S/O - Genetic disorders & procreation

squirrly · November 2009

Courtesy of LVBs post in Sco's poll (about the news), I got to thinking. . . if you knew you had a genetic disorder that could be passed on to your kids, would you want to:1) still have biological children2) find a related egg (or sperm, if it's your FI/DH with the condition) donor and try to have children that way3) adopt4) not have children5) some other option I have spaced on and not mentionedFeel free to specify different answers for different disorders.

louisvillebride21 · November 2009

Depends on the disease. If it wasn't debilitating, I would still probably have kids of my own. If not, we would adopt.

opalsky007 · November 2009

Adopt, hands down. I'm excited about being pregnant and having kids one day, but not at all costs. There are too many kids already out there who need parents.

Gwenosaurus · November 2009

I would probably adopt. But if it were a disorder that would likely kill me very young, I probably wouldn't have kids at all.

RachNRich · November 2009

What opal said, exactly.

lyndausvi · November 2009

It's one of those things you do not know until your are in the situation.

jolynn326 · November 2009

It definitely depends on the disease. There's a family in my community who has Cystic Fibrosis, and they have deliberately chosen not to have children. Two or three of the siblings have already passed away from the disease.I would adopt in a heartbeat, disease or not.

HilaryH1231 · November 2009

Fi and I were discussing this the other night actually. He said that he would want to use sperm/eggs from family members. I think that is so weird and it gives me the creeps to think about having his dad's baby. I really don't know what I would do. I guess it depends on the genetic disorder, depends on the likelihood that the child will have it, and on the degree to which my husband and I could support a child with a genetic condition (medical treatments, occupational therapy, etc.).

squirrly · November 2009

If I had something and my sister didn't, I *might* be inclined to go for choice #2. The challenge would be in making sure my sister didn't see it as her baby. More likely we'd adopt. Likewise, if I were fine but my sis had a genetic disorder, I would want to do genetic testing to find out if it's something I could pass on. I'm always really impressed with people who overcome those things, but at the same time I wouldn't want to saddle my child with that kind of burden, if I could avoid it.

scoetto · November 2009

Adopt. Hands down. I would love to have kids. Just none that are coming out of my vag.

amalama · November 2009

Depends on the disease and the chances of passing it on. Something that would cause me (or kids) to die very young, I would probably not want to have kids at all. Something manageable, I might still have biological children. This is hard for me to answer, I can't imagine not having my daughter, but I also can't imagine knowingly making her live with a horrible disease.

mocha beans · November 2009

I would probably adopt or opt to not have children at all. I'm not hellbound and determined to have kids, so if we were likely to have a disabled child, I would rather just not have kids at all and set up a scholarship fund or something to help kids with the money we would normally spend on raising kids. The longer I work at my job with disabled people, the more I realize that I don't think I could do that for a lifetime. I just don't have the mental and emotional cajones to do it longterm. Maybe it would be different if it would be my own child, but I think I'd still get frustrated to easily and it wouldn't be a good environment for the child.

amalama · November 2009

Oh and in a situation like this I don't know if I would be comfortable with someone else's egg/sperm. I think I would almost rather have someone I didn't know than I family member. But, if either of my sisters wanted an egg from me, I would probably do it. Well, not in the situations they are in now, but if I knew that they could take care of a kid.

september's bride · November 2009

It would truly depend on the disorder. There are so many things out there that can go wrong, even with a healthy pregnancy, that we would probably still try to conceive.If we couldn't (or were discouraged from trying) then we would adopt.

squirrly · November 2009

I don't think I could do that for a lifetime. I just don't have the mental and emotional cajones to do it longterm.One of my friends is married to a guy with 2 siblings. Both siblings have a genetic condition (I don't know the name) and they essentially stopped progressing mentally at about the age of 2. Their parents have both of them at home and provide 100% of their care. My friends did genetic testing before having a baby to try to ensure that wouldn't happen to them - because she said this very same thing. And I agree.

tidetravel · November 2009

It would depend on the severity of the disorder and the possibility of passing it on.Along the same lines - DH and I didn't have any genetic testing done on our baby. Most testing only tells you that there is a % chance that the baby would have the disorder, not that they do or don't. Even if we knew that there was a higher probability that the baby would be born with X disorder, we wouldn't have terminated the pregnancy - we would have just worried for 9 months about it, so we opted out.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

