Name changing

sapphirebaby926 · November 2009

I just read this article and it bugged me a little - I changed my name because I had no real attachment to my maiden name but I certainly don't think I lost my identity by doing so. What are your thoughts?[url]http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/11/05/o.change.name.after.marriage/index.html[/url]For the record I have no issue with people that don't change their name

notquiteblushing · November 2009

I think it's a personal choice and I see both sides of the coin pretty much. I never ever thought I would change my name but now I'm considering it a little. I would still use my maiden name professionally. Being in Vegas this week and being called by my fiance's name and yet signing everything with my name was a little annoying. I have heard it's annoying either way though so I'm torn.

jeanacorina · November 2009

I don't feel that by changing my name I'll be losing my identity. I don't mind if women change their name or not. It's a personal decision.I think being able to choose is pretty "progressive."That article is dumb. Sounds like someone just wanted to rant.

Acrosthec · November 2009

I was always completely hell-bent on changing mine because I was tired of being last in the alphabet. But I don't think it's odd that someone women don't change theirs. It's definitely a personal choice, and indeed, the fact that we get to choose at all is a step forward for women since "the olden days."

Ana_2985 · November 2009

I agree. It's a personal choice and I don't see anything wrong with either option. I do think it's weird when women/people make a big deal out of it, whether they CAN'T WAIT to take their husband's name or like they're making some big statement by keeping their own. It's really not that big of a deal to me.

magsugar13 · November 2009

I definitely can relate and do see and understand the point she is trying to make. I have to say I agree with the point of the story and dont really understand the whole tradition. On the other hand this country is very puritan based and people would rather follow a tradtion than buck the system. The other thing is the whole "wedding" being married thing in this country...it is brainwashed intot he girls here that this is the ultimate goal and dream, therefore taking his name is part of the whole concept. I dont care what people do with their names, it has no effect on my life...but honestly it annoys me that a lot of women just go with the flow in their lives...not just the marriage thing...

noelle24 · November 2009

I think it's a very individual decision. For me, I feel like my name is very much a part of who I am, so I don't want to change my name. It won't make me any less married. I do agree that the reasons for changing names is antiquated and that there is no need for it. But that's my own personal opinion. I don't care if other women choose to change their name. Just because I don't see a NEED for it, I don't think it's hurting society or less "progressive" for a woman to be able to choose.An article ranting one way or the other is just dumb.

Button5807 · November 2009

Personally I don't care if people change their names but I can't stand that I'm so much more independent and better than you because I'm keeping my name BS.

magsugar13 · November 2009

or...how about...i wanted to be a REAL family that is why i took his name...goes both ways.

sapphirebaby926 · November 2009

I get where your coming from noelle and I guess I can see the point she was trying to make a little better. I suppose I never really saw my name as being a big part of who I am - perhaps if I had made a name for myself professionally I would *shrug*Personally I don't care if people change their names but I can't stand that I'm so much more independent and better than you because I'm keeping my name BS.^this - I hate that too. It is a personal decision and it's not really any of my business nor do I care what people do with their names but I don't like people telling me that I've lost myself when I really haven't - I'm the same person now as I was before I got married.

jeanacorina · November 2009

Rachel, I totally get the professional thing. If my name was part of my business (like, if I were an attorney, actress, business owner, etc) I would probably keep my name. But it's not. It's my dad's name. It's my crazy redneck family's name. It doesn't really hold much sentimental or practical value to me.I would love to share a name with FI, though. Not for any particular reason other than it seems romantic to me, I like his name, and I want to share it with him.Not a huge deal, I wouldn't flip out if I couldn't change my name... but if I didn't get married I'd be likely to change my name just for the hell of it anyway. I don't much care for my last name. It sounds weird to me, and nobody outside of Small Town West Virginia can spell it right. And it doesn't carry well over the phone.I also think it's dumb for people to care SO MUCH what someone else does with their name. Honestly, I am glad we live in a culture that accepts whether you change it or not. Choices are good.

