dad a call, though, and at least ask him to tell Grandpa I love him.

Soon-to-be Mrs. Vogt · November 2009

It's okay to cry. I know it probably feels like it's never going to end, but you can't keep it bottled up inside. If it makes you feel better, watch a sappy movie that you know would make you cry and just let it all out. Sometimes it doesn't feel so bad if you're crying over a movie.

betrothed123 · November 2009

I just talked to my dad. He said he's been telling Grandpa all day about how much I love him, and he told me not to feel bad about not being there right now. The hospice workers are giving him his last sponge bath. Dad says they're really great nurses, so there's some consolation there. At least I know he's gotten good care.

squirrly · November 2009

Betrothed, I bet if you call the hospice unit, the nurse will hold the phone for him. They did for me when I called. They were very caring and understanding when I called. (Sorry, I got pulled away for a bit to take care of some stuff for FI, but I'm back.)

betrothed123 · November 2009

He's at home, so in order to call hospice I'd have to call their headquarters, wait an hour or two until the call is bounced to them, and then they'd be gone. That's how everything works in Northern New York. I'm just going to have to accept that I'm not going to have the opportunity to say goodbye before he dies.I really just want H to come home and give me a hug right now.

BecW2be · November 2009

I'm so sorry betrothed. I second the water, and some cold compresses for your eyes. I wish I could hug you.

stace1814 · November 2009

I am so sorry. I'd give you a hug if I could.

betrothed123 · November 2009

Thanks, Bec. I think I'm moving on to the cold compress now.

squirrly · November 2009

Betrothed, he knows. He really does. And whether you sit in the room with him to tell him, or love him from your couch, he'll know that too.

betrothed123 · November 2009

Thanks Squirrly. I know that's true, but it's really hard to convince myself of it.

Make it go away!

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