Totally depends. If it was something life-threatening, like cystic fibrosis, I'd probably adopt (I'd adopt before going through any sort of fertility treatment or even getting donor sperm). Thankfully, I don't have a history of bi-polar disorder or depression, but my friend who is bi-polar has decided to never have kids. It helps that she doesn't like them. I would like to get tested for the breast cancer gene someday. If I had it, that might affect whether or not I chose to have children at all, or if I adopt. My grandmother was diagnosed at 42 and passed away at 54 from cancer.If I myself had something that would severely affect my quality of life in my later years or cut myself short, I'd question whether to have kids at all, let alone if I should have them and possibly pass it on to them.Though, frankly, any child can be born with a severe problem, disease, syndrome or disability, and that's one of the risks you should consider before having them.

temerityjane · November 2009

I have a disorder that could possibly be passed down (the jury is actually still out on whether or not it is inherited) and I went back and forth on this for a long long time.I wouldn't want to put any child through what I've been through, but on the other hand, I don't want to come out and say there's something bad or wrong about me, either.I am likely going to have my own kid and hope for the best. If they inherit, well, we'll handle it. If they don't, great.

mocha beans · November 2009

It's a lot of work, squirrly, I gotta commend the parents for keeping them at home and doing all the care by themselves. I work with 6 people with a mental age under 1 year. They need to be fed, changed, and everything else done for them. It's an ungodly amount of work. I could not live my life like that, having it completely consumed and run by children.

SoSweet06 · November 2009

Well, we plan to adopt as Plan A, so there's no question about what we would do

I would consider raising a child with special needs, but I wouldn't consider inflicting them myself if I had a choice.

BubbleJ · November 2009

FI has a medical issue that we have been told could be genetic and we are not having children. We don't really want children, so its not a big deal. If we were to have children there is a chance they could be perfectly fine but we don't want to take the chance that they would have to have the hospitaly stays and operations that he has had.

lyndausvi · November 2009

Tide - I think I will do the same thing if I'm pregnant. I have a friend who had every test you can imagine for her baby. I think she would have terminated if there was an issue. At one point she got mad at her DH for not be excited about her being pregnant. Of course he was not excited, the poor guy was too afraid there would have been a problem and she would terminate the pregnancy.

squirrly · November 2009

Yep, my friend felt really bad about feeling that way for a long time. Like it made her selfish & all the typical guilt. It's more than just that - what's going to happen to those kids when their parents physically CAN'T take care of them anymore? As for what would cause me to not have bilogical children - something that would severely negatively impact the child's life before, say, 30. My mom has Parkinson's, and although I hope I won't have it and I hope I won't pass it on, I'm still going to have kids.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

Most testing only tells you that there is a % chance that the baby would have the disorder, not that they do or don't.That's the hard part. I've heard of people who are told their baby will have Down Syndrome, and then the baby is fine. On the flip side, I read this article: http://tinyurl.com/yzm2gqvThe parents were Ashkanzi Jews (I think) and did amniocentisis for Tay-Sachs and it came back negative, according to the doctor. Except he read it wrong, it was actually positive. Tay-Sachs is 100% fatal, usually in the first two years. In order to sue the doctor they had to claim they would have gone through with termination had they known about the diagnosis in advance. Sad stuff.

BubbleJ · November 2009

msmerymac - That sounds very similar to the Jodi Picoult book Handle With Care

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

Huh, I haven't heard of it. Sounds like a really sad book. I guess they had to do something called a "wrongful birth" lawsuit and people give her shiit for it a lot when the find out, but the mother said this:"I loved every second I had with Evan," Ungerleider says, her dark eyes filling. "But as a parent, would I have spared him a life of suffering? Absolutely."I'm pretty sure I feel the same way.

baby green bird · November 2009

There are so many variables in a situation like this that I really don't know how I would feel.

BubbleJ · November 2009

msmerymac - It is a very sad book. I cried like a little girl.

squirrly · November 2009

I think my friends had themselves tested to see if they were both carriers. Well before they were pregnant. If they had both been carriers, they would not have had any biological kids, just adopted. I don't know if they had any testing done on the baby (who is now about 4 months old).

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

Squirrly, I really wonder about the disorder your friend's husband's siblings have. I know with cystic fibrosis, if both parents are carriers, there's a 25% chance the baby will have it, a 50% chance it will be a carrier, and a 25% chance the child won't have it or be a carrier. If that disorder is similar and your friend doesn't have the gene at all, then perhaps there was a 100% chance the baby wouldn't have it, so there'd be no need for testing.

brookelynpaisley · November 2009

Adopt. I do want to be a mother, but I sincerely believe that genetic disorders that result in the inability to reproduce are our species' only real natural enemy. Genetic disorders keep our numbers in check, not much else does. So I believe it would be going against nature to give birth. If I wanted to still be a mom, I would adopt.

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