No date allowed for coworker cuz she broker up w/her BF....

Re: No date allowed for coworker cuz she broker up w/her BF....

• LetsHikeToday member

  

  March 2012

  So you were going to invite him and not your cousin before? You did have a spot for him. There is no good way to break it to her because it's a rude move. I wouldn't blame her for not coming. Is it really going to hurt your budget that much to add one more person?

  

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• kmmssg mod

  

  March 2012 edited March 2012

  Since you haven't mailed your invitations yet just take your cousin back off the list and put your coworker's BF back on.  Easy Peasy.

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• ThankfulSnail member

  

  March 2012

  Anyone in a relationship needs to be invited with their significant other. There's no good way to break the news that you are being rude to her. Sorry.

  

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• kateguess22 member

  

  March 2012

  I don't really have any advice on how to talk to her, but I really like this question because I think it's a good reminder to all of us planning weddings that if one of your guests has a break-up before the wedding there is still a possibility that they will get back together.
  
  I find it really hard to advise you because I know that you said that you want to get some words of wisdom on how to tell her and that you can't make room for him, but I can't imagine uninviting him. Just really uncomfortable. I definitely feel for you! Maybe she will understand if you explain how you added your cousin after they broke up and now you can't make room for him and you feel terribly. Good luck to you!

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• kateguess22 member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-date-allowed-for-coworker-cuz-she-broker-up-wher-bf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e5986c9-0492-463a-a74c-81b347b2141bPost:876ed888-8d97-4fa5-a9b7-339851052111">Re: No date allowed for coworker cuz she broker up w/her BF....</a>:
  [QUOTE]Since you haven't mailed your invitations yet just take your cousin back off the list and put your coworker's BF back on.  Easy Peasy.
  Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
  
  I didn't realize that you haven't mailed your invites yet. If that is the case I definitely agree with this advise from kmmssg. Makes sense to me.

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• goobersinlove member

  

  March 2012

  You have to invite him. Period. To not include him on your co-workers invitation would be rude - doesn't matter if she's aware of your budget issues. We can't give you advice on how to tell her that her BF is not invited with her, because there's no good advice to do this rude thing.
  
  It's up to you whether to leave your cousin on the guest list or not. Is just ONE more person really going to break your budget?

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• ski2play member

  

  March 2012

  You need to invite the BF, end of story. 

  

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• crash2729 member

  

  March 2012

  I agree. The guest list isn't really final until the invites are mailed out. 

  Take your cousin off the list and put the CW BF back on. Easy!

  

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• MiksChick23 member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-date-allowed-for-coworker-cuz-she-broker-up-wher-bf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e5986c9-0492-463a-a74c-81b347b2141bPost:afd78b0f-ac13-4ef6-8756-d3b2eca828c8">No date allowed for coworker cuz she broker up w/her BF....</a>:
  [QUOTE]We have not mailed any invitations out as of yet, but we have already done our guest list. We are on a VERY tight budget as we are funding our wedding ourselves. A co-worker was in a relationship when we originally made our guest list. She broke up with him <strong>so I removed him from our list & filled his slot with my cousin.</strong> This co-worker/friend has been aware of our financial issues from the very begining.  In any event, she recently got back together with her BF. I am unable to add him back to our guest list. How should I handle this? I have a feeling she will be upset & may not attend because she cannot bring him. However, it is not my fault she broke up with him. Also, <strong>I am not going to not invite my own cousin</strong> so that she can bring her BF (who she actually wished had died rather than her friend last month. SMH.) Any suggestions on how to handle this??  (I am referring on how to break the news to her, as I am NOT adding her BF back to the list.) Thanks!!  
  Posted by cvmami78[/QUOTE]
  
  So....your original list did NOT include your cousin but now you're annoyed that you'd have to remove him for your co-worker's boyfriend? I guess I'm not getting it. You didn't have the cousin on in the first place, so its not a big deal to take him back off. You cannot break up a social unit. Everyone above is right, since the invites haven't gone out, go back to your original list, or, suck it up and add one more person. You will probably get a few no's anyway and be totally ok.
  
  Either that, or remove the co worker all together (assuming, of course, that you didn't verbally invite her or send her a STD). I too would be offended if I were in her shoes and would not come.
  
  Also - just a thought, but what if other single friends of yours get a boyfriend/girlfriend between now and the wedding? Is it THAT tight of a budget that you'd split up these newly formed social units as well? If someone on your list is in a relationship, no matter how new, or how serious, you have to include the s/o. Period.

  
  

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• HockeyFan4 member

  

  March 2012

  BF must be invited...you have until the end of august until your wedding...months before your invites go out.  They might break up again....other single guests might be in a relationship....i think you are going to be under a lot of stress for having it this tight where one person is causing you this much of a problem.

  Check out my new blog!
  

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• strlzfan11 member

  

  March 2012

  You have two options:
  
  a) invite the coworker's BF
  
  b) don't invite the coworker at all

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• mdeidre

  

  March 2012

  Actually, you've already invited them all verbally, the invitation just adds postage to the situation.  Either way, you're being very rude to someone by telling them that they now can't come and I can't tell you any good way to do that.

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• crash2729 member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-date-allowed-for-coworker-cuz-she-broker-up-wher-bf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e5986c9-0492-463a-a74c-81b347b2141bPost:40a01959-f99e-4177-b254-7e912f9e6b7a">Re: No date allowed for coworker cuz she broker up w/her BF....</a>:
  [QUOTE]Actually,<strong> you've already invited them all verbally, </strong>the invitation just adds postage to the situation.  Either way, you're being very rude to someone by telling them that they now can't come and I can't tell you any good way to do that.
  Posted by mdeidre[/QUOTE]
  I don't see anywhere where she invited the cousin verbally.

