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Registering and Gifts

With or without him?

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Re: With or without him?

  • we went together, but i wish he had gone without me. we both totally hated the experience. we realized there was virtually nothing we really wanted or needed for our household (we've lived together for 2 years, own a home together and need virtually nothing). but then, we're not the matchy matchy types, and the stuff we really need like getting our chimney fixed, rebuilding our garage, replacing our front steps and landscaping the front yard aren't exactly "registerable" items. all in all it was a frustrating experience, and it wouldn't have made a difference if he were there or not. i do plan on registering for a few additional items, and most likely will pick them online and let FI have a look.
  • I think it's totally fine to register without your FH, you might see things that you need or want to upgrade that don't really occur to him.  But, if it's important to you, it should be important to him.  If he really doesn't want to be involved and go with you, I would make it very clear that if he doesn't like what you picked out and eventually got for your wedding, he made a choice to let you handle it and he has to accept that, otherwise it's going to lead to an argument that could be avoided.  Good Luck!!
  • heheh its funny u ask that cuz me n my FI just went....he actually made it more stressful for me cuz as an artist he sees everything as a peice of art and sometimes not practical..i.e he wanted stainless steel pots where i wanted non stick lol..but we had a great time and you really have to compromise...if ur FI doesn't wanna come it might be a blessing in a disguise..just make sure u have his consent..lol
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  • My now husband and I went and picked out a lot of things together, and I added some of the smaller things on my own. I disagree with one of the previous posters. We did have some "magical" moments (ok, that may be a bit strong.) But we did have some moments where we were like - this is the china we are going to use for christmas, this is the mirror we will have in our living room, these are the sheets we will sleep on together. We both thought it was pretty cool. I think I would have been kind of offended if he truly didn't care about the things we will be using together for years. Plus, it was an experience I wanted to have with him because I only get to do it once. And, he found a lot of things he wanted that I wouldn't have cared about - beer mugs, laser level, BBQ tools, GPS system, other electronics, etc.
  • I think it's understandable. My FI initially came to register with me at a few places- it was fun and he enjoyed the scanning gun- probably a bit too much. We also registered in advance for our wedding. Now, we're looking back over our lists and realizing there is some things we forgot- other's we don't need anymore, etc. We live far away from major stores- and our wedding is in NJ where I used to live. He is totally cool with me going to finalize the lists with my Mom, I don't think it's that he doesn't care or isn't interested I think it's more a matter of trusting your judgement and style sense. I think he know's you'll do a great job and that you may have a better handle on exactly what you'll need to start a life together. It was stressful having my FI scanning a Henineken Beer Keggerator at William and Sonoma- while we needed things like mixing bowls and a salad spinner instead. Especially bc he doesn't even drink Heineken! So ultimately, it's less stressful when you aren't rushing through registering bc your FI isn't there wishing you were done 2 stores ago. If it;s that important take him to do one store- make him- by the end of that experience you'll probably feel much better about his lack of wanting to pick out china. Hope that helps:)
  • My hubby was the same way until I got him in the store.They give you a hand held scanner and being a man...this was great. Infact most of the items that went on our registry were picked by him. Open the registry online and add a couple things you know you want/need. Our registry was of stuff we despreately needed like towels, sheets and small appliances. We even had a sewing machine and desk chair on there- that he picked and we got! I told him to go with me and pick a few things that I may have forgotten about and then he could go to the EB Games store. He never made it to EB Games.Take a list of the things you want to register for and once at the store, hand him the list and ask if you've forgotten anything. BUt make sure that there is someplace else for him to go if he's completely bored, like our target was at the mall.
  • Initially I had to do it without him. Then we moved overseas (wedding is still a few months out), and in the process, had to get rid of all of our stuff and are starting from scratch. So now he doesn't see it as us just upgrading a few things in the home; he sees it as replacing everything and wanting to be surrounded by things that are of his taste too. Honestly, I'm glad he came around. Not saying that you guys are going to have to get rid of everything and start over again before your wedding like we are, but maybe just give him a little time and he'll come around. Plant some seeds in his head. Bring up a few things you were looking at and thinking of getting over dinner. Maybe even mention things like new tool sets, a grill...you know, stuff men know more about. It doesn't have to be a huge discussion, just in passing. Be prepared for him to be opposed to your idea (that's fair, after all). Anyway, once that idea is in his head and he has time to think about it, he might start building a list in his own head, or start formulating ideas about his taste for things in your home. If so, he'll be a little more interested in joining you to make your registries. The truth is, at least in my relationship, while the groom is excited to be married and enjoy the wedding, guys just don't get as jazzed about all the details like we do. They tend to see the bigger picture, we tend to get caught up in all the other stuff.
  • FI and I registered together. He loved doing the scanning and I covered the checklist. If he really doesn't want to go, ask what he wants to register for and go with your mom (or alone). He can usually look the list over online and say if he doesn't like something.
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  • Talk to him about it again. Straight up ask him if he want's to be involved or not.FI ended up going with me, mostly I think to make me happy, but he wanted some say.We already live together, and have a lot of the necessary household items, but he totally picked out china and stuff with me at Bed, Bath and Beyond.Part of the deal was that we also registered at Target, and I promised we would register for a Wii and other fun stuff.
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  • Oh, and FI even stole the scanner from me because he had too much fun! So if you really want him to go, make a tradeoff maybe. He'll go and have fun with you, and that night, or the next day or something, you can go do something he wants to do.
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  • I set up all our registries online by myself. Then I took him to one of the stores and we added stuff he liked (did not turn out to be nearly as fun as either of us expected). Other than that, I've done everything online and had him look it over to see if he thought we were missing anything and get his input. It also helps that we have similar taste though. i think it's fine to get started without him, but definitely make sure you include him as much as he wants to be.
  • fi and i registered together - he was just as excited as me if not more, but then again he is a chef and he wanted very specific cookware. i realize that this is not the case for most men. i think your plan to go once with him and once with your mom is a good idea. 2 stores can be overkill for a lot of guys. register for fun stuff with him like patterns for dishes and things for entertaining, and for the froufrou stuff like bed linens go with your mom. try to let him pick out things he likes and is interested in. maybe barware or electronics.
  • I actually have done some registering by myself because my FI isn't that interested either. Plus he thinks that registering seven months in advanced is not a good idea because items will become discontinued; but after talking with the registry people at both Macy's and BBB, they reassured me that most things typically don't get discontinued. I had a good time registering for items, but I have reserved some things that I know my FI is interested in. It did make it less stressful because we are both hard headed mules sometimes, and I could scan something without him double checking it. I say go for it and have a blast!
  • I couldn't imagine registering without FI. These are things that will be in our home, and although I love my mother to death, she should have no say what our design style is.I agree a long day of registering can be overkill for a guy, but maybe spend 45 minutes going through the store, head out for lunch/dinner/movie/something fun that doesn't include the registry.  Then afterward, see where he stands.  If he doesn't want to continue, fine, you might be surprised and he might actually like the experience.  And you can always finish things up online....but I would feel really uncomfortable picking out everything without his input. 
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  • I plan on dragging him with me, but I have already gone to Macy's to scope out what I want and what I think we need.  That way, hopefully it doesn't take as long when I bring him and actually do it.  I know he doesn't want to go with me, but I also know that he is very particular and he will tell me if I pick out something he doesn't like!  (So he's coming whether he likes it or not! lol)  I did ask him if he wanted to register somewhere like Sear's for tools and such, but his suggestion was a car parts/racing store that is only online (in our area anyway) and of course does not have a registry tool.  Such a boy!
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