Poll/Question about Marriage

felicity and reverie · November 2009

Did you always assume that at some point in your life you would get married or did you not have that "aha!" moment until your FI/DH?Until I met FI, I had assumed I would always stay single since I could not imagine liking anyone enough to want to integrate my life with theirs. But now, I cannot believe that I ever thought I could be happy alone for my entire life.So did your FI/DH fit into your "plan" of what you expected from your life or did it turn the plan in a new direction?

betrothed123 · November 2009

I had planned on staying single but I met H while we were in HS, so I'm not sure if my plans at the time count.

[Deleted User] · November 2009

I actually never saw myself getting married only because I never thought I'd find someone to love me and love my son they way that they would have to in order to be my husband. I'm so lucky that I found FI.

LindyL · November 2009

I didn't have the "aha!" until meeting DH. I'm sort of like you, but I thought I wouldn't be able to tolerate anyone for that long. My life definitely went in a different direction than planned. Not bad. Just way different from what I pictured.

sapphirebaby926 · November 2009

I always wanted to get married at some point but I didn't think I'd ever find someone that I wanted marry until I met DH.

julezlee · November 2009

For years I didn't think I would ever marry someone. I figured I would find someone I wanted to spend my life with and we would do just that without ever actually getting married. DH changed my way of thinking. Also, before him I didn't want a diamond engagement ring if I did get married. Turns out, I love my diamond engagement ring and being married

Ciaram22 · November 2009

I always knew I wanted to get married but really didn't know if I ever would. DH helped turn my life to a new direction. He helped me move out of the immature teenager that I was when we first met into the who I am today.

tmm140 · November 2009

After MANY doomed relationships I figured I would be one of those single ladies forever. But when I met DH and realized that people can love you no matter what comes his way, he was the one. He is caring and made me see the "marriage"light

janedoe1113a · November 2009

I've always seen myself getting married. I always imagined I'd be a military wife though. My FI is in the military now, but he's getting out next June to go to medical school.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

I always pictured having a family the way I did growing up. I loved living in our little family. So yeah, I was hopeful that someday I'd fine that person.I'd always try to think about marriage with the other guys I dated and it sort of scared me. Then I met FI and I was like, "Oh yeah, this is it."

Gwenosaurus · November 2009

I figured I would get married at some point, but I didn't really expect to meet the right guy so soon.I met FI in high school, and I didn't have much of a plan to begin with. I guess I expected to be a lot more focused on having a "successful" career. Instead I really can't wait to marry FI and have a career that makes me happy instead of what I think would make other people happy.

felicity and reverie · November 2009

I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who wasn't specifically looking for/expecting at some point to get married. I have gotten some strange looks when I have tried to bring this convo up IRL.It is different than the life plan I had mapped out for myself, but definitely a good different.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

I figured it was likely that I'd get married, but I didn't assume. My response to people who assumed I "had to" get married at some point was that "It's and women are allowed to own property these days. I don't *have to* do anything."

LindyL · November 2009

Larissa - I've found that the girls I know who *have* to get married are the ones who tend to scare guys away more than anything. *coughmycousincough*

agk0125 · November 2009

I always wanted to get married. My "plan" was to meet someone in college and be married at 25.When my long term college bf and I broke up right after my 24th birthday I figured "oh well there goes the plan." I still wanted to get married, but I figured it would be a while since I was starting from scratch and I was totally fine with that.This was when FI, who was a friend in college, came on the scene. I'm going to be 26 when we get married.I wish I could go back in time and tell 18 year old me that the plan pretty much came to fruition.

felicity and reverie · November 2009

After MANY doomed relationships I figured I would be one of those single ladies forever.Exactly. But I can still remember the night when I realized- Holy cow! Being with him has made me realize that someday I do want to get married. And it came out of nowhere because I had figured- oh well, this is nice for now, but there is always a catch. And that was the night I realized there didn't have to be a catch. It could just be a good thing.

LarissaAnn · November 2009

Lindy, I have those friends too. I know one who's 41 & has been dying to get married since college. 20 years later, she's still single. It drives me crazy, because she's otherwise wonderful, but I just know she's scaring the crap out of these guys.

louisvillebride21 · November 2009

I always knew I'd get married. I guess reading every one's responses, I was maybe being too sure about it, but whatever. My parents were divorced and I didn't have a mom growing up. So I always wanted to create that family that I never had. Family has been the most important 'goal' in my life since I can remember. I've always craved having a family of my own choosing. I didn't expect to find it so soon though.

shellydiane820 · November 2009

I figured I'd eventually get married.