  

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• StephanieM22 member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-date-allowed-for-coworker-cuz-she-broker-up-wher-bf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e5986c9-0492-463a-a74c-81b347b2141bPost:41a2641e-81ed-4e78-9614-ead9aa129dd0">Re: No date allowed for coworker cuz she broker up w/her BF....</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to No date allowed for coworker cuz she broker up w/her BF.... : So....your original list did NOT include your cousin but now you're annoyed that you'd have to remove him for your co-worker's boyfriend? I guess I'm not getting it. You didn't have the cousin on in the first place, so its not a big deal to take him back off. You cannot break up a social unit. Everyone above is right, since the invites haven't gone out, go back to your original list, or, suck it up and add one more person. You will probably get a few no's anyway and be totally ok. 
  Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>This. I am really curious why your original list did not include your cousin if it is that importiant for your cousin to come and not the CWBF. </div>

  

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• Ciardasully member

  

  March 2012

  I don't have anything new add.  I agree with the PP's. You can't not invite her BF.  And if having your cousin there is all of suddenly so important then you have to cut someone else who has not been verbally invited.

  

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• [Deleted User]

  

  March 2012

  Well I DISAGREE with you all. As a matter of fact I never once even told her that she could bring her BF in the first place. Right after she broke up with him (after I told her to really really think things through before doing it) we had a brief discussion & I told her that since she was single, that I would just put her down as one & have her sit with people she knew so she wouldn't be uncomfortable.  She told me that she would "find a date" thus bringing someone random who she barely knew. Sorry, but that doesn't work for me.
  
  If you had paid attention to my post, WE ARE ON A VERY TIGHT BUDGET. Yes, it WOULD be hard to add another slot. WE ARE PAYING FOR THIS OURSELVES. I am already stressed out enough as it is.
  
  The only reason my cousin wasn't on the "original" list when my Fiance & I first made our lists, is because we didn't have enough "slots."  I was going by the "you must allow people in relationships to bring their significant other" rule & since she had basically already invited herself to our wedding, I felt forced to allow her to bring her BF.
  
  This is the reason I don't like posting on this site too much. Alot of you are extremely judgemental. I am sorry I am not made of $$ & cannot afford to invite everyone. I am also not fortunate enough to have mommy & daddy funding my wedding. I have 3 young children to raise & I am doing what I can afford. & if it means cutting this guy out (who she will prob not even be with at the time) & inviting my cousin (who I should have invited in the first place) then so be it.
  
  Goodness.... 

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• [Deleted User]

  

  March 2012

  strlzfan11,
  I might just go with your option B & not invite her at all. As my prior post states, she basically invited herself & there are other people that SHOULD be there before her.... I have a hard time saying no to people so when she invited herself, what could I say?

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• kmmssg mod

  

  March 2012

  OP, you were given spot on, correct etiquette advice.  Unfortunately, you seem to be more interested in validation than good advice.  You aren't special because you are paying for your own wedding as many couples do now.  I can't believe you can't cut back on some small thing in your wedding to accomodate one more person.

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• ceh789 member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-date-allowed-for-coworker-cuz-she-broker-up-wher-bf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e5986c9-0492-463a-a74c-81b347b2141bPost:49a23ccb-3a70-48b0-936c-72b7c7e7de82">Re: No date allowed for coworker cuz she broker up w/her BF....</a>:
  [QUOTE]OP, you were given spot on, correct etiquette advice.  Unfortunately, you seem to be more interested in validation than good advice.  You aren't special because you are paying for your own wedding as many couples do now.  <strong>I can't believe you can't cut back on some small thing in your wedding to accomodate one more person.</strong>
  Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]
  Or cut the co-worker and ta da!  Extra money!<div>
  </div><div>No one can "invite themselves" to your wedding.  No one - not even the Queen of England - can invite every single person they want there.  We all have to make choices. </div>

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• lalaweddingdiva member

  

  March 2012

  I agree you can cut out the co-worker, it's a personal event and not a work event so don't feel like people at work expect to come. However, it is rude because you already told her she was invited.

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• EmilyTork member

  

  March 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_no-date-allowed-for-coworker-cuz-she-broker-up-wher-bf?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7e5986c9-0492-463a-a74c-81b347b2141bPost:6dd8e7a8-9137-417b-8d3f-6a6ae674be12">Re: No date allowed for coworker cuz she broker up w/her BF....</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: No date allowed for coworker cuz she broker up w/her BF.... : Everyone has a budget.  Whether it is $5 million or $500.  It is a budget, meaning what you are able to spend on something.  Everyone has to plan a wedding within their budget.  This does not make you special. You sound very bratty in that post that I quoted.  Think about that.  Would you like to be invited to a wedding without your SO?  What if you guys were newly dating (think 3-ish months) and he got snubbed on a wedding invitation, what would you think?  How would you treat your friend afterwards?  Would you attend the wedding even though your (then) BF wasn't invited?
  Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Can I "like" your entire response to her?</div>

  

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• mdeidre

  

  March 2012

  Only speaking for myself, but I wasn't judging you, I was just telling you the facts BECAUSE YOU ASKED; it's rude and there's no two ways around it.  If you don't like my answer go pout at Emily Post.

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