With or without him?

hblazerchic · November 2009

hey ladies! So i'm looking ahead to registering in January and the FI does not seem interested at all. I mean, he wants to be registered and all but he's not excited like i am. And that's understandable i suppose, but i was thinking of doing something like registering at Target with him and then going to Macy's to register with my mom. Then he can look over the registry and see if there is anything he hates or if we're missing anything. I was just wondering, did anyone else register without their FI's? Did it take away from the experience or make it less stressful?

Leah&Christian09 · November 2009

I went with my DH. Even though I do most of the cooking, he does his share of the eating, showering, sleeping, etc. The things that we registered for will be in our house for a long time, and he'll be using them too. My mother, not so much. We ended up with a lot of stuff that we both do care about, like sheets and towels and decor. DH and I have very similar styles and tastes. My mother has a completely different style. We ended up doing the bulk of the gadgets and appliances online though. We got to compare the specs and the reviews before we decided. Totally something my DH loves doing. Also, word to the wise, talk to people that have registered with Targe before you decide to do that. There are tons of people on this board that have done it and had bad experiences. You've been warned

.

gottahavashorti · November 2009

I brought him - whichever one of us is more picky about something narrows down the options, then the other decides. It works for us. He pretty much just scanned what I chose for kitchen stuff though, I could have done that by myself or with someone else.

aprilrose975 · November 2009

I broght mine. I wish I would have left him at home.

It was a chore for him. He was a good sport but I could tell he did not want to be there.

tiffspff · November 2009

We did most of our registering online. We picked some a lot of stuff together and then both added to it as other ideas came to mind. I registered at Target and didn't have any problems.

ffmaid · November 2009

This is not your moms house this is your Fi and your house. He shoudl do it with you as these are gifts for the two of you not just you. We did it one night online. I think it is not nice of you to not include your FI but there is no reason for him to be excited about it months in advance just like there is no reason for you to be excited about registering months in advance.

duckie1905 · November 2009

DH flat out said that if I was planning on registering he wanted no part of it. He gave me some idea of what he wanted/liked and I registered without him. If he had wanted to go we would've gone together.

Brie2010 · November 2009

Could you two register online together? My FI was not a fan of the in-store registering, but he loves dinking around with our registries on the computer from the comfort of our couch. He registry stalks regularly and sometimes I find random things on there (like decanters). He doesn't find it as overwhelming and a huge time suck that way. Maybe he would like that option better? Get some beer, put on your PJ's and go nuts!

vedika · November 2009

We went together on Sunday. He had a blast! I didn't think he would enjoy himself either, but he had so much fun! It was nice couple time

We also came home and did some online registering. You still have a few weeks before making a final decision, he may come around by then, so maybe holding out for a little longer (if you really want him to come along) may be more beneficial for you both. GL!

kat112 · November 2009

My FI gets no enjoyment out of shopping what-so-ever. I took him when we originally went in store but he doesn't care one bit what color china or what type of vacume we register for. He trusts my judgement so I did a lot of updating online without him. It's just STUFF, I'm not making life or death decisions regarding our future. I say let him decide if he wants to go or not, no pressure. Why force him to go if he really doesn't want to?

sapphirebaby926 · November 2009

We did our big main registry together but for the other two that just had a few items on it that I wanted I did by myself.

NotNumbers · November 2009

FI & I did ours together. I couldn't imagine going and registering for things for our home without him. I don't feel it is really appropriate for your mum to go with you instead. FI wasn't all that keen initially, but really got into it once we were in the store. I'd done quite a bit of research first, though, and we'd discussed what we wanted before we went. I'd suggest doing that, as it made it a lot easier.

panda&squishy · November 2009

FI went with because he was very picky. He had to weigh each knife in his hand, touch the sheets and towels, and generally see things. Even if he wasn't that interested, I couldn't imagine picking things for the both of us without both of us there. He enjoyed playing 007 with the gun. While we were registering in store another couple was there and the bride had brought her mother, who was doing all the picking out and talking. Her poor groom looked like a dog with his tail between his legs. I thought it was the weirdest thing I'd ever seen. Here's a thought: ask your FI point blank if he wants to go.