LindyL · November 2009

I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing you'll get married. There are just some people who insist on it, like my wack-a-doo cousin. I love her to death, but if she insists on having a promise ring (yes, she's in her later mid-twenties and still refers to them as this) with another boyfriend after only being together for a month I'll throw something at her head.

panda&squishy · November 2009

I wanted to be married at some point, but I assumed that wouldn't ever happen. I definitely had some sort of "aha!" moment with FI. My life has turned in a new, much better, direction.

e_jakiela · November 2009

So it is funny you are asking... When I was around 8 years old, I did something bad and my mom was angry with me. She said I should not be behaving like that and screamed at me a little and then I said something mean. I don't know what I said but I am sure it was something that I heard from some adult... I will never forget what happened after that My mom looked at me with super sad eyes and said: with this character you will always be alone like Ewa (a cousin of mine who is a spinster and is my mom's age). The anger and sadness at the same time, in my mom's voice made me believe that what she said was a curse... I had two three-year boyfriends that I believed I would marry and each time it ended I thought back to the time when I fought with my mom. After the second one I was so sad that it was true the curse would become a reality that I told my mom all about it... my mom listened and thought back to that moment as well, and then she hugged me and said that whatever she said back then, she definitely did not mean for me to never find real love. She also said what every mom should say, like, he was not for you, there are lots of fish in the sea...etc... Since I still did not believe this would work against the curse, she had to do some un-cursing which my grandma always did when one of her kids suddenly got sick (some grandma magic). A year after that I met Joe... I knew it would be him two weeks later... so did he...

RachNRich · November 2009

I used to tell myself that I would grow up, and be a mom. A single mom. How I planned on getting there, or why I wanted it -- I don't know. But, I also thought I would marry every guy I ever dated. Something about each of them, I loved. And then I found the guy that had the something each guy had before. But instead of just having that something, he had that everything. And I knew. So I did have an aha! moment with him the second I saw him. So no, he didn't fit in to my original plan. But that's because my original plan was stupid.

panda&squishy · November 2009

Oh! That reminds me! When I was eight or so my Grandmother told me no one wants to marry a girl who bites her nails (which I did and still have a hard time not doing). So I thought since I couldn't break the habit that I would never get married. So, she was wrong after all.

louisvillebride21 · November 2009

And then I found the guy that had the something each guy had before. But instead of just having that something, he had that everythingMy mom told me this after every break up. It's so true; I can see the thing I loved from every serious boyfriend in FI. I was so in love with him for so long, I really didn't think it would ever happen. I was shocked actually when he told me that he had feelings for me. That was one of the top 3 best nights of my life.

sarah0725 · November 2009

I always saw myself getting married. This may make me sound nuts, but when I was in high school sometimes I used to sit and look out the window and think, "The guy I am going to marry is living out there somewhere and I haven't met him yet," and then I would get goosebumps. I've always been pretty domestic, interested in human relationships, and something of a serial monogamist. So it's not necessarily that my life has had some huge turnaround now that I'm together with FI, but more like what we want for our futures has dovetailed.There was one time I was looking at lots of pics of FI when he was a teenager, and I thought back to what I said above and felt kind of mysterious.OK, I am a sap. But in my defense I just watched Love Actually and I've been sitting here reliving our first kiss. Don't judge me! *hides*

sucrets4 · November 2009

Aw, sarah! I just watched Ice Princess and got all teary when her mom came to watch her skate. Fuucking hormones.

temerityjane · November 2009

I think I planned on getting married when I was younger, because I assumed, as children do, that that was just how life went.After a bad break up, I wallowed for a while, then realized I'd probably never get married, and was actually 100% fine with that idea, which was when I met Buddy.And I can honestly say that if he wasn't in the military, I don't know if we'd be getting married. Not that I don't love him, and not that I wouldn't have spent my whole life with him anyway. We probably would have just been together forever, without actual marriage. The military and the moving around and the benefits and such, however, make getting married the more logical option. For me, marriage was not the logical option in any other situation that I could imagine ever being in.

sarah0725 · November 2009

If I'm already this bad, I can't imagine what I'll be like pregnant. I've pretty much told FI to be prepared for me to cry at just about anything.I once cried watching Rocky II.

dojo1 · November 2009

It really never occurred to me that there was a possibility that I would live my life alone. I always just thought I would find someone eventually... not on any particular time line. Conversely, I was never concerned about being alone because my mantra has always been that no matter what happens to you in life you have to be able to find a way to be happy - whether you are in what you consider your "ideal" situation or not.

mags0607 · November 2009

When I was younger, I always assumed I was born without the "white-picket fence gene" as I called it. Most of my friends were the pretty little princesses who already had names picked out for their kids and thier dream wedding planned out. All they had to do was insert a groom and they would have the dream and the perfect little life. I never thought like that, so I just assumed that I wasn't the type to get married and have kids. When I was nineteen, I got close to being engaged ( ring was bought but he cheated first- THANK GOODNESS) but I never really thought about what actually being married would be like, especially to that boyfriend. My Fi and I knew each other at this point, but were just friends, so its not like I even knew the second I met Rick that he would be the one. Time went on, Rick and I lost touch, I dated a string of a$$holes and in the process I grew up, graduated college and started focusing on a career. I didn't even think when Rick and I reconnected that it would be anything but platonic, and then one day it was. From that day, I have never looked back. I can't pinpoint the exact moment when I knew I wanted to marry Rick, but the more people marriage and kids when referring to us, the less scared I became about it. Now I am planning our wedding and I am actually ready for marriage to a wonderful guy.

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