msotis21 · November 2009

BF and I were just discussing this the other day. I am MOH for a friend who is a doctor. She is not changing her name, because she is the first doctor in family. BF then told me that since I am the first engineer in my family, maybe I shouldn't change my name. But he's not the first engineer in his family, so he CAN change his name. It was all a bit of a joke. I've always thought that I would follow tradition and change my name. I am not particularly attached to my last name (it's a bit hard to spell/pronounce), whereas the BF's name is very common. However, other friends of mine have declared that they will not be changing their names, since they feel it is part of their identity. To each their own. I was a bit offended by the article's inference that I am losing my identity by changing my name and SHAME ON ME!! It's my choice. :P

desertsun · November 2009

I would love to share a name with FI, though. Not for any particular reason other than it seems romantic to me, I like his name, and I want to share it with him....I also think it's dumb for people to care SO MUCH what someone else does with their name. Honestly, I am glad we live in a culture that accepts whether you change it or not. Choices are good.THIS.

katanne9 · November 2009

This article is ill-written crap. I can't wait to see my maiden name go. But I didn't realize I was losing of "identity" (GAG) But I also totally understand those who want to keep their name! Each to their own!

PaigeMcC · November 2009

I haven't really decided if I'll change my name yet - but I agree with the rest of you ladies, it's your choice! I don't feel I would lose anything by changing it but maybe I will suggest to BF that he should change his instead (haha!). Wonder what the response there would be...

a&b=him&me · November 2009

I have to agree with ppl. I personally don't care if you change your name or not, or if you decide to move your last name to your middle name etc...just don't be a big prick about it. I had a friend that when she got married her family wanted her to keep her last name because she was an only child and they didn't want the name to vanish...I guess it really just depends on your upbringing etc.

AnneAndJJ · November 2009

I don't care whether people change their names or not, however I DO NOT think that in doing so you lose your identity. I always figured I would...and then BF with his wacko ideas came along, and made an interesting point, which I am inclined to agree with. If I (and my 2 sisters) change our names to that of our husbands, our family name line ends at my father, as my Grandfather's brother had no children. Bf, for some reason, doesn't like this, and suggested that we would give our children my name. Interesting concept, which I know would confuse people, but whatever. He would keep his name, I would keep mine, and give it to our children. His family name carries on through his brother and male cousin...not to mention is super common where we're from. It was food for thought, for me anyway.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

It's not like it's a news article, it's just an opinion piece. I do agree with her point. I think if someone is HIGHLY offended by it, you should ask yourself why.I do consider my name to be part of my identity. If my last name was Jones, like my mother's maiden name, I might feel differently. But I love my name.It's not my problem or my business if someone decides to change her name. I do hope everyone considers why she is doing it. I think many people do it for no good reason, just because it's "what you do." I don't think any naming situation is perfect, though. I know if I have a different last name than my kids and husband, it might cause confusion.

MidniteRae · November 2009

I think it is the person's choice whether or not they change their name. But I don't think people should comment saying their choice is better. I will be changing my name. However, if my poetry catches on, I will probably continue to use my maiden name for that(since that is what my first book of poetry is being published under).

oceana919 · November 2009

That article, in my opinion, is a load of crap. Losing your identity because you change your name?!? To be honest, I think it's a personal decision. I don't think a family is any less of a family if the parents have different last names, nor do I think a woman is any more independent, intelligent, or progressive if she keeps her last name, or brainwashed and not capable of free thinking because she chooses to take her husband's name. It's a personal choice, and people should not be berated or degraded because of the choice they make. You are the same person regardless of what your last name is. Personally, I plan on taking BF's name personally and legally, and hyphenating professionally. I would go his name all the way, but I will likely be published by the time we marry, and want publications and research I've done to tie back to my name (makes it easier for others doing similar work). Sure, I could keep my last name professionally and not tack his on there, but frankly, I take pride in the fact that I will be his wife, and given that we work in the same field, it will be a pleasure to know that our research will, in the end, tie back to one another. I have a brother, so it's not like we'll lose the family name if I take my BF's. If you want to keep your name, go for it. If you want to take his, go for it. The only people it should really matter to or affect should be you and him.