samurai21 · November 2009

I used to work at Target so a few cautions from what people would come and complain about.When you register online and in store there is a somewhat barely noticable option about if you want your registry online only, store only or both. people would register in store and then complain that their family couldn't find it online or vice versa. they can't do anything about it instore, you have to spend forever on the phone with the registry help line.your registry does expire. meaning, if you don't get a gift receipt and plan on printing your purchase log to return items, if it expires we won't return it. i had a poor woman come in one time and had received two strollers. her registry expired two days before she came in. we couldn't do anything because that item was no longer in the system. i felt so bad for her. They have a pretty terrible return policy. Some people have great experiences there, but a lot of people have terrible ones, so be careful!

Lilaps · November 2009

I went without my FI. I actually took my Mom to register at one store. I really enjoyed having my Mom there we had a good time. I know my FI was glad he didn't have to go. He reviews the registeries online. He even told me "you are going to be the one using and picking out this stuff...i dont care" If he had gone with he would have been bored and complained the entire time. I'm glad i did it by myself the registery is one thing i am so excited about!

cwilliams01sc · November 2009

Seriously, I think sometimes we (meaning future brides) like to think that our fiances want to be involved in everything when it comes to the wedding, but in reality, most guys could care less. If he's not interested, he's not interested. Odds are, he just wants you to be happy. If he's really cool with it (and only you can be the judge of it - not all of these girls on The Knot) then go with your mom and do it. Maybe ask him a few suggestions of what he really wants around the house and register for that. For instance, my fiance really wants a nice coffee maker and toaster. He didn't want to have to go pick it out (he HATES shopping) and he trusts my opinion on items. My SIL went with my brother to register and said it was the worst experience ever. Going with my mom was fantastic because it helped keep me from going crazy on the registry and she knew things to register for that I wouldn't have even thought about. Just find other ways to involve your fiance. I'm sure he'd love to go cake tasting when you figure all of that out. Good luck.

kikibird · November 2009

My FI and I went together to register at Crate & Barrel (we did the registry event; a great way to convince FI to go shopping is offer him free food!) We have actually gone back a couple of times, to figure out our place settings, playing with the dishes and flatware and glasses to see what go best together. We've probably spent about 4-5 hours together at C&B overall. We also registered at Macy's and mostly just went there together to check out the stuff I had researched online (china, towels, sheets). FI definitely wanted a say in picking out patterns and colors, and had some practical suggestions about things too (e.g., he won't be able to hand-wash those glasses because the opening is too narrow for his hands, so if I'm content to do the dishes then fine, otherwise we should pick something else). I've added a few things here and there, but any of the big items, or stuff we will both use, I've run by him before adding them.

chest173 · November 2009

My FI informed me the other night that he had never heard of a wedding shower and had no idea that you get a party and people buy you gifts! haha, WTF?! He didnt' come when I registered for our baby shower, I think he'd be overwhelmed at the idea of it. He'd probably say "Why would someone buy us that, don't we allready have one?" So, I'll leave him out of most of it, unless it's bedding or something where he needs to like the look of it!

PreppySailor · November 2009

I went alone, and think it was the right choice for us as a couple. I was able to take the time I needed to make decisions. We are going together next weekend to add bedding to our registry. Each couple is different. He may not seem excited about it, but ask him clearly if he'd rather come or you go alone.

hblazerchic · November 2009

Thanks for your replies/stories ladies! It gave me some food for thought. The FI is willing to register with me at least for one store, and i think i'll take it from there to see if he'd like to go to the others. I'll most definitely make sure he goes over the registry, because as you said it's going to be our house. But if it turns out he doesn't want to come to the second registry with me, i figure it'll be nice to have anything person there to say "what else, do you need some new towels..?" or you know, something like that. My mom is probably the least pushy person ever so i know she won't try to decorate the house for me through our registry. Thanks for the thoughts!!

mizu22 · November 2009

I did it with him, it's his stuff too!! And actually, it was one of my favorite parts of our engagement

But, don't drag him along if he doesn't want to to go. It will probably make the experience bad for both of you...

