Hey ladies,
You all are so great at responding with care in your posts that I wanted to ask something that is a bit complicated. I'll make it as short as I can! :-)
We all attended the wedding of a second cousin about 2 years ago that was "adult reception" and at first we were wondering, but it was REALLY nice (for their parents AND for the other guests) to not have the youngest children of the family in attendance, running around, causing chaos. Well, we've decided to do the same thing. Well, except for one child specifically invited - FI's cousin is a single mom, and the deadbeat dad who was supposed to keep the child for the summer is shirking on his responsibilities, and we're REALLY close with her entire family and so we chose to invite her child with her. I think he is turning 3 sometime this year. FI and I are close with her child as well - we just love this kid. :-)
However, one of my cousins has 2 children - age 22 mos and 10 mos. (I think). They are both in daycare all day long so the "newborn / breast-feeding" issue isn't one to worry about with them. Well, they RSVP'd for them AND the kids (even though the kids weren't invited). My mom sent the cousin an email basically stating that children could not be accommodated during the ceremony or reception, but that she'd be more than happy to have the church nursery and a babysitter available (and food as needed) to take care of the children during the evening if they must bring the children with them. We were VERY specific on addressing the invitations, so I feel pretty justified in saying that I think mom's message was just fine and more than nice since kids weren't invited.
Well, apparently even though this cousin has 2 sets of parents (step situation), and LOTS of brothers and sisters who have ALL babysat for her children, she is still upset that she can't bring her children. The biggest thing that upsets us is that at EVERY family gathering with this extended family, it has become the "baby" show. Watch the baby do this, watch the baby do that, the baby did this yesterday, look at this video of the baby, oh wait, we forgot to look at last weekend's pool pictures, etc. It has gotten to the point that we don't even go visit for Christmas unless we are just going to see my grandpa on the day after Christmas or something like that.
So on top of the children NOT being invited for nearly EVERY guest on the list, we have personal feelings for not wanting this cousin's children there. It might sound mean and I'm sorry for that, but when you've had enough, you've had enough!!! Our thought this morning as we talked was that this is a wedding, not a family reunion. It's not a kid-friendly event, nor were they invited.
Have we done anything wrong? Do you have advice to offer from having been in a similar situation? Is the babysitter and food in the church nursery an acceptable alternative since kids aren't invited, and can we just leave it at that? Is the issue with the FI's cousin (single mom /deadbeat dad / all of her family attending the wedding) in the clear despite the issue with my cousin's kids?
I'd appreciate your advice or feedback. I need to feel better about all of it -- and right now I am SUPER stressed about this.
July 16, Our Wedding Day, is also International Juggling Day!