rickylee244 · November 2009

Im with Oceana - however, I will not be published by the time we tie the knot. And I know it would break his heart if I didn't take his name. Bonus* Once I have my Ph.D. and him his we'll be Drs. Doctor ... and as weird as that is, I think its pretty awesome and hilarious lol

emmyroo · November 2009

I don't think my identity is based on my name. It's based on who I am, what I do/think, my interests, my friends/family, etc. I don't think of myself as "Emily" all the time. It even freaks me out momentarily sometimes when someone says my name because I have to remind myself "Oh yeah, that's me!" I'm finding this to be more true after being a teacher. Being called "Ms. MyLastName" is strange, but then so is being called by my first name. My last name is very common (as is my first), so I wouldn't be surprised if there was someone out there with my exact name, sad as it is to admit. Are we the same person? No, we have separate identities, even if we have the same name. I'll probably keep my maiden name as a second middle name. I love the people I was named after and the people I'm associated with because of my last name, but that won't make them less my family if I don't have the same last name as them anymore.I'm going to take my BF's name when we get married, but I'll probably just be called "Mrs. S" at school when we get married because his last name is a little difficult to spell. It is a life's goal of mine to be a published author (of young adult literature) and I'll probably use my first, middle, and last names because BF's name is difficult to pronounce (and someone once said that my full name sounded like an author's name when they had no idea of my goal!)To sum up, names aren't so closely associated with identity as that person was saying, if you ask me. There's nothing wrong either way, just personal preference

Also - all those celebrity names... we probably just would have associated the people with their married names instead of their real names. Some of them are stage names anyway. (talk about an identity crisis then!)

jeanacorina · November 2009

Ricky-- his last name is actually Doctor?If so, that is ALL KINDS of awesome. It's like Doctor Who."Drs. who?" "Just 'the Doctors.'"rofl!

202987 · November 2009

I know two different women who owned their own businesses (each had their maiden name in the title) and still changed their names upon marriage. It doesn't really matter-it's a personal choice.The part that really jumped out at me, though, is that in an article claiming that names=identity and how important that is, she refers to Susan B. Anthony as "Suze". I never studied Susan B. Anthony, but if I'd bet dollars to donuts she never said "Oh, please, call me Suze." To me, it sounds disrepectful. And frankly, if I were trying to make the point that a name is an identity, I wouldn't be changing names without the owner's consent.

rickylee244 · November 2009

Yes its true, Laugh away ... We actually had a waitress once, after giving her his card and everything, come back to the table ask if that was really his name. No he just made that up for bank purposes LOL

Button5807 · November 2009

That is the coolest thing I have ever heard! :-D

desertsun · November 2009

"I do hope everyone considers why she is doing it." MsMery has a good point with this (Mags made a similar point, too). Too many people do things b/c "it's what you do." I just wish that in general people would think through their actions more carefully. And not just their actions, but their beliefs and values. It seems everyone who has responded here has put some thought into the name change issue. The thoughtful and intelligent ladies on this board are why I like to hang out here.

Goldlie11 · November 2009

I personally don't care what others do. I do however find the whole thing kind of archaic (no offense to those who have or will change their names). I like my last name a lot. BF really wants me to take his name. I'll probably end up hyphenating to make us both happy.

TheFutureMrsM-LoungingBeachside · November 2009

I have no strong feelings about either of our last names- and am not known professionally by my last name- its not even on my work ID. So I haven't decided if I'll change it. But if I do I probably won't do it until 2012 when I have to renew my license or something.

lalap69 · November 2009

I agree that it's a personal choice, I just wish it seemed that more women actually considered and made a choice rather than just doing "what is expected of them." And I wish it was a choice that went both ways. If there were more cases of men changing their names, I think it would bother me less. I would feel that I was losing part of my identity if I changed my last name because my name is part of who I am. FI feels the same way and that's why neither of us is changing our names.But I also see a lot of comments of "well it was important to him that we share a name" or "I want us to be a real family" or "it's tradition!" and those reasons make me uncomfortable. If it's important to him, why does the responsibility fall on her? Why do you need to share a last name to be a family? And why should traditions that are based in a patriarchal history govern what we do today? Things are different now.There's nothing wrong with anyone making whatever choice will make them happiest. I just wish it was something that both wives AND husbands thought about.

ericswifey · November 2009

I guess I should stick one of those little "I agree with Jeana" buttons on my siggy.ps I can't wait to have a name people can pronounce, and spell!

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