dojo1 · November 2009

I had very romantic ideas about what registering was going to be like. Then I realized it was an all-around awful experience. FI and I decided I would do the bulk of it and we were both SO much happier doing it that way. I know his taste and I tired to canvas him for ideas before hand, but ultimately the final decision was mine.Honestly, you're getting married - you know you love your partner, registering with him is not a test of your relationship. Registering without him doesn't mean anything either. If he's gung-ho, then more power to him! If he's not down with sorting through endless flatware settings then don't make it a chore for the both of you.

lharri12 · November 2009

My fiance could not care less about what our dishes or flatware look like. I could probably set the dinner table tonight with brand new china, and he wouldn't notice. Same thing with the wedding details. The other day, I asked (for fun) if he would care if our wedding colors were purple and pink, and he said he really doesn't care. He is not into decorating or shopping at all, and I LOVE that stuff, so I am truly enjoying having complete creative control over the wedding and the registry

These are little things that do not matter in a marriage and could only cause discord if he does not want to participate. I bet my mom will be thrilled to help me register.

jpharis · November 2009

Yes, we went together to register at 1-2 places, and he was not really into it, so I did the other places on my own or with someone else special. It is totally ok to do and most guys appreciate it.

gottahavashorti · November 2009

It might be a good idea to just register for the stuff he might have an opinion on, then do the rest without him. That way he's not stuck in a store for ages but still gets a say. You can also partially register online or narrow down your options online before going to the store so that he doesn't have to spend too much time shopping.FI was cranky at the first store we went to because he got really hungry soon after we got there. He was much happier and more helpful once he had a good lunch in his stomach. It was kind of fun to choose out coordinating items and having him point out the few bedspreads, shower curtains, etc. that he actually took a lot less time than it would have by myself.

kmarie0207 · November 2009

I took my DH with me for two stores and left him home for the other. With things like china it was much easier to go with my mom because she knew what to register for. My DH found the whole registering experience awful and was glad when I didnt include him. Our orginal plates were discountinued and our flatware was really expensive so I did take him back to look at things again with me. He went but wasnt happy about it. I just asked DH if there was anything he really wanted (there was) and left the rest to my mom and I. It was much easier and he seems to like everything we got (or hasnt noticed it yet!).

I <3 Seabass · November 2009

We went together to start our registry in the store but I've added additional things to our registry online by myself. Usually it was things that we had talked about wanting but we didn't see it in the store, however I did sneak a soft serve ice cream maker on there.

TCUESW1999 · November 2009

Nope, I did all the registering. My husband didn't care at all what I registered for. All he asked was for some tool sets and I made sure that was on the list. Don't feel that he has to go with you. I went with my mom and we had a blast.

Faye&Conrad · November 2009

I recently went with my best friend to register for her wedding. It was us and one other bridesmaid who was seasoned in life and had good ideas of what to pick, quantities etc. Her FI was not interested and thought they had everything they ever needed anyway. All he wanted was a gumball machine (which she didn't register for but we got as part of the BS anyways cause we are nice!) If he doesn't want to I don't see why he as to be forced to, I don't think you'll be missing out on a wonderful wedding moment, but if you force him to look at china and he gets miserable about it you could be creating a bad wedding memory. If he refuses I'd say go do it with your mom, and have him look over it online you can add, or take away whatever he doesn't like.

amberschmidt · November 2009

I have to do all the registering myself. My fiance is in London until 2 weeks before the wedding. So I sort of know where you're coming from. I figure if your fiance was that picky he'd be there to register. Is it stressful? Kind of. I want to pick out things that will make him happy. I don't think it's taking away from the experience for me. As long as we're together I am happy. Good luck, dear!

rainedrop6 · November 2009

I registered at all three places by myself and it was fabulous. FI was not interested at all and declined to participate. I picked exactly what I wanted and didn't have to compromise with anyone. I took my time and could read reviews on items I was interested in. It was 100% less stressful than it would have been with my FI who would have been bored out of his mind. Once I registered we both went on to all three sites together so he could see what I had choosen and he had an opportunity to add any additional items he wanted. If he didn't like something I picked I just told him, "Sorry, we agreed that if you chose not to participate you didn't get an opinion after the fact". It worked out great.

With or without him?

Re: With or without him?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards