Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
New Discussion

How do you...

brewsterbabebrewsterbabe
First Comment
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
How do you deal with two families that are completely different? Any advice?His family doesn't really drink, I don't know if they dance, and I don't know what they expect as far as reception entertainment. They're all a little older than my family. For example: his father and mother are in their mid-sixties and we're twenty--they're a completely different generation. His father is especially judgemental because he's OLD (but I love him anyway :D). My family are the type of people that drink, sing karaoke, and dance but I have a feeling that my family will feel uncomfortable under the watching eyes of his family who will probably spend most of their time sitting. This probably sounds tacky but I just want everyone to have fun and to feel as comfortable as possible. I'm pretty sure that I am not the only person on the planet who is going through this so any ideas would be killer.Thanks!
Report Reply to Post

Re: How do you...

  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    What you do, if you and your fi are paying for everything, is have the wedding and reception the two of you want.  Don't ask for opinions (because you'll get them:-) nor permission. I've been married twice.  The first time I acquiesced on almost every decision trying to make everyone happy.  What ended up happening was I was the only one unhappy with a wedding entirely different than what I wanted.  About a year ago, I remarried, and we had the wedding we wanted.  We did get a little grief from my sister, and then, interestingly, a lot of women on The Knot.  They didn't understand our need for an intimate, private ceremony.  Many people have fallen into the trap of the wedding industry.  So, unless other people are paying for your ceremony and reception, then you get to decide.  Stop for a minute and envision what you want.  Then figure out your budget and how to make it happen.  All bets are off, though, if you accept money from others--then they get a voice in how that money is spent.  Best wishes!
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
    Report Reply
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I don't really have any more advice to offer than the good advice you got from handfast and stage. I do want to comment on this: His father is especially judgemental because he's OLD. Please don't stereotype "old" people as automatically being judgemental. That's like saying all young people are flibbertygibbets or that they're all crass and rude. My guess is that your FFIL was judgemental long before he turned 60~oh, and as someone rapidly approaching 60, I also don't really consider someone in their mid-60's "old" anymore. ;)
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
    Report Reply
  • ffmaidffmaid
    1000 Comments
    The biggest thing that determines if guests have fun at a wedding is if teh bride and groom are clearly having fun and enjoying themselves and socializing with their guests. So if you plan a wedding such that you and FI will have big grins on your faces while laughing and smiling and chatting with guests and dancing and having a grand old time then I promise you your guests will have fun. Second most important this is good food and drinks Do those 2 and you will have a great party!
    Report Reply
  • hollieheidihollieheidi member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments
    Do what suits you two as a couple.  All of the others are right. Don't try to make his family or your family do anything that they wouldn't normally. They aren't going to change for just one day.  If they normally sit, that's what they are going to do.  They just might have to sit and listen to your family sing karaoke with the DJ...that's all.It's about getting married and celebrating your coming together as a couple. While the reception is most commonly referred to as the "thank you" to your guests for coming to your wedding it doesn't have to be ALL for them.  If you're paying don't get caught up in what everyone from Mom, FMIL and Cousin Susie think is proper for a wedding.  Don't let all of the unrequested opinions get to you and just use your judgement.  Only you two know what's best for the two of you.
    Report Reply
  • brewsterbabebrewsterbabe
    First Comment
    Thanks guys. :)
    Report Reply
  • vitamintvitamint
    100 Comments
    Good luck- but please don't stereotype people. Age is a state of mind. If you think 60 is old what do you think people who live to 100 are? Calling your FFIL old doesn't set the tone for "fun."
    Report Reply
  • lilcasserslilcassers member
    100 Comments
    My friend had the same situation. His fam were partiers and her's wasn't. Just have whatever you want at the wedding. If they judge each other, who cares... they won't ever see each other again (except for your immediate family) Each of the sides will hang out with each other anyways and not really care about the others. Remember, it's all about you two!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    10 Comments
    My sister is married (for over 20 years) to a baptist. There was dancing and drinking at the reception. Anyone that didn't want to participate didn't. Those that did did. Do what you want and enjoy the celebration.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards